whatever happened to You and me against the world?
and when did you become the world against me?
when did declarations of Love become declarations of war and woe?
when did you stop being my lover and become my foe?
when did my best friend become my biggest threat?
when did hugs and kisses become a trade for sticks and Stones?
when did you begin breaking the bones you swore you'd mend?
when did longing loving stares become dagger threatening glares?
when did you decide to trade love in a for war?
hugs to scorns,
when did we stop fighting for eachother?
and start fighting one another?
when did you become the world against myself?

It was filled with your pictures...
your memory,
a book filled with Kodak moments of both you and me,
but you cut its lifespan short,
empty prophecies of true love,
tell me...
have you ever spoken truth that wasn't covered with lies?
small white lies became the large elephant in the room,
I put together this new album...
what I thought would be filled with vivid new memories,
make this year my own,
meticulously time landed photographs,
capturing smiles warmth and laughter,
it was filled with your memory...
every county Fair wristband, movie stub, Thanksgiving wishbones,
yes, you were that important,
too bad that I wasn't the same,
thought this year would be my year.... thought it would be the album of the year

Hey I know that you're all grown up, your not a little girl anymore & don't need me for shelter,

But I know that you hurt,
And deep within there's still a little girl coveting inside,
The armor that now is YOU as a woman,

And I just wanna reach out to her,
Show you that you are still HER,
That little girl that onced dreamed of things bigger than she,

I know you feel hopeless,
Life's disappointments left you loveless,
But I know your not completely hollow,
Because you have a little girl now,
And you had to harvest love to have her,

I'm just here to remind you,
That you onced laughed & you smiled,
And your glow could light up a darkened road for miles and miles,

I hope your listening,
Even if tears roll & glisten,
Because someone needs to remind you,
That you're not cold or made of Iron.

Your just a little lost in the current,
And you need someone to guide you,
But first and foremost I'd like to apologize to you,
For not becoming what you always dreamed of being,
When you were a little girl so excited to be part of this world,

So here goes:
This is a letter to my younger self,
The little girl that wanted to grow up so bad,
But it happened way too fast,

I know everything has seemed like a war and a struggle,
And I'm sorry I've let you down,
See I was so in a hurry to grow up and be free to be me.

That I didn't think things thoroughly,
And now the younger me is suffering,
The part of me that still dreams,
Believes in love solid as gold,
This little girl she was bold,
Despite a broken home and divorce,
She STILL dreamed BIG,
Big about ME.

But I let you down in my own greed,
Too in a hurry to flee,
From home so I could experience being a teen,
Because your childhood was stolen,
And you just wanted to be normal like everyone you knew,

I'm sorry that back then I didn't give much of a ****,
To keep my head on straight,
And secure the life that you are owed,

I'm sorry I was so in a rush to experience life,
Because as you already know it,
I never got to be a care-free child,
I'm sorry you always felt alienated & broken,

And all the hands that had touched you,
Warped in your young mind what the idea of love is,
I'm sorry I poisoned your body,
Trying to **** the pain you have felt your whole life,

I know deep inside you're STILL in there.....
Still trying to believe..
That somehow you can still be happy,
And in time maybe trust AGAIN,

I know you're all grown up now,
And you are a force to reckon with,
I know you may not need my Comfort or embrace,

All I know is that you are lost,
Deep inside My head,
Because all of life's circumstances rendered you to give in,

But even as a little girl you were tougher than nails,
And the strength in your mind is bigger than your own body,
So keep pushing and pulling til the dam breaks and your floods consume all those who hate.

I'm so sorry I didn't work harder to be the person that you thought you'd grow up to be,
But I'm you from the future telling myself from childhood....

Hey you can't give up,
You still have more miles,
And two eyes that look up at you to admire.

I lost everything.

I lost everything when I lost myself.
Myself worth, my self Pride, myself preservation.

I lost everything when I lost you...
My future dreams, a good night's sleep, a good night kiss.

I lost everythig when I lost control
Of my emotions, of WHO I love and let love me.

I lost everything.

I lost my home, my car, my job...
And all the dreams I had when I was a just a girl...
To be someone.
Someone I like, someone im not... To be me and not my mom or a hopeless loveless one...

I lost it all.

When I fell in love with you.
And forgot myself,
What I was worth, what I wanted... When I met you.

I lost it all.

I lost my mind, sank in a pool of tar that swiftly swam into my arm...
Into a sea of no feelings and no emotion or humanity...

I lost EVERYTHING.

When I forgot what dreams I had, that I can love someone other than you...

I lost it ALL.

Somewhere in time when I gave up... On me.
When you gave up on me too..
I lost my heart. My mind. My sanity.

And I became this girl of stone unfeeling to the world.
solely to armor myself from the mental abuse people like you have put me through...

The dodging eyes, the small white lies... The elephant in the room.
Was YOU and all your lies.

That you denied and tried to cultivate your alibi... And blame me for your short comings....

For YOUR lack of empathy and courage to take lead.
For YOUR lack of belief in me, in you IN US.
For YOUR insecurity and pride.

Well where did that get you now??? Did you find all you wanted that you couldn't find in me???

*** I lost EVERYTHING to raise YOU up....
And you tossed me like  piece of trash.

I lost it ALL..

Believing in a pipe dream. A fairytale a fantasy.

I lost it all..
When I lost sight of that little girl that had endless

"AMMONIA DRENCHED FLOWERS"

They say if you like a flower let it grow,
Do not pick it before it grows,
I saw pretty flowers grow..
Amongst the silver and the gold,
A silhouette against a reddening sun,
Under my boots the clatter of crumbling rocks,
Trying to find relief why keeping modesty,
A sea of yellow sour flowers fold upon the fields,
As I water them up against the wall,
I ****** upon the flowers,
As pretty as they were,
They fill the air with the pungent scent of ammonia,
A visit from every vagabond, misplaced person, or ghosts in living in shells,
That walked the yellow brick road before I died

You were so concerned wether I believed you changed or not,
And when you asked me..
Back then I said "Yes" & trusted your crooked *** anyway,
I guess I wanted so bad to believe that you were actually legit and just for me,

But **** I fell for the *****- trap yet again,
How the f**k after I all that I've been thru believe in love again?
I guess I really wanted to believe that lie again,
Nice to that hope of a Disney fairytail end,

But you were my first,
And you'll be my very LAST mistake I'll EVER make!
*** honestly I can't take the tugs and cuts to my heartstrings again,
How many more times must I piece together uneven pieces of my broken self?
How many more times will I rebuild myself again?

With every break, and bend and stretch of myself more pieces seem to miss,
Pretty soon no glue or stitch will be able to put me back together again,

If you asked me today if I believe you really changed,
My answer would be NO., you just became slicker with your shady ways & that's it,
I once told you were the only person that has treated me decently,
Right now I'll take that back I'm sorry you ARE my biggest regret,

Your the camel the broke the camel's back,
The best **** liar your whole get-down is a hack,

So asked me again What I think of you now,
Well lemme see your a pathological LIAR that spews beautifully crafted lies,
It seems you eat deceit for breakfast I guess you are what you eat,
Like **** your so good at lieying I wonder how you even sleep at night,

Your so blind to your **** ups that even YOU believe your own **** lies!
I guess whatever it takes to catch your Zzzz's at night,
*** you got me so worked up I just wanna put em up and Fight,

You tried to push it all on me,
The usual move every pathological LIAR pulls,

But I've known you for way too long,
And I deligently watch every move, hear every word, see every gesture and store it in the back up storage of my mind,
So your futile games don't play with me,
*** I'm like a predator hiding watching in the brush just waiting silently to pounce at the perfect time so I can take you OUT,

Ask me again what I think of you NOW.

The day I gave you life,
Heard your first gasp was the scariest day of my life,
It was wholesome, it was AWESOME,
It was THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE,
The day you took your first steps you bumped your head and didn't even make a sound,
I swooped you up, carried you in my arms & off to the Doctor we went,
But everything was ok,
The day you were ***** trained, you picked up so fast,
And by surprise learned something we have never taught you,
The day your father died,
YOU'RE ALL I HAD & a piece of me also died with dad,
And you were such a big girl... You watched me slowly decay in bed,
I never cried, but I died for days on END,

You told me:
"Mommy, everything is going to be ok, I love you.. YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY EVER"

And those were the best words I ever heard in my existence,
It's always been just you and me, and now the distance it's killing me again,
But I know I'm working on myself today,
It aches in my soul EVERYDAY...
But babygirl... it's ALL FOR YOU,
And we will be together again someday.

I am my worst captive
A prisoner of my own kind
Nothing brings me down faster than my own mind
I am my worst enemy
Love then hate myself you see...  
I don't care to be me
But being me will never set me free
I am stubborn in my own beliefs
I bend my knees for no one and in time you'll see...
That the biggest battle and wars that I fight are all amongst MYSELF,
THATS RIGHT.

Something had to fill in....
The void that I have deep within,
So I've replaced the spot you slept in,
With a bottle of ***, Brandy or whiskey,
Because nights are cold and lonely,
And your not here to warm me,
So for now I've replaced the warmth of you,
With golden brown liquor,
1 Pint @ a time,
To mask all that I hide,
This sinking depression eating me inside,
I run on alcohol and chasers,
A substitute for love and a pseudo sense of happiness,
If only for a moment,
I can hold it...
Hold it just a bit longer,
Before my sanity faulters,
Something had to fill in,
The hole that's deep inside,
And maybe I hope in time...
I can pick myself up
ONE MORE TIME.

I have pounded walls til I have BLED..
If you were here you'd be nearly DEAD,
Your selfish actions you'll REGRET,
*** I'm coming to collect the DEBT!

You thought you could finally rest,
*****-*** ***** this was all a test!

I have come to collect the REST,
Of that ******* you call a heart I so detest!

Lil cowardess *****,
You just a puppet on my string,
I'm about to make your head ring,
Aftershocks still lingering,

******* I was always REAL,
Ride or die and all you do is LIE,
This love that I had for you...
It has now decayed just like you!

I was in a rush,
Rush that pushed too far,
Weekend warrior converted to a carrier for the monkey on her back,
She can handle the monkey on her back...
******* it's a gorilla now,
Holds her tightly in a chokehold,
Dispersing inner demons, rage and a pseudo sense of happiness,
Years now passed living thru her hollow shell,
She don't feel.. not anymore,
Not since she jumped back on that black horse,
It was time to retire this tired horse,
And her broken soul as well,
Too many years she saw her soul mixed in a silver spoon and needle,
She learned to tame an unrelenting horse,
For years with no triggers at all,
Then suddenly the silent killer crossed her path again....
Beckoned her BACK,
It's so alluring... Her mystery,
But it's just a trap,
And here I find myself again riding the black horse on an aluminum foil road,
Watching life disappear... as she's lost up in smoke.

"BORDERLINE"

You said "I love you"...
"But if you don't see someone this ain't gonna work out"
"I love you so much it hurts inside"
Well geez THANKS!
Maybe the one I need to talk to is YOU!
And not some stranger in a padded room,
You told me "I think you have Borderline personality disorder..."
I laughed, so hard I almost wanted to crack your head in half,
Yeah I might be a little crazy, maybe,
But you can't seem to open your mouth without a lie escaping your lips!!
Yet I'm the ****** chick because I'm illing,
And I'm almost the realist,
I don't gotta lie to kick it!
I'm crazy but nobody can say I'm FAKE, VAGUE or call me a LIAR!
Your so deep in your stank
Pathological LIAR,
I can't stand the way you tried to shift blame,  
Just because your incapable to listen,
See you triggered some evil **** in me!
Demons and their minions I had locked away along with my rage,
But fuckit,
Your balancing on the borderline of my aggression,
And it's causing a huge depression,
And you are the center of my attention,
I told you before from the get- go,
**** me over be ready to catch fire before let go!

I am judged by my skin ONLY,
Frowned upon on by my skin,
Minimized by my skin.

Opportunity and second chances are never given,
I'm taken for granted,
Treated like a dummy,
BY MY SKIN,

Not by race, sexuality, social status or my gender,
But by the way I chose to express myself,
By the way I turned my body into art,
A road map of collaborated stories,
Permanently imbedded in my skin,

I face prejudice and disapproving scrunched up glances on a DAILY,
As if I'm a walking sin,
Not because I'm black, white, red or yellow.... But because of the Ink tattooed upon my skin,

Because I chose to match the outside with what's on the inside,
Because I'm not ashamed to display who I really am,
I don't live by the approval of others,
I balance on the razors edge on a DAILY,

I cut my chances to come up by half,
When I chose to mark my skin,
Because being tattooed, a walking work of art, a circus sideshow freak show,
Is just like being black,

I'M JUDGED BY MY APPEARANCE ALONE,
In the ignorant public eyes I'm just an uneducated high school dropout, gangbanger, criminal or addict,
Even though IM NONE OF THOSE THINGS,
Never given the chance to know me,
Just dismiss me *** they think they KNOW ME,

People lock their doors when I walk by,
Hide their children, wallets, and belongings,
Despite my education, my experience and lengthy diverse resumes,
They won't hire me because they judge me BY MY SKIN.

Not a day goes by I don't whisper your name,
Speak to the winds,
Search in the sky for he brightest light,
At night the cool crisp air embraces me,
It's when I feel you the most,
No, you never speak,
Or answer my questions...
I take these dimes I find laying about as a token of your presence,
Trade my sorrows for vague signs of life,
But not a day goes by without missing you,
Without feeling like I'm only a partial of my former self

I wouldn't be so lost...
If you would have just stayed with me..
I lost my place,
I lost my head,
I'm running in circles with no end,
I keep you to my left,
Left is closest to the heart,
I loved you more than I could ever love myself,
I wasted time..
I wasted my peace of mind,
on YOU,
****, I wasted a lifetime when I erased your mistakes,
Your not my lover not even my friend,
Your now just a stranger that got lost in my head.

I try to contain it....
In a sealed box in the attic of my dark mind,
I try to push through my depression,
But this anger has become an obsession,

They say:
"Be cool, be the better person"
Well I'm sorry to disappoint I just DONT wanna be that!
I've been that, I still I get scorched while deceitful liars are well off,

Im bout squash that,
I'm done waiting that ***** karma be taking her sweet- *** time while I'm steady decaying,
Waiting for my piece of the cake,
So I'll speed up this process,
**** I'll bake the whole cake,
Keep your slice,
It's time for them to pay the price,

I've been waiting,
Anticipating for the day I finally let loose this demon I've been controlling,
She's now famished,
And ****** thirsty,
She's that other me that gives no *****,

**** your two-sense it is useless,
I have lost reason,
And all I see is RED,
Painted concrete with your **** brains,
Your ****** up ways have had a viceral effect to the point I'm almost puking,

Just the thought of you right now,
Makes me ravenous & I fantasize about taking that long lovely hair,
Tieying a 13 knot noose to hang you from it,

Twist your bowels,
Snap your spine,
Hear them go SNAP CRACKLE & POP like a bowl of rice crispies,
Squeeze the air right out of your lungs...
Gimme four minutes to **** the oxygen to your brain and YOU'RE DONE!

Better yet here is a gun,
You basically shot yourself in the foot when you ****** UP!
But if you'd like I can always sever a main artery and give you 14 mins til you bleed out,

You have turned me into this ruthless savage....
There's no turning back,
I was already in the brink of Darkness,
But when you turned your back on me again I was DONE!
Done with you and humanities *******

You didn’t break the girl
Just nearly cracked her
She spun around so fast
She’s out of sight now

You didn’t break the girl
Just barely scratched her
Covers the damage you have done
It’s all despite you

Got close enough that you could touch her
you ****** that up, but how?
She’s miles from you now

She fills the cracks,
same way you fill the pavement when it has a crack or two

Cosmetic fix,
****** mix,
It’s in her blood too,
Beneath the makeup there’s a scar or two,

You didn’t break the girl....
Just left her cracked against the sidewalk,
You can fix a broken mirror but....
You’ll ALWAYS see the crack in it,
It stares right at you,

And with two glass eyes she’ll stare you down too.

An uncontrollable rush,
I try to hold back,
But I can't so I just hide it with shades,

When I sit alone in silence,
I cry
When I'm speeding like a demon on a highway,
I cry
When I listen to touching lyrics that Pierce right thru my heart,
I cry
And when my daughter asks me if I'm alright I put a straight face, but inside...
I cry
When I think back to yester-last year when you used to make me laugh,
I cry
And when I sleep at night the coolness of the night holds me,
I cry
When I see all your reminders I curse you,
and I cry
When I see photos of you my soul burns,
And I cry
Thinking of all the time invested and all the feelings you played with,
I cry
And everyday passes me by but I just die inside.

Mommy, why Daddy didn't call?
She didn't know he'll never call again,
Not on this birthday or the next,
He left this Earth for a better place,
I couldn't bare to see her cry,
Not on this day,
This is HER day,
But the awful truth was eating me,
As I contemplated what words to say,
How to explain.. HE'S GONE.
She says:
"Mommy, can we look for Daddy?"
I held my breath,
We rode a train and then she said:
"He's not here.. I can't feel him.."
She knew the truth before it was ever said,
I knew that dreaded day would come,
When I'd have to tell her why,
Why he hasn't met up with her under the tree everyday for school,
Why he didn't call to say happy birthday to you,
So I put together a scrapbook,
Of all our memories with Dad,
One night as we swing side by side at the park,
I finally told her why....
I heard her heart cracking in half,
And this is why Daddy didn't call that day.

One pill for this,
One pill for that,
One pill to tilt,
One pill to numb,
One pill closer to dumb,
One pill to feel,
One pill to cry,
One pill to live,
One pill too close to die,
One pill to replace... and fill the hole you left behind.

The days tease me with sunny skies,
And summer lovers that pass me by,
Their happiness I envy as I grow to deeply hate them,

Reminding me of Summers past when I too roamed carelessly in love,
With a skip to my stride and a twinkle in my eye,
But that all died.
And now I'm just another fading memory in your mind.

The nights are quiet and lonely,
I'm always restless I think of You ONLY,
The nights are just as silent as I am,
Never speak just another mystery just like the night,
And it's at night you come to mind,
I drink, I smoke and write but a remedy I could not find...

I've changed my bedding,
Deleted pictures & threw away this scrapbook of your memory,
Filled with EVERY memory of us,
From concert & movie tickets, county fairs, Thanksgiving wishbones,
I collected all these things & maticulously in timeline order
Made this scrapbook of "NEW" memories in hopes they'd replace all of my bad ones.

But now that too is out of sight along with everything that came from YOU,
I cannot bare to stare at another reminder that is you,
Sweet memories I chuckle to,
Then shortly followed by the salt of tears,
Bittersweet memories aquired in 2 yrs.

The appliances you bought for the home we'll never have,
Saved tv shows and movies that we watched every night,
The empty space in my bed that you used to take up,
The cool breeze brushes my cheek now because you kept me warm at night,

I miss you most during the night,
And close to holidays,
Because I hadn't celebrated anything before you for years on end,
I now avoid ANYTHING that I can put your face to,
See all these things just intensifies my pain,

I crave the warmth of your body In the night,
I choke on unspoken emotions as I hold onto pillows tight,
I miss the scent of your skin,
And the masses of your long dark hair,
The safety of laying on your chest,
And subtle sounds of your breathing,

I'm lonely all the time,
Despite all that are near me,
The days mock me with it's light,
The night's remind me of what I have not,
I've become a biohazard with all the poisons that I ingest,
Trying.. just trying to blur out my loneliness,
Sedate my restlessness so I can sleep again.

I dread grocery shopping used to do that with you,
I rarely ever cook now *** we used to do that too,
I barely sleep,
I never eat,
My body aches from all the weight I shed,
I just wish that I could shake this stinging aching memory of you before I'm dead

When the words enter my brain I have to capture them right there and then,
Put pen to paper,
Jot down sudden burst of emotions that overflow me with PTSD, Rage, Sorrow, & Hate,

I see the words just as clear as I see a human being infront of me,
I see words that sink deep into my mind's eye bright with COLOR,
And the words of dark poetry escapes my hand with a fluidity even water couldn't be so clear,

But if I TRY to actually write a piece....
Before the words come to ME....
The words seem forced and coerced,
The flow of the song, the poem is choppy like a break in the wind,

See.... I DONT NEED TO TRY..
To write,
I don't need to brainstorm a perfect cluster of words manicured to perfection,
The "perfection" is the imperfections that have made me the girl who writes dark poetry,

You appreciate my words because they ARE NOT coerced or forced,
But they are REAL to feel,
Because EVERY word, poem, song I've ever written is the roadmap of the roads that IS my life,
Not a Hollywood story or fiction,
But an insight to my afflictions,

My dark poetry are songs never sung,
Words never touched,
Emotions that are Raw and come in the truest of forms,
Pulling @your heartstrings,
Drawing tears from dry tear ducts,
Surfacing feelings when you thought you didn't have none,

I can write 5 poems @a time,
Put the pen down have a writters block for Months,
I don't try to Force words of poetry,
Because I want to project an authentic feeling,
Felt & written in a sporadic moment in time,

So see... I Don't have to TRY,
Being a dark Poet IS a skin I have.

All you have is my silence,
Because you've heard me vent and talk all day,
And now I'm in your absence And i don't know what to say,
Now that I come home to nothing it's starting to feel like my gilded cage,
And now i ain't got nothing but the four walls and the static noise inside my head,
There's a million things I wish I could have done better,
But all in all I'm thankful for those days you stuck with me thru stormy weather,
And losing you means so much more than anyone could ever know,
Our silent bond was strong like carbide it radiated in volumes,
And now the silence seems so loud I have so many feelings that words can't muster...
But you will ALWAYS have ALL MY LOVE in this static silence and a special place within my cardboard heart

I don't even speak your name,
Doing so is just a waste,
No I don't call you out by name,
You and dog are all the same,
No won't even mutter under my breath,
Your name to my lips is poison that brings me to my death,
No I don't speak your name,
Because your name doesn't deserve a place upon my silent lips

DONT TOUCH ME.

Don't shake my hand,
Don't bump into me,
JUST DONT TOUCH ME!!
For every touch is a hurtful reminder,
Every sound becomes a hightened panic attack,
Just don't touch me.
For every graze of the fingers is a stinging ache,
Every flinch a silent reminder....
Of helplessness,
Every stare becomes a question of:
Do they know?
Can they smell him on me?...
Who told?
Who knows?
The shame bestowed upon me... .. .
Don't look at me!
Or in my direction... In fact do not acknowledge me,
I'd like to remain invisible for now,
Don't hug me for embrace is no longer a comfort,
Just what feels like a forced entrapment,
Don't you look at me, for it feels like nausea and a razor's edge that cuts thru and thru,
DONT TOUCH ME!!!
For I am not yours to touch,
and NO.... you are not welcomed,
That's for ANYONE that seeks me,
Just don't touch me,
For every touch is just another agonizing miserable moment I could not escape even if I wanted to...
And the human touch has become now my biggest FEAR.

Most times I stay silent,
My sight wandering off into space, into day, into the nothingness of life,
A billion of scrambled hopeless thoughts racing to crowd dark crevices of my mind,
Infecting the wellness of my psyche,
A cancer that makes you powerless in agonizing pain,
And I don't ask for much....
I don't wanna burden anyone with the weight I carry,
So I keep it,
Carry it.. til my arms are too heavy to hold up,
Til my legs give out and my knees bend with a struggle,
I don't expect much...
I don't want much,
I just needed ONE,
One person I can call a friend,
One person that can hold my hand....
One person I can say I can count on,
One person I can release all my anguish out to so that the weight don't wear we down,
Just one,
One person who cares,
Just one person whom I can count on BELIEVE KNOW that Everytime I'm in need they got me,
No hesitation, trade or game,
Just a true fellow friend

Her smile radiates like the rays of the sun,
underlying like pieces of broken glass and a fake facade,
guarding what little of a self-esteem she's got,
her skin aglow with a pristine shine, so bright you might go blind,
there's no one like her at all,
so cool you'll lose your mind,
but she don't even know...
that within her perfection grows an undeniable love,
that she hides and guards with her life one piece at a time,
mending shattered fragments of her blown up heart,
but some pieces went astray,
caught in the current of the wind,
her will you cannot bend,
bones she will break and pronounce you dead,
eat you up as you Decay,
don't mistaken beauty for carelessness,
she's always watching got eyes in the back of her head,
never leaves her guard down,
sleeps with one eye open,
into the lions den,
betray a queen you're a dead man,
she glows like sunset,
demands respect,
Bakes her cake and eats it too,
don't be a simple fool,
You can't Resist the serenade of a siren,
how can you mistaken muffled cries for the song that birds sing?
halo's but I needle hole in the sky,
wings broke hand in hand with her soul,
how does she radiate as rare diamonds do?
you was but a fool when you traded her in for fools gold

We are not free when we're always fighting,
What are we fighting for?

We fight for peace,
we fight at wars,
we fight in the name of the lord but whose god is the most?

The reasons for which we fight for has been lost in translation lost for reasons unknown,

Freedom is not free,
Freedom is not yours,
Nor is it mines at all,

We fight for equality,
Fight for a government that fills its own pockets with the blood and the sweat of the poor,

Fat cats get larger,
Cash turned to plastic,
Poverty stricken our hungry souls,
We starve in our own home country while we feed the ones throwing stones,

Freedom is not free,
Freedom is not yours,
Nor is it mine at all,

We fight for identity but yet still have an identity crisis,
And no one knows who they are anymore,

We're controlled by pandemics,
Killed off by a virus,
We vote but our voice still isn't our own.

I swear I know you feel me...
Even in my silence,
Your 6th Sense picks up on my electromagnetic waves of ache and woe,
But how?
I haven't uttered a word,
But I guess you can read into all that I hoard,
The buildup of all my tragedies,
The boiling point of my frustrations,
When I claw through life and STILL I'm behind,
And the water rises cutting off my air supply,
I'm suffocating but neither drinks or drugs can suffice,
Mask the failures of all I sacrifice,
But I know you know,
Because everytime I'm down and I feel alone inside,
You stare at me for a long time,
And lay right by my side,
Just before I'm about to cry,
You and your furry friend come by,
Lay on my bed as if to tell me:

Your not alone, so just hang your head your not Dead yet.

You and I have a pull that makes everyone gravitate toward you,
Like a magnet of an opposite gravitational pull,
But we are two different stars in the same milky Way,
I am sorrowful and melancholy,
You are charismatic and endearing,
Yet this opposite attraction makes for the best distraction,
Your strong presence makes flowers bow at your feet,
While my silent manipulation demands respect when I walk into the room,
I set wild fires with every step,
While you send rain to smoother flame,
You and I are not so different...
In fact were one in the same,
We both inhabit in outer space,
And one can't be the other without each other,
Your like a supernova burning bright, ignites the sky until it finally explodes,
And I am like the black hole left behind after a super sonic galaxy boom.

Is the glass half empty or half full?
Idk depends on your point of view,
Are you a pessimist or an optimist?
Do you see the world in grey or thru rose colored glasses??
I say the glass is just empty,
I've tipped over the glass and emptied it's contents,
In the same manner you emptied me,
See I dug up the courage and what little I had of my old self left to take a chance....
On you.
But you... You took every last drop of life I had in me,
Left me dry like a dessert,
Discarded like an unwanted pet,
See you made a demon out of me,
A fool,
an empty hole,
A shadow of the girl I used to be,
Want to be,
Never be.
Ever again,
Because this time I'm swearing off...
And I won't love,
Or give anymore pieces of my broken self to ANYONE again,
You are all undeserving,
So drink your half full glass and leave it EMPTY.

God is in the government,
For how long will you blindly follow
Rich men in office out to swallow,
All our riches and possessions,
All our prides and explore our indiscretions?

God is in the government,
A made up religion just to be able to control masses of people,

They use their power as a form of abuse,
To mentally *******,
Steal and rob you of hardset morals & dignity just to make a quick buck of you,

God is the Government,
A big fat LIE wrapped up real nice,
With the promise of heaven for all your sacrifice,

But I refuse to swallow the big pharmaceutical pill their body of government feeds us all to keep us tamed and brainless,

Religion is used as their secret weapon of destruction,
Make our differences from nation to nation the pseudo reason why we're always fighting wars with someone else,

God is the government,
They steal our futures by enlisting all your children to be soldiers,
Pack em up and ship them off to distant lands to die in war,

Your faith was built off a bribe,
Man maid lie manufactured by those who want to be keep control,
Knowing that with fear they can bend, **** and break you to KEEP us all BLIND and under control,

But God IS the Government,
They used our hunger for something better than what we're living,
As a false hope that if we do what were told we'll be rewarded in a heavenly world.

"GOODMOURNING"

There's so many things weighing so heavy,
In my chest full of regrets,
Full of sadness and the darkeness,
And things I never said,

Like how much I really loved you,
And how it hurt to walk away,
When you became a danger,
To your wife and your kid,

The survivor's guilt it's so heavy,
Weighing down like an iron anchor,
With a heart full of anger, pain and emptiness,

All the things I never said,
What our baby said to you on your last day,
It rings echoing in my head,
It's like salt rubbed in a wound after your pour lemon onto it,

It just stings and burns,
You can't shake it,
It don't go away,
They say time heals all wounds....
But I haven't witnessed this yet,

It's been 3 yrs. Now,
You say time can heal but how?
*** my soul is oh so weary,
And my heart quickly defeated,

All the things I never said,
Dues I should have paid,
Tell you how much we loved you,
Thank you for the times you made us smile,
Thank you for the time we shared,
And even though we had our problems,
You were always a great father,

But I'm permanently stuck in mourning,
And words that I wish I could have said and never did,
There was so much left say...
But I never got the chance,
And I just wanna say:
GOOD BYE would have been nice

Don't be fooled by a beautiful girl,
Her shadow only follows to keep her enemy closer,
The biggest monster is not the one who lies under the bed,
but the one who stares you back in the mirror everyday,
With the face of an Angel and the spirit of sin,
Her wings made of broken glass,
Her Halo but a needle hole in a darkened sky,
She is galaxies away in her own head,
She lost herself when chivalry went dead,
Don't mistaken sweet faces for saints,
Remember Lucifer once was God's right hand wingman

I wear my heart upon my sleeve,
For all of you to see,
It's apparent most of you twist my arm behind my back,
*** you think I have no heart,

Well guess what?
In fact I DO,
I just guard mine like a sacred tomb,
These harsh conditions and selfish lovers,
Left me no choice but to put it to a cold slumber,
In a deep hibernation,
Maybe for now,
Maybe FOREVER,

So for now I wear this patch,
Of a heart upon my sleeve,
A reminder that I FEEL,
& that I have FEELINGS TOO!

I knew this day was coming..
WE knew it all along,
We didn't know when or where,
Dreaded that fateful call,
It was a sunny summer July day,
A day that soon turned grey,
On the 7th day of the 7th month your body would start decay,
It's a day I'll NEVER forget,
I day I'll never miss,
But it's not that day that hurt me the most.... It was the day BEFORE,
In the parking lot at Jon's liquor store,
When out her mouth came out these words:
"DADDY, I LOVE YOU, I want things to go back the way they used to be... It hurts me to see you out here this way"

At 6 yrs old her last parting words, they stung to me the most,
A week before they both were born,
I took the biggest pill I ever swallowed,
Soon that sunny summer day faded into grey,
I didn't cry, I didn't scream,
I went silent and NUMB for about a week,
That day I heard my soul shatter like glass,
He took a piece of me with him..
But it was her last parting words that BROKE my heart that day.

I'm torn between love and hate,
You are now my biggest regret,
Try as I may but I can never forget,
How you dangled me by a thread,
Say "Happy Birthday" than left me for DEAD,
But this time im your biggest threat,
And I won't stop til it's off with your head.
*** you ****** up in the biggest way,
Oh well, Your loss,
Cause you know I'm boss,
Ride or die,
Never lie,
But ok whatever with that,
Good luck finding another girl that can cook, work, drink, fix a car,
This time silly boy you won't have me to call when your in distress,
*** your the cause of my stress,
And I'll stay in your mind like a parasite,
Eating you up from the inside out,
Consuming your brain & weakening your game,
*** ***** I can assure you won't find another me,
You can kiss 20k lips but none will hold a candle to me,
****, won't even be able to come close in comparison,
And with every new hand you hold,
Every I love you told,
In the back of your mind,
In the deepest of your crippled heart,
You'll be wishing replacing my face with HERS.

I've got a great big hole inside of me,
It’s eating up the rest of me,
I got a nasty case of the empty,
I stuff it with my vices but it never fills,
I don’t recognize the girl before me,
I let you take the rest of her,
I made my vow,
I’ll never love anyone again,
I’ll never open,
Never smile,
Never sing another song again,
I’ve got a great big hole inside of me,
Killing all that used to be,
I wear a shell,
You couldn’t tell?
I fake it very well,
**** it to hell,
I’ve worn this disguise since the day I fell.

Hey..
If your reading this know that you were chosen,
You were chosen to find this,
To find me,
If your reading this know that you are because I am no longer here,
I am now but a particle in the air,
I'm cut off like the human hair,
I am now blue like the sea,
I was hurt....
But you never see.... Until it was too late,
And my pain consumed me that I began to hate,
To hate every breathing waking day,
Stuck in a vessel where my soul now fades,
And the rising sun stings like sharpened blades,
If your reading this..
I'm sorry..
Sorry I couldn't be stronger,
Sorry I couldn't take it much longer,
If your reading this know you were 1 of the few people that touched my heart,
Maybe one of the people that broke it apart,
If your reading this....
Maybe you were my disappointment,
Maybe.. you drove me to finally disown MYSELF,
If your reading this... I onced Loved YOU- GOODBYE

I miss you.....
with a passion,
With a fire that has no extinguishing,
I miss you like a baby misses her blanket,
And the moon misses the eclipse of the sun.
I miss you.
Like a child misses her daddy,
And the ocean misses the tides,
I miss you.
Like night misses day and day misses night.
I need you like a diabetic needs insulin,
And the crazed need their meds.
I'm hungry....
For the warmth of your body, and the sweetness of your caress.
I'm craving.....
Like a dopefien in fasting and the vein to the needle.
But I.....
I miss you.
Like a soldier missing an arm and a leg

We’re women.
Men have it easy....
Home is not the house you stand upon nor is it the land it’s sitting on,
It’s WOMEN,
We are the neck in which ever direction I turn, turns your head,
This house is a house of paper cards,
It crumbles in a fire,
It rots in water,
It’s WOMEN,
The backbone, the care & the shelter you call HOME,
Without ME...
you are just a man standing, children crying, lost and pouting,
I am a WOMAN,
Bringer of life,
Maker of Home & Love,
I am NEVER allowed to be seen crying,
To show emotion or have feelings,
We are “meant to look pretty” smile with grace thru the grit of my teeth,
I must remain a WOMAN.
Taker of all that’s impossible,
Splitting myself into so many others to...
Warm up your HOME, soften your heart when it’s too cold and rigid,
I am a WOMAN,
Always expected to be strong,
Full proof SMILE thru the ache and weakness,
So your house is not your HOME.
It is I WOMAN birthing of life,maker of husbands and home,
It is I WOMAN that rules the earth that makes your happy place
HOME.

"IN A WEEK"
By: Let et ScaR

YEA, THEY LEFT ME
LEFT ME HERE.
THEY LEFT ME,
SOMEWHERE IN THE DRIED UP GRASS….

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
LEFT ME HERE.
HIGH & DRY BUT IT WONT LAST….
THEY'LL FIND ME DRIED IN THE SANDS OF TIME....

YEA,  THEY LEFT ME.
FORGOTTEN ALL I'VE DONE.
BUT THEY WONT SEE MY FRUITFUL WAYS,
UNTIL I'M LONG DEAD & GONE...

YEA, THEY FOUND ME.
SOMEWHERE IN AN EMPTY FIELD,
INCASED IN A FROZEN PARALLEL OF TIME.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY ......
& MY TEAR DUCTS WERE TO DRY TO MUSTER A CRY.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
THEY LEFT ME HERE TO DIE.
WHEN THEY'VE TAKEN ALL I'VE HAD,
TO TURN THEIR BACKS WHEN I CAME BACK HUNGRY FOR AN ACT OF KINDNESS.

BUT NOW THEY'LL SEE.....
IN A ABOUT A WEEK.
WHEN THEY FIND ME...
& THE INSECTS HAVE ALREADY FED ON ME.

YA.....
THEY'LL SEE.  WHEN THEIR FRUITS AREN'T SWEET.
WHY THEY DON'T ENJOY....
CAUSE THEY ALL FED ON ME.
AND I ABSORBED ALL THEIR BITTERNESS, IN RETURN FOR FRUITFUL SEEDS.

BUT NOW THEY TOO....
WILL DECAY LIKE ME.
BECAUSE THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO SWALLOW THEIR PAIN.

AND THEY'LL REMEMBER....
THE DAY THEY WALKED AWAY...
AND LEFT ME HERE.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY, TO DIE ALONE & RETURN ONCE MORE....
INTO THE GROUND
INTO THE DIRT THAT I ONCE CAME FROM
ONCE UPON A TIME.

Sometimes I miss the DARKNESS..
It's where I always feel safe,
Where shadows never follow... Because they are created by LIGHT,
I've NEVER been a child of God,
I frolick in the night,
Sometimes I even miss the PAIN,
It makes me feel ALIVE,
They say "Come to the Light"
But that's too close to DYING, like flirting with suicide,
Sometimes I miss the darkness...
It's cool, crisp kiss upon thy cheek,
Right here I can cry FREELY,
And no one See's a tear,
I'm married to the darkness,
His cold- hearted bride frozen in Suspended time,
Because everybody knows if you follow the light...
YOU ARE SOON TO DIE,
And no one escapes the REAPER... for you cannot DIE TWICE.

I wanna wrap my arm around yours,
I wanna lean my head on your shoulder,
I wanna blow smoke to the sky
I want you to see the stars in my eyes,
Glossy, glossy, feel so high,
Glassy, Glassy, feels so nice,
I wanna feel special like I know I'm not,
I wanna fall in love with the lie of my life,
I wanna feel like that time I almost died,
I wanna feel your heart beat in mine,
I wanna lay with you like I always craved for,
I wanna walk away like I never knew ya,
I wanna fall in love with the lie,
I wanna kiss you under the stars,
I wanna swallow the smoke you blow in my eyes,
I wanna feel, touch, kiss, ****, sleep under a blanket of stars,
I wanna feel high, be alive just this ONE time

I thought you were my life line,
But nah, you were my flat line,
The day that I was born you took my breath away,
And not in a good way,
I left myself and any good left in me that day...
The day you decided this should end,
I thought you were a direct line,
To my life ***,
But you were just a straight shot,
To a flat line,
My demise,
I thought you threw me a line,
To help me up,
Instead you were a death trap,
Painted in beautiful colors

They say I have a mom Complex,
This can either be good or bad I guess,
They say I take care of everyone,
But I don't give 2 flying ***** about myself,
They say I've been stuck in survival mode too long....
That I don't know how to react to normal human interaction,
But I became such a recluse that this became the usual reaction,
And yes I have a tendency of covering everyone's ***** because I'm loyal and soon enough my loyalty will also be my downfall.

You run thru my forests,
Set fires thru my grassy
Dry hair,
I warm your homes with firewood,
And feed your hunger with wildlife for it is in my nature,
You drink from my rivers,
I quench your thirst with my bodies of water,
You poison my oceans with the waste of your spills,
The curves of my body provide lands in which you foolishly ****, with your littering and machines you created,
I give you air to breathe so you may exist within my being,
My clouds cry acidic rain in despair of the abuse you may bring,
My lands & oceans make a blueprint that is my body...
I make life your very existstance,
But you've damaged my O-Zone layer,
Giving no care like a player,
Polluted my air with your venomous clouds,
And depleting my oxygen with every tree you've cut down,
You gamble in my deserts,
Sin in my cities, claim foreign lands,
But I can be alpha &/or Omega.. the beginning or the end of life,
I sing you faint lullaby's you can hear in the atmosphere,
You can feel the curves of my body in my forests, mountains, lakes and sea's,
You can ******* sorrow with every icy raindrop,
You can rejoice in the scent of the damp earth on a rainy day, the sweetness of a rose in a garden, or the bliss of a pine in a forest,
I am home to all that bleeds,
Mother to all that breathes,
I am the foundation of life,
I am mother to all... I am Mother Nature.

"MUST BE NICE"
It must be nice
To catch a break
It must be nice
To walk unscathed
It must be nice to sleep at night
Believe you've done everything right
It must be nice
To have no fault
No fault you claim your own
It must be nice
To leave debris
For everyone else to clean
It must be nice
To string up hearts
And cut the ties you captured with lies
It must be nice to think your perfect...
It must be so ******* nice
To be YOU

They say there's no place like home,
Tis True,

There is no way to describe what the displacement of Homelessness has done to me,
To my husband, to my kid,

It has taken his life,
One drink at a time,
It has stripped our daughter of security,
And has eaten away at my confidence,

The anguish is dense,
Between packing & couch hopping,
I've realized I own NOTHING.

EVERYTHING is DISPOSABLE,
I'm posable,
At the mercy of hands that feed,

Do you KNOW the toll it takes from me?

To go from being independent, proud of all I've worked so hard to own,
To hiding hunger pains so she can eat,
Never sleep, watch my surroundings incase we gotta up and leave,

From having a place of my own,
To call home....
To bird baths in gas stations, and sleeping in the cool air under the stars,

The buzz of traffic and drug addicts all of a SUDDEN become a lullaby,
Your home is kosher,
But out here it's a warzone filled with gangs and crooks,

You think you know the dark AND lived hard,
But can you keep a Stone face when your children question Why are we going thru this?

People pass by,
Glare with their eyes,
Make superficial judgements,
But I was once a nurse and legal aid a stable staple in society,

You turn your nose up, talk **** and snicker,
But let me ask you who's the bigger winner?
It's ME.
*** what you lack in conscienceness I make up with a heart that don't stop,

Its cracked and bloated,
It's bled and skipped beats,
But it's STILL worth more than the bucks you proudly came  with,

My hardships and trials built this great Wall of iron,
I'll burn like wildfire if you ever think that you can hold my head down,

But there's nothing like home,
I'm BROKE it don't show,
And no one will ever know,
Don't judge a book by its cover,
Read the last page and think you know the struggle,

Take a step back view the entire picture,
Crack the spine and begin to read thru,
What you don't know it way surprise you,
You were going thru cubic zirconia's,
**** you might find a DIAMOND.