Somebody Nobody

Somebody Nobody Jun 2017

Warning

Why can't you see
she's manipulating you, all of you?

Why can't you see
she's just acting, she doesn't care about you?

Why can't you see
she's a fake and a manipulator?

Why can't you see
I'm trying to help you?

Why can't you see
I'm not jealous?

Why can't you see
that she's weaker than she lets on?

Why can't you see
She's a liar?

Fine, outcast me, turn everyone against me, hate me.
Why can't you see
The smile in her eyes when you yell at me?
I've tried to help you, but when you come crawling back, don't expect me to help you. I've warned you.

Somebody Nobody Jun 2017

Hanging On

I'm clinging on to my last bit of salvation.
I'm hanging off a cliff, and the only thing I can hold onto is
a thread.
I'm desperately praying, hoping, begging that this can save me.
If I fall, I will certainly die.
But then again, if I live, I have nothing to return to.
No one is willing to save me.
Deep down, I'm broken, and nobody wants someone like me.
I'm a parasite in society, and they'd rather let me die than see the truth.
So I'm hanging on until there's nothing to hang onto anymore.

Somebody Nobody Jun 2017

Broken

I used to be so
happy,
cheerful,
ignorant.

Then, one fateful day,
my world came crashing down.
And in the rubble,
the pieces of my shattered heart.

I knew no one would accept me for my true self.
So I wore a mask. It was a perfect mask, a remnant of my past self.
No one could see past it. Not one person.
I looked through my mask with pleading eyes,
but people don't take another look at someone like me.

I've run out of tears to cry,
and now I finally see that I'm truly broken inside.

Somebody Nobody Jun 2017

Sinking

I'm sinking
and no one wants to help.
I asked myself if I wanted to swim,
to survive.
But what's the point?
I have nothing good to return to.
I can't breathe, but this is the most I've felt alive.
As I open my eyes, I hope to see some light.
There isn't any.

Somebody Nobody Jun 2017

How They Laughed

Oh How they laughed at my ideas
How they laughed at my hair
How they laughed at my walk
How they laughed at my voice
How they laughed at my expense
How they laughed when I made the smallest mistakes
How they laughed when I took the blame
How they laughed when I told the truth
How they laughed when I told them I was depressed
How they laughed when they humiliated me
How they laughed when I was gone

Somebody Nobody Jun 2017

I'm Free

It's dark
and lonely
I'm just staring out into the bleakness of my soul.
The air is frigid
and empty
I can't see anyone in the distance.
I've tried to leave, but I can't.
So I think.
Maybe the people around me like me, but just don't show it.
Maybe they appreciate my presents.
Maybe I'm not truly alone.
And there it is, a flash of light. A glimmer of hope.
I get up and run into it.
I'm free.

Somebody Nobody Jun 2017

What it feels like

It feels intense.
It feels like falling without a stopping point.
It feels like falling into water in a frozen lake. And no one helps you up.
It feels lonely. There's no one who's willing to help you.
It makes me want to run away. To get out of my own skin.
It makes me empathetic. I started to feel what others do.
It makes me tired. I just give up.
It made me an actor. I wore a mask for years without ever taking it off.
It feels uncomfortable. When I wake up with swollen eyes from crying myself to sleep.
It felt soothing when I lashed out. I was myself, and nobody liked me.
It makes me observant. I see how everyone treats me and each other. It's painful, but it is the truth.
There is one thing, that I have not felt yet. I don't know how it feels when it's time to break free.