Somebody Nobody

Somebody Nobody Oct 2017

The battlefield of life is not man against man,
but man against themselves.

The real battle in is internal,
rather than fighting against someone else.

The fight is the choice to bring someone down
or help someone up.

There are winners,
and there are losers.

It's based on whatever you think is right.

I've already lost the battle today,
and I'm starting losing the war.

*man is just a board term that is used for humanity in general. Apologies to those who are a bit sensitive on the topic.

Somebody Nobody Oct 2017

Control

Something in her lay festering,
a side of her that she would never expose.

Her sturdy exterior shows her as
smart,
sweet,
caring,
compassionate,
amazing.

But look a little deeper.

On occasion,
you can catch her rare moments.

How cruel she really is,
how violent,
how manipulative,
how evil.

She likes to play God.

Everyday,
slowly making everyone into a puppet,
she controls them all.

With her words smothered in honey,
and smile shining brighter than the sun,
she controls them all.

I wonder when they'll notice.
Notice that they're all puppets in her game,
and they're all losing.

Somebody Nobody Oct 2017

Aspiring Loneliness

She's top of her class,
straight A's with almost 100's as every percent.

She's the first one in class,
praised by her teachers,
and her parents approve greatly.

But she's often ridiculed.

Being called "teacher's pet",
"*****", and "no-life",
by her jealous peers.

Everyday she goes to the library,
to hide from her peers.
Burying herself in the books
is the only safe haven she knows.

She doesn't have any friends,
not real ones, at least.
Her "friends" use her to get quick answers,
a cheap way to finish their homework and assignments.

She knows that she's all alone,
that nobody would want her as a first choice.
She knows that she's been called names,
and can't do anything about it.

So she buries herself in studies,
buries herself alive,
to try to survive.

Somebody Nobody Oct 2017

I don't need you, you don't need me

"She's so annoying"
Am I really?

"She's ugly and nosy all the time"
I'll take that into consideration, thank you very much.

"She's so weird"
Hmm

"She's so rude, too."
Is there any other word you can use other than "so"?

"I hate her"
I don't really know who doesn't, so I don't blame you.

What I thought was my best friend,
said these words behind my back.

I heard them say it when I was walking in class,
and the entire class hushed up.

I just stared at them,
until the class started agreeing.

I just sat down and ignored them,
as I should,
but having an entire class agree that you're a bad person,
well that really raises your confidence, doesn't it?

So now I sit alone,
isolated from the others,
thinking in peace.

Starting out alone was rough,
I thought that I was a social butterfly,
and that I need others to survive.

But after time,
I told myself,
I've lived most of my life without them,
why should I need them now?

Somebody Nobody Oct 2017

Next Time (If there is one)

I'm not entirely mad at you,
and I'm not entirely disappointed in you.

I kind of expected this,
but I didn't know how it would feel.

All I know is that I'm not happy with you.

I know you want to apologize,
and that you already have,
but if there's anything I've learned from my emotional wreckage,
it's that saying sorry right after the fact,
is always insincere.

What's worse is that,
the next day after our fight,
I was ready to forgive and move on,
but every time I tried to get your attention,
you ignored me.
It was humiliating,
in a public place,
to be ignored.

I just sat quiet,
astonished by your behavior.
I should have be mad at you,
not the other way around.

Again, you apologized right after.
Your insincere words hurt me,
but I'm willing to look over that.

But now,
I want space.
Space and time to reconsider,
to evaluate.

You've hurt me,
other people around you,
and yourself.
Think about it the next time words come out of your mouth.
You know, if there is one.

Somebody Nobody Oct 2017

What I used to be

I used to be completely dependent on people,
always being super critical of what they said,
of what they thought.

I used to be fragile,
anything bad said about me,
I'd cry.

I used to be superficial,
lying to myself,
putting myself down for so long.

One day in the summer,
I woke up feeling refreshed.

I thought it was peculiar,
until I saw that the rings under my eyes were gone.

I felt light hearted,
something I had not felt in a long time.

I laid my head in my hands and cried,
but not tears of sadness,
but tears of joy.

I felt my sadness slowly dissolving,
and when I looked into the mirror,
I saw her.

I saw the little girl I used to be,
happy and carefree.

Somebody Nobody Oct 2017

Benefit of the doubt

Everyday I give people the benefit of the doubt.
I believe that good is in them.

I just can't seem to understand
why people take advantage of that.

I gave you a chance,
don't take it for granted.

To be honest,
I'm starting to lose hope.

The belief that held out so strongly throughout my life
is starting to thin out.

I'm not one to hold grudges,
but I'm not one to forget.

Just because I gave you another chance,
does not mean I've ignored what you did.

It does not mean your slate is clean,
it does not mean you're in my good graces.

I'm simply giving you another chance.