many nights
right before I close my eyes
the lyrics begin to flow.
I know you are close. I feel you.
your presence becomes known.
I hear you. your scent still unknown.
I wonder how long before I know it.

as my eyelids close,
I get warm, my back settles.
the arch gives and the muscles relax.
I sense you're near, you're pressed against me.
I lay still. I prepare to release, to breath.
heave, silently, my children sleep.
they rest next to me.
the space there.

how can I bare to continue to miss
this bliss. to not know what it is.
my patience will not run thin.
I will stand in love.
I will listen. follow the path back to my dreams.
I know they will come again.
these new ones will be of you.

the pace here is set,
as I rested in between the next step.
its ready to be walked.
each moment crossed is yet
another chance to evolve.

these are the things that free
this souls fret.
these are the realities that allow
me to see my whys.
the dips constant churn,
the waves crashed into the surface
and curled into it.
moved right into its own core.
rinse it, better yet.
get it all out.

there are steps I must step.
bricks to be laid. they weigh a lot.
come with emotional movements
that can cause an uneasiness.
a mild upset. one that must be dealt.
and so I deal with it.
up front. transparent.

though, don't hold your breath,
at best, bet on these steps.
they rarely let me me down.
they have been configured to rise,
to crown.
the knees get momentary rest.
they must dig into the ground and
weep. this is just a part of the work.

though, this race,
this race is set. the energy is moving around
and around and around.
tempting me to play.
keeping pace, headed down a glowing road.

being me comes with repercussions.
I can now laugh at them.
Younger they hurt my heart.
Though the trust is developing in self.
I keep choosing a path that gives me
what I need.
I feel crazy sometimes, though I know
everything is ok.

Sometimes my writing is weak and
my choices bleed.
Recently they've been so cloudy.
I am ready to see clear again.
The distractions of the world are plenty.
I just want to do my work.

I want to get back to this work.
Focus in on the work.
the plants lead the way.
I know I can trust them.
I do not know what just happened
though I trust it was just.
it was a must.
I hold each moment in this embrace.

I wish to race home.
allow my body to relax.
to be healed.
accepting of things.
allowing some time to pass.
valued mostly a healthy home.
my heart continues to moan and
call loud. patience for the time.
moments to know.
I know this soul will feel the bond of One.

I know one will appreciate all of me.
one will lead me through my dark spaces.
hold my hand down the path.
knowing who is within.
feeling the desire to heal.
needing my trail, wanting more than
the idea of me.

all these moments, they prepare me
for the one that my smile gets big again.
when I feel it within, I will be ready to deal
with it then.
ready to step again into the moments that
have yet to come.

This masters year is nearing it's revolution.
The months draw nearer.
The dark approaches it's own hollow.
It releases all pieces.
Ejects the past from its space.
It prepares to be enlightened again.
Springing from these dark days, I am
Coming.

I have arrived and behind my eyes
I know what is true.
I know love lights all paths to you.
I know I am you.
Though I feel a weight upon my shoulders.
I carry bags of my past, still.
I try to abandoned them.
They seem to want me.

These bags are packed with folded rags
Of stories told and forgotten.
They replay a story of saddened days.
Fears begotten path.
Where each second spent in its chest
Lent to the next. The nightmares surge
in my memories.

And it's so clear to me though I seem to
Lack some skill.
Some path to standing still.
To waiting until the storm has passed.
I prefer to move with haste and cleanse
As I move.
Waiting for the waves to crash seems
Immautre. Though,
I am feeling something here.

My movements feel too fast, now.
Now they feel weakened by my past.
As the river passes I just know not to drown.
I interact with the waves from above.
Though here is the sticky stuff,
You are here.
I know it.
This masters year has shown it.
This year is rolling around through time,
Curling within and releasing the stems
Of the 9.
Resisting the passed times.
Heeding the signs to break ties.
To separate the cycles intent.
They'll go on until we master them.

33rd degree to see me.
I had to climb this height to have a viewpoint.
I had to reach this moment to be free
To release the heat they encapsulated me in.
I no longer want to question my worth.
My capability to be loved.
My darkest, hidden corners...
They are fully being alarmed.

The light is coming.
You have me in your sight
And you stand still until you capture me.
I will know.

Memories desire
Fires lit, dim. Oxygen,
Wind called to feed it

There's a love song I'm stuck on
It sounds like the wind
It moves so quickly
I get anxious each time it ends.
So I hit replay.

I listen again, I hear the promises.
It's tones are tuned to my ears.
It's near, it pierces my pores.
So clear, the melody of my heart.

I taste the tears as they roll
To my lip. Salty memories of times
I searched for you.
Years of running from the dark and
Always towards the light.
I remember the last one was a man,
And he chased me to your arms.

That fear stayed far behind

And it creeps up from time to time.

It's my kidneys path.
Gone to support the health of my family.
My kin.
You all.
A sacrificial path. The one
To end with.
The final breaths of some ending.
Some beginning.
Some new hand.
Those times call me now.
Bridging these gaps.
Time is moving fast...

My love,  I gasp
At the thought of embracing your hand
Upon my chest.
I tremble as your grace presses into my
Existence. I ask,
Come to me, at last.
Fully enlighten this minds darkest corners.
At last! You have arrived.
As I hear the songbirds sing.
I hear our song, I sing. I rejoice within.
I hit repeat.