I'm full
Of things you'd like to hear
And things you'd rather not

Of anger at your voice
And opinions about when and how you sing

Of jealousy;
Because the angels were allowed to sing so sterling and clean
But my voice is clunky and awkward
But I can't claim your work as my own,
NOT YET.

Or can we skip those steps and say I can?
You do have to be a man
You try to make music
But sometimes it doesn't work
I know,
I know it hurts
But that's just how it is

You

Can't always be considered beautiful.

Visited hollows refract in the mind
Setting their waves with available light
And my various limbs find suitable places--
I can't tell you what this means.

And what I am protracts with time
I cannot change these things of mine
My various limbs find suitable places--
I make echos with each cavern.

I make echoes with each cavern,

I make echoes with each cavern.

I make echoes with each cavern,

I can't tell you what it means.

i would **** myself
just to know Everything

just to remove the bias,
to stop automatic longing
free this body

free, i was my failures and victories
free i was my own family raising me
free i was breeze on the cheek of whose enemy
and i murdered and gave life like trees
i was who kissing who causing no one
to do nothing, i was sunlight
i was

Charcoal brings me wednesday
The taste and feeling of it
I am well-loved but bitter and dry
Touch me. Touch me. Touch me,
And I'll come alive.

I was born with a tangle in my line
So twist my nerves
And slash my eyes

What if life was different?
Then we'd be the celebrity center
Of the universe
For now we're just a botched trick
A messy job
A shattered eye to pass on by.

i drift through the winter in a total haze
hibernation is in full effect
i hate thinking about the times
when you weren't my friend
so i sleep beneath my skin
and drive around
with a nimbus cloud
gathering

it takes a lot to **** my mind's kicking
throwing tantrums like the ones that split us
so i smoke my buzzing brain out
to get the honey underneath

but it sits there on the shelf,
i think that i should **** myself
then i swiped the mason jar onto the floor

a sticky mess indeed,
and what a shame
when you're so sweet
i can't stand myself
anymore

Nature breathes into me as I sleep
Decision traces days to come
Days gone past
Characteristics line my face
To tear my skin into itself
To tear the world asunder
Where it decides against itself

I have become the world
Now sleeping
Now I have become nothing
Not a man, not the world
Not asleep, not alive
But I am nothing, nowhere
Seeded black holes that wait like lions
The deepest roots of our very nature

The halcyon spirits that play along
The harmonic nodes that secure happiness--
They are only castles waiting to crumble
Fall to disrepair
They have seen the whole thing before
Over and over again they watch the world end
I can't tell if they are trying their hardest fighting for me
Or if they're jaded traitors, ready to draw the line in the sand

If they're angels or demons, afforded through each other
Oh but I know
But nothing escapes my mind's incessant questioning
Now this is the part where you explicate my destiny.

When the weeping willow goes silent,
When the hills turn deaf to your worries,
When the sun begins to seem hollow and strange...

When a butterfly admonishes you: do not to love your life too much,
When layers of blue drive the sky crazy,
When summer peaks again...

When your favorite band tells you to stop writing bad poems,
When you've broken the song of singing birds--

When the world begins to turn beneath you,
You'll know that things have changed.

They devoured it,
Romping through city streets in esteemed cliques
Touting handheld devices and filming it
Their probosces twiddling for a taste of sweet, disappointing fame

My generation's appetite makes me think about all they want,
Not in terms of conscious thought but chemically what they want
Like society wants to fall apart, like the body wants to die

Because their desires can be so shallow

(In a deeper sense, what do we want?)

Or perhaps desire,
Perhaps LIFE is not so deep, because
Hippies and beats are made into silly time-wasters
Lost dreamers in the dust of trap artists
16-year-old business moguls and social media stars
Famous drug dealers
And turncoat social climbers

Because it feels good.

Shallow as a knife's edge, they cut through reality
Perhaps even taking into account the suffering (we are all the suffering after all)
But dismissing it with a cool suave.

I pause for vain guesses at the life of some destitute person
And consider how small are my efforts to help this mysterious soul.

where do you come from?
she asked me

and i told her,
to the best of my abilities,
where i was from.

i said i was born in the hell-oases of American heaven.

that i materialized from the shrieking avalanche of velocity itself
that i must have simply started to move
at some Point
and howled at the emptiness around that begged my primordial step.

i told her that howl was my father
and the Emptiness, my mother
that the pain of Eden being born, razed
and made fallow time and time again
had welled up a deep desire in me to die

to forget, and start again new.

when i told her i was adopted
and that i didn't really know my parents, she laughed
and shot me a glance that knew.

i spoke about layers laid down by Aphrodite's own gemchildren
of their soft kisses on my soft teen skin
how i came out of a hole that ripped in that skin
and met up with myself again

and glad to be new.

she looked upon me the kindest
when i told her i forged myself in tinny pattering etudes
on guitars, strung
in patient worksmanship,
and balanced the grave humanity
and its facts so grave on shoulders
that had begun to shiver deeply

i'll never forget it,

she looked at me
with the most profound
empathy.

you never were

she said,

and she spoke the slow truth.

go off in to the world and die away from me
i don't care what happens to you after this.

I want a girl who hurts me bad.
I want the sunrise to stain my heart with love
I want to wash my spirit in the pure waters of her presence.

And when the sweetness rots my teeth
And they begin to fall out,
I don't want to face the pain

Give me a heavy morphine drip,
Because I have realized,
I want to weave days that will hurt to lose--

I want a girl who hurts me bad.

I want a girl who hurts me bad.
I will trade mistakes for pain
And then surmount a sunny day.

I have taken hard lessons
I have gritted those teeth,
I have known blooms of the goddess of love

Promise me I will go places that make me proud
Before I lay somewhere that makes me sad

I need a radio to play away the blues
'Cause I want a girl who hurts me bad.

Education, let me lead you
Bellwether black
Into the corner
Into big brother
Into thrashing in upon the self,
Frustration

I'll peel back my mouth to show you my bleeding gums
When I'm stammering
I'll ramble on about why they're bleeding,
One of those crazy stories you slowly nod your head to.

This is where the certainties of the collective and individual crash into each other and twist like a demolition derby,
Where they compile upon each other until nothing makes sense,
Just a confusing, pixelated image

This is where there's nothing you could have done,
Where the good die young and old
And you look up at the sky
And it's a dungeon with an unreachable ***** of light up there...

Unreachable, hell
I'll reach it when I die

I sold my guitar,
I was a ship gone adrift
With several bright stars
I choked out the nebula.

I watched myself falling apart
With the sad emoji face
I went dumb, I went numb
And took a knife to my face

Unrecognizable.
A product of collision
With a cold hard world
And stupid decisions

Take me apart
Under the night sky
Show me what I mean,
Show me what is left.

You say I'm something great.
You even dare to call me perfect, at times
And it sets aglow a part of me
That managed not to become an utter mess, sure.

But these times you call me great
Sort of ring in my head when I'm alone.

Falling heroes, great men
Those who rescue and heal and risk their lives... not me.

I am so far from that.
I am so far from anything like that.

It ***** me up that Hollywood was always with us
In flawed eyes, but I love it

I do, you never get it
Quite right
Do you?

And that's just fine.

But upon writing a little piece on the matter
The words form a magic ring
And encircle me

I won't lie, I see it too
Like that song by the Foo Fighters--
And I can see it in you.

So I'll cling to paranoia;
I'm already thinking twice

//

Demons do affect an innocent soul

//

I feel like the sweatiest egg

//

Come on,
Think of all the people you've betrayed!

//

My name is monster food
Or just "monster" for short.

i'm trying to decide why your face is so there like that
it is an ancient codex
i want to tear apart my brain and view the very smallest notion of it
then take it away and put it back again
until i understand who you really are

where I really come from
i'll feel so close to understanding
no! it can't be! it can't be just... nothing,
moving forward!
no! it can't be just a nothing
becoming the very slightest something
all contained there
it seems too pointless, no!
no, no no no no!

and yet here it all is in front of you
so much
one day
it had to realize
it was never really that much at all
and crawl back into a hole.

Something changed
Something inside me snapped
The boy would excuse me having found out it's just him
That's a game changer for sure

Now I listen to the same few songs on repeat
I can't handle new music
Walk all over me with your musical knowledge
And such things of fate like that

You'll always say I had a choice
I never had a choice
I never even had a choice

My dog doesn't know what he's barking at.
He just heard a noise and jumped right up to the bay window of my living room--
Started filling some biological urge to yelp and yelp and yelp

His world is full of couch and television and sliding door
An artificial dharma, chance's domesticate
We have put the love and fear of Machiavelli into him,
We have given him the distilled wisdom of Pavlov.

But I love Marko (and Riley), and even though I'm a cruelly confounded master I love them as best as I can--
I give them pets and snuggles and treats
And keep them out of the street.

(Riley keeps ******* in my bathroom... so I have to tell him no.)

I don't always know what I'm barking at either
Sometimes the TV whispers things and I was already born with a brimming, buzzing head...
Sometimes I feel bug-eyed and frustrated with myself
Sometimes I feel I'm living the mundane life of a dog

But I'm not a dog, I'm a human
And a rather lucky one at that--
I get to pick up the broken pieces of a life crashed to the side of the road
I get to feel the depth of love and wield this great resilience
Caught in the middle, anxious to explain myself
And obsessed with self-awareness
But I will live this life and let it go with grace--
I will face the world and hallow this space.

discord, i want to reach in the ***** mirror and tear your guts out
i want to hack apart your face with the axe of righteousness
the axe that would be someone else's life
someone else's time
you've gone astray
there is no fixing you today
i want to end my reflection
i want to waste away

Your unfolding, muted under the trodden Earth
Held priceless blooms in musical form,
Petals I caught with my silver net
And took into my mind.

I can still feel the echo and the wake
Of your presence here
I still have the smile, nested crescent in my eye
And my ears stuffed full of songs...

What is Diamonde to me
And where is John,
Reflections and compliments
Like gold flickers on the waves

Oh, the songwriter is gone
But the song lives on and on.

.
Why don't you love me?
She screamed,
Sobbing.

WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME!?

through stinging, salty tears.

She was at the bottom of the Pit of Despair,
And all the pretty living things turned black
And grew into her hair.

Why don't you love me,
Why don't you love me,
Why don't you love me?

Her screams shattered everything,
And brought down birds from crystal wings.
And all of life would stop its song
In reverence and submission,
In observation of her cry.

In music there's a symbol like
A shatter going through the lines
And all through life, the fracture runs
And from its fractal, beauty comes

But all I want to know is this:
Before her cries, was life just bliss?
And can eternal love exist?

It seems a thing we'd sorely
miss.

i'm sorry but i really just need to write right now.
because writing is my home.
i NEED you,
i need you to UNDERSTAND
this drunk desperation that i get in
it's like the feeling i'd get when my dad
didn't understand my emotions because i'm not like him,
i'm adopted by birth,
or when my mom just put her hands up and walked away
and i just wanted to be heard, no mom,
not just NO, but WHY did you say no??

i'm far too intelligent, much too handsome
i held way too much promise to still be this low and turning 23 soon
i should be a famous musician by now, at least,
but alas, i may not actually have enough talent
but i shouldn't care, right? i should just care about having fun

this feeling is the same feeling that made me feel
it was worthwhile to throw rocks at a parked car
an expensive electric sign and a window
the same feeling that put me in jail for 5 months
only now, i've been in jail. i've suffered that.

it's the same feeling that wraps me up in the memory of my exes
i feel like i'm in a TOMB with their memories
already buried with the vapors of their love on my soft adolescent skin
already banging on the walls of my coffin
i do and don't want to accept i will never be that skinny teen you used to be obsessed with

now, no girl wants me, or i can't muster up the confidence
or the swagger is dead, and my remnants rattling along
oh, how i need you to understand...
i need you to know that i obsessively listen to
Sugar We're Going Down and have since 5th grade

that it is so STRANGE that i want another cigarette
and want no more cigarettes forever, both so desperately

i am desperate
i am so lost and so broke
broken down
and i just ******* hope
i hope that before my twenties end i can tour with a band
oh, that electric guitar seems ages away now
someone pull me from my drowning, but no
i see that to be a man is to pull myself from this

oh, my heart aches such a terrible swell.

So this is it
This is where we always find ourselves... pathetic

Whether you like it or not,
You'll always be famous in this universe.

Famously known to no one but yourself.

The glitz and glamor
Stimming in a void
Rocking back and forth

Gravity assails your attempts
But you know that's all there is
So you try to move a little less

Having written your own history,
There may well be wisdom in that.
In staying down for now.

But you should know we do doubt it,
Even being reasonably sure he's the only one.

Because they tend to condemn the notion.

I know everything about serotonin and dopamine
They can only do so much
And if you gave me time I could explain why it seems like the others are more capable.

But we will never get proof
And we will never fully serve ourselves

We will always be lame,

Can't you see them in the world?

But we will always be perfect.

The sun shines where mountain crags hold magnificent pine trees
Whose strong limbs hold wafting awns,
Home to many singing birds

The forest floor gives and cracks underfoot
The fresh and sharp scent--
From that glinting sap
In the morning sun

Life is bound on all sides by a crashing light
An impenetrable boundary forcing you to a finite sum
You are fine with this--
You will remember this trip, this place
Until your ends start to fray
You make no desperate offers to death
And require no souvenir
From this place

Her body, suspended in the air
All around, wearing the crown of technological advancement
A gift of her father's
Wearing something tight,
Something ****

The knowing fire in her eyes
The Olympic torch.

She is absolutely breathtaking,
With the Earth under her...

"What?"

She giggles.

You push off the wall and into her embrace
Skin slides on skin
In a way only zero G's can bring
(well, close to that, anyway)

She is a space *****
Her hair floats around when she lets it out
She is a gem in the sky
A dream in your eye
The space *****

The summer drops and rots
The fruits wrought by spring.

You just keep writing the same **** poem,
And everyone knows it but you.

Fermenting dream, buzzing flies round a melting peach,
How could there be any other way?

If we ever found the best road,
Don't you think we'd keep going back?

Manifested explication,
A balance shown to be insane,
The buzzing peach maggot house of life
A little boy lunch that sounds the same to me.

Eat yourself and fly.

Sticky summer sugar fingers
Slowly expose him to himself
And when it kills him they will send one atom to the sun.

Ad infinitum, until they build one,
brand new

But i knew someone who was not me,
With a better personality
And cleaner poetry

I haven't been a good friend to them,
So I'm receding where they can't find me
And I can lay to rest our ceaseless worries.

You will live this same life again,
And never more,
All the same.

One character for all of eternity. We are doomed to obscurity.

When interoception speaks of a desiccated future,
Not even flies can call you home.

At least you'll never have to be one.

The crooked-toothed,
Filter-born demon speaks
Into my left ear

Saying, if we all **** ourselves
What do you think you are seeing
In the world?

But I don't think it's so.
Worth ignoring, he is weak.

And I can spell "capable" backwards.

Farewell to progress,
Your vestiges remain intact.
I'll lend my ***** visage to finality,
The gods of fate and chance.

Oh! You've
stricken me so
seeped your songs and hot words
into my bones and blood.

And I do find it pretty odd how
Someone that I've never met
Can stir my stomach up like that.

But they do, and together we go
And together we grow
When I go to your shows
I feel like I belong, a little spoken for
My favorite songs...!

(Pomodoro for the lady,
Veal Marsala for the young man)

(I hate riding the bus
to meet my P.O. every ******* Monday.
2 years? $38,000 Really!?)

(I have yet to play a single show
and I'm 22!)

(I'm so nervous. I really hope this works out.
Sometimes I can be really good on guitar and
vocals.)

(I feel like I'm getting close. I'm
much more confident now!)

There's no devastation for me there,
And I need not compare,
Only be the one I am.

Beautiful music will leave my body,
Of that I am completely certain,
Circle drawn and close
The curtain.

And when we 'round the bend
She loves us all the same again,
Having borne Iniquity
All of carnage sings to me:

Halo of eternal night--
Alight thine specters, dark and bright!
Cataclysm in my hand--
Choke me with your wedding band

Seizing on a mat of blood
Perceiving springtime in the mud
Violets spring up from the ground,
Organs make their squelching sounds

Turn that betch inside out
Stitch her up and emancipate yourself.

Yes! Liquid love befell the trees
And soaked their roots in harmonies
No turmoil in my mushroom cap!
Just nature's happy, little maps.

Until you round a little bend
And see the vulture's empty mind
***** reflection, victim eyes
Accept it on the other side.

And when we round the bend again
She loves us all the same, my friend
It's carnage that would sing to me
And birds, cleaved of iniquity

The things we do inside don't matter,
A sick twisting of the mind.

Cut off the circulation at strategic points
Devour the self
And dream your pleasure.

This is not an admission of sin
This is an innocent protest
There are some things I would never do
And that's how I got you.

This is not heaven
It's my refusal to go to hell
I scoop my brains back into my head
And get on with living.

It feels good.

Veins ******* veins,
You know it doesn't matter
We end up with a face
We end up in a shape.

I want to have *** with you
I don't wanna get married
And you can't have a baby that wasn't already there.

But what if this is wholesome,
And I was just in my darkness?

I can feel my organs bulging in space
Boasting and cowering
Squelching and squirming

I am a sick man

I hold together my viscera with an idiotic pride
No one likes me, not really
Not even myself

I am something wrong with the world
The only thing that's right
When you claim it's yours
And try to rob me of the light

And heaven knows you will
But they never asked to lie
Those poor conquerors of hell
That doomed wretch of a spy

I remember your band.

I remember how we loved,
There were things I couldn't understand.

Side by side, there we were
Like bones in a graveyard
Like flowers in a pool.

I was standing under,
And you were Understanding.

And yeah D, writing's pretty neat
But don't forget to write life with your feet.
Weave chapters on paths
And in people you meet.

I'm not talking to you,
You're talking to me.

I get lost in my head--
I forget I can see.

And there's my girl, right in front of me.
My moon that's made of honey.

I'm still howling at the moon.

My moon that's made of honey
My moon that's made of you.

This form has been
Played upon in different ways
And she seems to master all of them
On each disparate string

Steel strings stretched out
Over a hardwood box
Cause I can't get out
Of your heart-shaped box.

And the sunrise
Nauseates
You left your kitten in a state

I know that I'm not the answer
But I could be your moment
And every time it's so dear,
Soft flesh and blood
It leaves me thinking about love.

It happened again
They wet the wood and braced it strong
And she manufactures all of them
In each disparate song

My nerves stretched out
Under the big hard sun
With the animal herd
I'm just another son

And the sunset
Dinner plate
You keep your lover out of state

I know I'm not the one
But I can substitute
And each time it's so dear
Soft flesh and blood
Leaves me thinking about love

Keep those stars apart, D---
Keep them shining bright so I can call them cruel when I know them to be too kind,
I'm sure.

How it felt to lose a piece of yourself in love!
That ******* sting that keeps our hearts knocking on heaven's door

These are things that spit out words like drunk fossils or adopted-out children
Things which can only be experienced and then scattered
So I should stop trying to write you down and hold you up for the world to see
And instead let this poem be an organism in its own right

So when did you realize you were an open wound in the universe?
Do you consider how using your blood for the wrong thing is a form of internal bleeding?
And did you ever really bleed, or was it all internalized and used in the end?

Who was your lover with devil horns and angel wings?
Have you ever realized you are already dead?
Tell me, has a cold accountant ever murdered your friends and usurped the throne of your mind?

Oh trust me, you had to die so many times for no reason:
To get to you. Look around, they are all dead besides you. You are just seeing what you've already done.

But oh,
Do you disagree?

Me too.

Scenes that cracked my world apart--
The pieces were drawn back together by heavy sobs
The tears make their dust more malleable
And the sun bakes a house out of mud and sacrifice.

All you've gained by pressure
Makes you a treasure
In the world
For someone who is
Falling apart.

The crescent moon.
She returns the sunlight pale white at midnight,
And for what? It rhymes,
Rings in my far-flung eye.

& it's funny how it looks an evil smile,
Shining down upon question marks
Circumscribed by my drinking pupils!

Why do you return
Just this little slice of sunlight?
But, ah
I know...
It's because you're the moon
& the moon you must be,
Giving seas their rhythm,
so,
Giving me ideas.

And they slosh around their head
But mirror you, O moon
With little rings of sunlight
What's the use,
What's the use?

.

Steep those muscles in blood,
Child
Shine that skin through love.

Wrestle in the mud,
Child
Sift out all that death
and blush--

These fingers, tapping time away
Are not as young as they once were
And may I tell you gently?
I'm scared I may
Have lost my touch.

If you can manage moving
Another soul to love...
Don't hesitate to do it
While you still have the chance.

The road gets steeper up ahead--
I thought that you should know...
Today's the day to spring to life
Let's go let's go let's go!

Drunken little liars dot the heavens,
Catching fire
Or else breaking even

With temperaments meant
T'discuss more than just the weather
We stick our souls to a greater cause

No slump of a soul when we're summiting mountains
No slip of the tongue when we're uttering love
We'll do what we can in return for a moment
Directing our eyes to the summits above

I have witnessed the creator's disdain for himself
In the grimace of the great archangel

None of the angels are quite sure what to do
Or why everything looks exactly the way it was
They rush to each side of heaven
Chasing something evil
Oh no,
I worry that it might just be me.

That is not innocence,
One says
Look at what's actually happening

Yes,
Says another
But look to the beginning

My quantum nightmare is swallowing itself

Creation resents itself maximally
Takes itself to the breaking point
Where the eye fills with red odium
And the mouth is reeling with curses
And a hand will reach for the blade

But you'll only be hurting yourself,
Prometheus,
Because you're everything there is.

Oh come on,
You know it's true.

*(well then give me some credit,
You would **** me with such a charge
And treat me so lowly my entire life?

But we did all we could afford,
You were very rich and you just did not realize it
You were never thankful enough
You should have been more thankful

Oh, thank you so much then
What a great life it's been)

Who can help but wonder
If it's better on the other side?
The ones under the thunder
And caught under the sweeping tides.
They take them waaay far out
Where the ocean washes brains
Away
I can stop
Yes I can stop
I will stop the rain

Clearer waters run
For smiling sunny days
They say they never stop
If only you would stay
I wander looking for them
In thunderhead disdain
I'll stop it short to find them
I will stop the rain

To find that sweet eternity
I'd wander just as far
As beauty stretches her long body
Holding up her stars
At least one tortured soul must go
That long road just to find
That love was only ever wrought

To be left behind.

Just like the holy spirit takes
A residence in each
Another kind of ghost resides
That no man can impeach
The waters run over my head
But baptism won't take
One sweet cure
And we all stopped--
I will stop the rain.

Once I asked a Summit
About a time when you felt beautiful

A time when you felt sure
That God was on your side...

"Once I went insane
And killed a bunch of people"

Someone answered, serious
Awaiting my reply.

There's not always an answer
I thought after a while
Walking through my parents' kitchen,
Feeling kind of strange.

"I stall entire armies. I feel
Proud to stop the fighting."

Another answer rang out,
Coming from another angel.

For a moment I considered that the two might be the same
And feared I might collapse beneath the weight of all my shame

These steps are getting heavier,
My eyes are bleeding through
I'm walking to my grave
But I'll be walking straight to You.

Like a wing creates lift
I create you, Lilith!

Showing favoritism, that boring bird
Otherwise we'd be inert.

But inertia's one of those things that, oh,
Who really knows?

What's nascent in a vapid death?
Over time it shows.

But before that, there's this quality
The shapes of god aspire to be
Alive, in an animal intent
Excited,
Not to be a parasite!

But when we strike me down
Will I fight us tooth and nail
Or, knowing what I know
Bare my neck to your reprieve?

whatever fell between your fingers
falls to nothing, just like you
remember before you were born?
had you any hope or truth?

any wisdom, sharp and useful
built for man, and to what end?
on and on the something, something
not a lover,
nor your friend.

/

sometimes, when the sun is going down
i can taste it--
i can taste the taste of leaving.

and sometimes when i'm down
i can't steal it
and i taste the taste of losing.

//

it's always getting late
in our little city made of glass.
a wish on a wing,
if only it didn't mean so much.

///

we make more and we break more
we build a city, then we take more
i run with you
who's the **** **?
she's not a friend to me,
she's just a stranger!

we have *** then we get dressed
we get born then we meet death
you left a really, really big mess
you're not a friend to me,
you're just a stranger.

/

sometimes, when my head is spinning
i just question
i just question the whole thing

because sometimes, for all we're given
i just hate it
i just really hate the whole thing

//

it's always getting late
in our little city made of glass.
a wish on a wing,
if only it didn't mean so much.

///

we make more and we break more
we build a city, then we take more
i **** witchu,
who's the **** *****?
she's not a friend to me,
she's just a stranger!

we have *** then we get dressed
we get born then we meet death
you left a really, really big mess
you're not a friend to me,
you're just a stranger.

////

you're just a stranger.
when the world feels cold
and my help's not with me.
check my sanity,
am i even listening?

don't get me wrong,
i've got a mind for love
but i'm staring long
'cause it's not always enough.

(for everybody!)

and sometimes
i start coming apart
and i feel so strange.

so strange

///

we make more and we break more
we build a city, then we take more
i run with you
who's the **** **?
she's not a friend to me,
she's just a stranger!

we have *** then we get dressed
we get born then we meet death
you left a really, really big mess
you're not a friend to me,
you're just a stranger.

laud me for choking on my own spit,
it's an intelligent thing to do.

obligated with such atrocities
are all the universe's riches
so for dignity's sake and not my own
i convinced myself it's how we operate

how intelligently can a thing be characterized?
you've been giving me strange looks

getting myself up for work these days is hard,
i swear there's something different
and don't forget not to get all uppity with me
about how you, your daddy, and your grand daddy
don't know any other way

he stays in rotation the one with his spear pointed at my eye
i wonder why

i think my weaknesses were built in
you want to blame me for them
i encounter situations where everything closes off
but here's the thing, i know what you're up to.

and you will do that and i might just feel bad for being alive

no... I don't read like the famous writers of old
I'm a bad shot and I **** at guitar
I'm half Argentine and I can't speak Spanish
And I tend to get cold feet when I start a new job.

I'm just a broken man with a **** poor outlook on life
But in my own little world when you're holding in your violence
I savor every last drop of life that comes

I look to stronger people in my life
For better ways to hold myself.

I'm a spoiled rotten whiner with a melodramatic tongue,
Trying to snare my sloppy thoughts in lazily spun nets and throw them on the fire inside me.

You could read it on my face sometimes and catch it in my speech,
If you were really looking for it,
When I pause and my engine shakes briefly
Trying to find a smoother if not happier track.

These stronger people
They have tools I can study and take to my shop
Make blueprints and integrate into my machinery.
I want to be a better human,
Smile in the face of adversity
Make myself efficient and spur others on their way to heaven
And contain my personal catastrophe.
I don't want to atrophy.

squeal my nerves,
study me

why i chase this vanity,
is it so unbecoming me?
i can only think it's my final form unfurling

because i know you are,
but future, are you? i'm left with a desire
study me,
study me.

i wanted you to study me.

Dark visions come to me
Lie beneath the shady tree

Come easily,
Like spent leaves gliding to the ground.

Standing up I feel only fractionally alive
My stagnant blood sloshes around inside my big head
And you slosh around on my ****** lake,
And I see colors when you hit the walls of that atrophied cave.

I dress for my funeral and midway,
I am looking to the casket
Because it's midway
And the sky is so heavy and so grey.

And upon my criminal history, I lament
How tragic it is when men govern men

She is wearing my body
It isn't even sincere
I will return to fashion and fade away forever

Suffocation suicide
Buffet, station, carry
Love meant suffocation
Love meant suicide

Reaching through the misery
An acid sludge
For a piece of psychological jewelry
Love and physics,
Love and science.

But rejoice, life is cheap!
It fell into your hands.
Marvel at the way it moves
Or move to be the marvel.