No longer are the chains that hold me captive visible
They have become ghosts pushing me against a wall
Ghosts taking refuge in my body
I can’t remove them; heaven knows i’ve tried
They speak their names in whispers
And in a language i do not speak
The language known as forgotten
They speak of memories i can not listen to
They speak of pains they hold within me
They hold me captive from within
Using only a word i don’t understand
Past

last week was just great
like you know those weeks where you get your slice of cake and you get to eat it too?
just one of those “these days are what I
live for” weeks
and then came this monday
oh like a gingerbread house on Christmas day
this week was torn to pieces and it crumbled
Monday
someone hit the car door
Tuesday
the water pipe flooded the floor
Wednesday
I had to chase a stranger out the door
Thursday
our house held a silent war
Now let’s see what Friday has in store

I once tried
to hide from the world
to make myself slowly disappear
until no more stood
but the shadow of this girl
that no one seemed to understand
it was lonely
wandering in the dark
never had I been so muddled
without saying a word
I thought I could disappear
and no one would pull me back in
but as those words left your tongue
I no longer could stay in the dark
my heart jumped back into the light
for it may love the dark
but if the light was what it took to be noticed
I was willing to risk the perturbation for your eyes alone

Its hard to pick yourself up after being shattered into broken pieces of stained glass
Theres not really anyone to show you how to fix yourself because no one bothered to stay around     something so broken
How is glass supposed to fix itself?
When you break something in your own home you clean up the mess dont you?
I guess it doesnt matter to you if its not an immediate danger to you
But never forget that glass can cut after its broken
And glass is a lot more likely to cut you if youre what broke it because anyone else would stay away
So keep a close eye out  because maybe one day this glass will find its way deep in your skin agaiin and before you know it the pain will come
And maybe you cant get the glass out and youll see how no one will help you because they wont want to get their nice white clothes stained with the deep red of your blood
Youll see how the other people wont help
And maybe youll begin to realize how it felt when you broke me and i was left all alone
Im not really one for revenge but if i were that is how it would go
I would make you realize how i felt and not any worse
But i know that it hurts and im not going to be a person that causes others to feel such a pain
I will instead larn to fix myself with glue and take until i am pretty again and when everyoen loves me again you will be jealous
You will see that i came out stringer and more beautiful and the fact that you lost me will **** you
Maybe youll feel alone like i did all those days
And maybe you wont feel anything at all
But either way i will come out better than you and i will be happy without you becuase i now realize that i can be
So think what you want because i may not try to hurt you but i will certainy never allow you to hurt me again

You're with her
I'm without you
You're so happy
Having the time of your life
I'm over here crying
Myself to sleep at night
You never loved me
Though what I did was right
You paid no attention to me
But I thought of you all night
She's so lucky to have you
I'm so unlucky to not
I'm so glad that you're happy
Though you left me there on the spot
She's so much better than me
In every single way
She can sing
She can write
She will stay on the phone with you all night
She makes your heart melt away
She's got the beauty of
Aphrodite the goddess of love
I'm over here in the corner
Looking worthless as a shrub
With thorns to keep everyone out
Yet somehow you found my rose
You avoided all the thorns to pick it
And smelled it with your nose
Oh how the sweetness smelled
For the waft you took was deep
But then you picked the petals off
Driving me crazy
Then you went to her
Covered in beautiful flowers
As you had just killed my one
I wonder if you'll pick her petals too
And leave her with none
I wanted you to stay
But then you went and left
And moved on to her
Not even removing a single petal of hers
It seems you are pleased
You've found the most beautiful bush
Full of flowers and color
And no thorns to keep you withheld
You left me here broken
My petals on the floor
No more flowers for me to grow
I'm barely here anymore

How am i supposed to
Walk on the clouds
When they are merely
The water on which i will slip

i didn’t always realize it
but you long for a hand
to run across your skin
as much as i didn’t think
i longed for it
but when your hand
stretched across the skin
i had learned to despise
suddenly i knew
what it felt like
if flowers were to bloom
on the skin of humans
because flowers are beautiful
so that they can be loved
by the bees
but my skin never bloomed
until it felt your touch
and suddenly wanted
to be loved like a flower
before your touch
the only love my skin felt
we’re the kisses of the sun
leaving spots behind that i cherished
but after your touch
my skin felt more love
than it ever had before
but it had no spots to remember it by
only the racing thoughts
could bring back
how my hands moved towards your hands
how my lips moved towards your lips
how my skin moved towards your skin
so our souls would tangle
and a garden of flowers who long for love
would bloom within us

Take it
Break it
Tell them it is beautiful
After you reshape it

My greatest dreams
And my darkest nightmares
Sit across the room from me
In a single body
(With one hand made to create
And one hand made to destroy)

A mind can only hold so many memories
And with every memory i make with you
I have to throw and old one out
Because I would rather remember who i am with you
Than remember who i used to be before

You don’t like mint
You say I’m obsessed with chocolate
Yet you love me
Me-This tangled mint colored chocolate flavored mess you found crying in front of you on the floor one day
Eventually you learned to love the things you hated
You don’t like mint
But that’s my favorite color so you say it’s beautiful
You say I’m obsessed with chocolate
But you sigh then laugh when I walk up with two candy bars, offering you one now and half of mine later(something I wouldn’t have done for anyone other than you)
Mint Chocolate chip was probably never your thing
But that’s who I seem to have become
And despite it all you learned to love Mint Chocolate Chip because you realized it was more than a color or a flavor or an obsession
You learned to love it simply because it was me

Are girls supposed to taste of candy?
Because if so i just might have that down
The words from my mouth you call sweeter than candy
But really thats just my soul turned into cloudy colorful cotton candy
They say you are what you eat
And I sure do eat a lot of sweets
Did I make you believe in that joke?

there were a lot of winners that day
lessing the amount of special i felt
everyone acting like it was normal
and not a big deal
that what i has been hoping for
was finally becoming real
that the one thing i’m confident it
didn’t really matter
“who cares about poetry anymore?”
emitted from the lips of strangers
ones who would never appreciate
the beauty of that ink on that paper
like i do

your words fill my head like a stomach and bread
if you knew my diet, you’d think i’d be dead
before you came around there was no reason to eat
but now that you’re here i have words of wheat
something to keep me from shriveling up
something to make sure that i fill my cup
a reason to eat and a reason to breathe
you can’t leave me now, oh i’m begging you please
your words are what fill me
they’re all that i have
so keep talking to me
before i go mad

Our laughter caught fire
The flame spreading
A wild fire between us
Consuming any doubt
Burning a bright red
A bright orange
A bright yellow
Until there is nothing left
Except the sound
Of our crackling happiness
Sparks have never burned as brightly
As the ones between us

how many times have i said
“i just want to be beautiful”
how many different meanings
have protruded from my lips
as i said those words
“i just want to be beautiful”

i want to touch your skin like the sunlight touches your face
i want to take in your scent like a child smelling flowers
i want to see your presence like seeing my first sunset in a year
i just want you and i want to be happy

If you were to ask me
“where does beauty come from?”
i would say what you might not believe
“why, beauty comes from lips and fingertips,
what do you think?”

this is so harsh
no matter how hard i try i will never be
beautiful
i just want to be
beautiful
but no one sees
beauty
in a small girl like me
beauty
is something for someone who is
thicker
prettier
happier
not someone who
has no curves
short hair
and depression
beauty
can come out of what you do
but it’s not
beauty
if no one else pays attention
now is it?
beauty
can come from
lips and fingertips
but never someone who looks like me
never someone who’s
too tall
too skinny
too pale
too flat
too
too
too
little
never
enough
yes i want to be the one protruding
beauty
from my lips and
my fingertips
but the chances of that happening
are sickening
and the more i realize that
the lower the chance
because who wants someone like me anyway?
feel free to look for beauty
in someone else’s
lips and fingertips
because i know
both of mine are too thin

You say you feel bad
because you think
you cause all the sadness
when really
you place the concrete
so i don’t walk in the grass
there are just cracks sometimes
and you feel responsible
even though
it was my job to fix them

what do you do when you hate the only thing
that makes you happy?
the song plays on repeat
repeat
over and over again
but you’re finally tired of the song
you know the lyrics by heart
you know the next verse word for word
you’re sick of it saying the same things
over and over
but no other song will make you feel
the way this one does right now
you’re tired of it
but you’re stuck on repeat

chained to you
how could it be
when you were somehow
chained to me
i can not leave
i am stuck here
as i cry
a single tear
if i leave
you might just die
i threatened
and heard you cry
but for you to not
cause any pain
i must hurt
myself in vain
i’d rather me hurt
than hear you cry
i’d rather be killed
than see you died
so now i’m chained
where i can’t leave
wrist to wrist
in cold metal
hand in hand
once happily
i caused you to
make slits in your skin
remove the band-aids dear
i’m here for you now like i was then
i wasn’t going to forever leave
i was going to stay by your side
but even if i threaten minorly
the pain on your wrists will arise
so i’ll stay chained to you
so you won’t jump off that cliff
if my wrists are chained to yours
you can make no more slits

all the pain
comes pouring out
onto this page
tears on the ground
all over me
i’m soaked in salt
can’t even see
your words anymore
everything’s a blur
and you’re there all alone
soaked in your own
tears of pain
you write how you feel
and to you it’s real
to others it’s just another
page of lyrics
or poems
or even songs it seems
they try to add to it
add their own opinions
and feelings
make your pain no longer your own
but doesn’t everyone need to feel respected? doesn’t everyone new to have their own feelings?

beautiful words
i wish i could write
beautiful things
i wish i could type
you say what i write is beautiful and dark
you say that what i have is a piece of art
i don’t see the beauty you do
then again that happens a lot
where i see darkness, you see light
you see something beautiful in all that i write
i don’t keep much to myself these days
which is funny because i’m scared of opinions
i’d rather keep my thoughts to myself
yet i go and let everyone read them
i shout at myself in the mirror
you kiss my forehead and smile
i think i’m worth less than trash
and you see me as worthwhile
i guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder
because what you see, i don’t
but at least you see me this way

i’ve become so cold

the once brightly burning flames now become quickly burned out by the cold wind blowing through me

if you hold my hand you will feel how cold i have become

i can’t force myself to feel okay
but i can’t force myself to go away
every night i get back down
every morning i come back around
an endless cycle of calamities
taking place inside my mind and soul
how do i get rid of this?
“you can’t” i have been told
sometimes it’s simply sadness
without a single meaning
yet i want to stay away from
all that i haven’t been fleeing

i’m not your radio station
you can’t choose when you want me
i may sing
i may play
but i’m not yours just any day
you can’t just switch to other people
when you don’t like me most
when switching stations comes to people
it becomes personal
i can’t just play my music for you
when i play it the best
sometimes i’m your favorite song
and sometimes it’s the rest
i don’t like how you switch between
me and another station
when a song comes on that you don’t like
but then you switch back
that’s your attack
this is how you fight
treating me like this
is not a burden to you
you show no pain
in changing
when i’m too slow for you
so the next time
a musical note
leaves my head and mind
you can be sure
it won’t be for you
never again am i an “anytime”
so go find another station to play
‘cause next time you come back to me
all you’ll hear is
white noise
white noise
and that will be your sign
that you’re not welcome anymore
that i am no longer your radio station
no longer am i just an “anytime”

You call me beautiful
But how can you not see?
I’m the one who’s broken
The beauty is in you, not me

back before the pain
we used to have fun
we’d smile and laugh
we never hurt anyone
on my darkest days
you were my little lantern
shining so i could find my way
as you found yours
you floated through the air
yet never left my side
and when you hit the ground
i’d lift you up inside
sometimes your light would go out
i didn’t know it was my fault
i’d light a match and
brighten you up with a single flame
i kept you going and
i followed you
we’d see the beautiful sights
test out new heights
smiling all the way
i painted you a terrible design
but you liked it anyway
you were always my heroine
you’ve fought for me any day
and on the days
when i was down
you lifted both
my feet off the ground
we soared above the streets
as i looked to the stars
it always made me happy
even though life was hard
but it was harder for you
bring paper thin
carrying me was breaking you
wearing down your skin
i didn’t notice of course
but you surely did
you loved me enough to keep going
for my own happiness
one day your beauty broke
inside my hands
i tried to keep you going
but it was me who hurt you
i felt so bad i hurt you
i broke you to pieces
i couldn’t even fix you
after all you did
will someone else put you together
and have you fly for them?
will you still love me
after all the wrong i did?

i used to be
afraid of death
isn't that funny
because now
i like killing myself
i like the feeling of
being torn apart by
other people's opinions
i beg them to tell the truth
even when i know
it's not what i want to hear
tell me
tell me you liked my hair longer
before i cut it short
tell me
tell me i'm too skinny
that i should put on some weight
tell me
tell me you're shocked
tell me i should know these basic things
i want the truth
not a sugar coating
and i don't exactly want it to hurt
but i'm starting to think
it is better than nothing

You look at all these people as beautiful things and see that they all belong like the red belongs on your nails and lips

You see yourself as this waste of a being like all the people before you came togeth e for no reason and your existence wasn't meant to be but i know it was because your parents love you- they always make sure your nails and lips can be red when you want them to be

With every shade of red people see your beauty covering everything from the apples to the sunsets-your beauty spreading across the world

Don't ever stop painting your nails red
Don't ever stop coloring your lips red
because when i see a red rose i don't want to see a "red rose" i want to see you

Because the raw beauty you possess was meant to exist- you were meant to exist despite what you think

Blood red lips and nails will always be you to me

hi i'm Destiny
we all pretend i'm here because i want to be
when really these things all happen naturally
because we all know Destiny means “meant to be”
but maybe where i am at i can't breathe
maybe where i'm at i can't see
maybe where i'm at seems like anywhere else is a place i would rather be
but here i am, destiny

You were a pallet
Emitting from me all the colors in which my body holds so dearly and tightly

You were red like the burning passion that came to my soul when our voices collided and created a beautiful depiction of what we one day could be-
planned on being

You were orange like the sunrises we would watch in the mornings while practicing our favorite songs despite what the people around us would say-
I never knew I would miss those times so much

You were yellow like your walls that you hated maybe because of the color but maybe also because they bound you in a place I know you didn't actually want to be-
you didn't very much like your family

You were green like the life that poured out of the plants on the outside and sometimes even on the inside of us-
roses that sometimes came with thorns

You were blue like the walls in my room- as many people would call them even though I always told them it was periwinkle-
not blue
you listened to me though and everything was okay

You were purple like the color of the shirt I wore the last time we talked face to face-
just yesterday though it wasn't a real conversation
it hasn't been a real conversation in a while

You were white like how everything seemed so pure in your eyes-
so beautiful, so wonderful, so lovely
like snow that we haven't actually seen in years

And then you were black
you were missing, you were gone
you were everything that I didn't think was actually there until it engulfed me


You were the perfect pallet that I needed and that I used to have
until all that was there was black ash on the ground

Missing you was...grey? I guess
it's nice sometimes but it's not what I want
grey is so much easier to come by than silver
silver is what we used to have-no not even that
it was more like gold

The colors we used to have were so perfect
all the light shining out of us
until that white light became a yellow wall, sunset orange, passion red flame that only left me with colorless black ash on the dying green grass under a fading periwinkle-not blue- and purple colored conversations sky

i love your high pitched voice
even though you hate it so
and i miss your beautiful red hair
like the start of a rainbow
and i miss your freckles that cover up
more than half your face
and all those times i wished i was
less of a disgrace
i wanted all that you were then
before you were even my friend
and now your gone and a smile someone else caused is all i get to see
you miss me too
like i miss you
but apart i guess we'll stay
though part of me hopes
we will be friends again someday
until then your cute smiles
are engraved in my head
from the moment i am waking up
to the moment i'm in bed
and i'm sorry i had to loose you
i wish it hadn't come to this
maybe one day this will be over
and we will both come to our senses

and when i see that i said something wrong
it hurts me instead of you
and i don't know what to do
because you're all i have left
all the times i got hurt
caused by others
i can't let myself be the cause of this
i can't be the cause of what others did to me
i can't be the history that repeats
repeats
repeats
and i always want to stop it
i want to be the opposite
but how hard is it
to not lash on people
when that's all you know
because all people have done
is lash out on you

i'm not on the cover of a
magazine
or in any stupid
movie scenes
and maybe i don't always
dress pristine
but that's all right
maybe i am
kinda flat
and i sometimes like to
wear a hat
and no body's saying
"get with that"
but that's all right
cause i'm perfect in my own way
i don't have to care what others say
beauty comes from within anyway
oh yeah
some times i
might get mad
but when i smile i'm
oh so glad
and every now and then
i get sad
but that's all right
and yeah i
love the stars
and i don't want to
go to bars
dancing by myself
in the car
and that's all right
cause i'm perfect in my own way
i don't have to care what others say
beauty comes from within anyway
oh yeah
some people say you need to be
this and that
i say just be yourself
you won't regret it
and if anyone
else gets mad
tell them it's your life~
cause i'm perfect in my own way
i don't have to care what others say
beauty comes from within anyway
oh yeah

when all you want out of me is my body
and all i want out of you is something to do
that's when this becomes wrong
when i'm just a book for you to read
and you're just a reason to stay awake
that's when this becomes wrong
when i only give you what you want
and all that you provide is peace
that's when this becomes wrong
when all i am is clay in your hands
and i'm still no piece of artwork
that's when this becomes wrong
and when it's not over
but it's long gone done
that's when this is definitely wrong

when i was little
i always liked being alone
i never thought anything of it
it just happened that way
i liked hiding away
being with my thoughts
finding my own cubby or
creating my own fort
all for me to be alone in
and as i got older
i wanted more people
but i didn't get the attention i wanted
so i began to hide away again
trying to find some comfort in my aloneness
and eventually i did
but part of me still wanted people
so i couldn't be around people too long
one day of school
soon as i got home
i had to be alone
no one told me this was something
that happens to many people
no one told me that
maybe i wouldn't have been this way
maybe i wouldn't worry
about what other people
saw
thought
said
as much
if i hadn't always been
alone

Who convinced me that I wasn't beautiful
Who convinced me that I wasn't enough
Was it me or a past ghost I no longer remember because it was painful enough to block it out but also painful enough to let it control my thoughts
Who convinced me of all the negative things about me
I'm beautiful and because of that person I can no longer always see that
Yes sometimes I can dance in front of the mirror and laugh at myself
But other times staring into the mirror makes me cry
Why did I let this person convince me of such terrible things
How could I have let someone like this in back then
And why can't I let anyone better than that person in now

I don't know who I am
Sometimes I don't know who I want to be
But I know who I'm not
And I know who I don't want to be
And that is much more important if you ask me

Do you feel freakin worthless all the time?
Do you sometimes wish that you weren't mine?
Do you want some other mountains to climb?
I'm sorry.
Do you ever get stuck in your head?
Does it take you hours to go to bed?
Do you think about what I said?
I'm sorry.
Are you doing okay?
Do you really feel that way?
What am I supposed to say?
I'm sorry.
Am I getting on your nerves?
Do you know what you deserve?
Do I not have enough curve?
I'm sorry.
Are you sure I'm what you want?
Don't I not have enough front?
Do you need a different font?
I'm sorry.
I know I don't understand
Dear, please just take my hand
I know I can be so insecure
But please show me the truth
Let me fall right back to you
Show me who it is that you still adore

It crawls up my spine
And whispers in my ear
It tells me so many things
I don't want to hear
It says you hate me
And you always have
It says I'm worthless
That I'm stupid and bad
It says I have
No talents at all
It tells me that
You think I'm too tall
It tells me that
I'm not what you want
It makes me think
What you say is a front
It tells me that
I'm not good enough for you
Oh the things
It puts me through
And what can I do
When that's all I hear?
All these horrid things
Whispered in my ear
And could I tell you
What the voice says
Or would you leave me
Because of my head
You say you want to help
But I'm filled with fear
Because what if I scare
You away one day, Dear
Insecurities.

Oh anxiety
It comes and it goes
And the worst part is
It's like no one else knows
Like making a joke
And then no one laughs
Like water going cold
In your hot bubble bath
Like sitting alone
In your room while you cry
Not because of other people
But because if your mind

Trapped in my head full of fear and my pain
One simple lie caused me all this strain
You said you wouldn't lie but maybe you do
And you saying that would be you lying too
I Worry and worry, I fear and I fear
That things you say to me are full of lies, dear
And I love you so much with all of my heart
Please don't let lies be what tears us apart
And I know it was just a small little lie
But what if there's more and my anxiety's right
What if your whole background is not what you say
God, who else believes it but me anyway?
I may not be the smartest and you know that's the truth
But lying too much can bring out the sleuth
And yeah I believed you for so long, it's true
But maybe it's only because part of me wanted to
(Or maybe I just felt sorry for you)

The sun so bright
She rises up
From underground
To greet the morn
Her color bright
She shows her love
But the night
Slowly runs into hiding
And when the sun realizes
That the moon has fled
She goes back down
Into her bed
And slowly the moon
Rises back up
Bringing along the stars
For the night does not love the sun
Yet around the Earth, the sun chases the moon
The sun keeps chasing the moon
Until the Earth is at rest
Until the moon loves her back
She runs in circles
Oh, the poor moon
Can't bear to break her heart
So instead he runs and hides
Running to and from each other
Each on opposite sides