i look down and try to feel the beat of where my heart should be
but all i feel is a cavity watiting to be filled and a vegetable of an *****
surviving to beat
survival of the fittest
but the heart don't seem to fit

if i could take a shotgun blow to the head
maybe it would be a nice way to unwind

nukes are going off inside my cranium
and shrapnel pinching its way through me ear BANGING drums

if i could pull a kurt cobaine
i may just be a trigger happy lad tonight

to the night
for this is my last night
tonight if all is
unfortunately done
right
this is my last write.

--- FICTION ----

hy heart unraveled stitch by stitch only to leave a bare unspindled flake aggregated miniwheat like architecture

a fragile graphite layered scultputre precariously placed on a display case in the center of a slipknot mosh pit

people = **** and people = heartbreak

tip
15
30
46.6
90 degrees

and a collapse a smash a new abstract piece entitled

just as a 18th century mid roman vase were to shatter
no amount of super glue could restore this ****
no amount of super glue was meant to
it was never meant to (glue just ain't that super)

and if it were doped and galvanized in a bit of antimony for strength and support
but your touch is truly my favourite ash charred expansion of arsenic

i would love you every second upon every fusion
and fission reaction which occured
for i would be the He in your fusion
and you would be my oxygen repeatedly being consumed

i would love you beyond every satellite, beyond every asteroid belt
beyond every blackhole and crater on the moon
the moon so sweet i call it our honeymoon metropolis

i would love to see you
i would love to be with you
i would love to **** you
i would live to love

your eyes take me to places i could never imagine
lighting up my world with your two white dwarfs
for every time i look at them i know
andrometa
your eyes
take me
to the stars
and
back

my sour stomach
my sweetheart

my nurturing heartache
and my revolting larvae wardrobed butterflies
lifeline impart

spiderweb lungs and a heartbeat which ticks
ticks
tricks

i skipped a beat for you
and i skipped every last one after you left

you left me free
because my past died when you perplexed

with a million to choose from
my sweetheart i'd always select

what's it like to be loved
to be the first person infatuated with in the morning
to be caressed
to be kissed
to be sweatered in kisses and blessings

what's it like to be loved
to be nurtured
to be the illuminating brightness of someone's day
10000001 lumens for you
to be the initial current which spins the motor of life

what's it like to be loved
to be loved
to be cared for
to be admired
to be listened to
to be ....to just be
to be accepted

i know what it's like to be loved
but these days it seems like a dust covered, degrading artifact of a long forgotten civilization
i'm just waiting for my archaeologist to come brush and restore what once was

to hold up a cinderella cloaked daisy
to tenderly sense its petals sandwhiched by your fingers
to watch it die in a undernourished watering vase
rain has not fallen here since sinatra's excusrsions to a gleamish, ruby light toned flapper club
as a flapper holds her poise , you hold the stem of this daisy
your grasp it only to suffocate its xylem, collapse its walls as a canyon has boulders barricade it's river, it's desideratum
watch the petals wear a dress of frailness
watch them lose their sheen
watch them circulate ailments
let them rest in a place deprivingly serene

to **** a daisy
watch its yellow sun centre
die
your pupils dilate
as you manically squeal with mouth shut joy
to **** a daisy
you can always just pick another one
and make it your scapegoat of a toy