Looking in your eyes, I see myself

Scared, sad, lonely

But that's why you're my one and only

You make me feel like I’m not the only one

The only one that wants to run

Run away from their problems, forget it all

I always fall

But you caught me

You caught me when no one else did

Then I looked even deeper into those blue eyes

And saw that the love of my life was in disguise

You were hidden under a mask that I had to pry open

I had to pry open the mask that hid all your emotions

But when I did it was worth it

I realised that you were perfect

I never knew that I loved you

Not until it was only you

It was you who brought me to the light

Brought me happiness

Brought me love

I thought you were my brother, just a friend

But then I realised I wanted to be with you till the end

So I kept that mask pried open

I showed you my love

Hoping you would understand

But I thought I didn’t stand a chance

There was another girl we knew

Who always looked at you,

The way I do

So I let you wear that mask again

And I was only a friend

I was sad

I was lonely

I thought that maybe, you were my one and only

But then you went with the other girl, not me

I was broken

Just a shell of a person

A person that onced loved, always kept everything out in the open

But then I felt betrayed

Betrayed by love

Betrayed by you

Betrayed by the only person that knew

The only person that knew my problems

I never kept it inside with you

But you wouldn't take a hint

I tried flirting

But I felt degraded

I felt like I was trying too hard

That if you loved me, I wouldn’t have to try at all

So I gave up

I went with another man

But he wasn’t the same

I felt like I was playing a game

But this game wasn’t fun

I wanted to run

I wanted to just leave it all

But I lasted 5 months and 17 days until I had to fall

He wasn't the one

I knew, because you caught me again

I didn’t feel like I was just a friend

I wanted to be with you until the end

But I didn’t want to hurt you

You seemed happy with her

So I hurt myself insead

I left you again

Tried to hang out with other friends

But they didn’t get me like you did

I put my mask on

And thought I would never take it off again

And I was lonely

I didn't want them to see me

I wanted them to stay, not leave

I didn’t want them to leave me like I did to you

But then summer came and they all left

I was lonely again

I had no more fake friends

But I didn’t talk to you often

Cuz I still didn't want you to hurt

I didn't want to be tempted to flirt

But then you told me you used to like me

And suddenly I didn't feel so lonely

I talked to you again, but not too often

Because you said “used to” not that I was still an option

But then school started, and later I got grounded

I couldn't talk to you at all

And I had to fall

But I found a way to talk and felt relief

I felt relief from all the pain and suffering I’d endured

But then I found out you were suffering even more

She left you and broke your heart

I felt the need to rip her apart

You shouldn't have had to feel that pain

You didn't have to suffer

But you told me about another girl you liked instead

You said she was beautiful

That she was smart, and kind

But I got jealous and couldn't take it anymore

I grew a pair and told you how I felt

And I was happy I did

Because my one and only, felt the same

You thought I didn't like you the same way

So you were scared to say

You were scared to say you liked me

But then you asked me what I wanted and I got confused

You asked me what I wanted us to be

So I told the truth

I told the truth and asked you to be with me

You said ok and I was filled with glee

I felt old saying it, but I told you I was giddy

A couple weeks go by and we made a promise

And here we are still keeping that promise

We made a promise that lasts all our days

We promised each other, forever and always

I am fat
Make one wrong move I am obese
Shoving healthy words down my windpipe
As I binge on my stress
As I eat unhealthy
As I wallow is self pity because
I am fat.

Nothing helps
Exercise becomes irrelevant as I feed into my desire to snack
I swallow my pride and just as I swallow the pills,
I eat.

Supplements of plenty
2
3
4
Pills a day
To feel better about myself
Like I am doing something
I am like a whale going for the smallest of things,
But bingeing

All I am is my desires and I cant help but feel that I,
Am not me

Dont pitty me, just hear my plea
My plea for help as I sink deep down in a hole
A hole full of darkness and fear and regret And

Past mistakes
Past comments
Because I am fat

Because I cant help but feel my desires to snack,
To eat

I become one with the pills as they attempt
To form my body
As I continue to mistreat it.

Cant take this anymore as I close the door on my emotions

Eating effortlessly binging on my own discomfort

Watching myself grow in the mirror I cry
And take it one more pill at a time

Given up on all hope of being healthy
Because I
Am fat