It's all my fault
I shouldn't have come here
What if I am my own mother?
If choices don't exist
Maybe it's just another demon
Please just let me feel safe, and warm
Please just inspire me to move
And share something beautiful from way deep down inside
But no, never keep shining

I consider this broken.

Free will and destiny have collided in a blinding catastrophe,

And I just can't make sense of it anymore.

Is the past not just projection?

Real and imaginary numbers trade places while I sleep.

Rational and irrational blackbirds laugh at me.

It would have to be characterized as immoral.

We exist in a tension loop,
We can't decide if we are deciding to suffer
We don't know when to rejoice.

I don't see myself as the driver,
But that doesn't matter.

I don't matter.

I guess I'll just dissolve.

In a way, this didn't make sense
My automatic writer
My anarchic disembodied chemist

How could they all be smarter than me?
I've seen you before
The ******* demi-urge

It feels so tenuous!
I need you to mean something.
WAIT--
As if you don't mean anything!

And something started to unravel in my head.

Yes, we know. That was where it started to end.

Do we rip it faster or pull it slower?
I guess it all just depends.

Necessarily, I would take my role and you, yours.

Necessarily, I would be something evil.

Necessarily, I might be said to require a savior.

Necessarily, sometimes I wouldn't find one.

Emergent phenomenon.

Glass house.

Tickled pink, then red, then black.

White people. Tan people. Black people. Red people.

Rainbow death man.

Accused of contrivance, no kid that's just bold reality.

Going to bed.
Forfeit.
Calling in sick.
Feels like we could have, should have, would have done more.

We were foxes
Hiding away in a shed in winter

Snowflakes falling through the amber lights
Of your apartment complex

Sparking brown and hazel eyes
Tiny jaws that harmonize
Searing your incessant cuteness in my brain forever,

How evil...

A dash of chaos from the manifest
We're filling in the blanks
The eternal dream, these rolling eyes
Falling through rotten floorboards

I miss when we were cute
Now I can see
Memory's just a vain attempt
To declare victory

But I fall asleep in angels' arms
Held sweetly in their gaze
Vaguely poisoned by inverted reasoning
And falling down with laurels

I can already hear the tide
Coming round the other side
"And you will have this all again,
All you need to do is die"

But deciding death wasn't easy
Most often it's a surprise
And spending your remainder
Well, does it even matter?

I pick at the skin wrapped around my whatever
It scares me, it feels too delicate
I miss when we were cute,
If only once
I'll see you again yesterday

Oh, send your roots down
Down deep, into the earth
Past the rocks, into soil
They won't mind if you move them a little.

Set your sprigs in the air!
Let instructions do the work
We have seen what you do
With the drops of rain and light...

I like to think of you alone
Growing tall somewhere without me
A perfect hero of my imagination

But in the fall it's all too clear:
The colors of your leaves
Are wrenched out
By the gravity of a witness

Because they do nothing for you.
A happy grace for my eyes
They are like dinner plates

Went crazy
Picking at a tiny piece of skin
Between the stars

Between my scars
You built a living castle
Then played the tape in reverse,
We're cursed

When I go to sleep
I know, I know
I know where I go

When I listen to your song
You told me something
I already know

This is not some contrivance
This is reality
This is the spectrum of the rational
And irrationality

This is all you wanted
All you ever wanted to be:

Me.

Cascading,

Me.