I wonder
As you sleep
At your flesh
Against my flesh,
Curls tickling
My cheeks.
I wonder
At the bones
It bundles,
Muscles thick
And contained.
I wonder
At your organs
Your wires
And bellows,
Pipes,
And filters,
And pumps,
Tucked just there
And out of sight.
I wonder
At you,
Love,
Here
And now,
An embodied
Creature,
Warm
And pulsing.
And I am grateful
That the trembles
In your throat
Pushed waves
To lap
Against my window
And wiggle
My tiny trio
Into warm
Wet
Words
Of greeting.
And is it
Wrong
To know
So fully
In these early hours
And deepest spaces
That these bits
I call you
Will still
And stiffen
And seep
And feed
Simpler creatures?
Beings
Without noses
To tickle
Into the wonders
Of an unsuspecting
Lover.
The clouds are thick
This morning,
And the veil is thin,
And I suppose
It’s time
To run.

I never thought that I could
Drink morning coffee when hungover.
I have never thought that a compromise
Can taste so good.

I didn’t want to consider different me
I thought I have lost myself with you.
I didn’t know her,
But you did.

I keep doing it to myself.
This pain is better than not having you at all.
I like having you in me,
And I’m the only one who knows it.

Calm and stress at the same time.
I need shivers to enjoy,
But of course you knew that.
You have read me, and suddenly I can’t read anymore.

Conversations in my head,
Disappointed in my own stories.
I pretend that I don’t like to be with you,
But when you’re not around, I don’t have me.

You left me dry,
Because you were dry before you met me.
I wish we had more time to get wet.

When they told me love should be easy,
They didn’t know that it is easy to walk together in the darkness.
I wish we had more time to wait for the morning,
But all we had were nights.

I keep doing it to myself

You said life is a beach
I believed, as the world slipped away
the moment you kissed me there.
Do you know that brief, charged moment
when the world seemed to fade away?
How are you so good
at giving those one after another?

You drive the car, play the music,
ask me to close my eyes,
to truly feel the song.
But what I really feel
is your hand brushing my thigh,
the wind carrying your taste to me,
and I know this can’t be the only way
to taste you.

The way you speak of ordinary things
as if they were miracles
it thrills me,
a rush of adrenaline I can’t resist.
This wild urge to see you again,
to feel that pulse... of life.
In your presence, I find a fire
I never knew I had.

You told me, darling,
you have to live.
You said, baby, maybe today’s the only day we’re given.
why did I find you so late?

You told me to become an ocean
but by some sweet accident
I became yours.
How bittersweet, this summer romance
living only inside my head.
And it’s not the head I want to be writing about.

I have a tattoo of me as a wave
never knew how much I longed
to be that wave
just to be on top of you.
But don’t blame me
I’m on day fourteen.

No one pronounces my name so wrong yet so right
You impress me so much
I keep forgetting what my name really is
but you can just call me yours.

I hope every traffic light would turn red
just to steal a few more moments
where time pauses
and desire can make more convincing lies

But maybe next summer

How can you hurt the one person you protect?

The one person you trust with all your heart not to break it.

How can you tell her she deserves the world, and then take it?

How can you proclaim your love with poems and songs and hugs, and passion, just to contradict it all?

How can you face your own reflection, while your identity is stuck with her?

How could I be the one who sunk you?

Who loved you, but dug you, deep into the Earth I said I’d give you.

How?

The answers lay with you, in your modest crown. I will find them there, and You will be my queen again.

Our hearts are hot plastic
They morph they're elastic
Our lips are sporadic
Like actions of addicts
And you are my habit
I can't stop from having

Your spring unwinds still
in bold flits like mourning cloaks
bright marigold wings
into abyss, you call out
Star yet stirred to shadows

Because I saw you
by Morning Star

I could have broken you,
the way you broke me.
Piece by piece,
with silence that stung
and truths you never deserved.
But I didn’t.

I held my hurt like glass—
sharp, delicate,
aching in my hands.
And I let it fall
only where it wouldn’t cut us both.

Because I saw you—
not the mask,
not the bravado,
but the hollowness behind it.
And I understood.
People hurt
when they’ve forgotten how to heal.
People leave
when they’ve already left themselves.

I broke.
Quietly.
Not all at once,
but slowly, like dawn
peeling night from the sky.
And in that breaking,
I found light.
Not in you.
Not in revenge.
But in me.

You see,
I don’t need to prove anything.
Not to someone
who couldn’t hold what was real.
I don’t scream,
I don’t chase,
I don’t fight shadows.

I rise.
And that is louder
than anything you ever said in silence.

Because the truth is,
you didn’t destroy me.
You revealed me.
And I am still standing—
brighter,
softer,
undeniably whole.

---

“To the Woman I Once Called Friend”

I walked beside her in silence today,
Not as the girl who broke — but the one who sees.
No truth passed my lips,
but it screamed behind my ribs.

She laughed — unaware — and my heart cracked,
because I know what it feels like
to be the last one to find out
your world was never real.

I could have told her.
But today, I chose grace,
chose to carry what I could not undo
with hands open, not with blood.

I was once fooled too —
by a man who wore honesty like a mask,
who knew our friendship
and still pressed his lips against betrayal.

I cannot take back the nights.
I cannot rewrite the sin.
But I can walk beside her
with no illusions in my breath.

And maybe that’s how the universe heals:
Not in confession,
but in quiet atonement —
in choosing to love gently
what you once helped break.

I see her.
And I ache.
And I swear, I will never
be blind again.


---

for Forgiveness and Healing 🌙

> “I am not my mistake.
I am my return to truth.
I honor the pain,
but I no longer carry the shame.
I choose grace. I choose light. I choose to rise.”

she was something
no
is something
to behold
to touch
to make beg and shake and groan
to laugh into a sugar cookie
or four
and whisper the recipe across her bones

she was something
no
she is mine