Loving the sun in the evening time,
When it strikes through the blinds,
And soothes my skin.

A little touch of your voice,
A little shiver running down my spine,
A little clock stops the time,
I turn towards your kingdom,
And where it may be, may not be there at all,
Sometimes I feel like I need it there,
So I pretend that I love you and that I need you,
I don't understand why God died,
But I see your face in the many pictures of my childhood.

I'm the only one in my room,
Laying on my bed, alone,
Colder as the night creeps along,
Could I ask the Spirit to save me again?
I need their touch now, right now.

Looking through my old toys,
Finding them to be ripped and grayed,
I've lost my mind through illnesses that I can't control,
The memories attached make me shiver,
I can't remember the last time I ate a meal happily,
Maybe I can find God inside the stuffing of my old teddy bear,
If his heart beats inside than maybe I'll believe,
But I don't see God in all the newest pictures of myself.

I'm the only one in my room,
Laying on my bed, alone,
Colder as the night creeps along,
Could I ask the Spirit to save me again?
I need their touch now, right now.

Oh, I know, we haven't talked much,
It's been forever since we've seen each other,
I fell for your lack of words,
In the darkest hours of my nights,
When I allowed the acid to run down my skin.

On my head,
All my vices,
In my bed,
This fabric it slices,
And I've said,
again and again,
"Destroy me."

It rained in through the roof,
The people beside myself crying "deliver me"
The walls inside the room closed up so tight,
All I could see was the sky,
And in the sky I couldn't see anybody,
Yet I yelled and I screamed,
Terrified, petrified,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

On my head,
All my vices,
In my bed,
This fabric it slices,
And I've said,
again and again,
"Destroy me."

"Destroy me."

"Destroy me."

Make him stop,
Make him stop,
Please, make him stop.
Make him stop,
Make him stop,
Please, make him stop.

Charging through a mild storm,
Minor inconveniences and wild coincidences,
Are what drive me to the point of insanity,
The rumble of earthquakes under my feet.

Hard to say if I'm really as strong as they say,
I lie a lot and my friends are moving on,
These trust issues keep me branded as anti-social,
Maybe, I'll decide to never love again.

Breaking up over the phone,
Splitting checks on ****** dates,
I'm torrential rain and you're a sunny day,
Nothing I could ever handle in a lifetime.

Asthma acts up because of the pollen in the morning,
Can't breathe without opening my mouth,
It's an absolute ******* curse,
Just stitch my mouth so I just shut the **** up.

There are rats in my basement,
Crawling through cracks in the pavement,
I can hear their chatter, how they crave it,
Their hollow skins soon to cave in.

Join me and rejoice,
He will give a new vice,
One to see all the putrid sights,
We are all living blights.

For me to stick around,
I'd have to be cured of this disease,
I'd have to be crucified and put on display,
For me to stick around,
I'd have to find my own peace,
I'd have to fine the white kingdom,
For me to stick around.

Translucent,
Transparent,
Trespassing,
Tiers of Tyranny,
Ticking Time,
Trying Tomorrow,
Testing Tabletops,
Traitor Turns Trains,
Tick Tock . . .

So distant from the future yet so close to the past,
This barrier that prevents me from taking one more step,
Eyes to the ground I won't make eye contact,
These greedy beings are far too rough to me.

Cease to exist,
Won't be fixed,
Down the list,
I'm told I'm missed,
It hurts like an engorged cyst.

Wringing my bones of the infectious mold,
Pay God a sum to fix me with venomous tongues,
I won't bathe in the pity that a loved one engorges on,
All day and every night till the very day I die.

Cease to exist,
Won't be fixed,
Down the list,
I'm told I'm missed,
It hurts like an engorged cyst.

Waterboard these treasonous instincts,
Tomorrow's a new day to forgive you of the infliction,
Another wine cup made from Jesus that I won't drink,
I've kissed Lucifer and told him God is nobody worth loving,
Cause if God won't love me for who I was and who I became,
Then God doesn't deserve to breed his impotence and greed.

Yet.
In all his glory, he shines down on the sinners,
Promising to be the golden riches we lust after,
He no longer deserves capitalization for further polluting,
O' our wretched hands.

I'm getting estranged by this feeling in my brain,
Or is it inside my stomach?
I don't really know and I don't think it matters,
The floating orbs across my eyes,
Begin to take form and bleed across my vision,
Could the world be coming to an end?
It feels too real to be true.

Divided between heard and brain,
I will try to fly away,
But until my dying days I'll be afraid.

A hollow wooden ukulele,
Begins to play for me,
In the dead of the night when I cannot hear it.

Please don't go,
No please don't go.

My stretched black binder,
Holds me together every day,
I don't know how I'd live without it.

I need you here beside me,
Break the spell of living the same day over and over.

The broken but useful headphones on the floor,
Tell their stories of when they remembered their home,
Upon my head and playing what I need to hear.

The sun will dip inside my head,
And winter will come.

Along with the plethora of torn notebooks,
Scattered across my floor,
From all the inspiration I had gathered from day one.

Jump back to square one within a month.

Strike me down,
Bring your lightening,
Pour the blood over my still body,
I've contradicted my own story enough times,
You can strike me down,
Bring your holy spirit to me,
And burn your marks into my ribs forevermore.

This isn't what you think is true,
This isn't what you believe is right,
This isn't what you see to be light,
This isn't what you seek for forgiveness.

What you think you know,
Becomes what you'll never know,
So won't you find another way?

This isn't what you foresee,
This isn't what you can be,
This isn't what you wanted to happen,
This isn't what you seek under lighthouses of fog.

Burning down the house,
So you can say goodbye,
Cause you're so terrified.

This isn't where you sleep,
This isn't where you abandon your grief,
This isn't where you carry my burden for me,
This isn't where you keep your demons.

Mary Jane, dear,
I'm losing your mind,
On the international highway,
Is this what I think is right?

Two hands will start bleeding again,
They don’t have a body only a stump,
They bleed colorful liquid onto the carpet of my room,
As I try to stitch them up,
They fall apart as I crash into the floor,
Melding into the carpet and messy clothes,
The hands start to flood my room,
I’m drowning in the rainbow syrup,
The hands are dead on the floor once more,
It’s time for me to fade.

I’m stranded on this wooden raft,
Surrounded by the ghosts of the deep,
My body is falling apart with every move I make to keep myself awake,
Eyes stare me down from the waves above me,
They never could crash down onto me,
But I’m asking politely, please.
The dark waters call my name,
I’m asking myself if this is what I was meant to be all this time,
I can taste the blood welling into my mouth,
Cause nothing tastes as I want it to anymore.

I’m calling you down,
From your hiding place,
Please.
Save me.

There’s a guilt associated with you,
A lingering sunset before darkness,
A winter breeze at the end of fall,
I don’t know how I feel about you.

Now I’ve kissed other people
Laid in their beds and hated their guts,
Watched as I grew farther from their touch,
Nothing seemed certain.
Not nearly as much as you.

If I were a smarter person, I’d have let you go,
You haunt my dreams these nights,
Bringing about a chorus of doubt,
Maybe I never should have said goodbye.

I don’t know how to sing,
But it’s all I want to do,
And the floors give way,
To a whole new song,
I just can’t sing along,
Cause I was right the first time,
My voice still sounds so wrong.

Meshing together in a single spiral,
A passion-driven thought,
That’ll wrestle with logic,
I’m hooked to the fight,
A looping paradox.

Load data onto my phone,
I don’t want to feel alone,
Wait for my dad, I’ll feel the tone,
In my boot while at school,
Catch me grinning like a fool.

All my teachers think I’ll rule,
But I’m really the dullest tool.

There's a soul inside the reflection,
Ocean eyes that bring destruction,
A tsunami wave against his treasures,
Living on higher ground to avoid detection.

Nagging me, in the back of my spirit,
Is unsure feelings of something similar to anxiety,
Kick up the pace, lead me to the back porch.

Let me see what you've made in the grass,
I see it now and its hurts to look at it,
A glass gun, humming it's song.

Solidifying, am I?
I wish it felt like I was solidifying,
Maybe If I was solid, I'd feel complete.

In the backyard you've got a small raygun too,
Harmless but I'm still attracted to you,
Stop pointing that at me.

I don't wanna try anything anymore,
Been pushing and doing for hours to years on end,
Don't look at me with those eyes.

Father, I love you
Mother, I love you
Brother, I love you
Sisters, I love you
Grandmas, I love you
Grandpas, I love you
Friends, I love you
Pets, I love you
Exes, I love you
Abusers, I love you
Music, I love you
Drawing, I love you
Writing, I love you

Life, I hate you

Falling asleep is always hard now,
I remember when I could close my eyes and get transported,
Into a world where life and death mean nothing at all.

Space becomes twisted and ties me up every night now,
Whispering it's wishes into my ear,
I can't see life from death anymore.

Calling for my soul to wake up,
Find the courage to see the horizon ahead,
Where is death and when did life die?

I can't decide whether or not I'm alive or dead,
Sometimes things that get on the brink,
Are always called dead.

Shake me awake and take me home again,
My words keep losing meaning,
Whenever he comes home and keeps me alive.

Harder and longer goes days and weeks,
When will I see the light again?
I'm just wishing to wake the hell up.

I'm no longer able to focus,
Where did he go from my home?
Shaken into death now.

Turning planets and crashing stars,
Back into my vision once again,
I only want death, don't you?

It's time for snow to fall,
Strike me through,
Let me bleed out.

I'm beginning to feel the bitter,
Lemon flavor, crawling up my throat,
and spread through my tongue.

Pour me a glass of apple juice.

I just remembered all the things,
That are wrong with me and,
All the people who wronged me.

Delectable poison to my brain.

The wind spins me five days away from Sunday,
The very particular day when all my problems are gone and I can say what’s on my mind,
The wind blows me ten days from hell raise no matter what I ever say,
It's a depressing day when I remember that there's most likely nothing to save me now.

Conclude my story with a leap--
Of faith to cascade into the deep,
Let me go so can find my twilight sleep,
For nothing in return I will weep.

Admittance to my problems and concluding my story of fake smiles and scolding a selfish thought,
The many wars and consolation I had fought,
In contributions to happiness I had bought,
Of course I wasn't happy, not by a long shot.

Conclude my story with a leap--
Of faith to cascade into the deep,
Let me go so can find my twilight sleep,
For nothing in return I will weep.

The worst of the worst,
Has seared itself into my cranium,
Cementing itself as scar tissue,
An ailment that'll never fade away.

The best of the best,
Worn out and transparent,
Slipping away with every blink,
Poignant moments that have jaded.

A best friend is just enough for me,
Cause I've got a head full of my own enemies,
The stock hasn't gone down,
This surplus,
I'm nervous,
My carcass,
Is beckoning me to the grave.

We're gonna soar on some paper airplanes,
Draw some ***** pictures on the wings,
Crawl into the fold and kiss each other goodnight.

The wind from the cliff will push us off,
Onward, my lovely angel, where will we go?
Your wings have been clipped,
I want to let them grow,
So you don't have to depend on this paper airplane,
For too much long, cause I just wanna see you alive.

******* down fading brains,
Showing up to broken theater shows,
Shaking hands too wet to breathe,
Sinking eyeballs into the deep oil.

Cooler boys rested up on champagne,
Cooped up inside muddled sounds,
Crouching under bright green pathways,
Crumbling stones on tombstones.

Acting up to start a hurricane,
Accepting a life worth living,
Ate all of his supper with gratefulness,
Account for all the crowns left rotting.

Read moss covered signs,
Record voices among trees,
Rescue his passion from a grimy sea,
Receive praise and survive.

End with a bright yellow,
Entrance eyes and more to discover,
Enter with a word in hand,
Escape death with a breath of passion.

Dreaming thoughtfully over miles of land,
Dusk approaches his feet and brightens the night,
Drumming out fears of growing old,
Doors lead to newer worlds that he never believed real.

Im tired of pretending that Im any good at singing,
Cause my vocal cords crack and groan at every note,
Maybe I don't drink enough water,
or maybe my throat is just sick of me singing.

I don't know anything more than four cords,
My guitar doesn't see much use except abuse,
Although my piano just might be a *******,
I'm just a fool with a tool to speak his muse.

I wanna find it inside of myself,
A driving passion to bring money home,
Cause I'm sitting here with nothing,
Except a couple dollars to my name.

The poems I write are far too basic,
Nobody likes them but to be fair neither do I,
I can't show my face to anybody now,
Cause the porcelain is beginning to break.

It's chipping away, away, away...
Down the drain, away, away, away...
And now I sway, away, away, away...
In my room as a dull tool who loves music,
away, away, away...

I can’t gain any weight,
I will never like my height,
I won't look in my mirror,
Cause there's bound to be,
This boy who's so incomplete.

Phasing in and out,
Picking at the yellow grout,
Taking a bite of raw trout,
Inside my tub, my hideout.

Sometimes I feel so real,
Other times I’m Saint Gabriel,
Sending letters out my tracheal,
The atoms of mine wholly immaterial.

Befriending a nightmare or two,
They are my disappearing purple glue,
Holding the sole of my irreplaceable shoe,
The padding inside is sky-blue powdery mildew.

Sun setting over the suburbia,
Pale orange light reflecting into my eyes,
From shuttered windows on the second floors,
Golden hour just doesn't feel as right as yesterday.

Far outside of my point of view,
The president is a soldier for his country,
Kissed his wife and kid goodbye,
He says he might not see them tomorrow night.

Rain over, and over,
These bombshells falling,
Tears from the school and the orphanage,
God forbid, they fight for their dreams.

When your own people,
Surrender their weapons,
Cry to the enemies to finish this war.

Your reign.
will come.
To an end.

Manufactured my own shell,
To defend against any provocation,
Not seeing past the ceramic station,
You'll ask why but I'll never tell.

I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I'm the draw back for them,
Draw back, draw back my friends,
I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I know that I'm the draw back,
The draw back, draw back for my friends.

Single out every defense I create,
Wait until I go completely insane,
No matter which name you claim,
I'll never fall out of my figure eight.

I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I'm the draw back for them,
Draw back, draw back my friends,
I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I know that I'm the draw back,
The draw back, draw back for my friends.

Change is always so strange,
I can't tell if its interior I rearrange,
Or if my brain is mistaking change,
For the shame and the blame I take,
To transform into art for my own sake.

I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I'm the draw back for them,
Draw back, draw back my friends,
I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I know that Im the draw back,
The draw back, draw back for my friends.

I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I'm the draw back for them,
Draw back, draw back my friends,
I don't wanna fall back,
Fall back, fall back on them,
I know that I'm the draw back,
The draw back, draw back for my friends.

I don’t get a girl cause girls aren’t to be caught,
That’s what mama says and I say it all the time,
She’s dead so I guess it makes me feel better about living here,
On earth, in a place like Troy.

It’s a dead end city,
All my passions lay on a bed of ******
And ****,
I hate this town but I’m preaching to the choir
The choir
I’m preaching to the choir

I don’t even like women,
No, but I imagine that one day I could be a husband,
To see that someone could love me.
All my scabs and leftover scars,
Are something to be admired,
Or maybe they’ll find my laugh, charming.

Sitting in the backyard, on our trampoline,
It's dark now and the stars have come out,
If there's anything I can do to make you happy,
Let me know cause I am not enough for you.

Shooting stars, flying over our heads,
In streaks of white and purples,
Will it crash into us?
And show us the truth about ourselves that we may not believe.

Stay strong, when you're alone,
Inside a room made of nothing but lead,
It's heavy and poisonous to breath it in is death,
But you say that that's what you want?
Why do you want to leave?
I need you to stay with me.

Shooting stars, flying over our heads,
In streaks of white and purples,
Will it crash into us?
And show us the truth about ourselves that we may not believe.

. . . . .

s i l e n c e

. . . . .

s t a y  c a l m

. . . . .

f o r g e t  t h e  g u n

. . . . .

i t s  o k a y

. . . . .

d a y s  g r o w  l o n g e r

. . . . .

n i g h t s  g r o w  d a r k e r

. . . . .

t r y  t o  s l e e p

. . . . .

You are starting to share my air,
Although it’s just so small,
There’s something in there,
And I’ll let you know,
When my bones are bare.

If you’re not messing with me,
I’d like to get to know you,
And whatever’s behind your eyelids,
And just maybe I’ll give you a kiss,
Before I make my way home.

I suddenly remember why,
I hated my own life,
Why do I have to go through this strife,
It feels like I'm being stabbed with a knife,
If this is what makes me a better person then I don't want it.

"Ma'am"
"She's-"
"Her-"
******* all,
Think right, say something,
Correct their words,
But I cannot without feeling the fear,
It wells up inside my chest,
Like a scream waiting to happen.

If I have to go through this everyday again,
I have a feeling Wool Kid just might be revived,
And nobody wants him back.

"Ma'am"
"She's-"
"Her-"
******* my name,
And burn my face,
Take out my chest,
and lay me in a grave.

Respect me won't you?
It's not that hard,
I don't want to be mad

I'm the trouble in the air,
The monster under the stair,
Building myself an evil lair,
I know 'cause I don't ******* care.

You will never know the face,
Behind this killer nutcase,
Line me up and pull the mace
Maybe then you'll feel His grace!

Hang me up to dry on a cross,
Long enough and I'll grow moss,
It's a revolution I will cause,
Look out below cause Im ******* crossed!

You will never know the face,
Behind this killer nutcase,
Line me up and pull the mace
Maybe then you'll feel His grace!

I dare you to flee from this beast,
Cause I'll pull you down to feast,
Upon your ***** flesh, you ******* reek,
Tear you up, I have been unleashed.

I will know the face of God,
Uncover His killer facade,
He will beg for you to give laud,
Beg not, you'll lock eyes with a firing squad.

She could,
Dream away my fears,
She could,
Hold me tighter than the noose that I hold,
She could,
Take me on a wild ride into trouble town,
She could,
Become my high that I needed all last week,
She is,
Everything I need,
She is,
The one who saved me.

Hold my hand,
On this autumn evening,
Walk with me,
Far away from this place,
With your eyes I see,
Everything that I need.

You give me all these things,
And you buy me all these gifts,
But I don’t need them because all I’ve ever wanted is you.

Swing my hand,
Talk to me about your day I don’t mind,
Kiss me on the cheek,
And don’t let me walk too fast,
I don’t want to lose you,
Don’t doubt my love for you.

You give me all these things,
And buy me all these gifts,
But, girl I swear the only thing I need is your hand in mine.

Watch the sun set,
Cuddle up to my chest,
Let’s watch the world end,
Before our own eyes,
Hold my hand,
And let’s watch the world end,
Let’s watch the world end.

Show me where I began,
Now show me where I end,
I can't feel anything but the breathing,
It's rolling over my own shoulders,
Blades penetrate my ****** eyes.

Up down, round my stem,
Carve me up, carve me out,
In, out, scoop my guts,
Carve me up, carve me out.

I'm sitting on an abandoned fender,
Out on your front porch, I'm bending.
You're letting me see what it means to be,
All up inside all the misery that you feel inside,
Throw me away when my time comes nigh.

Put down the gun
Put down the gun
We’ve got you son,
We’ve got you son
You’ve had enough fun,
You've had enough fun.

Gunned down the store,
Modified gun, **** man,
Took a step outside,
Made it out alive.

“Let us inside!” They cried
“Let us inside!” They cried
The men in blue won’t abide,
The men in blue won’t abide,
Cover up the **** up, they lied,
It won’t blow over, they lied!

21 and under,
No need to worry about cars,
It’s your survival skills,
What are your exits?
Can you fight?
The rule-makers won’t give up guns,
Now you dropped to second in the food chain,
Arrogant white boys, they won’t die, so they’ll plow on.

12 years, we’ve been hit,
1,400 laid in graves,
Here’s to your souls,
Here’s to the kids,
Here’s to the families,
Here’s to the innocents.
I don’t know where you go,
But I hope you’re happy where you are.

Through no fault but mine,
Ive eviscerated my hope from youth,
Do you believe my manipulative lies,
Cause I sure hope you know I'm telling the truth.

Who I am,
Is who you tell me,
Insult me and break these teeth,
My gums will bleed.

Goodnight,
Tomorrow is not my last day,
Though it'll feel like my first,
I'm sorry I'm so stubborn,
I truly don't mean you harm.

You're gonna hurt my feelings.
But why should you give a ****?
If I'm just a stupid kid.
Who knows nothing about the world.
Then I don't deserve an ounce of respect.
Nothing I own is mine under your roof.
So sell all of it. Use the money to buy my grave.

Good luck cause I'll haunt you until you're dead.