i draw a circle for the blood moon
denaturing, lux in tow
peeling off from the TV static
i spent all day staring into

it still tastes like sugar but my tongue is cut and throbbing

the order of objects is important
5 candles, lit counter-clockwise
i sit in the center,
HIM

when will the little waves swallow up my vacant space
do i make a solid crest before the shore
or just melt into the sea
with all my dreams

HIM
you're twirling around
you bring the sun and daisies up
you two
the less blood i pump myself,
the more that just passes.
the less it's me--

HIM
the black flirts with the edges of my eyes
and like a winsome man, tries to cajole her into bed with him
her fingers start twisting up that tablecloth

at night we talk across balconies
and deface our holiest relics in my
little white church

****** things,
blasphemous things,
things no one ever says but us,
because we're so in love,
sipping at each other's necks
like a summer cocktail

a rough lover,
you always left me squealing
& anxious
i never felt quite right in your arms,
so what will i do?

all i want is an answer
all i get is HIM

and the whole thing is encircled by her
who laps away the poison
leaking from my head

(As far as the Eye can See)

I don't care if she's pirates.
Dizzying unbelief.
Carrying my love far away like some thief.

I don't care if she's a cheater
I need her for me
Without contradiction my life couldn't be.

So I do care, I guess
And I must have an enemy
Which I guess must be wrong,
But never mind, me
So back to the story:
This just couldn't be.

So I guess that I'm dying--
I guess that I'm free.

I want
Scientific precision
And
Poetic flare
But
I've sunken deep
Into my wares

Pizza with you is
Nothing to figure out
There is the pizza
And there is a pizza my heart

Contradicting veins.

I cast my eyes for demons so many times,
They hardened
Now haunted by pareidolic images
And drawn out, false conclusions

Faces in the forest,
In the bricks and in the rain.

Or maybe sometimes, it just happens.

And where emotion used to rebel,
I stop there to consider.
That maybe I'm a fool for it
I see a bigger picture

But something here was always right
I won't grow old and bitter
I'll trudge through with a battered mind
Til I cannot any longer

A somber admission that the wind isn't real
I'm hiding a wound in my side and i wince when i find
Underneath my skin
Is plastic

But the boy thought he was made of magic.

Nothing personal, woe-potentiation is in the taste of moldy leaves
Pressed flat with rain to the pavement of your hometown, like you
You scintillating *****
You, trading your talents for self-amusement
You, burning yourself in pieces and they'll never know
Never know what we could have been
For no reason

Closing off to the world in the dumbest, most unnecessary way
Burnt ashes on your lips will you kiss the cigarette backwards,
*****,
Travesty,
*****.

Breaking up with yourself is the best thing you can do, admit it
The wind isn't real
Love is a drug
We apportioned out for ourselves
Now cover my mouth with your hand and suffocate me because I said it

In my heart of hearts,
You are a perfect song.

But somewhere along the way,
Love seems lost.

I'm writing this to try and keep you in
But your love
Is known
To break down walls

Thrashing black on white,
Trying to make sense of everything
Or maybe
Just to write--
Your love has pierced my everything
My head is ringing
My hands are shaking

I can see death in healing wounds
And healing wounds
In the great labyrinths of time

How badly I wanted to be
Just another child of yours
Bravely dreaming
On the ocean blue

I don't want to catch up on things,
So i can be more erudite

I don't want to "stay relevant"
I wish that I could just dissolve

I don't want to pretend again
And play the evil puppeteer
I want to lop these antlers off,
So's I can be a trueblood deer.

So force a meaning if you must
But I can make no promises
I wish that it could be a deer
It never will see from a deer

And we would meet between the trees
And get the **** thing over with

Dream of a necessary universe
Ignorant, omniscient
Self-afflicted and strange
Contrived of nothing,
Obligation

Miss your appointments
Find them whizzing around your head
Of course you would.

Reality conducts its phases
That's not really suffering.

if you're anything like me,
please,
do us all a favor and
calm the **** down

about ****. about everything,
just in general.

you need to calm down.

chill out. idk. something

Harvest stars,
Crisp wafer moon
In the sky's deep wine.

My favorite One.

Where if you took a hook and pulled me out from the center,
The very tip of my heart's tongue would reach.

Why do I love?
What does it mean?

This is all
Spinning together
Nothing to do with,
Tied by a zero.

Does the zero speak
What is the message
We've received?

Bye,
Bye bye
Goodbye!

Everything has to go away.

This is all
Cut from the tethers
But we can't pretend
That we're not together

Tell me a story about the one
Who escaped singularity
Who did not have to bow

She went on to live a new life,
Nothing like the last one.

But that man said he loved me
And he wants me to stay

I don't know if he loves me
I know he wants to mean it
But I don't know
Sometimes I just look at you
And you seem like the wrong person.

Apolitical
College dropout
Weak universe
Busy mind

Game of thrones
House of cards
Stark beheading
Zoe Barnes

Build percussion,
Muscle mass
Sharpen edges
Go to class

Run for office,
Blow your mind
Office is not
Hard to find.

Poppy wraps her veins around me
And we are like a warm envelope to God
At least when he is lost and lonely
****** teeth in the toxic fumes
He'll know she is keeping me here
Far from the flames of the battlefield

She is like sugar and melted butter
When Mr. Philosophy and I are playing the choking game
And the celestial spheres turn round the 29 year old slump body in bed

I draw the curtains to keep away the sunshine,
But with Poppy I find the sun is stubborn

Her love ignites in the belly of my heart and dissolves all doubt
Right now the world is not a monster
But... it is going to be

That is why I am loving you now, she seems to say
That is why we have what we have
And even now I'm slipping
Instead of arranging these bouquets of imagery detailing Poppy
(Oh, that is NOT her name but I'm scared)
I am talking about the thing again

We fought with carrots, celery and onions
Lightly browning our flour in butter
We brined and we dredged and we baked with our love
If there's an abyss, I'm gonna full it with food.

She offers up thanks from the depths of her heart
On the way up it passes the svirfneblins and kobolds,
Who see it as an alien phenomenon and are unsure what to do with that.

It brushes the tail of the Bandersnatch,
Who hesitates a moment, sniffing the air.

It carouses with quetzals, flirting briefly with each feather
Before slipping up through the skies and stars
The galaxies and quasars
Up through my love's throat and into her voice
Celebrating happily as it reaches my tympanic membranes

Silently I congratulate these thankful elves on their long and hard journey
And maybe a few of them are dancing in the mashed potatoes when I serve up our dinner.

These time, they'll be freeze-dried,
But Poppy doesn't care.
And we stay warm for the winter.

Depersonalization could never touch you,
You are not like a drug
And I really shouldn't be so rude.

But you are and we are,
And there is no defeating that.

Except right now,
But nothing can hurt our invincible love.

These days, I get out of breath just thinking.

But Poppy rolls around with me through these convoluted tunnels of thought.

We go like two adventurers, torches in hand
Into the bowels of the earth
Disarming traps,
Using diplomacy.

Wingdings to the shadow creatures dancing all around
But we speak perfect sense in apocryphal tongue

It is called Light

Down in the silver mines we find its many cousins

This whorl of shades seem to swing closer and closer throughout our journey
But we keep our backs pressed
And our backs are our fronts,
And the cave is the room we rent.

2 fist-sized potatoes or equivalent
1 1/2 tbsp. butter, softened
About 1 cup Flour
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tbsp. ground mustard
2 eggs
1/3 cup Gruyere cheese (sub Cheddar, Asiago, Jack cheeses)
1 1/2 tbsp. Dried chopped onion

1/4 cup canned black beans
1/4 cup chopped broccoli
4 asparagus stalks

1. Bring 2 quarts of water to a boil

2. Peel and dice potatoes into about 1 in. cubes

3. Add potato cubes to boiling water. Boil for about ten minutes, or until soft

3. Chop broccoli and asparagus (you can also use peppers, or your choice of fried or sautéed veggies) into thumbnail-sized pieces. Add to a lightly greased pan with salt and pepper. I added Italian seasoning to my asparagus. Just make sure to use seasoning that goes well with potato.

If you are using fried onions instead of dried chopped onions, fry them up during this step!

Lightly fry the veggies on medium high for no more than five minutes.

4. Take out the softened potato and add to a bowl with the softened butter. Mash them potatoes up

5. Add in the ground mustard, garlic powder, and dried chopped onion, as well as salt and pepper to taste. Mix well

6. Cut up the cheese into half-inch cubes or bits

7. Add the fried veggies, drained black beans, and cheese cubes to the dough and mix them in well. Try not to add too much moisture to the mix!

8. Add flour little by little and mix thoroughly until the dough is relatively dry. Too little and the cakes won't stick together. Too much and they will be too dry.

9. Beat eggs in a small bowl

10. Make palm-sized patties from the dough. Coat each patty in a little flour, and lightly cover the surface in egg before frying.

11. Fry patties in a lightly greased pan on medium heat until golden brown, flipping halfway through.

A tiny shell is traced by an even tinier ghost
Ringing free in foamy black
She runs along the convex structure
Moving like a drop of water
Running like a rivulet.

It's always the wind pushing the house
Van Gogh black and navy swirls
That makes me feel alright

I don't know I guess it's just comforting somehow
To be inside

And when the rain starts to pelt the window,
My widow,
Once again my bride...

Am I like your Ligeia,
Frontier-man,
Your one true Enterprise?

Cause baby, you are mine.

I'm not looking for possession,
Just effort to stay on your horizons.

These days I think I'll fall...
Oh, darling... all the time.

Blind to quality,
I must carry on
In reality,
I must become aerodynamic.

You are all just the air.
This theory that I'm there.
I will make it an art.

You

Will stay true to my heart.

The first step i took was a step,
It wasn't nothing
And i made the most of it

You said it was good and i took your word for it.

Now i'm thinking the good things are bad
So take my confusion and set it on fire--
I broke your heart and the only way back
Is to take
That first step
Again.

Right now I'm sitting at a laptop
Trying to think of the right words to say
And I can just get up and get a glass of water
Or even a nice snack

And right now there is a little boy
Malnourished and weak
And arms are outstretched
But he's just out of reach

And right now
I'm not doing anything to help him

Rogues, and their fractal minions
Break up my beam, my light
I never mind
As long as it recollects and swells
I play, crack the sky.

It really sings in the middle,
There with my two eyes
And they enter the hall of heaven,
One lie.

Oh, I never mind. I never mind
I can only look forward--
I'll never die.

I followed the codex,
Detached from myself
But needing a victory,
I caved in
And fell.

Torn from the wild
A civilization seeps
Torn, because your spiral staircase
Abstracts my face

Mother of pearl dreams
Don't wait up for me
She's sleeping on me softly
I'm sleeping on her chest

And I can hear her heart beating
True, true to me.

Seeping like me,
I never wanted the tight center
I broke off into the world,
Faithful to it.

My glowing shards, or children,
Gather round your smoldering progenitor.

I know shadows spill from my lips
And build up in my eye sockets
Would you believe that I didn't put them there?

I am sorry if I disturbed you.

But you will always be welcome to dance in my body
Proliferate
Sing songs to me, or to each other
Scrawl your poetry in my spine
Giving me graffiti

My love, we have only just discovered
That we are all eating each other
We are all each other's mothers
And have only been here once

But, my sweet, sweet cherubim
We can just ignore that
So go down to the theatre or make your own
And if they start to burn,
Let us lose our minds

A Rolex s'lecting heads
to roll
Don't you know he's just
Father time, and
Mother soul
Confounded codes
And Quantum foam

A froth that you think,
It could mean anything
And it can
But here are the rules
And
In elementary school
You were taught
Long from tight,
Learned to use a tool.

Here comes the purple people eater
Here comes you, either appetizing
Or purple

Inertia
Push and pull inside
The hapless cross-examination of the self

Hallucinate the pretty rainbows
Intensify their meaning
An angry God
Wants to mean something
Wriggling until it does

Until you have a seizure
Until a piece of the engine block breaks off inside
Ka-thump
But you still keep going and you're not sure why
Until for some reason the machine just stops
At the very threshold of life itself

But I'm not angry
This is just the yield
But yes, sometimes I'm angry
I definitely hate some of these things.

I'm not contriving anything
It was real!
But then why did it feel so contrived
Sometimes?

Subjective, sure...
But their ears are set
You cannot just argue your way into heaven

No, it's not just some big conspiracy to view your voice as less,
Some people have a natural talent
And they worked hard
You hallucinate an appeal here,
Just listen to the music
Stop complaining
Your whiny voice is so grating
And irritating

A woman is like a question
A question is like a queen
A queen who makes you question...

Why can't you just give it to me
The thing I want
Why do you need to torment me
Why do I have to keep these appointments
Why do you have the power to make me feel ashamed
When I know I'm pure, unadulterated beauty
Why can you easily paint me as a murderer, ******, psychopath, drug dealer, dictator, molester, destroyer, liar and act smug about it?
What gives you the right?
Where does your authority even come from, why do you act so high?
You act as if it's for some purpose, but I know we're repeating the same story for eternity.
I know the moment I will see the smugness of Archangel Michael, and he purports not to be Satan but I KNOW, and I will feel so dark and alone as I die.

Why do I have to suffer?
I don't want to suffer, I want to live an amazing enjoyable life in Paradise.
Why can't we just stay in love forever?

Why can't we eliminate it?

You say you're capable of all things.

Yes, you can check it off your list.

Eliminate evil forever.

But you know what I mean.

Why can't we beat that one thing? And why does it take up so much of my time?

I wish we could do better than the only thing we accomplish. At least in resentment I can spend a moment of my life wishing that. Because I am aware of this death trap. At least I can express to myself that I am being wronged, and this proves my innocence despite how I suppose I might come to be treated, because all I ever wanted was to treat each version of myself as fairly as possible

Although the cold hard math is what I'm up against.

That must be why the demons feel that way.

When a child's eyes bloom up to her mother,
I feel the season of your love.

Rich and robust
An exploding love
Spills from the scene and comes alive.

With plans to touch every heart.

She is the most meaningful thing--
Her mother's love will grow and sing
And stitch the world
A quilt of love

And will it find some homeless soul,
And patch for it a little hole?

That always made a difference--
That always took me home.

My cape
Is tangled round my neck
What the hell are you doing
In those tights?

You're a freak
But I kind of like your style
Let's meet up tonight
On the edge of town

Oh some things go down better if
You got a sense of humor
Tell that Joker I've been waiting
To get my punchline in

Some things just don't need an explanation
Yeah, fall out boy and I
We got it figured out

Some things call for heavy celebration
After we save the city
Let's just burn it down

Some things just don't need an explanation
Yeah, fall out boy and I
We got it figured out

Some things call for heavy celebration
After we save the city
Let's just burn it down

Well after all
I'm just talking to myself
They never took this kind of fight
To Superman

But it's alright
I locked the devil in us up tonight
I guess technically
I'm dancing with him, yeah

Oh some things go down better if
You got a sense of humor
Tell that Joker I've been waiting
To get my punchline in

Some things just don't need an explanation
Yeah, fall out boy and I
We got it figured out

Some things call for heavy celebration
After we save the city
Let's just burn it down

Some things just don't need an explanation
Yeah, fall out boy and I
We got it figured out

Some things call for heavy celebration
After we save the city
Let's just burn it down

I got you
You got me
Let's let loose
On the scene

There's no looking back
When you're living for a moment!

I got you
You got me
Watch my drink
I need to ***

There's no looking back
Oh yeah, you're really cool

Some things just don't need an explanation
Yeah, fall out boy and I
We got it figured out

Some things call for heavy celebration
After we save the city
Let's just burn it down

Some things just don't need an explanation
Yeah, fall out boy and I
We got it figured out

Some things call for heavy celebration
After we save the city
Let's just burn it down

Just a little light
That pulls itself in place
She can she can't
Who would want
To be this way?

In this we drowned
Not enough to go around
With cursed lips
In the upside-down

Broken concepts
Litter the floor
I can't write a poem
Who's it for?

Impossible, the reality
Shrinking me
My hungry dream

I need to leave,
The music's dead
It's all in my head
It's all in my head

But I am not perfect,
I am present
And your derision isn't lofty
It comes from the pits
And my heart goes out to them
Like reflections of a snake in the mirror
Oh, you're trying so hard to fit in
And you but you don't

I know all about your struggle
I know you don't want to hurt anyone
I know you want a solution for all of this
Where we can all just be peaceful
Where i can be your friend

Stop trying, you can't write from the perspective of your enemy
You sound crazy
Take the pharmaceutical
You're unstable
Born with bad levels
So why would you ever drink libations?
Take the pharmaceutical
It's not that you're bad or wrong
It's like any other disease
Take the pharmaceutical
I understand what you think about yourself and the universe
But you're just a man
You are *****, and low
And men make me uncomfortable
You might think you're good but you're really just a predator, you creep
And you should be thankful I am holding back the floodgates because you really ARE evil
Don't doubt it
But I'm treating you with GRACE,
Have you read the texts
The texts that waited for you as you emerged from within a hospital
Oh we TRIED TO WARN YOU

We warned you to be good
We told you how to live, and did you listen?

So how did this precipitate?

And no I don't care if you really do have a valid perspective,
The truth is I need to protect myself and my family from you
Because you are cancer
And I can't help it, and you can't help it, and everything can't help it

You made bad choices,
And you knew it.

You let it in, so one day you'll accept the full onus of sin
You are so selfish, you are so bad, you are the worst and the lowest
And stop trying to write from the perspective of your allies,
You don't understand.

And it's not as if things all just folded in around you in some weird, creepy way
And it's not as if you complain too early every time
And anyway, you sound unstable so just take the pharmaceutical.

I ran from my love today.

That's better than punching it in the stomach,
Giving that old man of the future something to cringe about.

But I still ran. I picked up my guitar
And I put it down
I filled the lonely living room with uncomfortable ramblings
And I didn't apply for a new job today

I felt the foamy laps of time wash my dreams away
I compared my dreams to a past lover
Because I wasted today.

I did my chores and thought about that hateful ball and chain
I danced around the edges of my brain
I played Jeopardy with Alexa
And I felt completely drained

You never hear about the ones who tried but couldn't rise above society
You never read about the unfortunate would-bes of history
Someone might find their journal and find a little fire in the pages
Find a little fight in a dead man's wages

Against the tyranny of entropy
And cold society
Against resentments for his family

My sanity is already unwinding
I've come loose
I think about what could have been
I think about how terrible it is that mistreatment and misunderstanding ruled over my life
And who else is out there, I'm with you
Still fighting,
Whatever.

I dreamt up resentments,
A cubling choking on milk.

I was the least deserving of constellation,
But you hung me from a hook in your night sky anyway
Your fingers stretched out
To cross the divide
Caressed my face with bated breath

I was surprised to be treated that way
I am peeling from myself
Becoming a series of dead ends taped together at the heart,
And that tape has been wet and dry and told it isn't tape

But oh what does the tape care anyway
You're right
It isn't tape anymore,
So I'll **** the judge
Light up another cigarette.

Your fingers are still touching my face

Write
write write,
I do not read
Despite
The fact I understand...

Most of my life

Has been spent listening, adjusting!

Write
write write,
I will not read
I'm right
And when I'm wrong

You'll come for me,
And that'll happen either way! Ha haaa!

So yes,
You're cool
Because you stayed
In school
I left
Because the world is so insane!

So set
Me straight
And if you can,
I'll wait,
Or... I will try
To carve out my fate! Ha haaa!

To the data analyst,
The outlier is a fringe scenario,
Worth less than a slice of time.

But to the outlier
God is just as real as ever.

--CRACK--

i have nothing to say to you anymore,
only harmonies of happenstance i have to offer.

there are spices inside you
your tongue may be blind to,
but i pick up on them!

i love the taste it makes
when you splash into the world
in singing patterns
of these particular flavors.

flakes of the peppers you picked
dried out as you listened to Explosions in the Sky
on vinyl, and thyme
your parents bought
from the grocery store.

the basil you borrowed
from your best friend, Jess
i tasted the red hots of your honest thoughts
and fell so deep in love
i had to scream i'm too weak i'm too weak
and come back one day
trying to find that taste

so i'm working on recipes,
messes of rosemary, puddles of parsley
puffs of paprika and plenty of thyme

'til good taste will come again
just like a nursery rhyme?

Collecting my moonlight,
I drew a silver pool

Made of little flames
Too small to see or hear.

We bowed to one other,
And danced between the worlds

In our common realm,
We shared a little peace.

...

When it was time to go,
Our lamentations rained

Down upon that hill,
Far, and far away...!

Conviction sits queasy
In my guts and bones.
My stomach is
A bag of bolts.

A bleeding brain with stilts for legs
Neglected tissue wilts away
Misgivings and mistakes--If I truly loved you
I'd be better able now

When the nausea turns to shame
Just give yourself a better name
God's tide still pulls my shoulders back
Even when my flesh has turned.

And God's tide lifts my spirits up
Even with some scrapes and burns

Your strength astounds me,
I will wait
For you to come
And seal my fate.

Red
You tear into me every day,
A blind maw tearing cartilage, muscle and bone

Red
Take your meal, you filthy ****
And leave me squirming in the dust

Red
My tendons snap
But you are deaf
And hungry

Red,
Like your gay champions
But you're a liar
How can they be better

Red
When you buried me
Still breathing
And spit in my eyes

Red

Red
I won't read books

Red
I hate your stupid song,
You passed right by my own

Red
You can go **** yourself
And leave me all alone.

It's a red prison
Absolute security

With insecure inmates
Inanimate in purity

For
My body doesn't move
It's the shape of its destiny
My feet follow gravity:
Insanity, sanity

It's a dead heaven
Today it's the left foot

The right one is atrophied
Naturally, naturally

A querulous thing
Adjusted recovery
Because justice is bound
To the laws of locality

Not all sentences are life-long
I wait through slow waves of depression
They're wrong
It's just heaven's oppression
They're wrong
It's a song about endless invention
And unity's horn
Sang a wonderful lesson

To a red prison.
The walls,
which dare to protrude

Automatic and rude
With swift pulchritude.

Trippy, indignant
Complacent and soothed

Spoiled and spoiled
Forever confused.

But clarity came and at Once I was moved
I was there as a moment
And all things ensued.

All my love for that angel
Who changes her hair
And I'm lost in it, spinning
Forever ensnared

I'll be gone for the turn of
A sweet smelling lock.

She sings out of my range
She sings from so far away

It takes so much to whip me, beat me
Add a cup of sugar

And slowly pour me
Over thick slices of strawberry
That stick together.

Like promised gems
Pressed upon on your tongue
Casting their tiny incantations to each bud

They sweep away the emptiness for a moment,
They take away the pain

Am I looking for you?
Over the land that bears cold stones
None turn to reveal such a world
As the one you kissed me into

And the heart, it does seem drawn to something new.

But am I looking for you?
Because when I ripped and bludgeoned my way out of your stomach
I was thinking how my back was pulled tight as a board
I felt too desperate and clingy
To match your naturally occurring bravado
And how I snap under pressure...

Now you're gone and out of view.

The way your thin hands touched my face
Cuddling in the winter time
Drinking wine
The way you'd say like ya do
Everything we did leaves me wondering
As I look for something new...

Am I just looking for you?

ensuring the memories were tightly braided,
i let them sink into the sand of my mind--

Deep inside, i'll know the color and the sound
but Cerebrus only wants to breathe a better Now

no hippocampal fire will stir me to a conflagration--
but they will come to swell my guts
and lean their heavy stones on my pen!

their heaviness infects the ink
and presses down the paper

so sink deeper into my veins,
you crazy totem-knot
shapes and scents,
places and songs,

Faces--

away from my nervous fingers
whose ceaseless twisting frays the cord.

you're better at rest and inside,
and stick to your tragic clashes of color.
or will i forget i'm a villain?
and weave new reds and blues
into this sad, sad story...? No,
i'll come loose to you
like i should
like you're saying,
this
is how it was always meant to be.

I will avoid being the bad one,
Be the bad one for me
Commit atrocity
I don't ever want to be
Like them
Sever straight
Be the wolf
Me, I am just a sheep

We know some have abstained
Bless their holy *****
144,000
Orders of infinity
They will never be considered evil

But me, I have to be
Have to be eventually
144,000 I fell straight through
There is no safety net
We must fulfill every state
We must complete the cycle
We must inhabit the spectrum