Inertia
Push and pull inside
The hapless cross-examination of the self

Hallucinate the pretty rainbows
Intensify their meaning
An angry God
Wants to mean something
Wriggling until it does

Until you have a seizure
Until a piece of the engine block breaks off inside
Ka-thump
But you still keep going and you're not sure why
Until for some reason the machine just stops
At the very threshold of life itself

But I'm not angry
This is just the yield
But yes, sometimes I'm angry
I definitely hate some of these things.

I'm not contriving anything
It was real!
But then why did it feel so contrived
Sometimes?

I find myself looking at these pictures now and then

You were so cute
A little angel pulled straight from life's wellspring

With so much light and excitement in your eyes.

You lively blossom
Suspended forever in happy yellow light--
You can't hear me now
But I love you too much

And I'm losing my mind in this echo chamber
The reverberating memories that mean too much to me now

I have to will myself away
And march on to something different,
I stumbled on to something different.

Da da da,
Da da da da da,
Da da da da da da da,

******* IT'S ME.

I guess you don't have a plan.

You unerring thought about insecurity!
Walking a straight path,
You take ***-shots at yourself for becoming a lie
A lie you never did take too well.

They're not on your side
And you're learning more about what it takes
When you catch those certain eyes

...

Don't exceed yourself now,
And never change!
It always seemed like something
Was deeply wrong
Expensive distractions, that's all we are
But get out of your head
Because you know it's more than that

How many books have you never read?
How many songs fill your empty head?
When will you see that it's not that bad?
Strange as the sky, and twice as sad

Cut it in half, cut it in half
And half again, and half again
Until we're so small that we touch the ground
And nothing is right in the world of men.

I spend my days educating Lilith
And feeling proud about it
You see, my love
There are reasons to love humanity
And we are all just the tears of the world.

The crooked-toothed,
Filter-born demon speaks
Into my left ear

Saying, if we all **** ourselves
What do you think you are seeing
In the world?

But I don't think it's so.
Worth ignoring, he is weak.

And I can spell "capable" backwards.

In a field somewhere your voice is smooth glass
I can trace with my finger and feel you sing
That thunder crashes all around
That lightning from celestial fingertips

And volcanic drums echo all around.

That's what my soul can be.