i took your advice
and submitted to page & spine

i took your vice
and i made it mine

oh, what a beautiful darkness
to shine

oh, what a wonderful drug you are.
i think i'll do
another line

I'm black as ink
Because I see straight through
To the center

*******,
I love you better

Simmering lies
Life in the summer
Bumming a cigarette
Wwwwhat a ******

I'm white as light
Because I float on the surface

Here and there--
That is my purpose

Shimmering why's
Quivering eyes
Struck with the ink
That the blacklamp supplies.

I deserve more than death
I deserve to die over and over again
I have gone too far
I have said too much
And this wasted life
It burdens my soul

Forgive me for lamenting so,
Omegamale antics are at it again
The rain is leaking in
And I am so, oh
I am so cold.

I can intuitively play jazz guitar. Pretty well sometimes.

I can sing so ******* well sometimes, I wish more people could hear it.

My voice could make me famous, I impressed people in jail.

I can write great poetry. I can develop great plotlines.

I know a good bit about different fields of psychology, quantum physics.

I can learn about most things. My knowledge has good diversity. I can talk to many different kinds of people about science, music, even math.

If I just had access to a studio... I could work wonders. I could compose.

But...

My nervous fingers are not yet so dexterous. I haven't been able to practice electric guitar; I sold mine years ago and I'm only saving up again now.

I fear my voice may not be consistent enough to perform and studios might make me far too nervous. But I won't know until I try, which I AM GOING TO DO.

Poetry doesn't make you any money and no one pays attention to it anymore.

Knowing things is pointless if you can't do anything with it.

When I talk, I sound really dumb. Really dumb. People think I'm stupid. My social anxiety makes me look stupid. My hair is long and all over the place. I wish people could see how intelligent I am, but I just have to wait until the law releases its hold on me.

I'm 23. I feel as if I could have, but it's getting too late. That sun is setting. People start to look at you as if your life is setting into stone. I haven't really performed. I haven't learned Spanish. I am a slow reader.

My parents and whatever it is they think about me. They never understood me. I want to learn Spanish, not Italian, and I don't care about my birthfather, I just don't identify with my parents, and I don't hate my mother, I just want to learn Spanish before I learn Italian.

I nervously avoid things like listening to music and reading and learning Spanish because I hate living at home. I wish my parents were more laid back people.

but

How I carry myself now and how I start to gather myself is what matters. You can light up on social media really fast, you just have to do it right. You can enter the world you want to, you just have to wait to get off house arrest first. I can do amazing things, I just have to do them.

I can't wait to
Splash into
Unhinged love again
This time my soul will be symmetrical
And I will swim with the strokes of a man
An artist man
And not a boy

I won't stop to measure how unfortunate the water is
But maybe to worship the sun god Ra
All over her body
Her hips are smooth as brushstrokes

It's free summer.

I'm getting ready for a little taste of
Paradise

i last forever
i come in hell
i come in heaven

i rang the bell
i ring the new thing
i'll drink forever

i never die
i last forever
i come in heaven

i come in hell
i'll break for you.
i'll break for you.

grave matter girl-friends,
gut twisting houses,
premature guitar smashing,
magnetic traffic,
screaming screaming screaming,
back tensing cameras,
miraged judgments,
elusive, true judgments
sick projections of my insides on the outside world
stuck in the back of my eye.

all monsters bubbling in and out of my only body
strange things my mind becomes
before it finally evaporates

things that beg to be slain.
ventured upon, they fold under my fatal grandeur
and become minions of my higher self

Torn from the wild
A civilization seeps
Torn, because your spiral staircase
Abstracts my face

Mother of pearl dreams
Don't wait up for me
She's sleeping on me softly
I'm sleeping on her chest

And I can hear her heart beating
True, true to me.

Seeping like me,
I never wanted the tight center
I broke off into the world,
Faithful to it.

Animals **** in the wild,
They bite each other's necks.
The sky ***** the Earth
And space at the same time.

Death ***** life but she's only sometimes exciting
The world is an ****, it's always inviting
The head of the company ***** you on drugs
Your soft little *** gave his ***** a hug

The dirt ***** your body, can you feel it pour in?
Every oraface covered, original sin
For now you are breathing, your breath ***** the air
But somewhere the world says there's nobody there.

Let's see
If we can act differently.

...

It's hard.

How many secrets do we walk past every day?
Sinched off pockets of life,
Their contents affect the cosmos
Like invisible knives.

With just a word or a couple flicks of the finger,
You can reorient the stars
And all the sailors in your tiny sea will start to sail by them...

Ah, but the stars were scattered anyway
And it's good to sail the sea
I never navigated anywhere
'Th no knife turned on my e'e

///

So if only for the thrill
I pull back the skin from my neck
And bear my jugular to the world
Only holding back decisively,
Always wanting to tell you
Everything.

Centerlessness is everywhere,
But the world has only one heart and it's mine.
I've read that a circle's divine
But as I'm walking this path
I'm drawing a line.

I have not become dizzy lately, and I do not flounder about on the floor
That is just wind shaking loose my dead skin cells

I am just flirting with the concept of incompetence
And waltzing with sweet omission,
I will return to tell.

Just as I'm able to try, I am able to die
I let myself go 'cause I can
But the positivity of my existence cannot be helped
Don't you worry about me, I
Will be fine

I
Am myself.

Automatically characterized as
Automatically characterized.

Automatically characterized,
Automatically characterized.

Automatically characterized,
Manifest manifest manifest.

Automatically characterized
Out of an inherent nature!

No, you didn't try!
See look, you gave up here and there!
You don't care, stop saying that you care...psh, you are filthy.
No I mean you're a good person, but...

I am always have been always will be the expert of all things

No failure has ever occurred and you say

Sure, whatever you say...

And I will understand why you said that and I kinda do now but still

Automatically characterized
Automatically characterized
Automatically characterized

I want good for everyone I want gooooooood never bad I don't like bad

A gnawing insanity
Arises from the grating dissonance
My mind makes
With my potential

With an aging body...
Growing less relevant...

Each moment begs a usurper's answer
I want to be a great man
But I think
Something is wrong
With me.

Crazy lady with her hair all over the world,
You strangle and cut
Caress and make lovers, warriors
Songwriters and toilers.

I retreated, holding onto one thick strand
Of your crazy, crazy hair.
Oh, I remember how it was
All pent up on myself
Letting locks roll over
With crude musings falling from my blistering head.

I'll unball my selfish body seeking no promise
Because your hair is so fascinating.
It played me like a violin--
Do I hesitate symphonic love
With the thought of a snapping string?

I'll pull my bow across one hair
That passes through the open air
And then another, what a time
To carve out truth with melody.

Gorelord sits atop his putrid pile
But the stench of his product is wrapped in a taut smile drizzled with aftershave
A tie drips blood from his neck like an intestine
Because he deals in the blood of men

His organs have become synonymous with a dark market:
He writes on living cadavers with a black marker
As long as he's writing in black
And keeps the red off his hands

From his point of vantage bulging eyes look for any cure to his empire of disease
These, men surround like silent tentacles
And dragged to the vault for dissection
That's the wrath of politics

I used to burn even.

I watched the mutation in horror
in the mirror
what once was smooth has blistered and cracked
what was jet black is a crumpled gray

my personality grew cancers

you don't know how badly i want to join in triumphantly
sing with some passion about something meaningful to me
write something that excites you
pull you in like i used to pull in lovers by the waist

but i found myself shallow
rubbed raw by my own whine
oh, he fell off

now i'm just pulling you into my mess

and i'm not even doing it eloquently

some day i will write something good again
some day i will make masterful music

i just
might have to die first

Early one morning I woke up ready to go
Threw on my work uniform and dissolved the moon into my tea
Went out back, smoked burned some herb under the cloak of early morning

I feel the hard monster pushing on my back bones
Like the cardboard baler at work
Trying to normalize my life
The sunlight trying to keep itself simple,
Simplification crushing,
Business monster with roots in all the buildings
With roots in our nature,
Please let me out.

What is it that gets you off the most about me?

Destiny has pulled us tight at the waists,
The flames are fine, so hot
The taste...!

Your ******* are like succulent strawberries,
Your eyes
Like ***** of honeydew
Your ****
Like half-sliced melons
Your fingers
Like little bananas.

Let me skewer your fruits, girl
You are a delicious daisy

Hacking apart,
Beating to a ****** pulp,
Leave that part intact,
Not sure what I'm saying,
Hack it apart,
Beat it to mush,
That makes no sense
I only know where I'm from
I don't know what to say,
I cringe at the person I am

bizarre
dedicated to the cause
a team player
coming through at times like dynamite
striking lightning into the hearts of demons
masturbatory and inspiring
the collective soul, the self dividing
come find solace in my broken heart
i have installed the most spectacular
stained-glass windows

Whatever.
It doesn't matter.

This laptop's battery is gonna die,
and I'm gonna die,
and join the rubble
And all my memories will be lost
and all the strings that make me up
will be torn apart,
but i'm not lost.

I might as well just enjoy the moment,
take each ******-up stride
Take it one step further
Swinging wildly from the delusion of my life
Swinging crazily from my fickle mind

I don't feel based in anything at all
I feel like a foolish dream of the nether
My love is a wonderful fixture
Albeit temporary--
I'm not lost.

The girl with the white lies
Is the girl with the black silhouette

Our love was a distortion of the human heart
It was a ****** up romance, an American delicacy
it was the black & red thigh highs

We tied a knot of lust, made each other's beds and business
I'm sure you won't mind me taking this piece of you
Picking each other apart like ravens
To themed music, you sweetly provide

In your arms I found the saddest minor harmony
With my self-harm. If I didn't explode
You would have found my sacrifice unworthy,
Swept me off the altar and disappeared

You were delighted at my promise of simple dissolution,
But time has decided that was a lie
Because I'll have a hard time seeing life any other way
You made my nights, you made my nights

In me the universe is having an unholy seizure
There on the precipice resides my steeped cranium
Swimming with chemicals, turning the crown-harp over with destiny's hands

A cynical chord is struck, dissonant and sublime
A spine, by bolts of lightning, is realigned

The geometry of demons crosses my center until I reach a state of balance
To call on the help of angels
Who are only seen by the seeking mind

But turned over and over a black tunnel befriends me
And betrays me to the rest--
Which I've said I can rebel against.

every hand to an oar,
this is the doldrums
there are no winds here.

we'll have to push through with brute force--
aye, we might be leagues behind
but this ship crafts its own ****** tale.

lads... if we make it through this we'll flex our muscles
and all the ladies at port will swoon,
and bed us readily!

so push on through this windless hell,
there's no waiting for a gust of luck,
we'll starve.

I can't get the sun to rise,
I know, but it doesn't.
Because the same man sits in the same chair
And surmises that he's wise.

We are all enveloped by ignorance
Gilded with everlasting omniscience
So you know I'm the eternal poet-softie
Whom the reader knows is stronger and smarter than he seems, the defendant Valjean if you please

Police officers stand with their hands at their belts,
Proud and wrong.

Lawyers bob and weave through crowds,
Like sketchy guys at parties,
Making chemical connections.

Vendettas are had and crime is clad
In the full disguise of law

And the arrogant judge holds his holy opinion
high as hell

So my head hangs low and alone
It makes my blueish mind wander
Into fantasy worlds of others shouldering the weight
And our backs are at right angles to each other
In the fourth dimension, let it be.

And yet it seems we're one being suffering together for no reason at all,
(And I can hardly say I'm suffering,
But it is a kind of suffering)
And in me the sun does not rise
It flounders about in neuropathy
Even ordered motion is flailing about
All is skewed and null is king,
My Mother even said so.

You have a way with words
They flash and they burn
Like little fireworks
But are they true to your flesh
Do they follow each turn,
Every beat of your heart
From the meat of your life?

You can ripple the air
From your lips to my ears,
With a dazzling flair
And your syllables dear
But the strategy's stale
I have tasted it often
I prefer we
Simplified.

Promises may show a glowing intent
Apologies-- promises late on their rent.
But
I want to know what it is that you meant
So I say: away with words

.

I want a taste of that edge,
Your hot razor has seared a civilization in the universe
Where minds know what operates beneath them
The only ones through to the point of understanding biology
What we are is amazing,
And I turn my mind to the things we have learned.

She really begs a designed man,
Someone with sharp edges
With a defined shape

Chiseled near perfection,
He works his lot
He plows her fields
And speaks too clear--

Too clear for her to deny
Him his skeleton throne
He wields it like knives,
Dresses it with respect.

Here I am designing myself,
A man planning his destiny
And don't think you distracted me
When you're coaxing out the best of me.

The bride of crystal Love,
The only one with the right to sacrifice the body:

She told me a secret.

I am forbidden to tell you,
But I am not the only one.

Come wonder with me at intersecting circles,
Come see! the cosmos is her jewelry.
Come before the storm arrives and wipes us all out.

We are in communication
We are suspended here as one Breath
And lo! when the breath of life leaves us
Our lives and lips are sealed.

I am one of those strange animals you may see in the street
Everything has gone awry, I ride my bike
I go back and forth for drug tests, I am lost in the cracks of court programs
I am sized up and knocked about by authority

I am waning intellect
I am what should have been but met toxins in the water

No longer young and full of life
The pain has collected beneath my eyes

I toil in fast food restaurants and watch YouTube videos
I do not know what to learn to save my life
I cannot afford college and I could go to jail for a long time if i wake up late

I do not talk to friends and my heart is going cold
The passion that once drove me now causes pain so I ignore it
Today I operate on fear and that is what powers my bike across highways and roads with no sidewalks

I have receded and become unassuming, when once I turned people on

I cannot transcend myself
I am too weak
I feel the universe
Is starting to transcend me
O, pity
I know how wrong it is
But you have become my bitter meal
I cannot break the habit
You are the easiest fruit to find
Yet so bland
And void of nutrition.

How cruel it is that a thing like this
Should happen to a man such as me
All for a simple mistake
I bleed and bleed and bleed

Masterless, dejected, I
Play with my mediocrity
I used to find brilliance all the time
I dig at the gray place
But it seems each time
I get less light

I dream of a day when this changes
But hope might drive the man insane

I hold guilt like a treasure
But start to feel stupid
Hold on, I said, you don't know what I mean
Only what I meant

Well what I mean is constructed only of intent
Which hardly brings me solace
I'm counting on potential.

Only someone so privileged and used to being safe
Would act this way.

Well, I love you, and I hold it like a treasure
Because I think I've got some time
To make my life a little better

And pondering the outcomes given easier paths
Is inimical to my profession,
I want to stop going over those neural pathways

Your unfolding, muted under the trodden Earth
Held priceless blooms in musical form,
Petals I caught with my silver net
And took into my mind.

I can still feel the echo and the wake
Of your presence here
I still have the smile, nested crescent in my eye
And my ears stuffed full of songs...

What is Diamonde to me
And where is John,
Reflections and compliments
Like gold flickers on the waves

Oh, the songwriter is gone
But the song lives on and on.

hey darling,
i think we tripped on a drug
it was sticking out on a dark path like lingam
it left us seething like the crowd at your concert

they were dying, they were dancing
were we lying through our teeth when we said...
i can't say it now.

how should i feel about being a product of the same fire
that made such sick shadows dance?
and since feelings don't move, darling
what should i do?

but since action is anchored in feeling,
again i ask how should i feel?

i know you value callous
i see that grit in him
but i know your love is a tenderness
i know you want that from him

darling inside me i am weeping so intensely
i cry and i cry and i cry
why is it like this?
why does he laugh at my weakness
why am i the antichrist
a selfish sadness plagues him
i turned a corner and you were there
but you'd turn back just as easily, singing
carry on, carry on.

Born into a bauble, from
What we call pain and we call love
A harvest here, a famine there
Nested in your timely cove.

Where flesh and forest give us walls
For summer or for frost.
And tousled from the ether there,
A city built on science.

We'll call this city Brotherhood
And Masons know it best--
That brick and mortar make good neighbors,
Pray it stands the test.

I'll craft a heart to love you well
But need I even mention?
From there inside your tink'ring world
You are your own invention.

For Love is just Necessity--
One of her many forms.
And I feel that Nature's playing, here
Some legendary game.

shifting blue
with purple flirtations
the human is found
sifting through

drifting sounds
and ****** expressions
cast out
past the navy

rolled out like a blanket
laced with death's fine dust
stars to look on,

while two periwinkle boats on the lightblue gloat

stars to trust

making them awkward,

AS MY EYES LOOK ON

making them float

doesn't the world ever drive you crazy?
persistent, shifting blue

I don't know what the f--- I'm leading
It's been ten break-downs and eyes are bleeding
And my conscience fractured through
I don't know what the h--- to do

This makes no sense
And there's a shallow edge to governance
And it cuts me like a blade
But maybe someone good could have it made

And would you fight for me
Would you fight for me
Would you fight for us,
Just fight for you

Because I'm feeling down
But maybe you can hold a tune

The sky has turned ultraviolet
And the people's hair lifts towards outer space
Like it does when submerged in water

The stakes are high,
The secrets are sealed tight
And everything has eyes

The cars are fast and the world looks more lopsided
Than ever.

And she is hot, white-hot
So hot she is cold, her essence unfolding
Mocking figurine gods, deceiving the people
By giving them science and the truth.

Good merit makes her look an ugly ten, dripping with gold
and material goods, she has put disdain in my heart for these things
But slipped in a second guess, and then, I find beneath that
A deep respect and appreciation for all things under the sun

For taste and for culture
It turns you on that she is so crazy,
That things have gotten to this point
You're likely to wrap yourself in her **** form
Pull her close to you, because the world is ending (it is)
And fire is coming from the sky

Or maybe it's just from her eyes.
They are everywhere

without a substance to rely on
i'm a ghost.

without a ***** to give my lust to,
i'm a ghost.

without a pride to give my bride to,
i'm a ghost.

whether holy or unsacred
if you take it all away
i'm just a ghost

if you simplify the problem
i'm a ghost.

if you look at me too closely
i'm a ghost

if you thought i was a human
you should know

i'm a ghost
i'm a ghost.

i'm a ghost.

There's a fire in the factory on fifth street,
It started in my dream and I knew
Then I woke and went to find it
And the world was ablaze when I got there.

A devil appeared on my shoulder
And said it was my fault, for dreaming
An angel appeared at my other
Who calmed me from crying and screaming
Protruding alone with nowhere to hide,
I noted that both were on my side.

All of our jobs are connected
Whether you know it or not
To this factory down on fifth street
That set the world on fire

And they can't find how it started
But the fatal flame has spread
The injured nurse their wounds, and
The living mourn their dead

And I saw your name in the fire
Hallucinating, hallucinating.

There is more nothing here. See,
I can cup hands full of water.
It stays here for a while--
...

I release chemicals when you smile.

They pool up
Like you stayed for a while.

Like floods of the Nile.

Ribbons of silver ride these navy nights
Winds of change
Pangs-- blues knocked across my guitar
I collide with crooked fate
And truths hard becoming

My mind paints silver streaks in the slats of rain.
You hold onto my wretched hand
While a beast searches me
For sympathy, climbing out of the puddle below.

"There is more nothing here," he says
And his impossible figure perplexed my mind,
Standing there.
"No," I said, "There is more nothing here"
And impaled him with several silver ribbons.

The sun breaks.

Tendrils of smoke
Find my nostrils
Which themselves,
Are just tendrils of smoke
My mind
Wraps around itself--
Itself,
Just tendrils of smoke.

the garden stares at me with grey-brown eyes,
deprived,
weakly it envies the neighbor's yards,
unwatered,
thirsty,
looking for love.

a hot vent of rage shoots up in my mind
i pour acid on the garden,
choking out its chance to grow.

there, i said smiling an evil smile
i killed some time

and i turned my back on the day
which had a dagger in its back

and i have no clue what happens after that.

with no middle to glow,
with no body to leave a body behind...

would you rock me, rock me to sleep
all the people i've hurt
all the things that i've said
strike their lightning deep

oh, won't you rock me, rock me to sleep?

and in self-pity i curl
but no secrets can keep
still the raw force of life
sounds its thunder deep
er

i am the lightning-keeper.

& my shadow
is

called

reaper.

My dog doesn't know what he's barking at.
He just heard a noise and jumped right up to the bay window of my living room--
Started filling some biological urge to yelp and yelp and yelp

His world is full of couch and television and sliding door
An artificial dharma, chance's domesticate
We have put the love and fear of Machiavelli into him,
We have given him the distilled wisdom of Pavlov.

But I love Marko (and Riley), and even though I'm a cruelly confounded master I love them as best as I can--
I give them pets and snuggles and treats
And keep them out of the street.

(Riley keeps ******* in my bathroom... so I have to tell him no.)

I don't always know what I'm barking at either
Sometimes the TV whispers things and I was already born with a brimming, buzzing head...
Sometimes I feel bug-eyed and frustrated with myself
Sometimes I feel I'm living the mundane life of a dog

But I'm not a dog, I'm a human
And a rather lucky one at that--
I get to pick up the broken pieces of a life crashed to the side of the road
I get to feel the depth of love and wield this great resilience
Caught in the middle, anxious to explain myself
And obsessed with self-awareness
But I will live this life and let it go with grace--
I will face the world and hallow this space.

I don't want to catch up on things,
So i can be more erudite

I don't want to "stay relevant"
I wish that I could just dissolve

I don't want to pretend again
And play the evil puppeteer
I want to lop these antlers off,
So's I can be a trueblood deer.

So force a meaning if you must
But I can make no promises
I wish that it could be a deer
It never will see from a deer

And we would meet between the trees
And get the **** thing over with

I ran from my love today.

That's better than punching it in the stomach,
Giving that old man of the future something to cringe about.

But I still ran. I picked up my guitar
And I put it down
I filled the lonely living room with uncomfortable ramblings
And I didn't apply for a new job today

I felt the foamy laps of time wash my dreams away
I compared my dreams to a past lover
Because I wasted today.

I did my chores and thought about that hateful ball and chain
I danced around the edges of my brain
I played Jeopardy with Alexa
And I felt completely drained

You never hear about the ones who tried but couldn't rise above society
You never read about the unfortunate would-bes of history
Someone might find their journal and find a little fire in the pages
Find a little fight in a dead man's wages

Against the tyranny of entropy
And cold society
Against resentments for his family

My sanity is already unwinding
I've come loose
I think about what could have been
I think about how terrible it is that mistreatment and misunderstanding ruled over my life
And who else is out there, I'm with you
Still fighting,
Whatever.

babe--
tell me i can get there if i work hard enough
i used to climb mountains,
but now i *** in cups
i work so hard to make ends meet
and i can be so pathetic
but i know that i could die,
and i feel so incomplete.

this one is not extraordinary
but i wrote it down for you
maybe someone feeling trapped like me
will find it and be moved
if i die before i reach the stars
just know i didn't stop
day in and out, i worked so hard
that's where i want to be.

sometimes you're just a tiny spark
in a world that's wet and cold
you're dreaming of a fire
you just know it could take hold

you dream of it by night and hope
against all odds you'll see
the fire you already are
believe, believe, believe

Liquid sunshine, I like that
Keep it moving just like that
Take the rain and give it breath
Take that pain and give it death

When you wash over my head,
I feel the warmth of feeling cold.
When you pull me through the world,
I feel the youth in getting old.

And I'm tired, tossed and told.

But at every turn my life was bold
At every insult I was sold
I rang,
"It's priceless,
More than gold."

See I forgot my Midas touch
And money never mattered much
It's like the feeling of the rain
Yes, just to feel
Is something gained.

We all go around with such infinite worth,
But in liters of blood.

Necks exposed,
Bag of guts,
Heads afloat
Bones that crutch
...Backs that break
Skins that touch
Nothing matters,
Very much.

And it feels like everything
To each one of us.

Duck your mood,
That's a joke.
Make me smooth
When I choke
Unless I start
Choking you
Then I'm in need
Of a room.

But let's see if we can hold this thing up.
Blood and guts:
Do we have enough?