The Earth is 4,5 billion years old...
4,5 billion years of memories experienced by both life and atoms.
You can almost grasp what it was like back then
The strangely familiar feeling, warm and comforting
as if it's part of you and as if you are part of it
The world stares back when you stare at 'it'
Thus the world is watching you walk
it has no eyes because it has no need for it
it can see clear and it's eye pierces
what no eye can ever see
The serene being living for over 4 billion years..
Can you fathom the life experience? What it has been through?
I can't and I know I'm not ready yet.

But what I do know of my soul is that it's commited to something.
It's trying to achieve something for over two thousand years now.
It would be truly grand if a soul's lifetime lasts a lifetime of Earth.
I find purpose in knowing that I want to achieve something over
a time of multiple lives. It makes me feel less useless because it gives me time to further develop myself. And when I talk of family I can't help but wonder. What if I'm your successor and I have committed myself to the task that you have when it is time for you to retire?

A worn out face and soul I hide behind other parts I play.
He's asleep, slowly waking up, he can only be energized by his daughter's presence today.
Yet she maybe is unaware of his father's existence
it wouldn't be strange, we're nearing a full year
I pray day to day she's not unaware, truth be told it's my biggest fear
it's hard to hold on to hope
when all you've got is memories
and an old picture on your desk
All these questions and doubts I got
a beating rhythm in my head
every tear I shed embodies my love for you
every tear I shed is because I'm missing you
I pray you don't ever forget that I'm your dad.

I remember being scared to death the first night home.
As I focused on your breathing and I pictured you behind closed eyes
I slept shallow and checked multiple times to see if you were still alive
My biggest fear then was losing you... and two years later I did
and now I've missed a year experiencing you turning into a kid.

I bet you're cheeky, witty and stubborn. Curious, full of love, sensitive and have a deep intelligence. So now I'm fighting to get you back, giving it my all. To continue setting an example, to show you that you've gotta fight for those dear to you, to show you the power a person can have. And if by some stupid lies I lose this fight, I promise you Sara look for me when you're old enough and you'll realize dad always got your back. I won't give up on you.. EVER
You'll hear an other side of a story but I won't impose my opinion on you. I will give my side of the truth and let you decide from there.

Know that I would rather endure an entire life of this heavy burden and pain and take it to my grave then let you say you had a father who gave up halfway.

In three days you'll turn three. I'm sorry I can't be there Sara but I promise I'm doing everything in my power to see you as soon as possible. In advance I wish you a happy birthday, your birthday present is going to be a bit late though. Bear with me, it's on it's way.

I love you.

Writen with tears of sincerity, a strong soul and a loving heart,

Your father Stevie Ray de Vries Andries.

ps. You're always way to young to have any boyfriends, ever. ;) Dad will put them to the test. If they're unworthy Spartan-Kick them out of the house and if they are you'll sleep in seperate beds. And if he does treat you with the honor and respect you deserve.. I'll think about letting you sit next to eachother on the couch. Haha...

The core of my heart is compassion, it's warmth passionate.
Enveloped by the pain and sadness of my past experiences.
The bright light hugging it is made from the love I have received in my life. The scars on my heart is proof that life acknowledges me.
The tears that I shed for myself and for those I love is the light and hope I give to others who are shining just as bright.
When I look up to the night sky and gaze the stars we have the tendency to feel insignificant. But it is in this very tendency where our tenacity lies. To want to grow to being significant on cosmic scale. Besides the fact that our tenacity and willpower lies in that very thought we also create an illusion for ourselves. The night sky tells me I'm significant, for we are small yet we matter in the world we live in. When our hearts open our horizon widens, our world becomes bigger but it also deepens. I would like to invite those that say that this world is getting smaller to not look at size but to zoom in on one specific aspect of life. You would realize how significant an ant or a microbe is and just how dependant we are on the smallest of creatures and how significant they are to us. You would realize that the smallest of things  allow us to be significant for others and that it serves as the foundation, the stepping stone for us to be significant on a cosmic timescale. Everything is connected and so far everything we know except ourselves honors that connection.

Words abandoned me today.
My thoughts race. No clue what I'm thinking except that I'm thinking.
I'm sleepy. I should get some rest. Probably would be for the best. But I don't want to. I don't want this miserable day to end, because I am more afraid of tomorrow. I barely eat, my hands tremble.. I'm shaky, weak, feeble, clumsy, falling.. Tired, awake, bleeding, leading myself astray.. but why?
Ironically because all I am feeling is sadness and pain. You flow in my veins but the weight of my love for you is simply to great. So I endure but I don't want to. I want to give up but I can't. I want to stop but I can't. I'm tired of fighting but my mind and body simply won't stop to rest. I don't want to die yet this seems like this will be a fight to the death..and I don't want to give in to my desire to see you.. it's frail and it hurts so I keep it close and deny. But I can't help but accept that without you I will die, this frail part of me that I hold so close to my side.. And when I show this side I can only show that I care. Stevie has writersblock so I wrote this poem as your dad.

I just realized that it took me quite some time to realize that it takes quite some time to realize things you really need to realize.