You attacked again yesterday
Life killer.
Future stealer.

How very much I hate you.

I avoid bright sun, you've made my eyes too sensitive.
I avoid beautiful moonlight, entrancingly dangerous.

No more driving
No more working
No more independence
No point

But there are 3 who need me
I take my multitude of meds for them.
When the older 2 are gone, the younger one should be able to stand alone.

Looking forward to the day I can say goodbye.
So tired.

My millions of minions
Today I set you free

Don't revel too much
Soon you will feel the force of my ties.

My prisoner you are, all of you.
Daily I harness you and imprison you.

Your freedom fills me with joy
But your upkeep is too tiring.

Shackling you is easier.  
Letting u swim in natural oils, wrapping u together to hide your ill treatment

Minimal effort, for minimal joy,
My lazy choice

I'm not drunk,
Just inebriated.

I still have all my faculties,
But a headache pounds my temples.

It's nice to disappear for a while.
Nice to remember my ails, and flip them the bird!

White wine my poison,
Pinot Gris - yummy!

Can't leave forever,
Too many think I'm their rock.
A carefully cultivated image.

Temporary escape.....better than nothing.

Yet again,
He attaches wires to my head

He's pleasant,
"Been here for 30 years, never left this city"

The healthy don't understand the gift of life...
"You can drive to the second most dangerous volcano in the world on 5 hours!"
'Keep putting things off' he replies.

Fool!
We live in a place of wonder, volcanoes, mountains, lakes, forests, drylands....on these 2 islands we have it all.
You monitor strangers brainwaves every day.
Interesting? No doubt!
But you've forgotten to live.

I've seen them, volcanoes, farms, snow capped peaks, forests, ancient buildings.

'Well, it's abnormal.... as expected!'
I laugh in response.

"I've lived more than u" I think.

Value the present
It quickly disappears

I hear eternity calling.
Loud and clear
So tempting
So arousing

Guilt stabs
There are three who will not understand.
One who might not survive.

I'm so tired.
My body aches.
I wish I didn't care.
End it for me,
Please let me rest

You're screaming at me tonight
Round and glaring
Accusing

Tonight I hate you
Your brightness a terrible slur

I want the sun to rise and **** you.
I can't bear your judgment

Drown myself, that's what I'll do.
Open a bottle and drown myself.

Go away you horrible white light.
Your savage glow highlights my flaws,
Increases my pain
And shows the world I'm fallible.

Die you cold, unfeeling light
Die

The plane's engine roars above me.
I don't even notice.

Every home I've ever lived in has been  in the landing path.
Two countries, 4 cities, 42 years
And always in the landing path.

Something profound there.
What? I don't know.
Any ideas?