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Kmood Oct 2019
When did I give birth? Not something I recall!
'Recollection not necessary, just look at me'

Not the world's prettiest picture.
'But one you still love!'

He's right, my heart is his.
He owns it.
I don't own his, but a portion is mine.

I wonder if he'll still love me in the future.
Time may change his love, his dependence.
How will I survive? I depend on his love too.

Perhaps then my end will come.
Will I welcome it?
Will I be brave enough?

I hope so.... this is too hard.
He's my autistic nephew. I'm his safe place.
Kmood Oct 2019
Yes Mother, you are.
Forgiveness is not something you know.
Anger consumes you.
Let it go, you will be happier.

Hate me for pointing it out.
But truth reigns supreme.

I hope you find peace.
I hope you find ease.
They are sorry
Only you have hatred.

Look..... it's out there
Kmood Aug 2018
When we are blind
Then we are fools

When we are jealous
Then we are selfish

We are all needed
We all have our place and function

Look beyond yourself
Look at what's necessary

Put your rampant ego away
Appreciate what we have.
Autistic nephew's mom told him he hurts her because he comes to me when in pain. Asked why he loves me more.
He doesn't, I'm his safe place.... the child was shaking in pain and fear as he walked thru my door.
Can't make them see.... I'm an asset
Kmood Apr 2018
You asked me to come visit.
I promised I would.

I came today,
I saw your beautiful smile.

I cried like a baby.
I see why u insisted I come.

You wanted me to see my selfishness.
You wanted me to realise.

My brother made your grave look beautiful.

Thank you Mekellen.
No matter how much I want to,
I promise I won't leave them.
You've realized your sin,
Thank you for making sure I don't do the same.

I'll stay, I'll fight, I'll do all I can.
Kmood Apr 2018
I've figured it out.
Can't believe I was so dumb

Don't have to take 300 pills,
Just need to not take any.

Such a fool.
So much easier.
A medical scientist should be cleverer.

A few misfired circuits in my brain,
A couple of severe seizures,
And I'm done.

Starting tonight.
I've had enough.
Kmood Apr 2018
Tonight he needed me.
He needed understanding.
He needed comfort.
He needed someone who understands vulnerability.

She didn't understand.
She wanted to be needed.
His needs weren't paramount.

He's only 14.
She's his mom, she needs him to need her.

I'm the disabled aunt.
I'm as needy as him.

We're lucky, we have each other.
Epilepsy and Autism make good friends.
Safe Haven? yes, that's me.
I'll always be.
I don't have a parent's selfish need.
I see my 'son'
I see his need.

I'm needed.
I diligently work toward a day I won't be.
Kmood Apr 2018
Do you believe?
Should you believe?
Am I really in deep **** if I don't?
And why is morality tied with belief?

All around me I see belief.
All around me I see believers.
All around me I see fear.

I see condemnation.
Cruelty, avarice, egotism, punishment.
All in the name of belief.

**** belief.
Too many are abused because of belief.
Lying to justify our evil, defines belief.

If we are to believe,
let's do it in ourselves.
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