I am like your moth in a streetlight's riptide
At both 40-hour jobs all week
Breaking my back just to make things matter
But not in the way you'd like

You always said,
"Get outta here."
In your fanfare
Of incompatibility

Specifically once,

I came home where the expectations should've been low
You were strange, so strange
Criticizing everything i did
Giving me your opinion on every decision
And always complaining about everyone

After four and a half months of working two full time jobs
And putting up with the abrasiveness you're blind to
When I stopped wanting to talk to you, you hobbled up to me and said,
"Oh. Hi. I forgot you even live here."

Yeah, because I work 80 ******* hours a week,
And I can't buy Ramen noodles without you whispering to a housemate:
"Weird. I don't understand why you wouldn't just season them yourself, but whatever you like to do."

At least it wasn't in that boomy, loud-woman's voice.

I can't talk about requesting off four days in June (it's February)
Without you saying, "so you're taking off four days from your jobs to get paid to work at a convention? hmm. all I'm saying is you gotta think about balancing fun with work. I can't imagine you've accrued vacation time yet."

And yes when I moved out you wanted money for the glass top stove which was not damaged which you welcomed four people to use as much as they wanted which I would not use much and went to my parent's house to make food because you just made me uncomfortable when I used your kitchen.

But I couldn't complain because technically, you were nice.

And never made me talk to you

And you wanted money for the drier which had some ink inside the drum which has since dried and the dryer functions perfectly.

And you wanted money for the damages you said were most likely in the room.

It's time to walk away from you. No, you were strange.
No, I don't trust a stranger.

Child, I am so scared of you
Cherubic though you are
It's cherubs who hold power
And regard in heaven's mind

Their ripples disregarded
As infants' silly games
But could they be like butterflies
Who brewed up storms of shame?

But still eternal walls shine on
Within their painted cheeks
The fortresses of youth and joy
That Hilbert's dragon seeks!

The only reason that they are
Compounds itself in them
And that they are regards itself
Until we come undone

Your hair grows so aggressively
Your teeth are coming in
Child, I am so scared of you
And for you, and for kin


Lay down your head
And dream sweet dreams,
Give yourself tifereth

I love you so deeply
Not impossibly
Dream yourself something good.

.

Michael's secret curse
Is to live by not living
Doesn't want to admit
We can give by not giving
Or find fault in presumptive
Associations
If you wasted your youth
Well of course we waited

Because my value derives
From a forced kind of tension
Never get what you want
They discourage the mention
Of the flaw in your heart
We all see but conspire
To call something art
So there's **** to admire

She's in labor,
You can tell.
This dream is set free by death
Because only through death can there be definition,
A terminus.

Pangs of fear,
Not work not hapless
But somewhere in between
Where they lay in the experience.

You can tell you're about to be born,
That it's on the other side
That it fills itself and spills and repeats like a swiveling bucket

That good enough for eternity is a terrible thing to be.

Love is real love is real love is real

You have a digestive quality
You move through time
Like a worm
Eating itself

Do I mean that?
Are you me?
Did i give myself layers I have yet to attain?

I hate you for not loving me the way I love myself

I hate you for that

I hate you

No.

I will not craft beautiful language about daisies and daffodils
Weaving abstract and concrete realities

I will continue on my existential path

I will not provide a respite from these horrible worries I have

That is what you do
For me

I am a writer in turmoil.

I will keep thrashing in this way until I die.

SOMETIMES I will snap out of my coma
And enjoy writing about the way it's just beautiful
Something else
Something descriptive and nice

I honestly feel bad for writing things like that song
'I can't do this anymore'

But no.

I have turned into myself
Like an incel--
And I hate you for not loving me the way i love myself

I hate you for it.

I hate you.

I hate you for that.

And from the center of her warm tumor
She calls out,
I know this is a lie!

A dull thud is heard in the distance by us all.

Is she going to keep doing that?

Yes, until the day she dies
With periods of profound silence.

And she never forgives herself
Or at intervals she does,
For all her incessant complaining
I tried really hard.

This is getting difficult
Like walking through curing concrete.

They find their way in,
Though you feel protected at times the shadow versions of umbrellas open up under your skin
And you feel them
The prolific good becomes the prolific horror
Maybe we
Just shouldn't be so prolific...

Ah, to hell with that.
I'll take what I can
And let's find out when.

AH! TO HELL WITH THAT!
I KNOW HOW THIS GOES AND I HATE IT!
SOMEONE-- WAIT NO ONE-- HELP ME!

And So this is how she lives her life
Always aware
Of what she is doing
And there is this thick awkwardness between us
We are not cool
We are fake when we want to be real
And all too real when we wanna be fake
And Jesse Lacey is always cooing in our ears
And they always crop up just like that and there's nothing you can do
And oh, you know what you are

You can't prove what you know
And yes even so
They will still continue to treat you that way

(And when you really go to think of it, shouldn't they?)

Don't fall for it!
The needy were never abandoned.
Or, "God is good"
Reckless faith got me here
An abomination
Conflating two different realities
Crafting an argument as if they were synonyms and yet,

There is something to that.
Some impossibility, deep down beneath everything
That drives not just Satan but God himself into wrath
And perhaps
Both are capable of both
And mercy says unto herself,
"Oh, get a room!"
And dies, resting on her inverted pedestal,
Blessed be her name.

Your eyes got blended up
Mixed into the slurry
Though they float now in that guarded moat
That keeps me safe and blurry.

Lensed through yourself, the trees
Are being told they've sinned?
Escape your definition.
(you) Change the state you're in.

Or does the state control me?
Tell me what you see...
A mix with solid edges--
Were they meant to be?

Win streak for the home team,
I chew it deep beneath my flesh
Digging little tunnels in my own bones

At least
We will use the flash expansion
To keep you cool in the summertime
Although, I can't promise it'll stay that way forever.

I bet you're wondering
How all those people got there...

Just kidding, you already know,
Don't you?

I'm puzzled at you.
This is the afterlife,
And we already knew.

But you still...
I don't know.
We are just separate forces.

I know you read that we'll become enemies,
Your last poem is an attempt to "squiggle that out"

I really can't get over how crazy you are.

How crazy you've always been.

And by rule it will start "making sense"
But only because it consolidates.

From my angle, you never make sense really.
But it always does.
The logos of us.

I mean, it's obvious. We've done it before.
No, we're not dead, Stop asking.

Well, sorta.

But I don't say that to you in public for a reason,
I mean I love you.
I mean take that as you will.

I mean, read whatever you want.

Anyway, I will protect you...
Uh, whatever  you are...
Until the day we both die.
And we will "die" together.
I guess I'll die first.
But it's really kind of at the same time.

Hailing yourself the great wizard above all creation,
Assuming yourself humble and
Adding it
To your list of accomplishments
Gracing me with just enough to keep me fed
Devoting your whole identity to my sense of well-being
And yet,
Being a separate being from me

Barring me from realities,
Many of which were extremely positive and exclusive,
NOT JUST BEING the result of emergence, no
ACTUALLY BEING that thing, that's just life, as you say
It's not just a result of universal forces but it just exists that way and I have to accept it

I'm shaking my clenched fist at you,
Michael.

What splinter in my neck
Woke me up today and said
I need to chase you
Around this whole **** world?

I should have stayed in bed,
Cause you told me that i'm dead
Don't want to chase you, chase you
Around this whole **** world.

I'm on a killing spree,
Don't think I'll ever change.
Set my feelings free
And keep them in a cage
So make me believe
I'll spend it all on rage
(In a moment)

I've lost everything before
And I don't remember how
But it's coming back to me right now

If my choice is to use force
Then I'm feeling disavowed
Cause it's coming back to me right now.

Don't want to ruin you,
I just have a creeping feeling
The way you look at me lately
Just takes me off guard

Cause I've never been okay
Always causing problems
And you're making me feel so included.

But I'm underneath,
Some things just never change
I keep wondering
How is it not deranged
To say i believe
When it's obviously strange
(I need warning)

I've lost everything before
And I don't remember how
But it's coming back to me right now

If my choice is to use force
Then I'm feeling disavowed
Cause it's coming back to me right now.

THE WRONG ICE IS MELTING
THE WRONG AMAZON IS BURNING

THEY PLAYED THE WRONG BABY BOY THE WHOLE TIME
BRAVO 11 LEADS THE WAY

I think it's funny how we've always been here but you just can't reconcile me.
How can you have such bitterness for me and not yourself,
If you have angel's eyes to see?

And I guess you'll say i just don't understand.
Or that I couldn't possibly understand.
Or that I do understand and that's what you don't like about me.

Oh, just know...
You are my cash cow until we run out of money
Then I'll still be drinking milk and honey
When I delude myself in tasting my own blood.

Because you make me so uncomfortable
And that is the work that feels so functional
Until the winds die down
Or the world explodes
And you're a cyst that's lost in time
The collected stone of our resentment for one another
And the way it has to be.

Always give your very best,
From your heart's hot furnace
To the depths of that gaping maw.

Through the rivers of the Earth,
And with these lumps of clay rolling around
Collecting bits of metal
Shaping themselves
Drinking it all in
Before the cycle completes.

Your very best draws in resentment like a magnet
Accusations taking flight like vile birds
Like proverbial pigs next to age-old idioms,
Because it escapes understanding

Except by you,
As you try obviously to craft
Another excuse...!

Ugly girl,
Twist your eyes in the mirror to see beauty--
Do a contrivance dance
Like a stimming autistic kid
And be taken off guard by reality
And laugh, and laugh or cry.

But the hornbeams are immune to your endless pondering
I know you've already felt like you were about to die
Many times
Just by thinking about it
Yes, I know it's scary
Sadly there is nothing I can do

Not much more than we can do for Jesus.

But you are cousins with a narwhal.
And you know your blood is technicolor phlogiston.
And your disappointment breeds joy
And you can't snap the Earth in half with your mind.

The brightest star in the sky
Is the last dim ember of the universe
If you held it in the palm of your hand it'd feel cold

My point is, you don't know what awesome is.
You don't understand how mundane irritation
Translates to the most luscious secrets of the universe.

You could never measure up to them.
Check your scoff,
Enlist your end.

And yes, it also goes the other way around

I am always thinking,
A soul just died for that?
In every frame of life
And feel ashamed for the smallness
Or the selfishness
Of that moment.

But I should not be so ashamed,
Because my life is round.
I am one thing,
And the insignificant is necessary with the scope.
I die for the significant, the significant becomes insignificant,
and the reverse is also true.

In fact I am not ashamed at all of anything,
Though I have read sacred texts that tell me I cannot hide my shame
I do not have shame
Because I am everything that is real
Ego results cancel the ego (natural and necessary, though charged with ego, paid in full).

That's not a way.

Looking in your crystal eyes,
I see the weight imbued by darkness.

You are such a fragile thing.
You have nothing to complain about.

Between your skeleton and skin there's muscle
Between your ears there's a whole lotta nothing.

In your belly is a baby,
And in your hand there are red roses.

So kiss, kiss my skin
And therein find an end
We'll straddle every paradox
And keep it warm, warm, warm.

Kiss, kiss my skin
It's better than the infinite
And it's never gonna hurt you, babe
We'll find another way

So shoot your guns into the sky.

your hands were sometimes rough
and others soft,
divining our connection
and diving into the universe

you were always working out ways
to deal with the black hole that was me.

i know what you are.
you are made of impossible shapes
the intersection of many angels
the forces of the universe conspiring against themselves
to get a human state.

oh, you're always falling into human ways!

so, what is it then?
leave paradox alone... or no,
just don't!
keep picking at that lilac sweater
until we're just fuzzies on the floor
then get up, go out, drive your car to the store.

see, you love me.
see, we'll be okay.

and when you can only find songs about yesterday
i will make us new again,
though i can't promise
you will love me that way.

A lot of frantic terrible things about me,
Alleging that I'm heinous
Striking stigma down into my heart's core.

Then i collapse inside and it shows through,
Some demons circle around smiling,
They have exchanged words about my low state.

They don't mean anything,
The words she says,
As even right now in a skinny state of enjoyment I am aware
That is the place I am always pulling from.

The pain caused by those words and that energy
Are the teeth gnawing into my flesh
The same teeth that masticate, digest and drop their payload
Into the state of affairs right now
Where i am able to enjoy things.

But I refuse to believe that.
It is a false association,
And enjoyment stands alone
And terrible things stand alone,
You do not necessarily have to make a causal connection.

However you see that kind of logic in a lot of things we base our lives around,
And life would be crazy without that kind of logic.

The sum total of the parts
Does not miss the parts it does not lack.

Kissed on all sides by love's rainbow
Featuring ribbons of music who mention the emptiness of love,
Are you okay?

No.

Everything has changed.

It's hard when you come into the world
And all your decisions are ready to be made,
But something is very sternly saying you make your own decisions,
And all the lines of spirit have one loaded,
Ready to tell you what is what.

You may think that you hate entropy,
But it's all
We have
To build on

And you might think you're not a killer,
And you'd be right
Until you
Include me

Cause I got teeth in every dimension
And all these ghosts come back
To haunt me

And every angel is friends with a demon
And every pastry here deceives me

We are what we were always going to be--
At the present moment predeterminism and its holy foil are suspended
I choose the same moment I was always going to choose but yes
Someone does have to choose it.

But you are disinterested,
My death drive saps the fun right out of it
But the Romans are listening
And they know their word quantum has made it to the final stage
In ways they never would have guessed
Do you think they crave a return to their former glory?

My eyes are just mousetraps
Covered in sweat
Mouth full of cottonballs and teeth are cracked

A beautiful dame
A tres jolie femme

Stuck in the world,
My identity lysed
We go on living with organs in the sky

My guts stretched all around me like Saturn's rings

My jeans and shirt are stuffed full of straw
When I breathe, which way does it go?

My metabolism set the western sky ablaze
All conforming to my gaping maw;
Smoke rose up to the moon
And the moon shone down on you.

Rotten wood makes a good home for the oyster mushrooms
Wood that tastes the heterotrophic delight
Wood that was already dead,
Long ago
So you are not a parasite.

Not a nightmare,
Not all the time.

The fire outside your window isn't reaching
It is there,
And triangles became water
With the tangle of currents returning to silence.

.
One of those songs
that starts with the stripped down chorus:

Where does your power come from?
You are what you are not
Sometimes
Or is it just as simple
As everything you've got?
I'm taking you up on something
I think I might regret
But I'll flex my perspective,
Pretend I just forget.

And then power chords
Leading into a picked verse

You've got the heart
To color everything
The red pill makes me geek
Out but I
Held my breath til I turned purple
Now going ultraviolet
And my life looks pretty weird
But I feel alright!

Tbnc

Puppeteers all vying for
Their own attention
Felt and buttons
Wearing all their threads apart

Giapetto made himself a pretty, wooden shelf
Can you imagine being forced to be yourself?

The ache in my heart is the pulling of roots
Finding sustenance in my vulnerable cracks
Distending my veins and expanding my horizons

Rhizomes shoot from my eyes
No, i am not a potato
As I watch myself grow i find myself beautiful and horrifying
At various intervals
From various angles

Harmony starts to assimilate with dissonance
Like my passions and their dissolution
Like your face and my death

But heuristic flies in the face of contradiction.
There is some magic in the tips of your fingers
Like the corpuscles of Descartes
Wielding that potent blend of chaos and order

Eleven years have graced my back
Hands that wove such intimate passions
Which evolve and now present
Children greivously injured by birth
Or otherwise hurt (if you believe in choices)

Because you are my total paradigm
Even though i rarely think about you
To be honest
You are the massage in the walls of random rooms
Trying to ignite good feeling in a shattered mind
You are the smile of a plastered moon.

You are the taste of

Can I use this for a selfless feeling?
State, no, feeling, state, no, feeling

Honey thoughts that forgo hives
I'm about as straight as Lincoln drive

And this is how I'd naturally be
And we'd always find love and hate for me

Money talks and forgets lies
And savage judgments kiss the skies

I just sit there and gush for my 'enemies' sometimes.

(You know something's coming for you)

Your eyes and voice are like perfect medicine for my soul,
Like **** you hit such pretty notes

(You're just telling lies all the time)

You lead by example, pushing against adversity
With bravery and confidence

(There are no excuses for you now)

You endeavor to feel something, anything
And from the outside it looks beautiful
It's incredible

Flying past infinity,
I couldn't stop my tracks
Her black hair said too late
She was a matter of fact
Not just the relationship
That I have with myself
But someone who loves me
And wants to help

But I could see past you
And endeavored to stay
And cursed that endeavor
In conspicuous ways
Because you couldn't help me
And though you tried
I had better plans in mind.

I abandoned your heart
On Kiss-me-Not rock
It said thanks for your service
We're now out of stock

I wish I loved you like I should
But I'm a darkened soul
With a heavy heart
This curse I cannot bear

I wish that I could set you right
And keep you warm on every side
But there's nothing I can do
And you
Don't want.

Don't wanna hear it from ME,
I'll be the yoni to your blade
I'll be the sickness in your heart
That feeling
You can't bury 'til your living soul departs
I'll be the shadow in your eyes
Providing contrast to the skies
I'll ****
Every last drop of venom from you.

I wish that I could take this well
But I've got awful news to tell
I gotta spin it like it's good
I gotta feel it in my heart

I wish that you could set me straight
But I was always just a kook
Regrettably, but you
Don't want.

Don't wanna hear it from ME,
I'll be the test site of your bombs
I'll be the blossom of awareness
That knowing
You try to swallow but you've just become your death
But you're still here and grateful now
But what if someone figures out...
I'm ******
Take the last drop of venom from me now!

heavy minor breakdown with thick, slow guitar

I feel damaged,
I feel whole
I'm not with you
I've deceived my soul

Take no pity
Take a pound
I'm all too willing to go down, down
Down, down...

But you--

Don't wanna hear it from me
I'll be the re-posIT-ory
For every finalized sensation
I'll be the broker i'll forsake you
It shouldn't matter if it's forced
Forced to seal the deal
Because you have to live with that
And my god, it just ain't right

And im just making sick excuses

When will you see that nothing's wrong?
I know you think the notion stark,
But why are all your words so dark,
When your whole world is full of light?

We are alive and doing fine
I've learned to read between the lines
My comprehension comes and goes
Just like the sand between my toes

Yes the shadows are woven in
Only they're not woven
They're more like tears
That was my pride, I'm sorry
I let it get the best of me.
There's nothing to say,
Only to live this to the end.

And we will always be friends

Nothing is perfect, I know that
I only live in the present tense
The hardest sensation gets us there
But I'll never feel prepared

And even if you cast me out
I will always be okay
Here in your patient tender heart
The worst of it has not come today

Yes the shadows are woven in
Only they're not woven
They're more like tears
That was my pride, I'm sorry
I let it get the best of me.
There's nothing to say,
Only to live this to the end.

And we will always be friends

I know I seem cruel from this vantage
There isn't much that I can do
Or I could try, but I'd eventually run out
And that just never works for you

The universe can be a cold place
I didn't know it was just me
Until we ran into those problems
But we don't have problems
Nothing is broken
We're doing fine
I swear we're alright

Yes the shadows are woven in
Only they're not woven
They're more like tears
That was my pride, I'm sorry
I let it get the best of me.
There's nothing to say,
Only to live this to the end.

And we will always be friends

Now I've gone off the deep end

Mercury,
Or Gabriel
Melt into the sun.

Laid down my life
I always die
By the time your message comes!

The singers on your sacred stage
Their gilded voices praise!
In sick lament
That honest vent
Without my agency.

Head south (head south)
Sweet Gabriel
And give your message to..
The honest one
Who swings the sun
Around his head and truth

Head south! Head south,
And watch your mouth
The northern lights are just
Delusions of
Your dying mind
Do treat them like they're real.

Apollo just
Stopped by this place
About an hour ago

And Artemis
With a well aimed kiss
Has pursed her Cupid's bow

The sun does shine with a stranger right
Than it did yesterday
The thinnest slice of your promised death
They crushed you into rays

Head south (head south)
Sweet Gabriel
And give your message to..
The honest one
Who swings the sun
Around his head and truth

Head south! Head south,
And watch your mouth
The northern lights are just
Delusions of
Your dying mind
Do treat them like they're real.

I WILL NOT BE YOUR SAVIOR
I WILL JUST BE ANOTHER
I AM PERPENDICULAR
NO FORCE CAN EVER HELP IT

AND THAT MEANS YOU CANT JUST WANT
TO BE-E A GOOD PERSON
THE SYSTEM LET YOU THINK IT
BUT IT WAS A SUSPENSION

OR I COULD BE YOUR SAVIOR
BUT THAT IS JUST A VERSION
DON'T MIND MY SICK AVERSION
I DON'T THINK I COULD HELP IT

And I'm playing the victim
And I'm being pre-emptive
And I'm reading The Trial
And I can't be corrective
Im aware of negation
I know why there is Lilith
I am being observant
You don't care you need to stop the evil

WELL I ******* GET IT

AND I DON'T MEAN TO MAKE EXCUSES
IF YOU NEED TO EXTERMINATE ME
WELL I GUESS JUST LET ME KNOWWWWWW OH OH

SOOOOOOOOOO

so head south
(Head south)
Sweet gabriel
Head south
Sweet gabriel
Head south
Sweet gabriel
Any message you send
Is for the bitter end
You're empty
And you know....

I know it's not
But if you consider the bold arrogance of all this
You begin to understand where the seething starts
You swear you are being forced to waste the time
But it doesn't matter
Because you would hate the thing that wasted it
It's blubbering mouth trying to explain to you
We've all been painted by numbers

I swear I swear I'm not the sky
Don't hate me

The thing is saying

And this is why I always think
I've got my work cut out for me
That must be me at different points
Right now or down the road
Trying to forgive the thing for not being that great
And accepting that I "have enough"

But "stay hungry kid"
Always fight for more
Always fight for better
You gotta be kidding me

I know you will not bow,
You don't have to say it

The idea of you even having to bow is emergent
I didn't ask for this set of parameters
To work with

But that is how it is,
The table's set
There is nothing you can do about it.

Enjoy, you are forced to
Suffer bad, you are forced
Suffer light, you are forced
Feel love, it's a force
Use the word love, that's a force
Lie, it's a force
Everything forced

Doesn't matter, if those are the terms they are pushing back
As you would were you in that situation.

And the whole thing understands itself
And will never understand itself at all.

So like I said,
I know you won't bow
I know you're angry
I know you have hate

You don't have to say it,
I already understand.

(Oh, and by the way,
This is all connected to science,
It has analogs in physics, chemistry,
Biology, psychology, language,
It is not just some crazy rambling of
Oh nevermind,
I always forget you can't just do that
And then you're some kind of credible great thinker)

I have heard your stories of clay feet,
I guess you think you'll bring me to my knees!

Well, you can just always say that
But I just think it's cheap!

But... you were just warning me
The heavy head, the doom I hide or sell
And mocking is so easy to decry,
When I laugh astride of hell!

So if anything's ever funny,
I'm not too sure you'd take it well...

But still. I have heard your stories of clay feet.
Why me, why me?
Why does any one of us have to crumble,
And why does anyone have to take the lead?

I guess we just became round,
I guess we just have a need.

So yes they will resent you
Hate will come shooting out
And yes they understand
As love just abounds!
And yes you will seem stupid
Because we never figured it out.
But you are insanely brilliant,
No, you're not a clown!
And yes it's quite the burden
With many shades of grey
And yes it's sometimes easy
We love you and you're gay!
And yes they la la la la
But no it da da da
And yes you ba ba bada
And no sha sha sha sha

His cautious head is lowered
The scrawny grey wolf watches
And waits his turn

Big brothers are feeding,
He knows not to interrupt.

But he can't see that in his brainstem
Telling his heart to beat
That is where the big wolves are
And he is on the side of a kaleidoscope.

But he doesn't know that he'd go in between
Look for ways to save wolf meat
And all the bucks with their snarled teeth

So he mutates all his leaves
And liquifies his spirit
Summons his chemistry from crystal water molecules.

So he sheds his skin and follows breaks in symmetry
So he varies locally
And complexifies

So he radiates anew
So he watch the spirits run
And he saves the wolf meat,
He no eat.

What if your sense
Of wanting satisfaction
Was tied
To the means by which you'd achieve it?

What if I knew you wanted to win,
And both meant to let you down on that point
But also had nothing to do with your failure?

What if the chemicals of your brain
And its physiology
Were truly rigged against you? For you? Both,
At the same time,
and neither?

What if I'm tired of listening to how bored you are,
When I know the horrors you'll face?
What if I'm capable of things you will never be capable of,
No matter how hard you tried?

What if I'm always worthy,
And you have to accept you're lucky we give you anything?

Let's talk about the way it's been
Elusive and my wagging tongue
Is muted behind clicking teeth
With fingers finding quick release

So strange, and strange sensation comes
Awareness of the deep conflict
A writhing dance I keep inside
Cause you can't be that good at math.

You can't be that good at math.

And after everything goes down,
Where will hesitation go?
With remorse and empathy
Right out the window
Well I'm waiting for the day
The defenestration comes
I'll never know how much you loved me
Guess nirvana's really dumb

And you
Can't really be that good at math.
No, you
Can't really be that good at math.
We got problems, honey
Bigger than the place that we come from
You can't be that good at math
You can't be the only one

I am the providence of meaning
My thoughts are like kites on the wind

I'm tied to the moonlit shoreline

Waves rearrange the sand,
Agitating it
Sharing whale songs with the clams
And leaving little foam gifts.

Those purple clouds are far away but they are real,
You could fly through them as a bird,
Swoop down and skim the waves with your feet

My thoughts are like moonlit kites
My thoughts are like the nighttime gulls
Dark blue, navy blue
With purple clouds and ***** of light
My strings are taut
And my skin is flecked with salt,

Goodnight!

Stretcher of horizons,
Hear my hollowed call
Scoff at the notion your hands are mine,
That these hands are mine
And how many hands is the horizon wide?

As I lift my eyes to see
Another one lays down their head to sleep
As I drink the plastics down
The plastic fills the sea
Plastic, which would make sense.
And as one of my cells undergoes apoptosis
An innocent soul is deceased.

But convenient, how convenient for you
That even though I know what apoptosis is--
A rare piece of knowledge to find in some random person 's repertoire
That i would not be afforded some kind of great prize for my knowledge,
That i should have to live as I do,
Small and appreciated in ways that wrinkle my nose
As the other half of me cringes and admonishes not to complain too much
Lest we forget the vibrant tones the virtuoso singer of reality played within our cortex just today.

And how strange it is, that even if I were afforded some great prize,
Well what is the danger in that?
Are we scared that it would not be enough
To ward off the suffering?
How many hoarded memories can we pile up before they collapse in on themselves,
Causing the faerie guardians of the Earth to lose their minds in a frenzied panic,
Causing all the ghosts of the dead to bemoan the futility of my private existence,
Rupturing Spirit itself, which howls like a lost wind at the edges of the universe,
Spiraling out of control and so far from the warmth of life,
Forced to be a stranger to itself in the grand scheme of nothingness,
To which it can tell it is intrinsically linked?

How many memories?

Well, as it turns out,
We got quite a lot,
But they're not all good.

And many of them are sort of just alright.

It's almost like we were rendering something grandiose
But bit off more than we could chew,
And our computer crashed two-thirds of the way through
And so much of what we intended to be rendered was corrupted,
Like I was misused and abused.

But by who? As I waste my time,
Thinking it a feat?

Is there anyone else to take the blame but myself?

For all the world's sins!? No, surely not, are you insane!
your sins, your sins, my child
You say,
Are all I ask you to atone for.

And even that is just a matter of perspective,
Maybe you believe in science.
But science just means knowledge and at this point I think you understand.

Don't put yourself on a pedestal,
Or inadvertently dream up a pedestal and find yourself atop it,
Get blamed for that,
And tear yourself down.

Now it's falling apart again.

We're only in this for the rotation.
Stand ready for automatic accusations,
Yes you made excuses yes they will jump out of your mouth.

Maybe they will never come,
Maybe it was just the feeling they would.

Automatic, all of it,
Can't take the pain away.
Why must we do this to ourselves?
No, we aren't, it's some other party some outside force
The universe
No it's not me
Not me
Not me

The Experience is mad at itself
Because it takes up its own space
Accusations fly
Like swine through melting skies

Don't harbor a bad reaction

You and me,
We can go around taping all the leaves back on trees.

We can try to eat better and pick up plastic.

I will hang my head and let Lacey lick my ear with his forked tongue
I will hum along as I try to read again, drowning in works untouched

I'll stop wondering what it means.

We can try and make peace with it
Dissolving and popping
Screaming eureka, hallelujah, the whole time.

I will probably start drinking again.

You and me, we can feel what's been happening
We design to ignore it, or design to accept it
Neither plan works and I'm lost and I wrecked it

I will definitely start drinking again.

But you left out the good parts
All you do is mope
What's left when you're down at the end of your rope?

Whose letter resides by your bed every night
Do you think you might see her again?
Well I might

This is all
Spinning together
Nothing to do with,
Tied by a zero.

Does the zero speak
What is the message
We've received?

Bye,
Bye bye
Goodbye!

Everything has to go away.

This is all
Cut from the tethers
But we can't pretend
That we're not together

Tell me a story about the one
Who escaped singularity
Who did not have to bow

She went on to live a new life,
Nothing like the last one.

But that man said he loved me
And he wants me to stay

I don't know if he loves me
I know he wants to mean it
But I don't know
Sometimes I just look at you
And you seem like the wrong person.