So then i'd stand,
hand in hand,
hoping it goes as planned.

The hair strand,
falling inland,
my left-hand,
reaching for the inkstand.

Hand.

My fingertips are tipped with black,
I'm watching all the books stack,
before I take my life on the amtrack,

I'm getting so much feedback,
brain is swelling and before I know it I the hand crack,
all the voices are getting cutback.

Hand.

If your really understood,
then why are your hands all wood,
they might as well be on fire, firewood.

Hand.

in reverse
from the end

this is how
we go through the motions

begin again
happy and so alive

ending in
tears and broken hearts

in reverse
to the beginning

let me
be a kid again

and I
will be happy once more

Sideways for the attention,
Lengthwise for the results,
Thank you Marilyn Manson,
I'll remember that for next time.

You're going to wish and beg,
That you could turn back time,
Cause I'll be dead and gone,
And you'll be left to weep.

Look at all these notes,
Of nights passed on,
Maybe I wasn't numb enough,
Or my blade sharp enough.

You're going to wish and beg,
That you could turn back time,
Cause I'll be dead and gone,
And you'll be left to weep.

You told me that I,
Was doing it to pretend,
To manipulate and lie,
So that I could get attention,
Well I'll turn my blade,
And then you'll understand.

You're going to wish and beg,
That you could turn back time,
Cause I'll be dead and gone,
And you'll be left to weep.

Leftover screws,
Congregate at pews,
Mourn for my death,
I sliced up my own neck,
Bleeding out on the floor,
I hope you open the door.

It's always ending at the little brick road by the creek,
In my dreams I will laugh in despair cause it's not fair,
What the trees like to believe is that I am there for my dying days,
The problem is that they might be right but I can't tell,
Cause my fists are numb and there might be some razors buried inside,
My fair skin begins to bleed cause I've been running away with common sense.

i'm unsteady.
not ready.
air is getting heavy.
are you speaking through the telly?

getting wasted on memories.
it's enough to drain my energy.
and steal all my extremities.

i'm so far away.
you're just a replay.
i've seen this scene, okay?

Gun to my head.
keep wishing I was dead.
my vision's just deep red.

bend over backwards.
to see my attackers.
only to find that I am the Hazard?

Here in the dark I will park,
In my spot where I taught,
All my thoughts to flock,
Inside of my head when I'm in my bed,
But when the sun goes I'm not done,
For it's the night that brings me to fight,
If a battle is what I need then hear my bones rattle,
Cause I'm never letting go before I have something to show,
Something to show that I've been through a war, Call fore!

We trade our homes for obsidian stones,
To build our walls inside our bones,
Not to hide but to thrive,
Inside our minds which we believe are fried,
Awakening a soul we lost so long ago,
So we're ready to grow.

My car's on fire so my time is dire,
Heart getting harder with each time I get farther,
From the state of mind that kept me bind,
To a wall to a constant fall,
Of which takes away the best of a day,
Not anymore, I promise, not anymore.

We trade our homes for obsidian stones,
To build our walls inside our bones,
Not to hide but to thrive,
Inside our minds which we believe are fried,
Awakening a soul we lost so long ago,
So we're ready to grow.

it doesn't make sense,
of all the power in the galaxy,
nothing could compare,
never in fear could you see such a place,
it won't make sense,
but that's the point- isn't it?
culminating hell and heaven into one location.
love it until you hate it.

Sudden moves so slow to grow,
Record scratches become music to our ears,
Wreck it and tuck it under basements,
Your bed is a colander to sift bad memories,
Outside of each of us is something you can't trust.

Don't trust the shadow boy,
Break ties with his chants,
Fingers crossed, R tossed behind backs,
Take him on now.
Right now,
n o w.

******* your hands,
Restraining rubber bands,
Freakish offhand to demand,
And now we're ******* up contraband,
It might taste like sand,
But it's actually bland, man,
Oh I hate the way I stand,
Do you understand?
Of course you don't understand,
Cause I'm gonna countermand,
Drive yourself to misbrand, me,
This isn't land,
This isn't land,
Just quicksand

Don't trust the shadow boy,
Break ties with his chants,
Fingers crossed, R tossed behind backs,
Take him on now.
Right now,
n o w.

White river calmly flows,
Her sudden moves never too wild,
Along come the people that she tows,
In retrospect, I should have appreciated the mild.

Along the trail, I'll follow the stones,
If anything's true I won't break my arm,
With the things inside my bones,
Things I collected keep me warm.

And the trees become so green,
The moss on the rocks take the sunlight,
Where have I gone and where have I been?
It's been so long since I've fought the fight.

Along the trail, I'll follow the stones,
If anything's true I won't break my arm,
With the things inside my bones,
Things I collected keep me warm.

Kindle this fire,
Feed it with moss,
Singe all your body's hairs,
It's the only way to learn.

Rearrange this damaged root,
That sits at my feet in defeat,
I want to see it grow without the soot,
Slowly becoming stale from this seat.

I knocked on Death's door asking if I could come in,
He told me, "Kid, you got all the things to live for."
Then slammed the door.

I knocked on Life's door asking for a drink,
She told me, "Kid, get your own drink, you've got your own hands."
Then slammed the door.

I knocked on God's door looking for a savior,
Nobody answered.
So I slammed the door

I feel like buying a gun
Cause I’m not having any fun,
I’m done trying to run,
These days are coming undone,
No longer seeing the sun.

I can’t sleep for the life of me,
Why can’t these thoughts leave me be,
Im struggling to begin to see,
The forest for the trees.

Cry out every night,
God, save me from this plight,
I’m half a human as I write,
Hope I find a little light.

I don’t want to move on,
I keep seeing the same dawn,
It’s the same one I’ve always drawn,
Feeling like a plastic pawn,
I won’t be here for long.

I can’t sleep for the life of me,
Why can’t these thoughts leave me be?
I’m struggling to begin to see,
The forest for the trees.

I stopped swallowing a long time ago,
I stopped breathing for you a long time ago,
I couldn't care less if you fell,
Cause I have my own problems too,
You scrapped your knee and I lost my heart.

I wanna go somewhere,
Where nobody knows my name,
Where my socks aren’t the same,
And my eyes won’t scan the ***** floor.

If you wonder if I’ll ever change,
Then you better settle down,
There’s a chair and a cup of champagne,
It’s a lifetime you’ll wait just to frown.

I wanna go somewhere,
Where nobody knows my name,
Where my socks aren’t the same,
And my eyes won’t scan the ***** floor.

My track record will never be linear,
For the bones my skin rests upon,
Beg and scream at me so it’s all that I hear,
Maybe if I play harder it won’t feel so wrong.


Im not your boy,
Im not your girl,
Im not your friend,
Im not your toy,
I understand,
That you hate my guts.

Sacrifice vanity,
To see the morality,
Of teenagers in carnality,
This evoked, twisted mentality,
Hear their banality,
Trying to get it out of thee,
As you reach fatality,
Inside their hive mind's lethality.

You're not immune,
To sacrificing yourself far too soon,
But it's the moon that brings your harpoon,
To bleed her out in the middle of the afternoon.

Best you leave your brain at the door,
Cause we're gonna go crazy,
Tonight's the night we break our bones,

Tonight's the night we twist up the rules,

Tonight's the night we fall down dead,

Then grab your guns and ammunition,
Shoot whatever moves in your blind spots,
Make a deal with the second-hand smoke.

Tonight's the night the ocean dries up,

Tonight's the night the drugs go boom,

Tonight's the night the enemy comes to life.

Best you leave your heart at the door,
Cause we're gonna go crazy,
Tonight's the night we repair our bones,

Tonight's the night we assemble an army,

Tonight's the night we build our plight.

Fall down and scrape your knees,
Hit your head and make your nose bleed,
Cry so hard and break your own soul,
Maybe even break my heart.

Well I didn't know it'd be so hard,
Watching you break your arms,
Holding you oh-so tight,
Just to keep your eyes from falling out.

Feeling bad because I forced you,
Pushed you down some stairs you weren't ready to go down,
Now your guts have been revealed,
Your mother won't leave you alone,
And everyone's gonna know your guts aren't red,
But a deep sea green,
A disease made up of a broken child,
And maybe even some teeth you've been missing since second grade.

You asked me to promise you that I will plant my roots,
And I do, oh god I do,
My tree trunks have been still since the day I kissed your cheek,
You are worth my soul and more,
And should you leave me for the underworld,
I would follow you right down,
Some would call that unhealthy but I've got my future so far and hopeful just from looking at you.

Well I didn't know it'd be so hard,
Watching you break your arms,
Holding you oh-so tight,
Just to keep your eyes from falling out.

Water me down, flower kid,
To a seed in the ground.

There's no such thing as wanting to die,
You're just a silly sad butterfly,
Plummeting gracefully from the sky.

Your mama calls you a flower,
But you believe you're a ****,
Stealing water from all your friends,
Your pokey leaves don't affect me,
I'll water you with everything I've got,
And It's a lot.

Dirt glows green,
When you're not happy,
Oh, I notice it every time,
I'd like to hold your petals,
Show you what you've been missing out on,
All the flowers lies and pushed you aside,
I won't let that happen,
Cause I believe I'm a **** too.

Your mama calls you a flower,
But you believe you're a ****,
Stealing water from all your friends,
Your pokey leaves don't affect me,
I'll water you with everything I've got,
And It's a lot.

Again and again the gardener came by,
To extract you from the growing lawn,
This time though, I'll be beside you,
We'll hold out another week.

Glass potion bottle,
Are you filled with confidence?
I kind of need it with the state,
That the world is in.

The world's gone dead,
Yet appears to be thriving on it's own terms,
Clear waters and growing green leaves,
Once we are gone- the earth reclaims it's home.

Nervous cause now,
I can't move from this house,
Hard to call it home when it's got your guts in knots,
The fire's in my room, it's too bright.

The world's gone dead,
Yet appears to be thriving on it's own terms,
Clear waters and growing green leaves,
Once we are gone- the earth reclaims it's home.

I'm sitting on the floor,
As the room closes in before me,
Staring blankly at the pale paint,
It nears my tear-stained face,
A note slips under the door.

He says, let me in, let me in,
I'll open the door with nothing left to hide.

He's got his hand in mine,
We are both just as broken,
Our problems won't dissolve,
So we play with the devil.

He says, Let me in, Let me in,
I'll open the door with nothing left to hide.

Cacophonies,
Caterwauling,
A somber symphony,
Coming from the concrete,
Underneath, below the street.

Sing me a song,
It's been there too long,
I've been way too strong,
I just wanna get along.

I'm young, tired, and feeling useless.
Don't know where I'm gonna go,
But I wanna make the opportunity to become something.

I'm driving on this road with nowhere to go,
I guess it all depends on me and what I decide to do,
I can't even lift my hands in the morning,
So how am I suppose to write song for my demons?

Blank walls, tore down all my posters,
He told me that I was not good enough,
My dysphoria won't stop so,
how am I supposed to keep living alone?

I'm young, tired, and feeling useless.
Aren't you tired of me?
I've done nothing but sit here and dream.

The need for purpose becomes my purpose,
I hope it won't be this way forever,
But I wanna make the opportunity to become something.

I know I shouldn't be cursing
Mamma wouldn't be proud
I think about it everyday
How I can't be the boy
She wants me to be

I'm to weak
Beaten down
Into the black pavement
To follow every saint
I don't hear the clouds sing
I couldn't hear the clouds sing
I'm descending now

I had an affair with the entryway,
Touched lips with the steps,
Put my pride down the street lines,
Fell out of love,
And dropped my heart into the potted plants.

Do I feel it now, I have to ask.
Troubled and doubled over.
Toilet seats are too cold.
Something's getting out.
Home isn't home anymore.

Something takes ahold,
So I don't lose control,
The highway just winds me down,
I'm rushing for a breath,
As it follows me again,
Up into the underbrush,
I feel my legs give in,
to the monster on my skin.
Oh god.
It hurts.
The fingers on my chest,
Scratching at my flesh.

What Is this,
Feeling,
Of control,
I want to lose myself again.

It climbs into it's disguise,
My skin.
Bloodied and cold, I,
Follow the morning star until I can't anymore,
This isn't who I am and I would like to scream,
but he took my teeth,
"I'll never be free." says my mentality.
The day drags on,
I can feel my skin as it tightens around the beast,
My hands are digging for purpose and a hold.

What is this,
Feeling,
Of Control,
I want to lose myself again.

Call my name in the murky water,
Hold still and let me go,
Tonight, the tide is rising,
I'm beginning to fear the changing,
Although, I know, everything will be alright,
Follow me inside so that I don't have to be alone,
I'm submerged and drowning,
Whisper secrets in my ear,
Listen to me tell my stories.

The house is under the water?
What do I do now?
Mama, help me, oh please,
Get rid of all these catastrophes.

I'm running and gasping for breath,
Asthma embedded in my lungs,
Dead ends and cobwebs line these soaked halls,
Well, if nothing really matters than why am I still beside you?
Despite, the pressure on my chest,
And the waves, they somehow reach me from miles under the surface.

The house is under the water?
What do I do now?
Mama, help me, oh please,
Get rid of all these catastrophes.

Pushing for more, I don't want to hate my life forevermore,
Give me an arm or a heart to hold onto, my dearest.

Are we making the right mistakes?
Are we driving the wrong direction?
Nothing is certain but everything’s treasure.
Donuts and dinner to graveyard simmer.

Autumn stars and rising moon,
Rising stars and autumn moon,
I’m just so sick of feeling so blue,
You’re just so blue of feeling so sick.

Atop a self-made treehouse,
I’m a self-created personality,
Tree beneath, you’re my morality,
Clouds up above, weak spirituality.

Sitting on the edge,
Where the treeline meets the sky,
Not one of these birds know why,
But they’ve found that they cannot fly,

Call me tonight
Hold my spine
As I give up another heart
Is there anything you can do besides pleasing?
Cause I'm only looking for hope

Grab my spine
There's no more heart
Nothing I do, gives me hope
So, give me yours, tonight
It would be quite pleasing

Anything I can do for you, heart?
You lost your spine,
Bet it feels so pleasing
You don't need any hope.
In the midnight, tonight.

Dark is the room I was in,
I ran out of light bulbs so many years ago,
I've been sitting here waiting,
Not moving much,
Just hoping that I would get along just fine.

We're so lovable,
Yet so fuckable,
Think we’re functional?
No, just dysfunctional.

Put it in reverse,
Wait here comes the hearse!

Quickly now,
Bring it down,
Not a sound,
Hearts pound,
They surround.

Remember when you got me,
Safely to ground,
But now the tides have been rising,
I'm sinking even further down.

I won't drown in this sea,
Not by your hands,
I will try to fly,
but my wings are soaked,
In the burning sea water.

As the ocean throws me around,
I am lost as to what I can say,
You said that you'd be there for me,
But now I see the blue sea is tugging me further.

But I am here so you won’t take me down.
Bring me to life, bring me to shore.
I don’t care if you don’t care,
I’ve got this now, I’m on my way.
Walking underwater but it’s steady,
I’m getting there.

Manufactured my own shell,
To defend against any provocation,
Not seeing past the ceramic station,
You'll ask why but I'll never tell.

I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I'm the draw back for them,
Draw back, draw back my friends,
I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I know that I'm the draw back,
The draw back, draw back for my friends.

Single out every defense I create,
Wait until I go completely insane,
No matter which name you claim,
I'll never fall out of my figure eight.

I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I'm the draw back for them,
Draw back, draw back my friends,
I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I know that I'm the draw back,
The draw back, draw back for my friends.

Change is always so strange,
I can't tell if its interior I rearrange,
Or if my brain is mistaking change,
For the shame and the blame I take,
To transform into art for my own sake.

I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I'm the draw back for them,
Draw back, draw back my friends,
I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I know that Im the draw back,
The draw back, draw back for my friends.

I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I'm the draw back for them,
Draw back, draw back my friends,
I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I know that I'm the draw back,
The draw back, draw back for my friends.

My head is ******* too loose,
It’s becoming easier to lose,
I’ve been getting more bruised,
The more I dig around for clues.

I thought there was something awry,
So I took a look inside,
Found that I was right,
A sleeping beast, what a sight.

I put my heart inside your fridge,
Left it there for you to find,
It's in the very back corner,
I hope no one else see's it,
Cause what I have is only for you.

Listen to me,
I'll tell tall tales,
Of stormy seas,
And who I used to be.

I left my hands inside your mother's car,
So I can sign my care for you,
Grab onto them if you're ready,
When you're ready,
I'm here for you to fall on when you're down.

Listen to me,
I'll tell tall tales,
Of stormy seas,
And who I used to be.

Me and my bug juice,
Wander these pixel halls,
In a disguise,
To hide from curious eyes.

This dress I'm in,
Is too bright,
The seams,
Like to hurt my arms,
And the wind,
Brushing along my legs,
Make me feel icky.

Me and my bug juice,
Wander these pixel halls,
Keeping disguised,
To hide from prying eyes.

The sweat pants,
I befriended,
Books keep my mind,
Distracted from...


Me an d my bu g juice , (Daddy got it for me !)

Wand r these pix el halls , (Barely remember where it was ?)

Slowly d elirio s , (Don't make him mad , please ?)

I 'm try ing to be se ious . (Wasn 't trying to laugh , I promise !)


Me and my bug juice,
Wander these pixel halls,
Keeping disguised,
To hide from prying eyes.