Today I got the wind knocked out of me.
A blow that further dulled my dying senses.
This universe is dying... It's death inevitable. It's end approaching.
Our home is decaying, a loss of light has been sighted on all spectrums.
Infinity needs to be reinvented.
For my sake as all I want for us is to remain. That's my reason for being here in the first place. To make sure we stay.
But all will fade away.. why?

And if death is part of life, where will death be at the end of our universe?
Our souls would also perish. This realization that a part of me will not last even if I'm not in a conscious state cripples me. I want to remain, a single atom will suffice.

But there is another side, another chance. A new player has entered this universe. Chances are that we may be one of the very first alive. Life: a system that defies the odds. I can't help but wonder. Is life the solution for this dying universe? Energy poured into consciousness so it can save itself from dying? Life is wired for survival and I truly hope our purpose is to always defy the odds.

Hysterical laughter comes from a voice within me.
It should reach your ears, since you are not deaf to voices silenced.
Paranoia entered my brain, panic attacks happen
and I can only sleep when my body collapsed.
I effectively murdered the poet that lingers within me
it died horribly, painfully and I'm still bleeding.

I'm enjoying this feeling of agony.

- Stevie Ray de Vries Andries.

The world is a cruel place for a kind heart
which is a wise thought, which life taught
me when my kind heart got lost
in a mind dark. Life always defines art
it is refined, smart, pierces through lies sharp.
Those standing in the light are always surrounded by night, marked.
Cursed is the kind heart to always feel the cold of the world,
cursed to try and survive by his own warmth.
To try and thrive despite being shunned by He who shines in the sky
ignored by She who gave Earth life.
We try to surpass the sky just as we strive for truth.
The kind heart remains old through youth.
As kids we played yet we say we had a philosophical childhood.
Death surrounds us as we surround death.
It never dares intrude our space, it never dares to take.
It can only give, as we play a game
a kind heart is like Death, we will both never change.

Break the shackles of infinity,
and we will witness the universe
transforming into a horizon
our 3D selves will be reduced
to cartoons ridiculed
and every outline of every person
will become clear for everyone to witness
nobody is more, nobody is less
and everybody will be
exactly who he is
We will see in lines
and new patterns will emerge
and a world unknown will unfold
ready to be explored

Blood trickles from my fingers,
From my hands
gripping the pen tighter
with barbwire wrapped around it
The physical pain
Puts distance between me
and my emotions
Ink drips out as it mixes with my blood
Writing shallow words on paper
making my life more tolerable
As the hatch to my traumatized self
stays shut for just a little while longer.

Little whispers
reverberate like thunder
leaving devastation
in their wake

As fragile as I am
As strong as I am to start showing my vulnerability
As reluctant as I am to show my inner self
as opportunistic that I am to seize every opportunity to do so
So many contradictions that are all so similar to which goal they lead
The contradictions make the obstacles so vivid, it all becomes clear
signal fires from old behavior begging to die
Bearing the incredible soothing rainstorm dousing the painfull fire
mending it with tears, healing the sore
listening to the screams that can be heard when acknowledging the fire
soothing the voices to silence with simple words but spoken with a depth of sincere understanding
"It's okay"
we lay open, tortured by our own pain
we fall some get up and build lives around obstacles in an attempt to lead comfortable lives
but still we lay open, bare and we feel the wounds
yet for some it blends in like background noise, just winds rotating around the obstacles
but I trudge along in the open scars, digging deeper towards someone I have always wanted to meet and look him straight in the eye with nothing but a look of sincere understanding
and simple words I would say:
"It's okay, let's go outside for a walk"
and I would guide myself outside
and look at the world for the first time..