How can you say death was given!
To nurse the antithesis of the ego with my own blood
To suffer the same fate as anything I can arrange mid-synapse
Like some kid playing with a cat's cradle between my hands...

How can you say such terrible things were a gift to mankind!
From the depths of wretched cancer rise the dear and departed
Here for a nestled moment
But in phases of reality
We've built a house of classic treasures
Where only the insane sleep outside
On the grass, call them in, but why?

They like the rain
(we are all insane)

And how can you call it a gift?
From the gory sea of wrath relief is providence
For just this certain thing that was true. But can we call it
An advancement?
To sink into this ****** sea, never to dream again?

Yes, we can, because we look around and we see faces of ourselves
And we know that even the deepest pulls from our goodness
Turn about a gloriously dark and evil shadow
And we can tell that our deepest desire to rectify...
Is a one-shot ****, perfectly eclipsed in its entirety.

There is a road to the city
called Painted Husk Road
To the tops of the towers it goes.

There is a sign in the sky
With colors in code.
It's a whimsical, crazy religion.

You'll float along faster
If you vibe with the signs
The inside won't matter
If the outside is fine

Just know when you meet
Someone out on the street
They don't all waste time
Trying hard to be sweet

There's a bitterness there
In the judgment of men
What's the reason to even suspend?

When we're more chemicals
Than chemists,
Better teeth
Than are dentists,
Only parts of this body will mend.

See how walking through this graveyard,
All its appendages seem to light up and spring to life in your wake?

It is only an illusion.

She's dead,
And you are the only one who is really alive.
And you are married to yourself,
Forced to reconcile everything you've done with the gravity of nonessence.

I'll paint the saddest vignette, nervous
Midaccident monologue
Fumbled intentions
Words that fall like loose stones down mountainsides
Disparate selves vying for the crown
But they squabbled hard and broke the **** thing

But you couldn't wrench the light from inside because it stays,
Imbued,
The secret elixir of few.

Here to perplex myself, if I followed rules I couldn't tell you what they were.
Death is strength's advisor
There underfoot, reality's new end revealed.

If I painted you a mural in the sky
Imbued with this love of mine
Could it touch you, untainted
By the steady seep of lies?

They seem to find us anywhere
Like little snakes in grass
The grass that is our mouth and hands
And which surrounds us as we pass.

But whenever I'm with you
My eyes are steady as the sun
I never stop to second guess the one.

The sun that holds us all together
Gingerly between
A fatal radiation
Where beauty can be seen

And felt, reverberations
Of the aforementioned grace
I contemplate here in your arms
Here, where I found your face.

I've got a lover who smiles when I cry.

Her gentle caressing hand is the soft poison of the universe
Her beaming blue eyes are the hard facts of life.

I've got a lover who loves when I play guitar,
But only cause I'll die.

She takes the time to tell me
In her own transducing code
It was written in periphery
My infinite abode

I've got a lover who says everything at once when she opens her mouth.
I only want a word

I'll vibrate on her lips to sing:
I'll be your living bird

The space between us is filled with pestilent noise that scrapes and raps at my ear drums and it's maddening.
I only ever get a chance to tear it away every now and then.
To the love,
To the beating heart of the universe,
Where I put my ear to listen and it soothes my body through like a warm river.

I want to tear the bubbling black growth from your life
It lies there next to us,
Next to the soothing river I can hear it hissing and cracking.

I know you're in pain.

I love you,
And I just want to show you that in every thing I do.
Stay strong.
Don't let the infection win.
Because all I want to do is love my world as she spins.

Spun rocks out of gas
And slung through the sky
You and I
Just particles in a cosmic dance

What a chance,
What a mystery
That turns on our eyes,
Rhodopsin receptors,
Take off your pants

You harmonic chamber of animus
With resonance that is infinite
Fill up my cup with your love
Let me drink it in well-severed kisses

They are sharp points of the softest element
Raindrops of human elegance
Falling from heaven
Landing on the fields and the fires of my heart
Making it grow,
Making it hssssss.

You, the return of Noah's dove,
Me, looking for a place I could chill
You found my finger and gave me chills
It can be hard to find love in the storm of my skull
But to find a lover like you,
Love itself would ****.

i am a hot lover.

i am so full of color,
dark purple bruises on my conscience
a sick yellow manic feeling
the cool blue waters you can always trust
that steady stream is inside me.

i go around my magic circuit
tuning and angling instruments of love
trying to summon a feeling like no one had

i am excited at my own music,
so don't leave me alone with it

let us meet in secret places
and pass different words for love between our lips.
we could talk about anything

the world can make revolting lurches around us
but we are safe here tonight

It's deviant-mediocre
I'd dare to write "dark motivate"
And wanly type a lazy poem
No-- i mean it, and what it means to me
Fervent
Pointed
Depressed.

Statement,
You wouldn't understand
Couldn't understand
No matter how much you love

Kurt was right, empathy is weird like that. It's sort of a waste of time.

I'm all alone. I am going to die alone.
But I'm not really sad, I couldn't capture it all in some poem.
And look at all this other good writing
I don't always care, tell me it's not poetry,
fodder.

that's a pretty little thing that you've got right there,
that's a pretty little thing, would you care to share?
would you care? would you care?

It's kind of
Hard
To get over
Someone
Like
You.

You're
A piece of
Every sunrise
To me

And it's not
Just
what I learned

It's also...

The nectar
Of your smile
The sharpness
Of your stature
And the adventuresome spirit
With which
You've graced
The world.

Cold
With a ring of warmth
Tell you the truth
I don't even care
Gotta be strong
It won't even hurt
If I don't even care
That's the way these things go
It never ends well.

The world roils with lingam and yoni,
Breaking free of the mold and finding rebirth
Cut from the same stone we carry on
Getting weirder and weirder with every dawn.

Reaching deeper into the cookie jar we aged
Look into the mirror, see the old man's face
Do you ever feel this strangest feeling
That I feel when I stare at the ceiling?

When I question the aim of the tool
Which turns us all to drop-dead fools
When all we did was touch and go
And deeper still, we never know.

he's a
bad surgeon

tying off healthy veins and vessels,
maybe the case in his holy head--
giving the madness to his eyes
giving the blindness to his mind

he says he's wrong and right
but it's all off,
he's a bad person.

and an even worse surgeon.

but the blood on his hands makes him feel professional
he is an accomplished doctor
he has studied this
for many years

but the organs he touches falter and fail
the irony being
he birthed Dr. Semmelweis

when the sun sets, darlin
i'm Inconsequential
when pretty birds arise and fly,
i'm ******* out of my god ****** mind.

you and me, we don't have to be
Anything really, we could be
Free. But we have to be something,
Men may as well see.

Let there be light! Hallelujah.

when my mind aches, darlin
i don't know where my shoes are
i mean, i don't know where i came from.
i don't know what i'm saying
but i'm stranded home.

when the blood leaves, baby
i'm all the way home.
when the next thing breathes
we call that a grand slam.

when the song hits the ground
with a dull thud
i dropped it in apathy
ignore the flustered typing of my fingers
they fly so far away, and i can't say
what is important to me.

i can't say, say, sayyyyy

i just wanted you to see the genuine things
the way i felt about that
what i meant here in this situation
take a gander
i'm so worth it

Lips
Just parted
Hips
Just started
Nervous minglings
and chemical interactions
are making music in the boy's spine

He stirs a cocktail
Meanders back to the hotel room
With a **** little prize

These jazzy adults with twinkling eyes
Unbuckle and unslide, stroking each other
With soft word music, but just intent
Angled for the bed.

Lips just parted
Hips just started
He lunges into her
And just for a moment the days come rolling back
With his eyes, hid by eyelids
Like two awns made of skin

Suspended in the marble of his mind,
She is fifteen
He thinks about her from time to time

He is conditioned never to say a word,
But she started his life.

my body is melting
into a bath of nonbeing
my body is more,
my body is less

my hero fights my nemesis,
see them there!
they win.

while i am young it fizzles, so bright
and my dreams and muscles drawn tight

the outer layers are yet to be seen
but i will be silenced
by the order
of God.

Kisses under fairy-tale skies,
I miss the velvet love from your lips
Everything was perfect then,
Rapunzel and her hair and hips.

A boy and a girl.

Sunshine on the beach.

Each memory is like a trinket of mine
You held me close in the summer sun

Everyone needs to let go sometimes
Surrounding love with fertile dirt.

I dreamt up resentments,
A cubling choking on milk.

I was the least deserving of constellation,
But you hung me from a hook in your night sky anyway
Your fingers stretched out
To cross the divide
Caressed my face with bated breath

I was surprised to be treated that way
I am peeling from myself
Becoming a series of dead ends taped together at the heart,
And that tape has been wet and dry and told it isn't tape

But oh what does the tape care anyway
You're right
It isn't tape anymore,
So I'll **** the judge
Light up another cigarette.

Your fingers are still touching my face

Born under the array, we must have supposed ourselves computers
Esoteric notions of Illuminism made their way, even
Into the minds of the ignorant
By way of osmosis.

The roar of society's innards amplified,
An image of human digestion made confusing half-art
In the naked sky.

This folded into neat, convenient little quanta
But the world could not hide the ugly truth:
The climate was one of dissonance, and insanity
And clinging for its couth.

Although, just like in the old symphonies--
Moments of sweetest major harmony swell up
And we find islands of peace.

From whence, I wonder, do we build a better world?

Born on the grid. Born with new potential.
Born to deeper illusions, deeper lies.
Born of a *****.

Human rivers clamber over each other
The needs and the circumstances threaten cataclysm
And readier cataclysm breeds an ultraviolet paranoia, this time.

We are the children of the new millenium.
We are lost, we are scoffed at, we are confused.
We are disbelievers, we are disoriented, we are ...true.
We are petty, we are extra, we are amused and not amused.
Change the world, slap a sticker, make it new.

Gossamer girl
That's a name for my silk-spun, dew-dropped world.

In the morning
Ornamented like a chandelier of death

Unprevented from yourself, you are per
and fect.

I was deep in my thoughts
And then I saw you again today
On the bus

I am jostled and nervous
I don't know what to expect
I am focused on your nose ring
And you saw my nervousness and you stroked it

Let me lock load and fire, aim again
Straight down the long road of your eyes
Tell me "boy you'll do, you'll do"
Let me feel you up
On the bus

I might not have liked
The Beef stroganoff
But at least it was food

I might have vocalized
That I didn't enjoy
The flavor of nutrition
But I had energy to utter the words

Getting a little ahead of the game is up to you
But it's good to remember it
When you have three
Square
Meals

My queen standeth over me,
"I WILL END YOUR LIFE!"
Somewhere inside my reflection
Somewhere deep in my imagination.

A sword to my neck,
She is dressed in adamant and diamonds.

Do you see her?
Her eyes gleam like molten metal when she says it.
She says it always, only sometimes I see different colors.
And sometimes I'm not thinking about it at all.

So severe, she leaves me stranded on an island.
And inside that island, I contemplate the design
Of my dire consequence.

The shapes and the music I make must call for their own elimination.

Only I am here singing right now
Forced, and justified on all sides
Or one side? Or none.
So each symbol I trace in the Sand is full and sacred

There! see all my friends having fun
Many are friends past whose specters I see
On an unfeeling screen.

See me, tinted blue and trying hard
Bored and left behind
I am not in a rock band
I am not seeing new places
I am not kissing girls.

All people want is someone to feed them funny things
But I don't have the resources to give you a good time
What did you expect me to do in the meantime

Do have any idea what you do to my sleep
To my confidence, to my dreams?
Overburden me, sure, you'll just make me more passionate
and angry

But laid-back, peaceful... Let's get it
Let's change the world
Take off a day, smoke some ****
That's what I want to be

There is a side of my brain,
Razor sharp,
You didn't see it.

I live in a dug-out hollow
I ride on a worked-out groove
Corpore hominibus alterorum
Dropping giant Clothespins

Hae res manuum
Little flowers
Balloons, sized instruments
Living in The Shire

It's so nice in the summer

We built a cute little habitat

Shame on us for being anything
But quaint, happy beings!

Come and see!
The infinite elements of the universe flock
In search of station.

When they find it where they settle
They will be blown on by the wind...

But even the wind
Is just one element.

I tried to tell a girl
That she reminded me of death
So dear was she to me
I thought myself insane

And I was.
Lost in a ponderous mystery,
One day I'll let her go.

I want a girl who hurts me bad:
Glandular love sets my organs aglow
Simultaneously disemboweled
I stand on your doorstep with a rose
Face firm
But my mind has a gaping mouth
Set there by death

I do not know if it hangs its own jaw
Or if awe is just an ornament of death
Some sort of tether to fate

It feels like it would be, for some reason
Because it just tapers off at the end--
Of course.

(Which has a physiological answer)

Why animate anything if you're just going to **** it?
Why fill this vessel with whatever makes you feel you own it?
Why?

I want a girl who hurts me bad.

I want a girl who hurts me bad.

She thinks of all the things she's gonna lose.

Loaded guns,
Laying in the sun
Decorated with flowers
It's a nonsense world
Drifting away
Feats and muscular victory
Not here
Just a girl
Laying in a field
Smiling at death
Whittling away her time
Playing with herself
In the sun

this used to work--

do you ever wonder,
what is the experience of a damaged brain like?

it's very weird.
it all comes together,
but the sensation gets very strange.

you know something's off.

Right now I'm sitting at a laptop
Trying to think of the right words to say
And I can just get up and get a glass of water
Or even a nice snack

And right now there is a little boy
Malnourished and weak
And arms are outstretched
But he's just out of reach

And right now
I'm not doing anything to help him

You may not believe it but
I am your equal

my full and true semantic
can only be illuminated by the lonely moon

can only be complimented by the lowest doom

because the spirit that has been yearning inside me
is one for the ages.

yes. hallelujah--i am one of the greatest.

i can feel my love coming like far-off tremors
snaking ever closer underground

now, i am obscured and insular.

the strange natives who live here are glow, alive with
the fame and fortune that comes with each rising sun

they take up rituals
they have ways that put the West to shame.

but these men are forged in faith
carving totems after each mistake
and the island will blossom into a precious flower.

this i can offer to the world.
but the nutrient of the soil
the story of the water that feeds the stem, and each petal
the warring tribes, and their gods and times

well, only shards of history remain.

but the world will remember a flower,
for a time
and the way it looked in the moonlight
though perhaps it was happier to see it there
in the sun.

He took it upon himself
To die,
Of natural causes
Is just semantics
When you're the head
Of nature Itself

A cascading persona
A collapsing blossom
But you can't prove it

****** me with poséd leaves,
Shifting in the breeze
Pull me forth in glist'ning Spring--
My brain
Pulls the ground
From beneath my feet.

Torture me with 'venient screens
Fated things and flaunted wings
But remind me in the even spring
That you and me is all I need

I called you slanted yesterday,
But all I need is you and me.

**** me darling, with petty scents
That become my world just for moments
Make my frilly nature sing
And make my big eyes fruits of Spring.

i'm looking for an element called "best love"
so i'm looking for a circle,
i'm looking for a crystal
i'm looking for
anything considered
for long enough. . .

i've spent my life lolling about,
taking easy roads to pastel-colored beds
tangling limbs,
rubbing skin with the seasons.

i've slurped at the nectar of writhing ****
with the fullness of the night sky behind me

and as she swooned,

i felt the moon watch my ignorant head,
felt the moon fill with suspense as i rejected the sun:

i've poured water all over the papier-mâché goddess
and slept on top of soggy lumps
in a cement box,
an idiot vandal.

and i thought about life.
and i told you about my thoughts.

so i stay moored and safe, mom & dad
i stay
deep beneath the waves,
scrubbing months of crud from the decks.

and the moon is heading for the churning sea
and the fragile cradle of my dreams is going down...

i'm thinking it is time
to sew a new season--
and turn the rest green
with unrivaled verdance.

so i turn to the ***** noctis
and start gently

Black tendrils dress my head
And wild hair grows out to meet them.

Where was that dark place where you met your end?
It was in the light.

Which you turned white
And black, and everything in between.

These black tendrils reach out and curl around
Daggers of white light, put them to work.

And where all the light came from,
Was it not the dark place where you met your fatal end?

I see the vacancy in you,
The Fatal Friend.

I see the fullness of you,
I feel cells trapping the wonder for my own taste
And I am right.

The Kingdom is mine

my full and true semantic
can only be illuminated by the lonely moon.

i try to draw it out into the air...
so that your ears might embrace it, but
it crackles and fizzles
and sputters out before it gets there.

ellie's parents are dead.

i was adopted 23 years ago by two people
that have loved me in their own true way
which i try to pin down as selfish, and
who is right
and who is wrong

i've learned to let go of those battles
but some days they still fracture the sunlight
break its bones, break my heart.

ellie feels she has to rely on her druggie boyfriend
who is in and out of jail
she says she really loves him
but the people she is living with are suddenly moving far away,
and now she needs a place to stay.

she can't move back in with her sister
and when she was accepted to college her sister replied
how are you going to pay for that?

i've only been able to get through my legal troubles
because my parents have helped me
driving me to drug tests and to work some days
a recourse i brought on myself with temper tantrums
i should have outgrown

but forget subjunctives,
if the police could open me up, if the law could unfurl my soul
they would feel bad for putting me in jail
and placing this onus on my shoulders.

they would.

but my full and true semantic can only be illuminated
by the lonely moon
as i bike home from ellie's house
we shared beer and cigarettes
and "Champion" by Fall Out Boy blares from my Bluetooth speaker
which is a keychain on my backpack...

i said in a low voice, passing listening houses
you don't know me
because i have gone at least partially insane
with my loneliness.

only not. and the suburbanites who think they can assume things
the law who thinks they can properly judge me,
they CAN GO **** THEMSELVES.

i have good intentions.

i am a brilliant person.

i have an ego.

and i sink into humility again.

and i think about ellie

and i think about everything, a child with cancer
a child with malaria
and i think
i am ~so~ beautiful.

did you stop to think about what 'so' really means?
of course you didn't.
i could spend all day telling you things
you missed about my beauty.

that's how vile and vain i am.

you don't think this poem is perfect.

it deserves to go down in ******* history.

Running mad
A heist of heart
The cold hard wind
That runs your cheeks raw red

Too much luck,
A spinning head

A fumbled pass,
Fingernails
The heart I stole
A washed-up model's
Full tank of fast food
And cigarettes.

A cloudy break
Then music came
The city stood
Unshaken there
A capillary
A runner's cheek
A single cell
The sanguine beat

Piggy back ride
Over the mud
When I was the rain
The dirt that I changed

Well it was alright
I was insane
You were so kind
To stay, and you stayed

Rain on my mind
Can't stop the rain
Won't stop the rain,
I stayed and I stayed

You understood,
I kept it at bay
You were my hero
Again and again.

Oh, are my eyes glazed?
Do you love them when they clear the haze?
Do they shine bright?
Was it the drugs, original sin, and spite?
Are my eyes glazed?
Can you see my soul through these neurotic storms
Where I'm a grandiose fool?

Or I dropped out of School?

I'm still carrying the fire
I'm still tending to it gingerly
I've been working on the right things
Since I've been hit by psychedelic lightning
Oh no, do you know what that means?
Do you know your etymology?

Trust me I'm aware when I'm off center
I got scared when I went through the fender ******, but
Sometimes I just don't make sense, or
I'm just shy of the right to render
Are my eyes glazed?

My love,
What a life we have lived thus far.

We have enjoyed the glowing water of youth,
We have felt disdain for the ways of the world and its people.

We have kissed pretty girls
And learned so much about the music of nature.

We have tasted the bitter treat of America,
And we have squandered the blessing of life in fits of rage and spite.

But all the while, we have kept close a compass and map
We have not turned away from the sweet gift that begs a song of call and return.

I was so scared I'd fall apart before I had a chance to tell you what I have been longing to say.

And now, sitting across from painful heads who do not understand me,
I turn from them.

I see that we stand a chance,
To stake a claim
To write a song
To muster a call that shakes the hearts of men
That call which has always been inside me

It gained pace in campfires with brothers
It was tried strong in the fire of coarse punishments
And now it rests within me
Looking for a means to escape into the tense, waiting air

Do not take this from me now.

Because I love you so dearly, so tenderly
And I live to protect you with this body all day and every night
And I just want bennu to shine.

a poverty of justice
a sea of life between
the suited side of court rooms
and the innocent steam

if only worked like water
the innocence that steams
from the focus of the court room
in such comfy, heated seats

the fact that we are equal
is easy seen from here
with beads of sweat collecting
on my head of buzzing fear

cause i fear your every bias
and predilections, scorns
and if i speak of my concerns
will you call it my retort?

and yes i lost my temper
i'm also working hard
but you have dispositions
and an old book
and some cards

and i
have a tender
juicy heart

Can't you see we're just animals,
Haphazard,
Sprawling out ends into endless space,
Flailing arms and working hands,
Working gravity to grave?

But still I think:
The thing I pine for is the god
The pining inside me,
The god inside me,
Who is nothing and everything.

Th' infinity I must capture
And finally set free.

The life I love
Is the death I'll choke.
I must love
What is free.

i thought i was brighter,
less riddled with weak lines
better at singing

i thought it mattered,
what i could have been here or there.

i thought i was right to whine
i thought it was hard
i thought you were mine.

i thought i was sexier
i wished i was sexier
i wanted to be da vinci
i wanted to have money
i thought i might be rich.

i thought things would go differently.
i thought and i died.

Every now and then I remember that I should miss you
It's not my body that's battered
It's my sense of self and safety.

What little consistency my days once had
Has been invaded by these holes appearing under my skin
They make me nervous, I notice
At times like this

When I remember I should miss Brian.

I cleaved our friendship apart with angry words
Undeserved
I don't even remember what I said

I think it's been two or three years.

Dominicans are rebuilding after Maria
I'm convinced of the strength of my depression
And that not resenting my parents
Is some sort of storybook mission

It is even worse to be part of your culture's decay
When you see it all happening before your very eyes

I'm pinned down by the infrastructure
A steel shard is running through my face
And they don't know what to do with me

I'm subject to such tragic analogies as that
Men used to be great
Where is that alive in me?

i took your advice
and submitted to page & spine

i took your vice
and i made it mine

oh, what a beautiful darkness
to shine

oh, what a wonderful drug you are.
i think i'll do
another line

I've got sick religion,
A black week of your absence.
My guess is you'll plant something there
Where the soil is still good and fertile
But I swear I'm never going back.

College stairs is my blonde heroine
Frizzy hair was the angel I couldn't sleep next to,
I could lay in the November Rain til I died
Dressed nice but I never got my engine running
On fuel I bought myself.

Talent died before shooting from my fingers
I remember an episode of Journey to the Microcosmos
Watching this one little organism try so hard to hold it together....
and then it fell apart.