Sierra Brown

Sierra Brown Feb 2014

Breathe in;
Breathe out.
The toxin air fills my lungs
sharper than razor blades against my legs.
I don't care much anymore.
seeing everyone so **** happy;
makes me ******* sick.
I want to run away from it all,
from all the smiles I see around me.
But I have nowhere to hide;
nowhere to feel safe;
no one to hold me.
Breathe in;
Breathe out.
Nicotine fills my lungs,
I think I like the fact that it's killing me
Slowly,
Sweetly,
Painlessly.
I find pleasure in knowing i'll die any day from the one thing that needs me more than I need it.
Nicotine.

.. not sure about this one.

Sierra Brown Feb 2014

she'll never fail to amaze me.

The sun shines down on me;
I love the warm rays that shine upon my face.
The sun is my best friend;
she's always there for me on my worst days;
and like a human; she needs her space too.
She'll take a day or two to herself to hide behind the clouds.
Even the sun needs a break to regain her energy for the days to come.
Waking up at 7:30 a.m. isn't a problem for me,
I know that she'll be up with me,
shining a bright orange color; Brighter than all the stars combined.
She's so flawless, kissing the sky every morning.
She knows she looks beautiful rising over the horizon,
Something so natural, and simple, something so superior to all other lights.
Something tells me she'll never leave me alone
like everyone else has.

Sierra Brown Feb 2014

Restless

Sleepless nights leave me feeling anxious, restless.
Is there a deeper meaning to my insomnia?
To lay here and think of my mistakes
gives me reason to believe I'm a disappointment
letting down my mother, my father, my family.
But when I switch my thoughts to the positive side;
it gives me reason to keep a smile on my face;
knowing I've only just begun my life.
Tell me i'm not crazy,
tell me my thoughts aren't considered psychotic.
Tell me this is normal; tell me to think this way is natural,
Back in forth in my own **** mind,
battling my negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
Guess it's just another sleepless night.

Sierra Brown Feb 2014

Living

Something so simple
yet
something so complex;
What happened to living in a free country?
Is it free to feel like you can't love someone based on their gender?
If this place was a free country;
I wouldn't need to explain why I love someone the way I do.
If this place was a free country;
Why do we have to work 50+ hours a week
just to make ends meat
Life isn't free; Nothing is free.

Sierra Brown Feb 2014

cigarettes

My throat is sore;
Telling me I've smoked too many today.
        My cough is strong;
Telling me I need to quit before it's too late.
        My mouth is dry;
Reminding me of a desert; in desperate need of water.
            My mind is screaming;
But, i never listen when it tells
                                                      Me
                                                        to
                                                                    quit.

Sierra Brown Feb 2014

fat fat fat

My hands are shaking;
I Can't seem to catch my breath.
Something inside me tells me this is okay;
That this is necessary for me.

She must hate me if she thinks this is okay,
Something so cruel, telling me "don't eat, you'll get fatter, no one will like you"

Food is my nightmare, food is my saviour.
I can't help but to deny myself from it though.
I might need help, but who will save me from myself?

This may sound cliche, but feeling fat is what I despise, I constantly am blaming myself for the feeling of "fat"

But, what is fat compared to health ?

Sierra Brown Feb 2014

the rain falls

The rain falls;
Simultaneouly with my tears.

It's like they're one,
I am one with mother nature

She is me, as I am her.
It's peaceful knowing when I stop;
So will she.

— The End —