Thank you
for letting me rant about my troubles,
you stood by me even through the hardest times.

Thank you
for never losing interest in me,
I never lost you.

Thank you
for being so humble,
your courtesy got me far.

Thank you
for being my light,
piercing through the darkness of my heart.

Thank you
for your smiles,
your gifts and love kept me alive.

Thank you
for pulling me out of the frigid waters,
for I had finally sunken after skating on thin ice for so long.

Thank you
for being so selfless,
you had been going through the same thing but still thought about me first.

Thank you
for saving me,
I'd be nothing without you.

When I'm around others,
I act normal.
I act happy.
I act energetic.

When I'm alone,
My smile fades,
My energy has been diminished,
The last of my strength gone.

When I'm around others,
I act perfect,
and they never take a second look.

When I'm alone,
I pick up my shattered heart,
the one that ached for so long.

Even with my head held up high,
I walk feeling like a cut that never healed.
I'm truly bleeding out,
and I can't fight this inevitable pain.

In the end, I'm the same.
I can't keep this act up for much longer.
In the end, is it all worth it?

"Please stay I love you."
I love you too.

I love the way you never acknowledge me.
How you never seemed to notice I was there.

I love the way you called me names.
How you called me annoying and troublesome.
How you called me stupid and weak.

I love the way you always left me.
How you never wanted to talk to me.

I love how you were ashamed to be around me.
How you walked away from me in public.

I love the way you toyed with me.
How you treated me like an experiment.
Like I was a thing for you to test out.

Why do you spit out lies?
We both know you don't mean it.
Is this another game for you?

You put me through hell.
I'm nothing to you.
I'm leaving you forever.

One day, when I'm on my deathbed,
I'll know that I made the right decision.

I used to always smile.
I was always so happy.

I loved life.
I really did.

I realized that people never liked me.
Not one bit.

They'd use me.
They'd ask me for answers and favors.
I was just a post to lean on when times got tough.

I was never their "go-to" person.
I was their last resort.

I realized that I didn't like living like that.
I cried.

They asked me if I was okay.
Not because they cared, but because it made them look good.

I was a charity case.
A thing that they could use to their advantage.

"This isn't like you. Where's the girl I know?"
How could they ask that?
They didn't bother to learn a thing about me.

A smile came back.
Not mine, but one did.

It was forced.
No one could tell that it was.

I used to smile until my face got sore.
The smile was big enough to hide my true self.

If you took one look at my eyes,
You can see sadness, pain, and longing.

They didn't bother.
They were ashamed to talk to me anyway.

The smile was forged, a fake made from gold.
The next time you smile, think.
Is it real or is it your cover?

When I was in elementary,
I would do everything everyone told me to.

When I was elementary,
I was ignorant to everything.

When I was elementary,
I never questioned anything.

When I was in middle school,
I saw the evils in people.

When I was in middle school,
I was depressed for knowing what was going on.

When I was in high school,
I rebelled.

When I was in high school,
I revolted and took what was rightfully mine.

I was rightfully mine.
My thoughts and feelings were mine.
All through my life my parents always tried to change that.
They couldn't when I was a teen.
I look back on it now, and see that what I did was right.
I changed for the better, and no one will ever change me.
I'm mine.

Palms sweaty,
Eyes darting,
Stomach churning

You look amazing,
in the short summer dress
your clothes bring out your eyes

Everything is perfect,
the humidity of the air matches the party,
the music matching the mood

My clothes are a size too big,
my shoes a size too small,
my courage a size too empty.

I ask you to leave with me,
to go the park we loved as kids

You happily agree,
and my heart bursts with joy

I push you on the swing,
and lean in for the kiss.

That was the best day of my life,
and I hope it was yours too.

The people that I know
Only acknowledge the big things
and push away the smaller things
as if there wasn't enough room for the smaller things
as if I didn't matter

I tried so hard
sending gifts
sending letters
remembering birthdays
remembering the little things

All they ever did was grunt
and heave
and sigh
because my efforts were too small

Christmas, birthdays, vacations
I had something for everything
and I gave everything I had
Not even one thank-you

All I really wanted
were for them to be happy
eventually giving almost everything
Everything that I owned
to see them smile

But they never did
They just commented
"This one is smaller than your last one"
And I'd just stand there
Stunned