I don't know what the f--- I'm leading
It's been ten break-downs and eyes are bleeding
And my conscience fractured through
I don't know what the h--- to do

This makes no sense
And there's a shallow edge to governance
And it cuts me like a blade
But maybe someone good could have it made

And would you fight for me
Would you fight for me
Would you fight for us,
Just fight for you

Because I'm feeling down
But maybe you can hold a tune

Oh, are my eyes glazed?
Do you love them when they clear the haze?
Do they shine bright?
Was it the drugs, original sin, and spite?
Are my eyes glazed?
Can you see my soul through these neurotic storms
Where I'm a grandiose fool?

Or I dropped out of School?

I'm still carrying the fire
I'm still tending to it gingerly
I've been working on the right things
Since I've been hit by psychedelic lightning
Oh no, do you know what that means?
Do you know your etymology?

Trust me I'm aware when I'm off center
I got scared when I went through the fender ******, but
Sometimes I just don't make sense, or
I'm just shy of the right to render
Are my eyes glazed?

I'm black as ink
Because I see straight through
To the center

*******,
I love you better

Simmering lies
Life in the summer
Bumming a cigarette
Wwwwhat a ******

I'm white as light
Because I float on the surface

Here and there--
That is my purpose

Shimmering why's
Quivering eyes
Struck with the ink
That the blacklamp supplies.

Crazy lady with her hair all over the world,
You strangle and cut
Caress and make lovers, warriors
Songwriters and toilers.

I retreated, holding onto one thick strand
Of your crazy, crazy hair.
Oh, I remember how it was
All pent up on myself
Letting locks roll over
With crude musings falling from my blistering head.

I'll unball my selfish body seeking no promise
Because your hair is so fascinating.
It played me like a violin--
Do I hesitate symphonic love
With the thought of a snapping string?

I'll pull my bow across one hair
That passes through the open air
And then another, what a time
To carve out truth with melody.

He took it upon himself
To die,
Of natural causes
Is just semantics
When you're the head
Of nature Itself

A cascading persona
A collapsing blossom
But you can't prove it

Our skin is like disaster
With radiant ***** of hope
Nested on the precipice
Leaning into death

And death leans into me--
The leaning is preferred to picking beaks or bullets
Because it's the pressure that makes daisies and lovers out of clay

Like a little kid pushing playdough through a plastic toy

And you can lie and cling to meaning
When the hemorrhaging starts
Say: the kid is pushing me through a heart-shaped hole
I hope at least he's having fun
But there is no child in there
And no one wants to feel like a *******'s pen

And I'm scared of what my pen might say,
If pens could talk

But then again, at least I can imagine it. **** on that for a minute, it's a funny thought.

But no, I was never awkward.
Because I only go in one direction
Crossing ether with ether til there's flowers,
Smacking my palm's meat against a tree trunk to confirm that yes, it is hard.

But I know I was low. Oh, I'm so sure I was low!
Bending under the weight of weightlessness to become way too scared of letting go.
This all must be someone's fault,

But we don't know.

So pick your spruce tips in the spring.
You're right, the flavor was bright and citrusy
A nice snack indeed, filled with vitamin C

And eat your food from cans, it's quite a certain thing.
Maybe you're eating from your own stomach,
There's no way to really tell.

Yes, you're giving birth inside yourself--
True, osteoblasts rove bones
And ribosomes fold proteins while you fold your clothes

And the passion with which you make love is noted.
And I am pregnant I am pregnant I am pregnant like the sky
I can't bear to tell you any more,
Please stop hassling me with all your questions.

Are you really made of stone, deep down in there?
With soft tissues between, yes I am, yes we are?
She seems to want to know.
Wants to say that she's glad to know
And she's scared like you
That we are kissing cousins
That our veins go in circles and circles... don't go nowhere

But what if they do?
Can we talk about something else,
Maybe put something on TV
Slide photons into our eyes and mash up matter in our mouths
And I'll watch you fall asleep and see your chest rise and fall
And we can paint a house
And we can be in love,
Oh yes we can.

Right now I'm sitting at a laptop
Trying to think of the right words to say
And I can just get up and get a glass of water
Or even a nice snack

And right now there is a little boy
Malnourished and weak
And arms are outstretched
But he's just out of reach

And right now
I'm not doing anything to help him

I've got sick religion,
A black week of your absence.
My guess is you'll plant something there
Where the soil is still good and fertile
But I swear I'm never going back.

College stairs is my blonde heroine
Frizzy hair was the angel I couldn't sleep next to,
I could lay in the November Rain til I died
Dressed nice but I never got my engine running
On fuel I bought myself.

Talent died before shooting from my fingers
I remember an episode of Journey to the Microcosmos
Watching this one little organism try so hard to hold it together....
and then it fell apart.

Strange things happen in the quantum foam of the universe,
But perhaps the strangest is you.

Your weird suggestions of normalcy do not fill the universe's cryptic appetite.

The answer you provided meant strange symbols in the sky
So stay here, trip out for a while
And when you return...
What did you learn with your flitting eye?

I think focusing is a bad idea
Let the waves wash over you
Instead of focusing, try maximizing
I mean, what the hell
Does anything mean.

God is dead and we are like maggots eating his body
Nowhere getting further
Bursting away from my eyes at the speed of light
Lament, lament
It lasts and decays
Nothing can stay, nothing can stay

Here we are, a morbid picture
Rosy for no reason
God is dead and we are like maggots
Hold up your reason.
Hold up your reason.
Lament, lament
It lasts and decays

i'm looking for an element called "best love"
so i'm looking for a circle,
i'm looking for a crystal
i'm looking for
anything considered
for long enough. . .

She thinks of all the things she's gonna lose.

Loaded guns,
Laying in the sun
Decorated with flowers
It's a nonsense world
Drifting away
Feats and muscular victory
Not here
Just a girl
Laying in a field
Smiling at death
Whittling away her time
Playing with herself
In the sun

Early one morning I woke up ready to go
Threw on my work uniform and dissolved the moon into my tea
Went out back, smoked burned some herb under the cloak of early morning

I feel the hard monster pushing on my back bones
Like the cardboard baler at work
Trying to normalize my life
The sunlight trying to keep itself simple,
Simplification crushing,
Business monster with roots in all the buildings
With roots in our nature,
Please let me out.

shifting blue
with purple flirtations
the human is found
sifting through

drifting sounds
and ****** expressions
cast out
past the navy

rolled out like a blanket
laced with death's fine dust
stars to look on,

while two periwinkle boats on the lightblue gloat

stars to trust

making them awkward,

AS MY EYES LOOK ON

making them float

doesn't the world ever drive you crazy?
persistent, shifting blue

Come and see!
The infinite elements of the universe flock
In search of station.

When they find it where they settle
They will be blown on by the wind...

But even the wind
Is just one element.

I tried to tell a girl
That she reminded me of death
So dear was she to me
I thought myself insane

And I was.
Lost in a ponderous mystery,
One day I'll let her go.

a poverty of justice
a sea of life between
the suited side of court rooms
and the innocent steam

if only worked like water
the innocence that steams
from the focus of the court room
in such comfy, heated seats

the fact that we are equal
is easy seen from here
with beads of sweat collecting
on my head of buzzing fear

cause i fear your every bias
and predilections, scorns
and if i speak of my concerns
will you call it my retort?

and yes i lost my temper
i'm also working hard
but you have dispositions
and an old book
and some cards

and i
have a tender
juicy heart

There is a side of my brain,
Razor sharp,
You didn't see it.

You are
Not the numbers
You're su-
percomposite

And when the numbers aren't mine,
I never blame it on you.

We will run the numbers
Hands locked in a promise
We're supercomposite
I never blame it on you

So please
When you look at me
Oh, nevermind
Well, you can see

So please
When I let you down
We ran the numbers
And we didn't have it

But we've escaped the surface
Don't ask, it was worth it
We changed our perspective
And now my neck is a little sore

But I've got my jugular
Filled with molten iron
I'm forging a weapon
Sharp enough to slit their throats

So please
When we run the numbers
They don't have throats
It's a separation

So please
Panpsychist lover
It's even stevens
Even for non-vegans

Black tendrils dress my head
And wild hair grows out to meet them.

Where was that dark place where you met your end?
It was in the light.

Which you turned white
And black, and everything in between.

These black tendrils reach out and curl around
Daggers of white light, put them to work.

And where all the light came from,
Was it not the dark place where you met your fatal end?

I see the vacancy in you,
The Fatal Friend.

I see the fullness of you,
I feel cells trapping the wonder for my own taste
And I am right.

The Kingdom is mine

babe--
tell me i can get there if i work hard enough
i used to climb mountains,
but now i *** in cups
i work so hard to make ends meet
and i can be so pathetic
but i know that i could die,
and i feel so incomplete.

this one is not extraordinary
but i wrote it down for you
maybe someone feeling trapped like me
will find it and be moved
if i die before i reach the stars
just know i didn't stop
day in and out, i worked so hard
that's where i want to be.

sometimes you're just a tiny spark
in a world that's wet and cold
you're dreaming of a fire
you just know it could take hold

you dream of it by night and hope
against all odds you'll see
the fire you already are
believe, believe, believe

without a substance to rely on
i'm a ghost.

without a ***** to give my lust to,
i'm a ghost.

without a pride to give my bride to,
i'm a ghost.

whether holy or unsacred
if you take it all away
i'm just a ghost

if you simplify the problem
i'm a ghost.

if you look at me too closely
i'm a ghost

if you thought i was a human
you should know

i'm a ghost
i'm a ghost.

i'm a ghost.

have you ever sidled your way
into a low enough position
that the universe actually seems to strongly suggest that you **** yourself,
where you're so miserable that it'd hardly surprise the people around you if you did it?

that's where i am right now
but i'm eating a chicken cutlet sandwich

Can't you see we're just animals,
Haphazard,
Sprawling out ends into endless space,
Flailing arms and working hands,
Working gravity to grave?

But still I think:
The thing I pine for is the god
The pining inside me,
The god inside me,
Who is nothing and everything.

Th' infinity I must capture
And finally set free.

The life I love
Is the death I'll choke.
I must love
What is free.

You may not believe it but
I am your equal

I am one of those strange animals you may see in the street
Everything has gone awry, I ride my bike
I go back and forth for drug tests, I am lost in the cracks of court programs
I am sized up and knocked about by authority

I am waning intellect
I am what should have been but met toxins in the water

No longer young and full of life
The pain has collected beneath my eyes

I toil in fast food restaurants and watch YouTube videos
I do not know what to learn to save my life
I cannot afford college and I could go to jail for a long time if i wake up late

I do not talk to friends and my heart is going cold
The passion that once drove me now causes pain so I ignore it
Today I operate on fear and that is what powers my bike across highways and roads with no sidewalks

I have receded and become unassuming, when once I turned people on

I cannot transcend myself
I am too weak
I feel the universe
Is starting to transcend me
O, pity
I know how wrong it is
But you have become my bitter meal
I cannot break the habit
You are the easiest fruit to find
Yet so bland
And void of nutrition.

How cruel it is that a thing like this
Should happen to a man such as me
All for a simple mistake
I bleed and bleed and bleed

Masterless, dejected, I
Play with my mediocrity
I used to find brilliance all the time
I dig at the gray place
But it seems each time
I get less light

I dream of a day when this changes
But hope might drive the man insane

my full and true semantic
can only be illuminated by the lonely moon

can only be complimented by the lowest doom

because the spirit that has been yearning inside me
is one for the ages.

yes. hallelujah--i am one of the greatest.

i can feel my love coming like far-off tremors
snaking ever closer underground

now, i am obscured and insular.

the strange natives who live here are glow, alive with
the fame and fortune that comes with each rising sun

they take up rituals
they have ways that put the West to shame.

but these men are forged in faith
carving totems after each mistake
and the island will blossom into a precious flower.

this i can offer to the world.
but the nutrient of the soil
the story of the water that feeds the stem, and each petal
the warring tribes, and their gods and times

well, only shards of history remain.

but the world will remember a flower,
for a time
and the way it looked in the moonlight
though perhaps it was happier to see it there
in the sun.

My dog doesn't know what he's barking at.
He just heard a noise and jumped right up to the bay window of my living room--
Started filling some biological urge to yelp and yelp and yelp

His world is full of couch and television and sliding door
An artificial dharma, chance's domesticate
We have put the love and fear of Machiavelli into him,
We have given him the distilled wisdom of Pavlov.

But I love Marko (and Riley), and even though I'm a cruelly confounded master I love them as best as I can--
I give them pets and snuggles and treats
And keep them out of the street.

(Riley keeps ******* in my bathroom... so I have to tell him no.)

I don't always know what I'm barking at either
Sometimes the TV whispers things and I was already born with a brimming, buzzing head...
Sometimes I feel bug-eyed and frustrated with myself
Sometimes I feel I'm living the mundane life of a dog

But I'm not a dog, I'm a human
And a rather lucky one at that--
I get to pick up the broken pieces of a life crashed to the side of the road
I get to feel the depth of love and wield this great resilience
Caught in the middle, anxious to explain myself
And obsessed with self-awareness
But I will live this life and let it go with grace--
I will face the world and hallow this space.

Centerlessness is everywhere,
But the world has only one heart and it's mine.
I've read that a circle's divine
But as I'm walking this path
I'm drawing a line.

I have not become dizzy lately, and I do not flounder about on the floor
That is just wind shaking loose my dead skin cells

I am just flirting with the concept of incompetence
And waltzing with sweet omission,
I will return to tell.

Just as I'm able to try, I am able to die
I let myself go 'cause I can
But the positivity of my existence cannot be helped
Don't you worry about me, I
Will be fine

I
Am myself.

A gnawing insanity
Arises from the grating dissonance
My mind makes
With my potential

With an aging body...
Growing less relevant...

Each moment begs a usurper's answer
I want to be a great man
But I think
Something is wrong
With me.

It was a simple transaction
Bleed to get back in
Love when we have a love interaction

First it's the feeling
Then comes the color
Driven by math
And seen by no other

I am twisting through myself

You need to stop and look
At the way things have been
You need to take some time
To let it all in
Now you're a dumbf--k
Wicked and washed up
Take your spaghettified brains and
Blow them out of your skull!

It was a love interaction
Got to let me believe
I am the smartest thing
Since Adam and Eve

We're tripping bigtime
This ain't the good life
And when I'm looking at you
I'm green, and out of my mind

I am twisting through myself

You need to stop and look
At the way things have been
You need to take some time
To let it all in
Now you're a dumbf--k
Wicked and washed up
Take your spaghettified brains and
Blow them out of your skull!

Just patch me in
Just patch me in
Just patch me in
Just patch me

Just patch me in
It's your big win
Just patch me in
Just patch me

You need to stop and look
At the way things have been
You need to take some time
To let it all in
Now you're a dumbf--k
Wicked and washed up
Take your spaghettified brains and
Blow them out of your skull!

maybe what hurts the most is that you can't blame anyone when they recede--
the typical, "look, i don't know, but it's got nothing to do with me!"

i have friends encouraging me but i don't know if they realize what they're supporting
now this is my time to crave dissipation.

Piggy back ride
Over the mud
When I was the rain
The dirt that I changed

Well it was alright
I was insane
You were so kind
To stay, and you stayed

Rain on my mind
Can't stop the rain
Won't stop the rain,
I stayed and I stayed

You understood,
I kept it at bay
You were my hero
Again and again.

I can't wait to
Splash into
Unhinged love again
This time my soul will be symmetrical
And I will swim with the strokes of a man
An artist man
And not a boy

I won't stop to measure how unfortunate the water is
But maybe to worship the sun god Ra
All over her body
Her hips are smooth as brushstrokes

It's free summer.

I'm getting ready for a little taste of
Paradise

cup of tea, extra honey
another cigarette
bitter, languid days

gonna get a new job

i took your advice
and submitted to page & spine

i took your vice
and i made it mine

oh, what a beautiful darkness
to shine

oh, what a wonderful drug you are.
i think i'll do
another line

My love,
What a life we have lived thus far.

We have enjoyed the glowing water of youth,
We have felt disdain for the ways of the world and its people.

We have kissed pretty girls
And learned so much about the music of nature.

We have tasted the bitter treat of America,
And we have squandered the blessing of life in fits of rage and spite.

But all the while, we have kept close a compass and map
We have not turned away from the sweet gift that begs a song of call and return.

I was so scared I'd fall apart before I had a chance to tell you what I have been longing to say.

And now, sitting across from painful heads who do not understand me,
I turn from them.

I see that we stand a chance,
To stake a claim
To write a song
To muster a call that shakes the hearts of men
That call which has always been inside me

It gained pace in campfires with brothers
It was tried strong in the fire of coarse punishments
And now it rests within me
Looking for a means to escape into the tense, waiting air

Do not take this from me now.

Because I love you so dearly, so tenderly
And I live to protect you with this body all day and every night
And I just want bennu to shine.

How blind was the man who thrashed his dreams?
How wrong was the law to lock him away?

How many rocks does it take
To break
An electric sign
At a train station?

How sad should we be that the dreams decayed
Locked in a cell for days and days
Now days pass by on nerves too numb
And guitars gather dust
Past the 25th year

And drinks will make these pale worms clear
As potential dies,
Each moment sears

shadows slipping over one another on the sea floor
how much of the sunlight do we use
and what is abuse?

sip my brain like a teacup
i'll throw around your veins like streamers
and we'll collapse all the same into bed
my brain in my head
and your veins in your skin

how can you do this?
*** is the reason we stay
salvation just a stone's throw away
how can you do this?
and how!

maybe it was hard for god to say it was good--
maybe that was just a silly, random new word he made up
"good," he said
"that's what i'll call it."

--and perhaps he chuckles--

"like me,
but different."

maybe he had to stop kurt from singing
all in all is all we are
all in all is all we are...
just so he could forgive himself for an eternity or two
just so there'd be more than one long apology.

Perambulation's a grotesque crack on gravity--
Bending knees sending us sideways into turns and eddies..

Aloof, you say it's comical
With your gilded expression and clever slights of motion.

But here, I see you narrowing
Stuck in my awkward corner of Society
Pinned between dimensions in the grand scheme of things
I am the backside of the deal
The marriage of bone marrow
And death's razor
Bubbling around you,
All the lysing parasites and wasting nutrients
All the questioned purpose and reeling emotion
I will serve you greatly
Or else, slough the rind of flesh

There, I see you walking
Hooked on destination
Pretty Christmas bauble, seething
Jewel of my surprise.

Mathematics.

We were two great rocks in outer space,
With music rising as we gave each other
Some kind of hopeful horizon.

Fate gave us an interplay,
Collision and coitus
And now, in my head, these two rocks silently crash
They will orbit each other and dance for a while

An aside--
Then, we were not rocks in space
But motley creatures roving woodland surreal
Mystic animals in the bricks and steel

But where was the mad apothecary with the faithful apprentice,
Hiding secret poison under a tattered cloak?

I know they're out there now,
Ending their rendezvous emotionlessly
And only given emotion by a distant poet
Flirting with an idea,
A something called romance.

A rather silly thing, really.
(Just think of the etymology)

And it is in this way that we were reduced to mathematics
That we became two great--
Two rocks of space
Only still
I feel sad sometimes when i think of you
Going into that great distance.

Where are you now?
What are you doing, and
Do you still think of me?

I still have that mark you left on my silent surface--
It looks nice in the starlight,
And I know you still have yours
Until the whole mind and mess is dissolved
And the pages decay in the soils of time.

A Rolex s'lecting heads
to roll
Don't you know he's just
Father time, and
Mother soul
Confounded codes
And Quantum foam

A froth that you think,
It could mean anything
And it can
But here are the rules
And
In elementary school
You were taught
Long from tight,
Learned to use a tool.

Here comes the purple people eater
Here comes you, either appetizing
Or purple

Now those hot scars have faded.

Coolness is replacing where the ropes burned
Where the lesson was learned
To fight the binding fear of constriction
Listen to the heat of your blood
Accept it. and cool the body

Now I tumbled out onto the floor
and I am standing up once again.

I mutter something about what she did to me
And think of the girl with the tattoo on her wrist,

I MUST NOT FEAR

Animals **** in the wild,
They bite each other's necks.
The sky ***** the Earth
And space at the same time.

Death ***** life but she's only sometimes exciting
The world is an ****, it's always inviting
The head of the company ***** you on drugs
Your soft little *** gave his ***** a hug

The dirt ***** your body, can you feel it pour in?
Every oraface covered, original sin
For now you are breathing, your breath ***** the air
But somewhere the world says there's nobody there.

Michael knows
He's gotta have a bad time!
If he doesn't,
Then it's not suffering enough.

So then he complains,
Which we hate,
I know,
But that's good!

Because he's right,
It's like alternating current
A/C power,
He knows
Consciousness is like that.

And the two-thirds principle.

Yet, even his awareness is a problem.

So yes--
He's gotta feel stupid
He's gotta feel immoral
He's gotta feel selfish

That's how we afford those other things.

And so,
There should be people
Yes, people who all agree
(And they will be right!)
That he is stupid, immoral, and selfish
YES! HOW COULD YOU BE!?
Oh doesn't it just drive you crazy?
Even though those are just automatic states of the universe

Because let's face it
To be here is stupid immoral and selfish
Though:
I know one man who exists derivative of intelligence
I know a woman who is purely derived from your moral aspect
And I know several extremely selfless badgers living in the Netherlands.

Suffice it to say,
Any of you who come against me in any way are intensely real
But consist entirely of the rankest bullshirt know to mankind
As evidenced by this very erudite and transparent work of creative writing,
Though I know any lever I create, being the whole system
Will be enacted against me, and everything is expected to come full-circle.

Although I do not read, drink alcohol all day
I have been here before and am the same person every time
So by nature I am perfect.

A truly ironclad defense.

No matter how whiny and ridiculous you presume me to be,
I am the only path arguing with itself
I am my own metric
And everything you think is upside-down.

I would be that way,
And I should,
And you should respect my odd struggle,
Because I do this for all of us.

I shrink at your memory
But need I shrink?
In my current state I'm like a worm
Reminiscing on days when I'd chew at leaves
Lush and verdant
Summer eves

Gorgeous girls, the worm remembers
My mandible all over them
Intricate, designed by God
The worm shall shrivel up
And die.

I am clearing a space in the middle of nowhere
To do nothing
While no one sings of my great success
You didn't warn me in time for the grave address

You didn't have me
She said
You just thought you did

You couldn't tell me a thing
In any context

You were always struggling
You just didn't always see it

You couldn't define victory
In time to be it.

I am a tiny brown mushroom
No,
I am an angel of death

I am a blade of grass
I am a glass of gin

He said,
Don't try and distract me
Waving his hand

I will never misgive,
For I can only disband.

Every now and then I remember that I should miss you
It's not my body that's battered
It's my sense of self and safety.

What little consistency my days once had
Has been invaded by these holes appearing under my skin
They make me nervous, I notice
At times like this

When I remember I should miss Brian.

I cleaved our friendship apart with angry words
Undeserved
I don't even remember what I said

I think it's been two or three years.

Dominicans are rebuilding after Maria
I'm convinced of the strength of my depression
And that not resenting my parents
Is some sort of storybook mission

It is even worse to be part of your culture's decay
When you see it all happening before your very eyes

I'm pinned down by the infrastructure
A steel shard is running through my face
And they don't know what to do with me

I'm subject to such tragic analogies as that
Men used to be great
Where is that alive in me?

Hacking apart,
Beating to a ****** pulp,
Leave that part intact,
Not sure what I'm saying,
Hack it apart,
Beat it to mush,
That makes no sense
I only know where I'm from
I don't know what to say,
I cringe at the person I am