They say I'm too young to be this full
of the world
but really, I have no room left
because you see
I fall in love a thousand times a day-
I saw you double take the leaf getting
crushed under your fathers feet and
I think you felt sorry for it
The breath cut short before a laugh
And the quivering of a mouth when you don't know whether you should laugh or cry.
You might as well slam me into a brick wall when
I hear someone sing
and today I walked by a man with a guitar and
felt the wind get knocked out of me//
it was the most heart wrenching thing-
he had your hands
and lately I've noticed
when you see me you no longer have
to catch your breath and if you want me to say
i'd do anything to make you stay
you'll be waiting
the rest of your life

Don't ask me why my hands are shaking when
the rain just put out the last
of my cigarettes and i can't find my
keys because i misplaced them while looking for  the dark green lighter i found last night
in the wet grass of the house you said goodbye in.
I'm becoming shorter of breath the
longer I stand here
and these cobblestone skies are closing in on me and God knows this is the last place
I want to be stuck
Pick any house on the map
and I'll tell you what's happened there
and how many beer cans I crumpled
in the musty garage
or how many times my hand has grasped the doorknob of a bedroom
I'll tell you that the yellow house on the left side of 163rd had me laughing until I no longer
thought I was in my body
and I'll tell you that
the yellow house on the left side of 196th
had me wishing I never existed
at all
Inside white walls I took too many hits and
the smoke built up on the walls so thick
I had no choice but to stay
the night in your arms
In between wooden panels and a seemingly impossible staircase you kissed me
up
every
step
and going back down seemed like a sin
i absolutely
could not commit.
By now I am in an all too familiar place
to be feeding off old habits
so I break away from those bitter lips
and I run out to the same woods
I've seen a million times-
And I know that this is what makes this home

i don't know why i still love you
you've put me through hell and back
all i know is that
i can't stop thinking about you

you make me smile
you make me cry
you make me laugh
you make me wish that i'd never even met you

sometimes i wish that i could go back in time
to stop myself from falling in love with you
but then i realize that this is not possible
because one way or another
i would have fallen for you

in this dream I was running down
a thinning subway and the people
grew in numbers, inflating until I
was pressed against the wet brick
when I climbed out and lost my
shoe, stood atop the winding
corridor and realized that
they were all people I
knew, each of them a
stacked book lining a
spiral all the way  
down, going no
where in
particular.

On the inside I am breaking into a thousand pieces
But my face is like one of a statue
Unmoving, sharp
Totally emotionless
At least for now
Soon a crack will appear on my marble body
At the place my heart once lived
Then it will spread
Creating a web of tiny cracks
Just one poke
One tiny little touch
And I will become
Nothing
But
A
Pile
Of
Marble dust