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388 · Jan 2018
Strength
Mercedes Jan 2018
Why is it that I am weak when I cry
but strong when I hide my tears?
I have learned that my feelings
matter less depending on where I am.
When with company I must put on my mask,
but I am allowed to be depressed in private
where no one will ever find me to help.

I guess strength is determined by how well you hide away
so that you cannot possibly hurt anyone else
with your own emotions.
So I just sit here and hurt myself.
306 · Jan 2018
Crazy Love
Mercedes Jan 2018
It's always the small things
that last in your mind;
all the small silly things
that add up in time.

Small comments and gestures
that we store deep inside.
Barely knowing we have them,
they curl up and hide.

To build and destroy
this love that we've found,
those small little things
that float all around.

Those times we remember
in the back of our heads
that never pop up
'til we lie down in bed.

These small little things:
the good and the bad.
Those small, silly things
that drive us all mad.
301 · Jan 2018
The Bird's Song
Mercedes Jan 2018
My little bird,
She just loves to fly.
Please close the window
So she can't reach the sky.

My little bird,
She mourns like a widow.
I'll give her a cage
So she can't reach the window.

My little bird,
She grows restless with age.
I'll trim all her feathers
So she'll stay in her cage.

My little bird,
Won't you sing me a song?
They used to warm my old heart,
But not in so long.

My little bird,
Is it because of your feathers?
I'll let them grow back,
If we can just sing together.

My little bird,
Is it due to the cage, dear?
I'll throw it all out,
If you give me something to hear.

My little bird,
Is it because of the window?
I'll open it now,
But please just don't go.

My little bird
Has taken to wing.
Now that she's gone,
I can finally hear her sing.
296 · Jan 2018
Cancer is Complex
Mercedes Jan 2018
Leaf filled trees and chill forest wind
Collect at my back as I visit again.
We played amongst that wood-made-home
Our noses red and with shivering bones.
We laughed, skipped, bounced, rolled
Along forest paths and grassy knolls.
Such kind eyes, such tender hands,
A brilliant mind and love for the land.
So many friends, so much to give;
So little time left to live.

I didn't know you very long,
But your life was like a country song.
I call you my sister, my cousin, my friend,
But we were really just strangers until the end.
Once you were gone I learned so much,
It felt like my heart was cold to the touch
Compared to your warmth, your strength and love.
Admiring you was like wearing a glove.

Did you know we all laughed when we found that puzzle piece?
It was the first time since you left I felt so at ease.
You told us to be strong, told us not to cry,
But I never even got to tell you goodbye.
I truly wanted to go and see you away,
But I couldn't quite muster the words to say.
Then it appeared I could try once again,
But I guess I wasn't ready to accept you as dead.

I thought and I cried for many a day
Thinking of how I could reduce this pain.
I never really knew you, I was so young when it happened,
But you were the first close person I had lost back then.
Maybe God just really loved you and wanted you there,
I bet you two would make a good pair,
But maybe it's you who hasn't let go,
Maybe it's us who are lucky, you know?

You were so young when you were called away,
While all of your family was forced to stay.
You don't have people to cherish you there,
Except for those you knew in prayer.
I hope you know it won't always be that way
Because we will all be together again someday.
We'll find some trees up there in the sky
And run through the autumn woods once I die.

But while I'm here, alive on this earth
I must find a way to be of worth.
I just can't do that while clinging so tightly
And crying myself to sleep nightly.
So I must leave you, though I know you're alone
I hope once I'm up there I can atone,
so please forgive me, but I need to let you go,
But I will always love you, just so you know.
232 · Jan 2018
Tick Tick Tock
Mercedes Jan 2018
Count the seconds, watch the clock,
Hope it doesn't fall off the wall.
Hear the hand, tick, tick, tock,
In one more minute he's sure to call.
222 · Jan 2018
Where do you go?
Mercedes Jan 2018
When life has gone blank;
No more ink in your pen.
When pain pulls at your heart
Again and again.

When your dreams only appear
Under the cover of night.
When you're stumbling around
And you can't find the light.

When you've done all you can
And you just can't cope.
When there are eyes all around
But not a spark of hope.

When you're stuck in the dark
And you can't break free.
Where do you go?
And would you please take me?

— The End —