You are the chemicals that run through my veins.

I’m so infected I’m starting to slip and fade away.

I’m scared and lost in the dark.

Waiting to be held at 3:00 AM when I wake up crying.

I’m falling apart by piece and piece trying to put my pieces back.

The chemicals that you injected into me is slowly killing me like you planned.

You never loved me, you wanted to put your chemicals into me so I could break and die.

-Gillian Askeland

Some nights I lie awake in my bed looking into the darkness.

Some nights a take a blade to my thigh.

Some nights I drown in pain and brokenness.

Some nights I think of you…

Some nights I plan out my death or run away.

Some nights my demons hold me and comfort me in the darkness of my soul.

Some nights I sneak out with a blanket and look at the stars.

Some nights I ask myself  “What’s the point anymore?”

Every night I die a little more inside.

-Gillian Askeland

We had a lot of lake days. But this one I'll always remember. We went to the lake I was in my bikini and you were in your shorts. We had a couple friends with us. But we went into the water and messed around the whole time. I splashed water on you and before I knew it you picked me up and threw me into the water. Laughing the whole time while I got water up my nose. When I came back up to the surface you came up behind me and hugged me. You whispered into my ear "Gillian I love you, I'm never leaving" And you kissed my neck. I told you the same thing back. A couple months of lake days and midnight movies later you called it quits. It broke me cause I lost my best friend and you left me. That lake day is a day I'll never forget. 
-Gillian Askeland

1 word

2 cuts

3 lies

4 more lines

5 bruised boys and girls

6 more dead

7 tried suicide attempts

8 broken souls

9 crying themselves  to sleep

10 boys and girls asking “why me?”

-Gillian Askeland

This little girl was givin the gift of life on May 17. Little did her family know she will someday become unhappy.

She is this happy little girl until one day someone would crush her spirit.

Her happy spirit that once was is now dead. She had met the real world full of cruel people. She cries herself to sleep at the age of 11.

She started cutting at the age of 14.

She gave up and wasnt herself anymore.

That little girl that was once happy gave up on life wondering “Why me?”

She wasnt a fighter she was fake.

She painted on a smile at 7:00am-9:30pm. She became depressed.

But she met this boy who was her glue. The glue that put all her broken pieces back together. She gave him, her all. But he left her. He took her fragile heart and threw it out the window going down a highway. He left her knowing everything she’d been through and how depressed she would become.

She took away her pain by cutting, cutting so deep she will end up in the hospital.

The little girl was not the girl with no worries anymore. Her mind was now full of them trying to make it through the day.

-Gillian Askeland

This boy who was abused by his mother and father.

The girl who was his safe place.

His mother hitting him and his father a drunk.

The girl took all his worries away and kissed his bruises away.

He runs away from home and his mother doesn't come after.

But the father follows him and pleads him to come home.

He does. He gets beat. He locks himself in his room.

Pounding on the door from his mother telling him she hates him.

He takes his phone and texts her.

“Help me. please”

“Be there in 5 come out the window I'll be a street away”

He never shows.

She goes to his house she sees cops and the ambulance.

She parks her car and runs to his father.

His father told her what happen.

His mother killed him.

The girl falls to floor the dad wraps his arms around her telling her

“I’m sorry I couldn't help him like you did. I was scared of her. I was so scared to step in. That's why I started drinking and was always drunk”

“I miss him he was my world and my best friend”

“I know, and I wish I could go back and help him”

The girl goes home to her abusive dad and scared mother.

Going through this alone this time.

All this violent activity all by herself.

-Gillian Askeland

I’m lost at sea.

I’m lost in a sea made of tears from over time.

My boat has drowned and I’m drifting on driftwood.

Just trying to survive.

With no help from the sea.

The sea is waiting for me to drown.

And I’m almost there.

I got pushed underwater. I can’t breathe or reach the top.

-Gillian Askeland