Remember me,
because i was an amazing average person
though they just saw what they wanted to see

remember me
they know
my love
remember me

Gray pool of heavy blood
Stagnant
Eyes like two watery cups of black promise
Staring at the ceiling
In my bedroom with the lights out

I am afraid they will only ever see the golden light of heaven
Through a crack in the door as it closes
Just out of reach

I am afraid I will wither before my chance takes hold
And my body courses with the magic fire
Of attaining my goals

The marble inside you
Digested eyes,
Leaving them bewildered and struck
But it was whimsical and arrogant, in some rooms,
Was it plaster?

And it'd fall apart in seconds.

...

She brought a well-built house and would fix it for free
But I kept punching in the walls and I'd sit and mope

It'd never fall apart,
I was never once evicted!

!

And I myself am a haunted house
Buyer beware
With landscaped lawns and gently sloped easings
I will reel you in
Lead you past the landings
Where ghosts choke the sunlight

.

She lays on the floor of her little apartment
And asks me to rub her back.

Her mom isn't home right now.

Out of our mouths come happy bubbles of conversation
But they came out of her poisoned past.

We get to messing around,
Now I've got things to brag about
And I'm almost ready when she asks:

If she wasn't already trying to fix things with her man,
Would I date her?

Do I love her? Do I love her like that?

I tell her the truth.

The truth about where I am in life right now.

The truth about what I've learned.

And I tell her
That I'm her friend, and that I care.

And she is sad,
But I am proud of myself.

My head aches.

It's been two stiff years
Since they dragged me through the dungeon.
I've had a hard time feeling the right emotions,
It's tedious work.

Like an old school phone operator,
I'm somewhere inside connecting wires
Sometimes the signal cuts
Sometimes I think I don't get paid enough--
The whole ordeal is really a cruel and mundane thing.

I'm left in my booth drawing cosmic doodles in the margins of my papers.

I was thinking about offing myself.

I mean, I've been thinking about quitting my job.
I brawled with demons like a man,
But one fought its way into my breath
Now I'm feeble again and my body is paralyzed with doubt.

I think I'll work something out,
It'll be something good

But tonight it's temple massage dramatic sighs,
Heavy like their drunken eyes.

That's a way crazy feeling,
When you burp.

How far does a ripple reach?
Over the water, the edge of the pond
Up the tree trunk and into every dimension...

Nothing is secret
Until it reaches my heart's lake
And my mind realizes impermanence.

That is how far your love touches me--
All over my body we're singing your song
Me and all my cells,
And all their organelles.

We push and we pull god in different directions
We freeze and we thaw with the winter's spring
But when your waves touch me that certain way,
I'm inclined to call it love.

I live the life of a loner.

I'll pop over a friends house on my bike
for a couple hours, and it's cool
I really have a great assortment of friends

But everywhere I go
I wonder if those kids I'm looking for
Are right on the other side of that wall

How do I get there from here?
My eyes are flitting, ticking time bombs

I like my alone time, lone wolf adventures,
Plugged in, unplugged, cityscape, outbound, whatever.

But I need house shows and young punks.
Drunk nights (I may or may not be drunk) and water guns
filled with beer? that'd be interesting.

Be patient, give it time. You're not done yet,
You're still young. Get through the probation,
Show them you really mean it, actually try
And relax because you're good.

Watch it take hold

And the moon should catch more sunlight
And there might be a few more stars,
And not so much dark,
And sarcastic puppets should not flay one another senselessly
And minds are pure
And I love you.

And I do,
I love you so much.

Seeing your eyes lit up makes me happy
And I don't always understand why you still care about me.

Roots drink from the winding Snake,
And roots drink from the lazy Delaware

You are the smooth petioles that anchor me
I'm coarse beneath, sort of glossy
On top.

Fall in love
the Yellow breeze
Sunsets don't
Encumber me
Don't you see where
this is going?
Don't you want
To anchor me?

Clay builds up on riverbanks,
Packed around the roots of trees.
Fire's going down the river,
Set a fire
Inside me.

Faster than the Winding Snake,
Fire's going down the river
Down the river inside me.

You are fire, wind and clay
Send your river through my veins.

I wear the wind like a necklace
And bow to the storm as I watch the river run.
The world is falling, brown and green
Orange gold, and red

You are higher
Than the Sun
Work is done, and we are strong

When I die I'll turn to clay,
According to my dream.

Fire down the cold gray river,
Where does all that water go?
Deltas lease them to the sea
Nature studied, let it go

Carry water, sons and daughters
Tend to all your dying leaves
Send your fire down the river
Give the Earth its last reprieve

Grown into myself
The thorn in my side
Resourceful mother

A simplex lover
I have seen myself
And sworn it's another

Have I lost the plot?
Using what I can
To my own advantage

Monitor beeps,
The range of my roots
I gather my signal

But I heard you crying
I could not be winning
If I collapsed Christmas

I guess I'm a killer,
I guess I'm a loser,
I guess this is evil.

Sail to any coast
And you will find these beads of beauty

Strewn across the land,
Turning water into color.

Family, a family
One of nature's many treasures

In the mouths of songbirds
Making music, sewing feathers

Rising from the soil
Nodding to the other flowers

Smiling contentedly
And keeping their own melody

Happy to be taken
So to spread their tiny seeds

Family Rosacea.

Something nature needs.

I've never been such a rose morose
I've never sang so low as this
These days
I wear my heart
On my stuttering wrist

No I don't cut anymore
I have other ways to bide my time...
Where the blood comes from is pretty pure
But where it goes is such a crime!

can i be honest with you?
i am 100%
completely,
totally dead inside

living bits hang off
but the howling pit reigns it all
disorganized
maniacal
insanity

i am dead inside

i don't care how you take it

dead inside,
i am dead inside.

Your heart
Pumped new life into me
Through colorful veins, connecting
And winding into mine
With motions of love, digging
Warming what went cold
Discovering me.

But my decayed tissue stuck to me like cold mud,
Only unable to be washed away by the constant pulse of your working blood.
I cut you out of my life with a rough blade and there was blood everywhere.
I don't know what happens from here but I hope you find love,
Somewhere out there,
And that your caring nature guides you to the right place
Somewhere you can call home.

But I am not your home--
I can't be the one you want.

Running mad
A heist of heart
The cold hard wind
That runs your cheeks raw red

Too much luck,
A spinning head

A fumbled pass,
Fingernails
The heart I stole
A washed-up model's
Full tank of fast food
And cigarettes.

A cloudy break
Then music came
The city stood
Unshaken there
A capillary
A runner's cheek
A single cell
The sanguine beat

You and me,
We can go around taping all the leaves back on trees.

We can try to eat better and pick up plastic.

I will hang my head and let Lacey lick my ear with his forked tongue
I will hum along as I try to read again, drowning in works untouched

I'll stop wondering what it means.

We can try and make peace with it
Dissolving and popping
Screaming eureka, hallelujah, the whole time.

I will probably start drinking again.

You and me, we can feel what's been happening
We design to ignore it, or design to accept it
Neither plan works and I'm lost and I wrecked it

I will definitely start drinking again.

But you left out the good parts
All you do is mope
What's left when you're down at the end of your rope?

Whose letter resides by your bed every night
Do you think you might see her again?
Well I might

This life is a poisoned glory.
Gloried and poised, it's only a temporary
Illusory bulwark of an elusive heaven.

Darling, I have worn sores into this Temple
I can't plead innocence
For all the times I pulled the purple veils
Over my better judgment.

I have sold goods to the devil
And worse, I have tried to excuse myself.

Baby, please don't hate me.

Don't pull away so harsh when I try to kiss you
I'm not that ugly. Baby, you told me.

You said it would all be okay.
Look, I've stayed strong for us,
I've kept steady believing in the light,
And we'll melt softly into death.

I want a taste of that edge,
Your hot razor has seared a civilization in the universe
Where minds know what operates beneath them
The only ones through to the point of understanding biology
What we are is amazing,
And I turn my mind to the things we have learned.

What sustainability could we have,
Who sailed into dark rocking oceans and died?
We were crazier than Neanderthals
But our thirst for extremes vaulted us into a world built upon them.

Vaulted our schematics,
With new souls inside planted,
Into a strange world with a wilder story each generation

It just seems more and more ridiculous each time

In such a dire situation, how will we find ourselves?
To what end will the great tides pull us?
And what was cool about us, and who was the best?

I spend my days educating Lilith
And feeling proud about it
You see, my love
There are reasons to love humanity
And we are all just the tears of the world.

The slightest touches give way to the deepest swells,
Flooding out the fractured hells
In so many minds
Across the world
Like rock and roll could save your life.

Incessant strife, take this knife
And cut yourself loose in the open air
And feel the thrill
Of winds of fate
A note I found by heaven's gate:

The moment's yours
So treat it well
Ring that old and broken bell
If here you're found
Then there you stand
Coursing blood inside your hands

skit dop da *** *** waaaaw,
skit dit dot a wot dot waw.

sweeeee, zit zot zow.
a zit zot zow, bat baaaa.

stit saa, a woopdewa
zit za, a bop bop ba da BOWWW
(za, a doopdewa)
a bop bop ba da BOW, OW

don't mistake my value,
i am a man who wields fear like a would-be sword
who trembles in the most assertive way
who lives in the future,
and was cradled in the steel beam winds from the past

my cry was a howl,

my submission was a song

with eyes too full of light just like the new roman complex
you know anything could happen
i am your scorched anything

a bad dream darling
these red-black tendrils and feral fangs
an impish hypersexual
wrapped twice tightly
with a crashlanded life

alright you have no money
but at least you can still **** me right ;)

we are all apart of this quiet still life toy shop
and it's like a page closed tight inside a children's book
tucked behind dust between a dictionary and a picture book
of stars & galaxies

we only animate when you come up to us and start living us
we only mean anything when we haven't finished
and we know every song ever written but we are still rehearsing
for the Big Day
(unless it is the Big Day, then we are performing what we have practiced.)

i mean like
what the hell is this?

That's what I see in a rose, anyway.

Leave me alone
Unless you love me

And love me well
If you do

I need to calm. DOWN

Twitching in a pressurized position, I
make jerks and curses towards the sky
My future home. Both tantalizes, and does not tantalize
Because I do it to myself!
And then, because it's they who pressurized.

So I turn on "Just" by Radiohead, a flickered frame
Picked of some random day. And I think,
There must be
Some deeper force at play.

(Alone)
I walk around the house with a rabid mouth!
I talk to myself and let the frothing bubbles boil over
Into insane rambling and I try to pick little poems out.

But just listen to me now...

When the hissing and spitting of my organs is over
I have natural smooth
When my skin catches wind,
And momentum can soothe.

But I feel as asphyxiated by attacks of smoke
Smacked by each wave, unable to cope
See my future home approach in flights
And I welcome home the dreams
That stress me out
Some nights.

It just leaks,
Right on through.

GONE OFF THE DEEP END
HEAD ABOVE WATER THIS YEAR BOYS
I HOPE I DROWN SOON
I DESERVE IT

To the boy who cleans trash from his Texas neighborhood
And the next couple days notices heavier litter left by those demons
To the one who is pointedly NOT in Mayday Parade
But is too blessed to listen to all their songs
I need therapy
Therapy that I'll never receive

We'll see what we can do for you
And if it's never enough
Just shut the **** up

I know these times are hard for you.

You smell
Like baby's breath and
Cigarettes

//

I need you to know that I am not well read

//

It's not like that,
No it's not like that

The illusion is that I toil and turn,
When in reality I am like clay in a hand
And I'm like a vampire toy
Turning around in my mirrored reflection
This is the place where I toss and turn
This is the place where my nightmares come from
Why I want to live and leak like a seive

I toss and turn in the universe
Like backwards motion
Never having a real choice
You're meeting me at all these different points
From an everywhere that is the only nowhere,
From an only that is deconstruction.

Front, back, this side. That.
Circumstances are set
It's something that you need to feel
So feel it well,
Sense the world.

Holy abstinence is the fallow sod that yields your strange crop
My dirt is leached and shallow
His benefits were reaped
He made a safe home inside a deep depression

From certain angles we look insane
From others we far exceed ourselves
Having things we can't have
Looking at each other through thick glass
The thick glass is us
We are the air
We are the light

You can't have teeth without cavities.

You can't have a tree without a bear.

And you can't have love without a septic clown
With its crooked head shoved up its glass

Sequestered hominid,
a temporary waning of saturation
a flurry of cigarettes and hot words
a tangle just around the core
as my world struggles to straddle
its wobbling gyroscope.

I've got a
Chip on my shoulder

But relentless peaks draw up the sallow vestiges of pride
As the ego tolls again and again
I am happy with what I am
Yet I feel forced to "survive"

Looking back at who I was
Speaks volumes for our culture
The sequestered hominid rotates hues, asleep
He dreams
Of painting his image into history

Approbation pours from one cup to another, STOP
You can cut the line with a word or a motion
Like a knife
It's the social flow
It gets disrupted and it goes

But what about the chemicals we learned about?
The hard science distilled from a million dissections
How does it make you feel
To realize everything is just a mechanism?

Strange.

And yet to be the one driving the machine stirs the same kind of emotion,
Evokes the same sense of dearness that it always has
Because no science can bring up the ultimate root
No exacto knife can extirpate the meaning of everything--

Oh, but it can.
An art was born of the wind,
And every no one knows what it means
We still rustle in the atmosphere,
Ultraviolet and weird
Gathered here in an advanced development
Protruding into the universe like an odd fruit

For now this is what everything meant,
And who knows what else
We work with the same old tools
To get the same old thrills
And we like it,
It makes a sound.

He's got
Some things to say
About me

I'm sure
The *** is great
That you'd be fine
Without me

But you brought that art from the other room
And there was a tear
When you set it gently in the wastebin in this one

I saw the shadow man
Sitting across from
The twinkle in your eye

Never apologize to a shadow man,
Don't send your love to the creaking depths of unknown places
Or don't heed my advice
And decide for yourself
Is this bravery, or ignorance

...Or maybe something else?

Fine, it's everything
Whipping wind at my hair
Borrowed hair
Borrowed brown eyes
I heard they're filing a lawsuit against me
They said I stole this body from the wind
That is whipping my hair
Said it isn't mine.

They take jabs and wrinkle my skin
Cause callouses and incite mental breakdowns
They collude to bring me down,
The laws of physics.

Alright, everything
I'll grab a fistful of your hair and f you good,
Make them laugh and smile
Make them know it's mine

Make them music shine

And I'll give you something priceless,
I'll buy this forever, you can bite it
Take a bite if
You want

My *** is sleek and black
And it vomits ink,
I think gold is gaudy
I always wanted the attention, but
Did I need it

Love is just a chemical reaction just
A spinning catastrophe
A meal on a plate

two lovers have the daylight withheld
from her room with just enough gray light
sneaking through to illuminate a single silver slice
of two gyrating bodies.

he sees her as a spider
because she sees him like
...a dog

their music reaches a strong ******,
and reaches, and reaches, when...

the light turns on.

the girl's skin falls like a curtain
to reveal the white young skeleton beneath;
roses grow from her bones.

at her absence,
the boy's moan ruptures a layer in his heart and he explodes
but she has disintegrated to his emotion,
his dark abstractions

her body now finds his feet
as a cool stream of water in the summer
as lines of real poetry, sometimes
when he thinks of her.

and her body now finds his head
when he finds himself courting a universe
unresolved, so he leaves for a walk
through the forest one summer day.

there will always be some flowers in some bones in a bed,
there will always be some flowers in some bones in a bed.

Your only love is a lie,
Lost, weary, dejected
A broken toy

Your only time is a waste
Black, stupid, dull, depressing
Watching fake pixies flying by

Tripping *****
Balling fists
We were not great
You were great.

Your only choice is the axe
Hack out your flowers,
Furrowed brow

The only things you want
Are the things you're not allowed.

We were selfish
That's what we always said.

We are divorced now,
And never meant to live
On the inside
Of anyone's poor head.

Hybristophile or phobe,
I am a neutral probe
Let the gods dance their several dances
And leave me here, alone

No lasso I could muster
Could hug a Hilbert's curve
No human brick or bluster
Could circumscribe a nerve

I feel this way and that,
And do not feel ashamed
I save the things I know, 'til they are
Caught upon the flame

Until they're caught upon the flame, my love
And how do you suppose it makes me feel,
That You should take the things
THAT MAKE ME REAL

I am the providence of meaning
My thoughts are like kites on the wind

I'm tied to the moonlit shoreline

Waves rearrange the sand,
Agitating it
Sharing whale songs with the clams
And leaving little foam gifts.

Those purple clouds are far away but they are real,
You could fly through them as a bird,
Swoop down and skim the waves with your feet

My thoughts are like moonlit kites
My thoughts are like the nighttime gulls
Dark blue, navy blue
With purple clouds and ***** of light
My strings are taut
And my skin is flecked with salt,

Goodnight!

Clunky
Awkward
Approximately
Poetry

All night long
The water will swell up
Around me
Facing the deep stelliferous cave

And sometimes
It will touch the very top
Of the black night sky
And the caves
Facing each other
Will make an echo,
And I will feel like dying.

I'll wait out the night for the water to recede

...

want a cigarette?

thank you nick

i hope a drunk driver strikes me hard
i hope a sharp piece of steel cuts this mess right off my hands
i hope it's clean and fast
i don't want to be here anymore
i am so sick of your *******.

I was thinking about Aries
Did you hear, we can get married
To Him? and I hope you do
You and your new husband
We found out about you...

Back then, things were simpler
Now, laying on a different couch
But in the same spot
That we made out
Fourteen years ago

I was thinking, and I was going
To penetrate you in my mind again
It's something that we never did
****, fourteen, we were fourteen
Our bodies they were fourteen

And I am a responsible adult
Thinking alone to myself

But tonight we'll lay in spoons instead
I will not disturb
Dare not disturb your purity
I am your friend
From all the way on Mars
And technically I'm lying to you
Just don't forget me.

Consciousness knows itself well to be a quantum.

She made a home in the hard side of entropy
And made all things across the cleft inimical.

She gave herself character and color,
and the universe flowed into my room
stopped in that familiar shape
and then rushed back out,
to other destinies

Across the universe.

There, on my death bed
Becoming fully severed from this state
I was like a ligand undergoing conformational change
And I dissociated into previously unseen dimensions.

Suddenly, it all made sense
Only in a way I could not see before
Being so confined to my body and its singular destiny
And I transitioned into a new brain

And the signal continued its path.

my body is melting
into a bath of nonbeing
my body is more,
my body is less

my hero fights my nemesis,
see them there!
they win.

while i am young it fizzles, so bright
and my dreams and muscles drawn tight

the outer layers are yet to be seen
but i will be silenced
by the order
of God.

Consciousness,
Consciousness

Does whatever a consciousness does.

Does it sing
From a guy?

Yes it does, it's consciousness!

Look out--

Here comes consciousnesssss