this spiral world
it gets smaller and smaller
things pop out we don't understand
can we call them particles
if we don't know what they are?

this spiral world
it gets bigger and bigger
we pop out but we don't understand
we just stand under
here, wedged between the stars

somewhere in between
you said i might be happy
and i feel it true,
working the ground into pretty heaps

somewhere in between
you said YOU LOSE
and i feel it true
with every victory i reap.

i weep.

i weep, i weep, i weep.

I want a girl who hurts me bad:
Glandular love sets my organs aglow
Simultaneously disemboweled
I stand on your doorstep with a rose
Face firm
But my mind has a gaping mouth
Set there by death

I do not know if it hangs its own jaw
Or if awe is just an ornament of death
Some sort of tether to fate

It feels like it would be, for some reason
Because it just tapers off at the end--
Of course.

(Which has a physiological answer)

Why animate anything if you're just going to **** it?
Why fill this vessel with whatever makes you feel you own it?
Why?

I want a girl who hurts me bad.

I want a girl who hurts me bad.

The Throne.

Give it to me.

Now. I want Everything.

I will **** all of you.

i am not sure just how insane
or what type of insane
it is, how i still obsess over you,

i am not so sure
that you and i
will ever even talk again.

but i will fall over dead
you've been burned into my Eye

///

gravity,
our two stomachs in the same room,
here in this room even pull
just at the thought. levity,
your smile pulls my chest up
towards the sky.

He has a mind like a tight jazz band
Pulling together points of recent conversation, he is string
Whips up space like a wizard, into motivational speech

He was 18 when he learned to read.

See mine lets the nothingness of space fill its eye sockets
There is a great big bundled world... Then a GAP... Then me.
I am awkward. I am seventeen different people. I chameleon my way through this. Who am i?

But this motivational speaker
He moves the nothingness
Pardon my poetic phrase
He sexes it in ways i can't

So i did. I know who i am
I left there and i said hi to a cute girl,
Got her number.
I knew who i was
I felt my body tighten up
Around the moment

That is a great feeling.

Is there something wrong?

I'm riding the bus
To work again

I feel so strung along
Another pawn
Within your master plan

I guess I'm lucky
But it was awkward
With all these angels
They managed something
So far above me
And so consistent of

The things you got
You cannot earn
Without the space
And demiurge

Nobody said you're God
But I just think
Your story is a little off.

Because the whole time
He managed something
I always wanted to hold a candle
A magic method
But I forget them

And then I'm happenstance
I'm ugly with no special dance
Well are you kidding me?
If you could see yourself
You'd understand

Pick up on my message
It is nothing

If you ever felt aglow
Then it would come around, inducting

Itself...
Not you
Leading to
A vacuum

And you'd have to perceive something
So that's them
The perfect strumming!

**** women you'll never know
All the talents you'll never sew
But they'll insist it's not a myth
Oh no, it's fact, oh no, no no!

Joy necessitates
A shadow
Follow me into
The meadow
Now there needs to be
A wasteland
Don't you curse the grass
Where we stand
Please pick up your feet
You slacker
You must feel the heat
Of my slur
That's how we afford
The music
Which never really was
That useful...

Oh, I'm jealous of Gabriel...

I've had the power to make you squirm and writhe
As it turns out, I'm just a shriveled worm
But no!
You can't have that
Our secret's deep, and strong
I know

You know I'm thirty and I pick my nose

Well tissues aren't always close by
And these digits are just so...
Oh well, ******* you!
I wash my ****** hands!

And then it dawned on me...
You don't care.
You just don't care.

But then I took it too far.

Because not only did I pick my nose, I...
Well, nevermind.

We don't have to talk about that,
Because I did what I'm supposed to do.
And you know I'm a gentleman,
And I shaped up,
And I managed myself how a gentleman should.

Anyway, I have things to attend to.

Trees to identify,
Spanish to learn, you see.

And no, this is not all some big joke to me.

I just think it's all too much,
And I'm pleased to know you feel the same way,

Disa Turner.

Oh, don't,
Well if you must
I oblige you
Take my soul, there
Ah, just, go
Do it!
Jeremy, you *******...!

my full and true semantic
can only be illuminated by the lonely moon

can only be complimented by the lowest doom

because the spirit that has been yearning inside me
is one for the ages.

yes. hallelujah--i am one of the greatest.

i can feel my love coming like far-off tremors
snaking ever closer underground

now, i am obscured and insular.

the strange natives who live here are glow, alive with
the fame and fortune that comes with each rising sun

they take up rituals
they have ways that put the West to shame.

but these men are forged in faith
carving totems after each mistake
and the island will blossom into a precious flower.

this i can offer to the world.
but the nutrient of the soil
the story of the water that feeds the stem, and each petal
the warring tribes, and their gods and times

well, only shards of history remain.

but the world will remember a flower,
for a time
and the way it looked in the moonlight
though perhaps it was happier to see it there
in the sun.

we don't need it
we can't use it
it's
JUNK

we don't like it
we don't want it
it's
JUNK

so how is she gonna live like this
when she didn't ask for all this
JUNK?

your tears are in the back of my throat.

that is why

you do not really cry

or feel bad

You may not believe it but
I am your equal

i do a lot of free writing and venting on here

this is not who i am as a poet

i have moments on here, but it's not my best

i've had some poems published and most publishers don't accept
previously published works

a lot of my stuff on here is sappy, trite, or just weird
i think it has value, but again, not my best

thanks for appreciating my work, such a great community to be a part of, so many talented writers, you guys are great <3

keep writing!

In he comes,
Saying:
"Really?
You liked my work that much?
Well, it was never finished, but
There you go."

Like he's pedaling some kind of ghost bicycle
I don't know
I'm really out of my depth here.

The depth of your ineptitude--
Uncalloused skin is a lie.
The world is my callous,
And i am not so sensitive.

I know death like the back of my hand
For every disgusting swine that said i'm not cultured enough
I haven't read enough books
I haven't listened to enough of Gabriel's pointless rambling--
I know death like the back of my hand

And i am the master of this universe,
Not you,
Though you may be some high, or re-processed version of myself
You cannot be anything except me
Because i am everything

And if i have made you my *****
I have made myself my *****,
So *******.

I am the best poet here,
Though you may disagree,
I am also the only audience,
Though this may appear strange to me!

Karen will not be allowed
To speak to a manager
Because
She is not even real
A ***** in the Wind

You smile at me like a thousand ages.

Your face is more interesting than Mona Lisa's--
I know it is the very heart of the universe.

I tell you it is enigmatic, your face
How It looks so different from different angles
And the sound of my words bounces around the room
Vibrates the tiny bones in your ear
And you smile tensely
Like the finest string of some celestial instrument.

Drinking coffee at three in the morning
The very heart of the universe beats in song
She takes in medium and exhales melody
She is Kate, she is Kathryn, she is Clarity. A hard worker. A great masterpiece of Time.

And who would ever hurt you?
You, who speaks so softly
You, who just wants to witness the love of humanity
You, with a laugh that life surely came to craft.

And i can't believe it--
You shoot a hand out over the wooden table
For me to hold.

And we are alone,
Here in this yellow kitchen
In my parents' house
Alive
Your bushy brown hair
Your golden brown eyes

Since we met, I've become awakened to the notion
That your scent permeates the world.

Little flowers blossom into my day:
Glistening thoughts, honey
The state of Oregon, the words of strangers.

And that certain aroma wafts up to my brain,
And creation celebrates itself in my synapses.

And when you come around--
When you are actually there,
Impossibly strong and delicate at the same time,
Loud as heaven's trumpets and yet the softest whisper of time,
Before my very eyes...
It all makes sense.

That the sweetest things in life,
The strange little flowers
The wafting scent on the breeze
Were sent from the short girl
With easy brown eyes
And long, bushy brown hair
To tell me she loves me
And wants to crawl up into my bed beside me
And fall asleep in my arms.

touch me any way you will
just don't take my queen
she's sleeping there in the bed
my heart laid beside hers in the other room
enslaved to her whims in the infinite. stars,
reaching out to her from
across the universe--

she works hard.
to give life to me and to her
she pours her cup
--of blood--
into mine

i smile

i almost can't take it

i start
to come apart

Piggy back ride
Over the mud
When I was the rain
The dirt that I changed

Well it was alright
I was insane
You were so kind
To stay, and you stayed

Rain on my mind
Can't stop the rain
Won't stop the rain,
I stayed and I stayed

You understood,
I kept it at bay
You were my hero
Again and again.

angel,
wake me up again
get in my blood
and make me believe the way i did
when i was a kid

if you had a time lapse,
it'd hurt you in your soul to see
to see what has happened
what's happened to me

is it your fault or mine?
i don't want to fight
get in my blood and heal me now
or i'll **** YOUR LITTLE BOY

our stuttering lungs
fall short of Breath
fluttering tongues
with bodies pressed

ease in and out
life and death
but where is death?
it's in our hands.

we must be pressing around it
pushing it down
somewhere between us
it is infinitesimal.

grasping to unbutton your jeans,
i am the fingers tearing through the keys

and long shifts at boring jobs
mean red trails on my back

tonight, it is the blood of the first bite that i crave the most.

slipping into you, just through the door
(and i can feel it now)
having broken the code and spoken that language
with my body, from its heart
with my searching fingers

with fluttering music

knowing the great adventure that lives inside you...

Da da da,
Da da da da da,
Da da da da da da da,

******* IT'S ME.

waste it waste it waste it waste it
bash my stash against the wall
crash crash crash
i'm gonna waste it all down
smash smash smash
i'm gonna clown around til i'm a
pile of ash

A sour soup of chemicals
Makes life acidic, astringent
To the bilious mind of an addict.

The half-witted steps were stolen,
Stolen from the floorboards!
But not without a great moan--

They never asked to be involved in any of this.

The sensation of separate complices
A summation of neural activites,
Wherein lies the experience,
Out of which unfolds an impossible self
Into which leaks a necessitated calamity

You are a walking catastrophe
Better stick to harmony
Best to learn some theory
Blue note, blue note, rest.

Sin is water
Hence, my ****** reflection
From the same bath comes love
Always in need of another.

But it's all just moving parts--

I've tried to imbue myself with science
But stability won't fit
My raw form rebels against its own reason
I become discouraged,
My head falls.

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
All the way down.

My missed marks are red,
I can't wash them off
My stupid face sags in the mirror slow,
I hold myself accountable.

To understand and err so much is frustrating
But to be the man on the cusp has been exhilarating
I may never be the white foam of the wave but I was the water at the base...
And it crashed down on pride and wiped my life all away.

Not the one of flesh and bone.
The one whose steel legs pick the world clean,
Clean as American washing machines
The one whose banks are fortresses of power
With all the rats orbiting around them
With the best rat home you'd imagine

The one who made good and evil your brother and sister,
Manifest dragons biting each other's necks
Scales flashing like neighbors and corporate logos

Mindful man trapped in a cultural cell,
Vicious man with reins in both hands.

Not just the world cascaded from them,
But the actual cave inscriptions and fossilized love of generations,
Their ***** deeds and misgivings,
Evil experiments and slave-drivings
Their war-mongering and capless greed
Their style and their flicking tongues.

Don't be so mesmerized by the screen.
Don't be so naive.
Know your mother well,
You won't always be so green.

It's deviant-mediocre
I'd dare to write "dark motivate"
And wanly type a lazy poem
No-- i mean it, and what it means to me
Fervent
Pointed
Depressed.

Statement,
You wouldn't understand
Couldn't understand
No matter how much you love

Kurt was right, empathy is weird like that. It's sort of a waste of time.

I'm all alone. I am going to die alone.
But I'm not really sad, I couldn't capture it all in some poem.
And look at all this other good writing
I don't always care, tell me it's not poetry,
fodder.

You're a stone like the moon
Mottled with fated freckles
Nestled in her hand, feeling the vibrations of an alien language

We're talking about what an idiot you are.
Foggy mornings, lost in thought
Pizza and ranch dressing for breakfast.
Pajama pants, dewy grass
The cream and sugar coffee palette bath,
And...
Sink.

The wide plane of stratus drifting overhead
Like the biggest, silliest hat in the universe.

You're an ape wearing fuzzy socks.
And you're best friends with a dog.
You're a polyp lost in a storm of thoughts.
You're a garden full of moss.

You're a dreamer with a purpose.
You're a singer in a band.
You're a trekker on a journey,
You're a stone inside my hand.

I can't sink down into safety
Deep inside my bones
Lay them in a pile on the floor,
But I have to pick them up
Learn to be a bones virtuoso
Inject the muscles with blood,
And stir the music up.

Restart my brain, let it bleed the right way
I'm unraveling fate from the palette of myself
But to sit in stagnant color,
I have learned that is a waste.
It is not safe,
Though I languidly love the taste.

I wanna kick intertia's *** so hard
It forgets its existence

I wanna cross a couple things
Off of my personal wish list

I do not care about the cost of it,
I'm freestyle living

So when they come for me
I'll blush and tell them merry christmas

I
will not
Be well
Behaved
Tonight
I'm not
The worst
But I wanna be satisfied

And I
Don't have
The juice tonight
But my imagination's strong

These days I try to speak
But it always comes out wrong

Whatever color Penelope's dress is
today--
Life is just as absurd as high fashion.
She rises, she rises, she rises up your spine
Like a spider
Because we like what we like for good reasons
But we all know that's empty
Well, not really empty but it's just what you are,
So there is that, whatever that is.

So it gives you this suspenseful feeling, you know,
Almost like a spider creeping.

Because we know it's empty.

Or, whatever.

it's too cold inside,
outside,
so i stuff some food
to keep a warm spot
for good measure

i keep a candle lit, like it's whatever.

crossfaded crucifix
i can't be a loser if
i keep bleeding blue

and she wants a sip
she wants a trip
to the *******
moon

//

i'm losing faith
yes,
i'm slipping away
as i slather these substances
tripping all over you

these muted tones
just turn to stone
when they reach my ******* center.

your muted tones
just turn to stone
when they touch my ******* center.

i guess one day i'll get better.
i guess one day i'll get better

these muted tones
just turn to stone
when they reach my ******* center.

You have me surrounded,
but I'm staying in the house.

It won't be forever,
I will snap at you to be patient again,
I will try so hard
And I will run back, to a different home
A little older.

I will repeat the process
Of half-trying to fulfill my ideals
With a wonky bipolar brain
Until I die,
Which will leave you with an odd story
And a very large selection of strange, emotional
quotes.

You will have taken part in my ******,
Once having been a reason
I took another breath.

This radio static is like a thousand tiny kisses on my ear drums,
A memory is just a tool,
A romance is a dream come true
And I am allowed to eat today.

Let's stop smoking cigarettes
Their weak high is not worth the cancer
Nor their flimsy little hooks,
Let's stop wasting time we know
Would be better spent
On a better life
Let's stop taking candy
And start a better diet
Let's stop all the things
We know we should stop.

I
hope
you
Know
that
I
am
the
one
who
opens
all
your
letters.

This
one­'s
in
second
Person.

You watched them tear clumps of flesh from her heaving frame
Watched them inject the novocaine
And hired men bring it to them
Saw her silver eyes give out and fill back up with life,
Heard her singing in showers, ignorant of strife

You walked along the behemoth figure and found the other head
Saw them drop it off at the maw and saw him swallow pieces of her whole
His golden eyes afire with greed
Never satisfied, looking nowhere but inside and gleaming without feeling

Your ****** tantrums splashed in between
Heard by ears but never rising to a round
Your skin flashed white and then red
An S.O.S. call witnessed by multitudes but seen only by you
The music you made was swept up and fed to him too
The wave you swept across the sea falling to utter tendency

The raw conglomerate of our bodies left a small but true ***** of resentment for itself
And we were all stuck in our separate cells
Giving and feeding, taking and eating
Loving and bleeding in the black expanse.

At least she saw the fire when,
At least she drank some better blend.

Although i hope its just a drought
The magic's turning into doubt

Hey
What's wrong?
Come down
Into my cozy warmth
My snuggly reassurance
That everything will be alright
Mindfulness, dear
You know everything
Is going to be okay
Just hold on.

It's going to be okay.

life wanting death,
in the form of swirling detest
oh, the sincerest...
no, wait-- just a minute--
laugh
at the end of a long, dark tragedy

life wanting death
two halves and one chest
and it sure doesn't matter
to me.

i'd lie first, but when will you see?
i'd die, and then who would you be?

Our manners are English,
Our minds are like wild horses.

I hold you like my tongue holds sugar, it's wrong

You are more than chemical
We are special animals

I hold you like my tongue holds sugar
It's sweet.
It's honest
It's animal
It's chemical.

I broke my mind on the world
And so much poured out
And it's bitter
And gray

But some of the soup was sharp
And had taste.

To turn on--

You turn me on, I shouldn't
Take you for granted--
You know,
I'd never cheat.
I hold you like my tongue holds sugar
It's deep
It's good
It's right
It's sweet.

There is a very excited energy
That you are able to leverage through not being me

Yes, I've seen it,
The pure rage and resentment that it should be this way.

"Who is that man?
I will not forfeit my energy for that loser, I want no part in it!"

...

Believe me when I say, the sentiment is reflected in my jet black body, too.

And honestly, I'm happy for you, though I know you don't care.

It's very strange, because you are entangled with me after all.

Of course I get jealous,
Why was I disallowed from that identity?

And it hurts when you brag about it.

You always "cheat on me," and I end up being painted however it goes. It's not right...

This summer I will be a corpse
And you will be the beautiful world
I'll be devoid of you, you'll flirt with my body
By no means like you have before

I'm not a boy
You're just a *****
With your little fruits of trickery
You sicken me. You sicken me.

With lurid thoughts of what you're worth
They all will pass
You are worth
The black return

The wordless swathes were lyric to him.
The woman, years and miles between
Her blurry prospect racked that brain
How like sweet time!
How like his bones...
And I can feel them scraping one another.
Making music, against the will of God
No, with it. No, against it.

!

The devil, creeping through the floorboards
Giving chase to peace and sleep
Pulling him down from his right form
Writing confusion into his blood.

Finding himself love again
In every little pebble on the path to the shed
In the grass and the sun
In the smell of the summer
And the simplex formed by his feet and his head.

Oh, what a wretched and beautiful thing it is,
To be alive tonight.

Little thorns come for me everyday
They press into my skin
And leave me bleeding

They are inconsequential
Never murderers, even so
It's hard to call them friends--

It's not that hard to let them go.

I liked your status
in 2007
I didn't know how ****** we were then

I can't fit the world in my head
Can't fit the world in my head
If I could, it would explode
And all the people would come back
And we'd just be here again

But don't... take myy word for it.

These days I wanna stay in bed, and
I just need a place to dissolve my head in

I can't fit the world in my head
Can't fit the world in my head
And so some things don't belong.
I think one of them's this song

And if you think you can mess with me, you're wrong.
I'm the only thing around for miles and miles.
And if some of them seem minor
Then I'm sure to make it major

So don't front you love it, **** my bones are strong.

Everything I used to want to learn broke
But they still let me ride the same wave.

So I guess you'd say I'm saved
But my Spanish ain't too great.
And I'm fading glory, some things don't add up.

I guess I should change my **** perspective
I guess that's how you get to heaven
But I'll never get back to 2007

I guess I could change my **** perspective
Hey isn't that how you get to heaven?
So I'm never dying, I'm staying here forever.

Black tendrils dress my head
And wild hair grows out to meet them.

Where was that dark place where you met your end?
It was in the light.

Which you turned white
And black, and everything in between.

These black tendrils reach out and curl around
Daggers of white light, put them to work.

And where all the light came from,
Was it not the dark place where you met your fatal end?

I see the vacancy in you,
The Fatal Friend.

I see the fullness of you,
I feel cells trapping the wonder for my own taste
And I am right.

The Kingdom is mine