Fine, it's everything
Whipping wind at my hair
Borrowed hair
Borrowed brown eyes
I heard they're filing a lawsuit against me
They said I stole this body from the wind
That is whipping my hair
Said it isn't mine.

They take jabs and wrinkle my skin
Cause callouses and incite mental breakdowns
They collude to bring me down,
The laws of physics.

Alright, everything
I'll grab a fistful of your hair and f you good,
Make them laugh and smile
Make them know it's mine

Make them music shine

And I'll give you something priceless,
I'll buy this forever, you can bite it
Take a bite if
You want

My *** is sleek and black
And it vomits ink,
I think gold is gaudy
I always wanted the attention, but
Did I need it

Love is just a chemical reaction just
A spinning catastrophe
A meal on a plate

The several elements,
All things through and through and through itself
There you are in the middle
No, off to one side
And you're nowhere
Navel-gazing at your veiled intestines, no...
Pick them up off the floor.

No convention is necessary
It shatters, erupts in flames, turns to ashes
Gets passed along to itself
Cycles black or ultraviolet

We need to come together and act weird
Drawn and quartered by gleaming cities
Like an ancient Picasso beneath rubble that's not here yet
Nothing will happen,
It will be fantastic.

Most of these poems are like TV static
Echoes in my brain
Sometimes a crisp flower unfolds from within.
When I set out to write something of substance
Then you will know what I mean

You have the power to condemn the writhing innocents,
Be careful with it,
Please.

I don't know what to do with my body.
Clumsy along, I battle when it's time to battle and drink when it's time to drink
No sure future ahead, I sing a song.

My brain is being quartered by four horses
I'm trying to bring the kingdom come but it won't fit
It's time for action, I muster it down
And to some thing commit

If I really meant it, I'd sit and plan
And cut down weeks precisely
And I think I will,
I'll sharpen my sword.
I think it'll turn out nicely.

And even if everything fell,
It was the most graceful fall there ever was
Eyes were woven from nothing
And teeth ripped open flesh
It lay bleeding in streets
Hollowed out in seconds' time
Though what is not already hollow I'll never know.

But if the heart of my heart is a void I felt the caress of everything,
And life and language fell between my arms
And clarity never eluded me once
And not a piece of everything, but the whole thing came to me
Once exactly,
And its curvature and shapes will be lost forever, but not right now

Because I am here, exercising this pen
Beware Satan of my great ictus, for I am 24 and virile
I am not low but I am an obscure celebrity
And so are you

I am angry, frustrated with the legal system.
You uphold negative laws
You let people's lives become dilapidated out of ignorance and poor governance,
You hurt my outlook on the world but I am a lucky one
I am lucky to possess the traits I do
I rebel against the depression you have perhaps ignorantly set on my back

And my anger does not disqualify me from being reasonable, there are good reasons I am upset with them.

But it was the most graceful fall, even if I became derailed
Eyes were woven from nothing
I was born in a place called America
It was confusing and loud
It all exploded before I was born
It grabbed me by the ankle
It put handcuffs on me
It threw me in a jail cell and said **** it up kid
It said maybe that's why you changed,
It lauded itself on its court program perched atop a broken system
It labeled me a criminal and poisoned my future.
But it was the most graceful fall,
There were good people and hospitality
Doctors and good cops, good moments
There was an Earth with humans and they breathed and felt the world with human detail inside their impossible minds
There were corrections made, hard to take but right for everyone in the end

I didn't try to be an *******,
It just happened,
But I fixed it,
And now I want my money
And a big bag of ****.

Sin is water
Hence, my ****** reflection
From the same bath comes love
Always in need of another.

But it's all just moving parts--

I've tried to imbue myself with science
But stability won't fit
My raw form rebels against its own reason
I become discouraged,
My head falls.

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
All the way down.

My missed marks are red,
I can't wash them off
My stupid face sags in the mirror slow,
I hold myself accountable.

To understand and err so much is frustrating
But to be the man on the cusp has been exhilarating
I may never be the white foam of the wave but I was the water at the base...
And it crashed down on pride and wiped my life all away.

That's a way crazy feeling,
When you burp.

The sound is born in the tension of a string
But what holds it tight is just a dream
And the echo tells me sweetly

I, too, must be a conduit
As dear to You as anything is
There's a deep, profound Incongruence
Between the inside and the Out

But no, I think there mustn't be
Because sometimes I feel numb.
And others, gush emotion for the
Ever-loving sun

And everything is as it should,
Unbalanced but for one
And on and on until my pretty
Chamber song is done

I
Am
Mentally
Ill

Nature is oil in rainwater pools
A man in a suit
Makes aggressive moves
Nature is construction worker food
And steel beam bones going past the window

Nature is farms and farms of farms
Nature is a 5 o clock alarm
Nature is resplendent in the penthouse
Nature starved the young child.

Nature is the best that we can be,
Nature is hanging from a tree.
Nature is the sound of rock and roll
Nature is a steaming casserole,

What organization, I ask
Are we supposed to take?
What optimization leaves our lives
At best stake?
I seek harmony in love and science,
In mathematics and love
Because I see what they're doing in my world
And I have to say,
They are not running it as best as they could,
They just ******* AREN'T.

Despondent
Whirring environment
Crestfallen eyes
Second layer,
Eyes of fire
But beneath
I don't know what I'm doing here

The touch is nice
But the feel won't stay
I'm just gonna
Float today, don't wanna
Dig too deep
Where the problems lie
Hide and let it
Pass me by

*******.

I know what I'm up against
I'll build this pillar here
And pull up that one there
And I'll put that dome on top

That's what I see in a rose, anyway.

It isn't a rose,
But the complex flavor of a world that would decide a rose is a good symbol for love
Cultivate it, grow it, chop it at the stem
Sell it in flower shops and grocery stores
For lovers to buy
Who think it a sweet thing to bring someone a rose
It shows you care
It shows you are willing to go the extra mile for them

Especially when you have no money

It's *****.
Dirt under your fingernails, washed down the shower drain
In time for one of those events where you have to look perfect
Maybe it's a wedding
With precious metals drawn from the raw crag of Earth
And made into rings and put around the finger,
As part of a strange ritual but love still exists and it's what keeps us together

The human operation
Unholy truths
The utilitarian view
The evolutionary science of empathy,
Collectivism, tribe.

The philosophy of love,
Indomitable.
The crooked trident of justice,
Did any artist ever render it right?
Knowing has changed us
The unknown is what keeps us tethered

Tethered to insanity,
Which must have something to do with death
The open-ended
Freedom
Anarchy
Indecision,
Erasure.

Will I ever pour my blood from botched and sloppy urns
Into refined and ornate pottery?
My complex-smelling potpourri,
The exhibitions left by those great artists of history.

Grandiose. That's what they call a sense of self-importance
When your **** don't measure up
We have different views, and whose is skewed?
Of my little stream of blood.

They found Bach dusty and dead
Some ink long dried of a brilliant head
Will I ever have anything to show for it,
Was I a master of craft?

Or does death make me daft?

Where'd all the sunshine go?
My life has gone flat and weak
My eyes peer out
Flickering, bleak
I scrawl these words as on the inside of a cell wall
A cell I'll never leave

The law is heavy and wrong
The world is a rolling machine
Just watch your neck
And lucky is
A hand that stays clean

But what about me?
I've tried and tried and now I'm tired
Older than my years
I just don't know if I have the strength
To really pierce my fears

I can't sink down into safety
Deep inside my bones
Lay them in a pile on the floor,
But I have to pick them up
Learn to be a bones virtuoso
Inject the muscles with blood,
And stir the music up.

Restart my brain, let it bleed the right way
I'm unraveling fate from the palette of myself
But to sit in stagnant color,
I have learned that is a waste.
It is not safe,
Though I languidly love the taste.

When you're crazy
Those ideas
Seem pretty
Important to you.

Cold
With a ring of warmth
Tell you the truth
I don't even care
Gotta be strong
It won't even hurt
If I don't even care
That's the way these things go
It never ends well.

You have a way with words
They flash and they burn
Like little fireworks
But are they true to your flesh
Do they follow each turn,
Every beat of your heart
From the meat of your life?

You can ripple the air
From your lips to my ears,
With a dazzling flair
And your syllables dear
But the strategy's stale
I have tasted it often
I prefer we
Simplified.

Promises may show a glowing intent
Apologies-- promises late on their rent.
But
I want to know what it is that you meant
So I say: away with words

.

How far does a ripple reach?
Over the water, the edge of the pond
Up the tree trunk and into every dimension...

Nothing is secret
Until it reaches my heart's lake
And my mind realizes impermanence.

That is how far your love touches me--
All over my body we're singing your song
Me and all my cells,
And all their organelles.

We push and we pull god in different directions
We freeze and we thaw with the winter's spring
But when your waves touch me that certain way,
I'm inclined to call it love.

Let's stop smoking cigarettes
Their weak high is not worth the cancer
Nor their flimsy little hooks,
Let's stop wasting time we know
Would be better spent
On a better life
Let's stop taking candy
And start a better diet
Let's stop all the things
We know we should stop.

Twilight man
Follows and leads
Thinks and is thought
Fights and is fought

He's wrestling demons
They come in waves

Sunlight came
And went down the drain
But he's fixing the hole
And it's making him smile

The silver ball sits serene by chance
The same size as the sun
What an interesting dance
Twilight man.
Takes strength from his stance
And he's saving his age with grace

I remember the mental clinic
In my teens and early twenties
You could call it the millenial clinic, too
Cause you know how we do

Check yourself in

I remember how I rammed my father's car
With the one he bought me
I remember being that disease
Chalking it all up to a cheat

I remember breaking things in anger
Breaking things in anger
Breaking things in anger
Train station night
Running over someone's car
Going back to sleep
Knowing I'm wrong

I remember the county jail
*****, terrifying
Stay away from me
I'm not the one you want
I can't sleep

I remember the sting of defeat

Piggy back ride
Over the mud
When I was the rain
The dirt that I changed

Well it was alright
I was insane
You were so kind
To stay, and you stayed

Rain on my mind
Can't stop the rain
Won't stop the rain,
I stayed and I stayed

You understood,
I kept it at bay
You were my hero
Again and again.

My dog doesn't know what he's barking at.
He just heard a noise and jumped right up to the bay window of my living room--
Started filling some biological urge to yelp and yelp and yelp

His world is full of couch and television and sliding door
An artificial dharma, chance's domesticate
We have put the love and fear of Machiavelli into him,
We have given him the distilled wisdom of Pavlov.

But I love Marko (and Riley), and even though I'm a cruelly confounded master I love them as best as I can--
I give them pets and snuggles and treats
And keep them out of the street.

(Riley keeps ******* in my bathroom... so I have to tell him no.)

I don't always know what I'm barking at either
Sometimes the TV whispers things and I was already born with a brimming, buzzing head...
Sometimes I feel bug-eyed and frustrated with myself
Sometimes I feel I'm living the mundane life of a dog

But I'm not a dog, I'm a human
And a rather lucky one at that--
I get to pick up the broken pieces of a life crashed to the side of the road
I get to feel the depth of love and wield this great resilience
Caught in the middle, anxious to explain myself
And obsessed with self-awareness
But I will live this life and let it go with grace--
I will face the world and hallow this space.

Your mild eyes take up the entire sky
It twinkles hazel and your hair hangs down
It is the trees and forest animals
Your body is lakes and lakes of love
Your mind is behind it all
Urging my heart to beat,
Beat stronger
Run harder
Trust muscles to take weight
And know I'm in a sacred place

When your hands reach up to hold my head,
I'm a string of the universe being plucked
I was sitting there,
Waiting to be played
Alive to be part of some beautiful melody
And you play me like piano keys
You strum my heart like a guitar

The cathedral bricks evolved
Now they glow up our faces
The clergy and the ruling class
And those in
lower places

...

I know
What I am
Please don't assume
I don't.

Approbation pours from one cup to another, STOP
You can cut the line with a word or a motion
Like a knife
It's the social flow
It gets disrupted and it goes

But what about the chemicals we learned about?
The hard science distilled from a million dissections
How does it make you feel
To realize everything is just a mechanism?

Strange.

And yet to be the one driving the machine stirs the same kind of emotion,
Evokes the same sense of dearness that it always has
Because no science can bring up the ultimate root
No exacto knife can extirpate the meaning of everything--

Oh, but it can.
An art was born of the wind,
And every no one knows what it means
We still rustle in the atmosphere,
Ultraviolet and weird
Gathered here in an advanced development
Protruding into the universe like an odd fruit

For now this is what everything meant,
And who knows what else
We work with the same old tools
To get the same old thrills
And we like it,
It makes a sound.

Clunky
Awkward
Approximately
Poetry

I see everything
And it
Is perfect.

Trust me, I am your death
I will never betray you
I will lead where you will go
You will follow, you will follow

Have faith in me, I am your life
I am hollowed out music
Filled with nescient glory

I could be acting behind your head
But it's the price you pay for having eyes

I could be moving very fast
But you will not know where I am
I could be right here,
But you won't know my momentum.

You know there is a horizon line around your sight,
I am what lies beyond it
You are folded up
Into the palm of your own hand
And you're responding.

Pieces of you
Floating on by the window
Carried off by a stranger
Alien thanks and abuse
Pieces of you

Pieces of you
Casting leaves to the sunlight
Making love by the moon
Steeping blood in your tissues
Pieces of you

And stripped away you are nothing
Cause everything was a stranger
What's the use of a science
What's the point of a person

Pieces of you
Broken off, they were scattered
Someone said it was clean
But clean
Is just an organism in your mind.

Pieces of you
They're refined by miracles
Those golden notes of perfect melody
Somewhere inside

And at its center was nothing
Maybe God is a stranger
Where's the love of the artist?
O, the point of a person!

If I could I'd take my brain out with a hook and wring it free of its ineptitude,
Make it a clear and solid structure
Massage it until it forgives itself
And it lights up as a single torch inside of my head

But right now the fires are several and disparate
As arcs of potential course through flesh
And I am left feeling crazy and tired.

Damming this dysfunctional soup are my wide, brown eyes
Doe-like and lapping at everything.

After it rains,
The water is muddy.

But on a beautiful day,
I guess it is clear.

My sinews are torn,
My veins a pulp
A mess of hair and fragments of skull

I did this myself
I wanted to be
A human once,
You disagreed.

But you and I, we curled into
A single string
And pulled it through
We're one and two
And three and more
We're everything
And ever more.

And strange arrived up to a stop
Here riding on a moment's top
Abstracted, pinned onto the wall
Life became
Something odd
That's all

Look around you
Other people have already lived their lives
And you are just watching them unfold
When their light touches your eyes
It is already old

Everything in the universe is like that,
All radiating out of your skull
But no it isn't--
Well, do you mean to be dead?
Or do you not consider yourself whole,

Interesting.

You are the only one alive,
You possess a great now
You are walking through a graveyard
You are making a sound.

You are telling me this
From your animate grave
I was living for something
Would that ever I save.

When you're not making sense,
You're just making faded shapes.

When reality feels dim,
When you waste away.

But I bare solid truths
On the day-to-day

And I summon your life
And it tastes great.

But if Sisyphus drew
An orthogonal tube,

Then he would be free
Of his terrible doom.

And that is what
I intend to do,

Alive in my youth
Could I be your muse?

But

Maybe I'll age
And I'll be too old

And they won't pay attention
And I'll have to fold

But other arts sing
Just as true, with less face

And I'll wield art again
And forge a new grace.

How many secrets do we walk past every day?
Sinched off pockets of life,
Their contents affect the cosmos
Like invisible knives.

With just a word or a couple flicks of the finger,
You can reorient the stars
And all the sailors in your tiny sea will start to sail by them...

Ah, but the stars were scattered anyway
And it's good to sail the sea
I never navigated anywhere
'Th no knife turned on my e'e

///

So if only for the thrill
I pull back the skin from my neck
And bear my jugular to the world
Only holding back decisively,
Always wanting to tell you
Everything.

Everything must pour in from a strange place,
Frothing there,
Bubbling and beating there
Making music in my head
That feels too dear.

Even happiness is laced with death,
Even when it isn't felt
But pooling up inside this man's life was a pretty fortune
Even just looking around.

But why so honed in on him?
I struggle to understand the specificity of consciousness
What the simplex truly is,
And what belies duality.

How I got here

The strange places have meaning to the human.

My emotions swell in my head
Evolutionary tools
Hollowed out by sharp Cerebrus
Leaving me feeling raw and ashamed

But alive

And thankful

So let's get along,
Let's love each other.

Let's make this as easy and good a thing as it can be.

Now we see
We were just silly monkeys

And now
We are something else
Something paler
Something clicked
And we will never be the same again.

Oh, what a terrible fate awaits our future kin
My heart aches and swoons to think of them
My love goes out to them...

We will all have to die some day
Let's paint with color,
Let's kiss from the marrow.

Along something we call entropy,
I wonder what else there can be.
This feels good, but I don't know why.
The sky the sky the eye and why

In a perfect life,
She'd only betray you after your last breath
And it's hard to be mad when you're dead.

That's the best perspective to have on life,
Dissolution of the ego--
I know there are things difficult to behold
But that's the world you grew into,
And how will you meet it?
She wants to know

And so do you.

We lose our tempers inside her
She digests each mess for what it is
But sometimes I just think--
I'll save it for my dying day.

The cumulative experience wells up in the eye
Somehow the embrace of a mother,
The strain of your labors,
The leaving of a lover,
The connection of a song,
All become saltwater.

Antipoet
Lazily directing words on a screen
They half describe life and it bothers him
What does his life mean

Sure I'm trying like an average guy tries,
Lost in the plot of the whiniest generation yet
But sometimes we appreciate the edge cut by my physiology and mind chemicals...

Sometimes.

Do you watch me like I ask you to?
Do you really record everything I do?
I doubt it, maybe you do
I don't practice the way I should on guitar
I let it bleed and when it's ready it bleeds well
I strain to be amazing and when I am robust my blood is rose petals
All folded up to the crown of my mind
In a node of epitome

Then the default mode goes awry again and what I am seeing is oddly supported by a crude cranium

I was a sort of genius
In a way
*******,
I love you so
There is so much more on the way

I'm digging through cold mud,
Looking for things I can use to fix my life.

My hands get feeble,
They shake...
But my heart keeps shooting warm blood to my fingers
And the muscles,
They take.

I'm still digging when I pull my hands from the yard
And stop to contemplate.
My mind is digging at the sky
Through memories,
Through itself,
To the end,
I am
The definite Why.

Through crowds of people
And promiscuous Time
Through hard countenance
And slippery slime
Through the cold hard mud
And the loathsome grime
I am digging for merit--
My reason and rhyme.

Pull up on the throttle
Pull up!
I feel my belly racking the forest
Terrible noises emit from behind
And once again
The wings and physics and might buy my escape
From the terrible tragedy
Of another mental collapse.

Suffocation suicide
Buffet, station, carry
Love meant suffocation
Love meant suicide

Reaching through the misery
An acid sludge
For a piece of psychological jewelry
Love and physics,
Love and science.

But rejoice, life is cheap!
It fell into your hands.
Marvel at the way it moves
Or move to be the marvel.

Running mad
A heist of heart
The cold hard wind
That runs your cheeks raw red

Too much luck,
A spinning head

A fumbled pass,
Fingernails
The heart I stole
A washed-up model's
Full tank of fast food
And cigarettes.

A cloudy break
Then music came
The city stood
Unshaken there
A capillary
A runner's cheek
A single cell
The sanguine beat

People will touch them with profound love
For the strength of the species
For addition to tacit legend

The love of onus
Making raw the back
Gritting the teeth--
It gives you meaning
To water her garden
With the sweat of your brow

And charity's caress
Was the marvel of your eye--
And considering a passerby
We went along with brimming hearts
We tried to make
A work of art!

Well you have wild eyes
But they're stuck in your skull
Touched by a world
They're forced to call home
Imprisoned in this aquarium
Where the fish all ****
Then I swear to God
I'm over it

When a part of me breaks loose
Traipsing through the woods
Or in my room,
And I'm reminded I'm an animal
And I stare down my
Umbilical cord, musing

That's when I feel the most alive.

But the jungle's grown
Computed edges
The people make
Nocturnal pledges
To the moon
Under the starry night
What fight is won
By its hairy law?

It gives me wild eyes,
Wild eyes that blink the time away
Because they don't want to believe!
They don't want to believe that this is my life.