I Press the cigarette against my skin until it bubbles and it pops,
Like water does when you over boil it,
I pick the scab until it bleeds
In the same way you left me,
I hurt myself to rid the pain,
But I don’t feel a thing,
I blur the lines between the versions of myself,
You call the monster within me, because the girl is nowhere to be seen,
I drown my sorrows by the sea,
I let you in but, you never saw me,
Then yet again...
I don’t know the reflection that stands before me,
I hoped with time the wound would heal, but that was just a myth,
I split myself into pieces so small you can’t ever collect,
They say I’ll go to heaven,
if only I repent,
But it’s too late.. I’ve become the serpent you regret,
I’ll wrap myself around you til your dying breath,
I’ll take you down below the ground to hell and you will never tell,
Scream and cry all that you want,
but no one will hear you now,
You thought that I was through with you,
Like you were through with me,
And all that I can really say is: “Oh well!"
With a side glance and a crooked smile.

I am not rich,
Nor am I special,
I am not privelaged,
Or walk on rose petals,

I walk the Rocky pavement barefoot and injured,
I am a starving artist,
**** money just want to get this message through:

That I am what I am,
a victim of circumstances & things out of my control,
but I owned them survived them but who will ever know?

And even if I'm hardened by all of these stains,
My heart is still true,
And I still stand by it.

I didn't have parents to tell me they loved me,
They divorced when I was just 5yrs. Old,
My mother dated so many unfit men we where constantly running,
My dad looks down upon me because I'm EVERYTHING he despises,
I'm tattoeed, have piercings, I married a convict, I've been a drug addict, and I'm very outspoken,

The first to graduate high school and college,
I moved out at 18 made my own way confident I got this,
At 20 I had my daughter & married,
I planned it,
Her space in this world was already reserved no doubting,

By the age of 27 I was widowed and homeless,
I sold my food stamps to pay my husband's cremation expenses,
I hustled in the legal field for minorities,
Non profit,
To give voice to the people misfortuned like I am,

I never sold drugs or my body to get by,
I've PANHANDLED recycled cans to make it through my harsh days,

So **** your opinions on what you think is proper,
Or who deserves what,
***** you couldn't even stand at my alter!

*** most of you people have no skills,
You sacrifice self worth for a DOLLAR!

Poetry flows thru my pen,
Like blood flows thru my veins,
If I try to just write a piece it fails because it wasn't naturally,
I jot down my best pieces when in a rage or melancholia,
I see words as pictures in my brain,
Playing movie rheels inside my head,
Words of sorrow flow thru my pen like a ship sailing across the deep blue sea,
No one really knows my sorrows,
I'm good at hiding what you cannot SEE.

I loved every inch of you,
Even if you didn't love YOURSELF,
Every scar, mark, mole, birthmark, and even every stretch mark, you were PERFECT.

I wouldn't change it for anything in the world,
I used to think your PERFECT,
But the ugliest thing in you is what no one else can see,
I really thought we were on the same page,
But we're chapters away,
I didn't really mind I loved you ANYWAY,

I loved everything about you..
The way you talked, the way your hair curled into perfect spirals after showers,
Your low key smiles, and your semi creepy stares,
I thought you were PERFECT,
But wait, there is a defect,

Like broken bones within the body,
Broken yet unseen,
Silent rejections,
Half truths and white lie deceptions,
That triggered insecurity & paranoia,

How you made me feel INVISIBLE,
Rejected & alone,
How you claimed you loved me but I always got 2nd place,
Those pieces of you invisible to the eye,
Caused further damage to a disturbed mind,

But I loved every bit about you,
Even if you did not,
And you were always perfect just the way you are,

But now,
I see all your different shades of grey,
Their poison in my life left their ugly stain,
No I don't think your PERFECT.
Not today, not anymore,
Just a beautiful hollow,
Vague, HEARTLESS, person who just uses you like a toy,
I'm stuck between love and hate..
Its burning in me EVERYDAY,
I split into different jaded versions of myself,
I'm starting to ******* hate you,
You ******* ***** couldn't even be a MAN,
But once I thought you were PERFECT...... A perfect *******

Push the plunger,
Pull the thread,
Stars in my eyes,
I can be anything when I am HiiGH,
Kiss me sweetly,
Blood on my lips,
Licked that poison off the top of a needle,
Push the plunger,
Stars in my eyes,
I only love you when I’m high,
After the train has left the station…
***** dont touch me!!
It stings like broken glass,
Left these track marks all on my arms,
Push the plunger,
Pull the thread,
I am nothing when I am DEAD

I tried the best I could,
But you never would,
Take a helping hand,
Instead you picked up a bottle and you fled,

Locked, lost inside your mind,
Schizophrenia you couldn't hide,
It got worse and worse with each swig you swallowed,

I tried to be your backbone,
I twisted myself so far backwards that my spine had snapped too,

I tried to hold your hand,
All the way onto dry land,
Instead you pulled me under,
And then I too drowned in this water,

It's hard to comprehend, empathize, understand,
How hard it is to balance on the razors edge,

It's hard to watch somebody you love wither away,
I tried for the longest to preserve you ,
But in the process I too disintegrated  into nothingness,

Still I tried to hold onto that memory of the person I fell in love with, Hoping that you'd come back someday,
Instead your mind was altered,
And it became to falter,
The schizophrenia of yours left me no choice but to abandon,
Both home and this marriage,

Although I didn't want to,
But you became dangerous,
Threaten to take my child and tell her that you had to **** me,

And now it's life or death,
It's you or me,
And only ONE can be left standing,

So I made my decision,
I had to walk away,
Before I too lost my sanity.

But I tried so hard to be the glue,
To preserve both me and you our daughter too,
But I'm only human,
I'm not invincible,

But your lack of trying and this constant fighting,
It left me tattered & broken,
And it just left me feeling like I am the walking DEAD.

I don't know who else to talk to...
I see a shrink but I can't even spill,
I got so many things to say but when it comes down to it the words and thoughts don't escape my lips,
The heaviness of the load is hard to carry,
The only time I can release is in the dark under the moonlight,
I walk outside, stare at the sky have lonely conversations with myself,
I feel so lost,
I have no will to even try to get myself out,
I look at myself now and I don't know who I am...
I don't like what I see,
I don't even recognize the reflection the stares upon me,
I can't even see the me before all of this,
I've gone so far that I can't even reach the old me,
The infinity of the nothingness I feel is quickly devouring me,
I contemplated suicide almost everyday,
The only reason that I stay is because I'm not that selfish,
I wanna die, I want to so bad but now I'm bound and I cannot go thru with it,
I cannot leave my baby with the emptiness Her father left me with after his death,
I grit my teeth and bare the weight,
My bones are slowly crushing,
But I can't leave my baby girl with the pain and hopelessness my passing will implant within

You were never Superman,
You didn't save the day,
Just flashed by like a great parade,
And when the big show's done, you up and left.

You were never prince charming,
Chivalry is DEAD,
Just like a spoiled boy wearing a crown,
But never looks ahead,

You were never the antidote,
More like cyanide a poison to my veins,

And you were never gonna bring me back to life....
You can't bring back what's ALREADY DEAD.

"Quick Fix"
I didn't want you to Fix me...
I wanted you to love me,
Want me,
Feed my soul so I can finally BREATH,
Because everyday I hold my breath suffocating on a far-fetched dream...

That someone will miss me someday,
See me for who I am,
Not what I have been or where I've been,

I didn't want a quick fix..
I wanted the real thing,
I wanted someone to kiss my scars,
Break these bars,
That hold me prisoner in my on mind,

I wanted to be just for you,
And you for me,
I didn't want this hit & miss,
Or temporary bliss,

I just wanted you to love me.
Love me with my flaws,
Love me with the passion I loved YOU with.

I keep it RAW like a unchoreographed Brawl,
I reach masses while MF fall on they *****,
And don't you get me started on editors trying to sugarcoat my ****,
You can take your sweet *** to the donut shop with your cut ****,

I dump my all,
My soul,
I pour overflow with real events!
Because people don't connect to that fake ****,

There was no shortcuts or passes in the trials of my life,
So why the **** should I censor the poetry of my strife?

See I don't understand how we in 2018....
And yet STILL no one feels like they can truly be FREE,
I like it RAW hard facts like national geographic!
Teach em ALL the ropes and lines of what life really is,
*** everyone seems to see the world thru ROSE-COLORED glasses,
Walking blind to daily events,
And no one seems to ever vent,
Because it is "TABOO"

WELL ***** YOU!
Gimme a glass of rawness ANY DAY!!

I have come across many broken souls,
Angel's that fell from heaven and landed in blood,
We are the degenerate generation,
Victims of environment and circumstance,
Those who had no guidance stood no chance,
Some were thrown to snake pit and didn't last,
Some of us brushed off the dust and just danced,
Unscathed like water couldn't touch a flame,
Looked the devil in the face told him I was game,
I'm no lame and I'll step over all his flames,
Everyday I come across another story that reigned in blood and glory,
Gives enough of a spark to ignite a fire in me,
Everytime I feel weak I remember all the faces, and the stories every angel bathed in blood had told me,
Never lie down,  prove them all wrong and conquer thee,
Then only then will your soul truly be FREE.

Roses are RED,
Bruises stay BLUE,
Sugar is sweet,
But so were YOU,
Nothing was TRUE,
I came UNGLUED,
Your promise was EMPTY,
My rage is so DEADLY,
You wanted to Marry & have a FAMILY??
I hope to God you shoot BLANKS and your gun is now EMPTY!

I looked past the reflection...
The one that sees me real,
I push past the rejection,
In your mind I've disappeared,
Every now and then I reappear,
Like the ghost of Xmas past materialize... Solidify my existence,
As much as you may want me gone,
I stay an unrelenting wave that crashes hard against your walls,
See I won't let you forget me,
Forget the hurt bestowed upon me,
I look past the foggy reflection...
Of who I used to be before,
Before love, before hate, before YOU & ME,
Before we became a "thing"
another flash from the past that should have stayed right where it was... left,
BEHIND.

How many times will you let him minimize your worth?

How many times will you let him hold you down in a chokehold?
How many times will you accept his Pretty Lies as the truth?
How many times will you let him turn love into purples and Blues?

She says to me:
"It's all for love"
She says to me: it's all for love,
I say to her...
It's ALL FOR NONE!

Why don't you just go....
Why don't you just ******* run?
Never look back,
Never come back,
When will you say enough is enough and make it your own way,
Depend on NO ONE!

He said he was suffocating under the thumb of her love,
But HE called her a breath of fresh air,
He said he felt trapped by the life they had built,
But HE called all her boobie traps home,
He said he was blinded by puppy love,
But HE called her blinding love light,
He said the fire was dying there's nothing left inside,
But HE saw a smoldering flame that just needed the oxygen to live,
He said he felt imprisoned by her unwavering love...
But the other man called her his SANCTUARY.

"SANITY OF THE INSANE"
By: Let et ScaR

The dark spots on the floor are moving closer to me,
I don't know if its real, or if its dream.

The faint sounds that are afar seem up close, but no one hears their static noise but me....
I then start to question my own sanity,
And fail to recall, insanity is just a pattern.

We all wake to do the same mundane thing everyday,
Insanity is just doin the same thing over and over again.
Am I the only one to see these things?
And through a side glance I see shadows running free.
But when I turn to look they dissipate,
Should I question Insanity???

A broken woman holds many secrets,
Like an ocean with many unknown creatures lying deep in the darkest depths of the sea,
She holds herself like a glowing stallion,
Tall and proud,
Yet she is fragile like a wilting flower,
Despite headaches & heartbreak,
She still musters an undeniable unrelenting love,
Many awe in her glow,
Yet many throw away all that she gives,
She rises day to day chip on her shoulder,
Stitch on her heart,
But still produces enough love to raise children,
Be kind to those who are homeless,
And even those who are undeserving,
An injured woman is a vault of many secrets, worries and sleepless nights,
She's beautiful in all her colors,
Just like a bird with broken wings,
A butterfly without dust to her wings,
INCAPABLE to fly,
Yet she can STILL live & survive,
Although she can never take flight.

She danced in circles by the Sea,
Barefoot, a hypnotic scene,
He gazed in awww, as her silhouette met with the sunset
A view like this has to be heaven sent,
she danced in circles as if carefree, drowning her sorrows by the Sea,
He watched her fondly... and for a minute buried all his woes,
under the sand where no one goes,
just for a moment in time the world rolls on,
We're stuck in a gaze,
We shared agony and love with such a Grace,
For one last time she danced in circles against a reddening sunset,
Eyes locked she got to see....
for one last time,
His smile,
His laughter and his humanity

One day you will love me...
Really, really want me,
That day will be cloudy...
Dark and lonely,
It'll be faulty just like you,
One day you will see me...
But it won't be me you see,
Just a lively fading memory not at all the girl I used to be,
One day you will love me,
Want to hold me,
It's too bad for it will be too late,
And you will cry a river knowing..
That she loves someone else,
Someone better,
Someone sweet,
Someone that isn't YOU.

She's like Hypnotic Poison,
A bittersweet juicy fruit,
But fallen far from the rotten tree,
Her kiss like belladonna,
The beautiful flower also known as Deadly nightshade,
It all depends on how you approach her,
A sour patch kid,
she can be sweet but then she's sour,
She throws hands like an older brother,
But she can be loving like a mother,
Her love is like a gamble,
It all depends on the deck you handle,
To those fortunate enough to know her...  She's a bubbly comforting ray of sunshine on the gloomiest of days,
Although she's stained with pain,
It's beautiful to see,
It makes you feel like your not stained by life and misery,
Sometimes you'll miss her sorrow,
It lets you know SHES REAL,
She wears the stain of life so well,
As if parading the latest trend,
She makes a mockery of all her pain,
like she never felt the sting of it,
He says she smells like a smoke machine,
I guess the compliment is fitting,
She clouds the mind then dissapates,
As easily as she came,
She's open yet her walls are high,
Puts the wall of china to shame,
She only brings her walls down,
If you stop trying to climb them,
She's sickly sweet like ******,
Addicting, she feels good but you know you can't control her,
She swallows your soul whole,
she draws out your darkest secrets,
Romanticizing all of it,
She smells like a Halloween smoke machine,
Smoke and mirrors,
A tantalizing scene,
She drinks like she's about to swallow an entire ocean,
Inhales cigarettes and *** like it gives her air to breath,
She covers up the smell of disdain,
But she's still a smoke machine,
And everyone calls her Savage but her name is PRIMA JEAN

You said you're really good in bed,
And I might have to put you to the test,
You said you made love like a God,
But I gave you a taste and lemme tell you it wasn't ****,
All I did was lay there like the dead,

1,2,3 pumps you were all fluff just like a loaf of bread,
You couldn't tickle me if the joke was funny,

I got up and I left that bedroom running,
You were such a hack in bed!
You were such a lousy **** Wish I was dead,

Maybe your shy,
Maybe your not,
Maybe I make men nervous, And your talk looks more like Child's Play,

I'll give you one more chance to change my mind,
I'll give you one more chance to make it up to me,
You know me now,
So you can stop being shy,

Oh no, oh God it was terrible AGAIN!
1 pump..
1 1/2...
A minute man,
I guess I won't be seeing you again,

Your bed game ***** and your attitude stinks more than my regret,
I changed my mind,
I rather go blind,
I rather ******* than to let you make it "up" or down to me again.

SINGLE
I will remain a lone wolf my entire life,
No one can ever love me with the same love I give them,
No one can see me like I see them,
Without judgement,
Dismiss what you see flawed,
I count every flaw as a gift,
But you count my every flaw as an inconvenience,
I am an inconvenience,
A thorn in your spine,
A book never finished,
Just skimmed thru to the end,
And this is why no one can see ME,
Understand ME,
Know ME,
I WILL STAY SINGLE,
I've prepared for that,
I've made my bed to silently lie in,
To die in like cats do alone and in hiding,
To be found only when the decay of my body fills the air with my bitterness,
And that's fine,
I'm fine with never having my hopes and heart broken again,
But for now til I take that last breath I'll remain lonely....
A dimming shadow in the candlelight of your vague love

Your like a fake diamond ring,
Pretty to look at but can only make me smile for a week,
Before the vagueness of it's molecule turns your finger green,
Ya, I'm saying you are fake as ****,
You and your buddy are just sitting ducks,
*** I don't give a **** about a soul now,
I was on my way to turn into solid gold but how?
Now that you reminded me exactly why I only trust myself and **** everybody else!
I'm on a mission to destroy you,
Ya, you came in really strong shinning like a golden dollar,
But now with time you've lost all your luster,
It's too bad,
So sad,
You can never treat a woman right,
Now tell me who's the lonely one now?
Tell me what you really got?
Show me what I haven't got?
Tell this bitter melon again that her anger will keep her lonely until her dying day,
Who the hell is gonna keep you company?
No one!
*** no one likes a narcissistic liar,
No one trust a flaunter,
All the evidence of your destruction is making you sink faster!
I told you!
**** with me,
I'll ******* twice,
I will destroy your entire life,
Everything you held so dear that you cherish will be mine,
I will strip you like a freshly waxed floor of your ego, your ***** appointments coming to a sudden halt, that job that makes you all that money imma take that too,
You made a grave mistake in thinking that I was too weak to get away,
My pain isn't a weakness it's my energy,
I'm small but blow up in your hand like a hand grande ,
I locked my sights onto you I'm coming in silent like a ******,
Shoot to ****,
Trust me I got an Ill will,
Your fake as ****,
Could only make me smile for about a week,
then after that you turn the soul to green,
but not me!
I don't even have a soul to sell,
I pawned that **** so long ago,
I am something that you won't forget until your dead,
Run that sorry line by me again,
Prove to me your a "Real Man",
I'll pull your sheets as your on your knees kissing my hands,
I can assure you I am something you will definitely regret!

Some day I'll be able to speak your name without any pain,
One day I'll talk about all the wonderful things you said,
Some day I'll be able to talk about the highlights of our lives together,
But today I avoid mention of your name *** the ache is too much to handle,
One day I'll be able to speak your name without tears rolling down my face,
Some day I'll fully forgive myself & not carry survivors guilt that stained me after your death,
One day I too will close my eyes FOREVER return to the ground I lay on,
Some day I won't blame myself and will be able to speak about you without chocking back tears

Her soul was a soul on fire
A burning campsite of desire
Her mind was a rubics cube of sorrows never told
The anchor that she carries will never really unfold
Because her soul was on fire,
Burned everyone who came too close
Her heart is wrapped in iron to protect her fractured ego
The sutures all broke off and the Evil just seeped through
Everyone likes to put in their two-sense
But their nuisance is ******* too

I hurt myself on the outside ,
To **** the thing on the inside,

Hoping some day this dagger plunges deep enough to ***** me out,

See baby I'm suicidal.
I play with fire,
Flirt with death,
I decorate my deathbed,

Destroy me on the outside,
To distract from what eats at me on the inside,

Everyday 100 scenarios play like movie reels inside my head,
Jump in front of a train,
Hang myself from the beam above my head,
Til my employer finds me blue and dead,
Drink another bottle of ***,
Jump in my car, get out and DRIVE,
Head-on collision all while I'm toasted and High,

And this is the story of my life,
*** baby I'm suicidal,
And when you left I came unglued

I watch em frolick in the sun,
Reminiscing of a time...
A time when I was happy in the sun,
Now I stand here in the shade,
Cursing summer that I now hate,
I watch em holding hands,
Tied together with rubber bands,
They lean into each other share a kiss,
Something that I truly miss,
Was hoping love would last FOREVER....
But all I was a summer dump

Don’t fall in love with me,
We know I’m not the one,
Don’t set your sights on me,
You know she’s just far gone,
Don’t try to buy my love,
Get clingy then I run,
I don’t believe in summer fun,
With summer love I’m DONE.

I tease the thought of what love could be,
I tease the thought with a fine toothed comb,
Weaving intricate designs that appeal to the eye and mind,
I think about all the fruits he brought,
Sweet tooth tricked my brain into thinking bitter fruit was bliss,
I tease the thought of love with ease,
But the bitter after taste stung my lips with a poisoned kiss,
I flirt with the fantasy that love may be real,
I **** the flame the moment I feel,
I've walked the walk enough times to know...
That love teases me and I don't tease it.

As I step out into the darkness seemingly alone,
There's a bright ray of light that eclipses the dark,
And it don't matter where I walk, or where I wander,
This light always finds me in my darkest hour,
As I look up into the sky, the stars form a staircase,
Leading me to its mystical leader,
That outshines the streetlights, and even the stars.
I've already seen the dark side of the moon,
But, it also whispers to me "Don't fear the dark",
As it covers me in a blanket of stars all shinning with the light of the moon,
"Well hello my friend, my love, don't fret",
"If ever shall you be afraid call out to me",
"And I will walk you home when you need",
"Pave the sidewalks with the light of my aura"
"And smile upon you as you skip home in my glow",
"You can always speak to me whenever your low",
"*** I'm a good listener, when no one will hear you",
So, I gaze into the sky every night as I walk home.
I don't ever fear the dark anymore,
And I call out to him just for companionship,
It doesn't take long before his light shines upon me,
Always ready to walk me home.
Where ever I may wander or roam. LIGHT IN THE SKY"

                R.I.P.
      IRISH WHISLER
(7/16/1971- 7/7/2015)

There once was a broken half princess,
That needed a well matching half,
She one day pulled out her heart,
Then kept it safe in a jar,
It floated in her tears for months and months,
A year or 2 later shook that old jar,
And saw it has been long enough,
With fear in her mind and hope in her heart,
She finally opened that jar,
Along came a prince in her sight,
she thought was worthy enough,
So she trusted him with her broken heart,
He held it until it was warm,
Then heard it beat like a drum,
She said "FINALLY, put it back in its place",
The charming prince completed her broken half,
Months later she started to rot,
With the stench of deceit and a wandering eye,
She thought she was more than enough.... For him to crown her #1,
Sometime later he decided she wasn't enough,
Now Dethroned to take second place,
When she asked why he lied in her face,
With his guitar played her a melody of decay,
Quickly draining her of a beautiful soul,
Her body riddled with pain,
As his body was stained with someone else's skin,
Like it was some kinda of twisted parade,
The broken princess said "I've had enough!",
So she pulled out her bleeding heart and tore it in half,
Saddened with his selfishness,
She locked herself up in that tower again,
This prince kissed her cheek that poisoned her skin,
Then she said: "sorry I wasn't enough...."  And never dared to love again
       -Dedicated to: Hector G.

Sometimes, I can't hold it together,
My silence isn't really strength,
Sometimes, it's an emotional shock,
So my silence is to keep me from falling apart,
Sometimes, I just need a solid a hug,
To keep all my broken pieces from falling apart,
But sometimes, it's just too much to ask,
Because everyone assumes I'm in no need for human affection,
Most times, I just hold my breath,
I feel my exploding heart in my neck,
Sometimes, I just need a hug,
Something genuine where people aren't trying to take advantage to feel me up.

You came from a distant country,
For a slice of paradise,
You gazed upon starry eyes,
While yours agaped with silent lies,
A young girl's dream adrift on innocence,
Without remorse you took a gift ,
And prayed upon the ignorance...
Of beautiful island girls with dreams,
Selling themselves short at only fourteen,
It's such a tragedy,
Yet and no they weren't ready,
To be children having children selling beauty because there's mouths to feed,
Working the "bar" hoping prince charming will save them from poverty,
Instead they get misused,
Naivlely chaising the DREAM,
Of one love, pure true love,
White weddings, homes that are steady,
But foreigners come to realize *******,
You come to this country & more and more races,
Keep traveling leaving mixed faces,
Spreading their seed,
Then up and leave,
Forcing children to be mother's,
Making children to be *******,
While you go invest in homes and boats,
Foreigner's seed spreads like wildfire,
Most children don't even know their own fathers,
All they know is poverty and hunger,
You come and go act like you don't know,
Half black, half German, half Irish philipino faces,
Young girls forced to sell their dignity for a dollar  & some clean water,
Beauty hides their pain and anguish,
They keep pushing so their kids aren't famished,
The foreigners gift..
Rose-colored promise,
Of a life better than this,
Where mother doesn't sleep with strangers,
Goes to bed hungry because she feeds her offspring,
In a paradise where ****** education is a myth,
Contraception & abortion is a sin,
But ******* is accepted leaving both children and women victims,
Of the Foreigner's lust and greed,
Yet everyday she walks with PRIDE,
Deep inside the scar of life,
But you came from a distant village....
Gazed upon those starry eyes,
Broke the girl AND the dream and this was the Foreigner's GiFT.

Sweet 16 was when I found myself roomed in Cerritos psych ward,
2 other girls roomed with me,
One kinda like me,
I still have a piece of her converse sneaker logo as a suvenir of my teenage years,
The other girl was a beautiful girl,
Who cried everyday,
And slattered makeup before going to bed,
A beautiful girl with a stain in her smile,
And a **** to her ego,
I sat in this room and saw many come and go,
I'm still stuck here....
With a suicidal mind a flow,
Self esteem sunk low,
Taste for life gone bland,
Took this hand full of pills,
Hope to sleep at last... FOREVER.
Didn't happen,
I'm getting stuck with needles on a daily,
Monitored my food intake on a daily,
Anorexia nervosa won't let me,
But the girl at Cerritos psych,
She still my roomie and others are gone....
Then back,
Then gone again,
The pretty girl at Cerritos psych,
With big eyes, full lips and gorgeous brunette hair,
She's still stuck in Cerritos psych,
*** daddy told her that she's ugly and she's worthless only has a use for one thing,
And to this day I wonder if she ever saw her reflection??
Has she finally seen beauty within?
Or is she still stuck in Cerritos psych ward

Why is it that human kind are at the top of the line.... Yet we cannot be kind to ourselves let alone a fellow human being?!??
Why we may have thumbs,
And walk upright,
Have the biggest brain,
Enough to have the option to make choice,
Yet we've lost our voice,
We are the worst animals on planet Earth....
But do you know WHY???
Because with our "big brains" we chose to hold another down,
Instead of bringing them a step up,
We chose to hurt, lie and ****** just out of greed,
Just for kicks,
Yet an animal does only solely to survive,
Maintain their race,
Yet we destroy each other with such haste,
convinced this is the only way to come up,
We are the human animal,
Because nothing of our way of being shows were anything more that just another animal,
The only difference is we walk, we speak, we "think" or so we should.....
Instead we step on toes,
Cause more woe,
Let greed run our ****** up minds,
But we are all just human-animals,
Blessed with a posable thumb!

"THE INVISIBLE KILLER"
By: Scar Savage

DEPRESSION.
Is the invisible killer,
The unseen disease that people just brush off and say:
"It's all in your head"
But... That's just it.
It IS IN MY HEAD.
And that's EXACTLY why I can NEVER seem to run from it..
Although I don't SEE it, it ALWAYS seeks me,
And when I tell somebody they just tell me I'll be ok, and it'll pass,

Well it's been 30 years ***** when is THAT suppose to happen??!
People think it's not real because they don't SEE.
But, you don't SEE THE WIND...
BUT YOU STILL FEEL IT!!
And I feel this EVERY ******* DAY!
And it's killing me, it's eating at my soul til I decay!

But that's ok. *** your ok right?
It's all in my head and you feel none of it,
Oh and BTW I "choose" to be this way,
Tell Me, WHO THE **** CHOOSES TO FEEL LIKE **** Everyday!!!

It's as involuntary as blinking and breathing!!
But it don't exist *** it don't show up on a blood test or upon my skin,
Until the day I actually turn Grey from death,
Because I got tired of "choosing" to BE THIS WAY!!

HELLO MY NAME IS DEPRESSION.
YOUR GOING TO DIE THIS WAY!

Shes a tiny glass menagerie
Action packed just let her be,
She's jaded she's not broken,
Her boiling rage is just a token,
Her best feature,
She's a creature beneath the human skin,
Underlying,  there's no denying,
The past is exactly what had built her,
Why yes, oh yes, she's beautiful,
A beautiful disaster dancing in a music box,
Dancing circles around dismounted dreams,
She stares at her reflection....
Her only true companion... A reflection of a cracked girl trapped within the mirror

She is the methamphetamine queen, hard and lean,
Tall and mean.
But she doesn't think,
*** she's sunk so deep.
Never in her wildest dreams did she dream of this,
To smoke up her dreams.
Caught up in a summer's eve,
With her skin a glow,
Blew her first cloud of smoke,
To swallow her whole.
Without reason or remorse,
Blindly to this course,
Caught up in that summer haze,
Got lost in that methamphetamine daze,
Now she hides in the shadows of the night,
Fixing her next high.
She's the methamphetamine queen.
Hollow yet so deep,
But what made her start?
She was so **** smart.
Now she's pale and wasted,
The lost she can taste them,
As she comes crawling out of her dark alley way,
She Misguides them her way.....
She's the queen of methamphetamine,
Cold and dead,
Off with your head.
She don't care none.
High and dry,
Too broke to get high.
So she lures them in.
To her world of self -destruction.
With no concept of time, or why?
Living to get high,
Hiding from the light.
*** at night she's beautiful and free,
And in the day she's ugly and unclean.
But what made her turn to this?
Screams of **** and ******.
She took control of her best weapon of them all,
Her body.
Her temple.
Weathered.
With the pains her beauty brings....
Screams of help....
Cries in questions......
Why her beauty made her target,
Of deviance, abuse, and hopelessness.
She's the methamphetamine queen....
So tired and on speed.
She was all you dreamed.....
Beautiful, carefree....
She's the methamphetamine queen.....
High-strung and light years apart.
She's the methamphetamine queen,
Tall and lean.
Hard and mean....
She's the methamphetamine queen/ faded dream.
You can show her the way.....
But she hesitates.
Bring her all the wonders of the world,
But she don't care.
And she don't feel or sleep or eat.... *** she's.....
THE METHAMPHETAMINE QUEEN.

It's sad.
People think I'm doing better,
But I've only gotten better at masking the pain,
And I wish that it would all wash away with the rain...
But it's California,
It never rains,
So I carry this ache like the heavy weight,
Of a dead man,
Disguising my brokenness with a smile,
Try to hold it just a little while,
Long enough to run to the bathroom,
Run the shower,
So I can finally release the distress of holding it all in,
All my glued together pieces of my broken soul,
And I sit in here let the hot water scorch my crooked spine,
As I sit here and cry,
On the bathtub floor and the bathroom floor,
As I nod my head and beat my brain and subtly let out muffled screams,
It's sad,
It stings and Burns and hurts,
I rather be tortured and bruised,
Then I compose myself,
Cover up the decay,
And take a deep breath,
Prepare myself and step back out like I didn't just break down,
But no one knows about it.

Imma be popping these pills til I disappear,
Popping these pills til my mind is clear,
Walking down the street grin from ear to ear,
I worry about no one because I don't have any fear,
I can be the nicest person or your biggest regret,
But if you true and stick to your word than you have nothing to fret,
And I can bet just about anything even in my sedative state,
That I'm cool and step up to the plate,
My love is a wildfire that clears the most dense of forests,
My rage is weapon that cuts a person out as quickly as you cut a bad habit,
Which version of me you meet that's up to you to decide,
And if your true to form than you have nothing to hide,
But I keep it real,
Wether these wounds stay open or heal....
But I'll be popping these pills til the day that I die,
Because if I don't I split all my sides,
And that's when the darkness that hides takes its opportunity to come out and play in the dark,
Where the shadows dance and the moonlight makes musick with it's light

If I wish upon a star will my dreams ever come true?
If I hold the moon in my hands will I absorb it's light?
And if I do will it be bright enough for you to see me?
In the dark?
If I cover myself with the milky Way will it feel just like your embrace?
Or will I only be a miniscule speck in the mass of all its majesty?
Will I ever be the Apple of your eye?
And the fire in your *****?
Will my love burn hotter than the scorching sun or will you let it turn to ashes?
Will a kiss on the lips and a touch of your soul make you believe...
I am worthy enough to be placed on the highest pedal stool in the kingdom of your torn up heart?
Can two broken people put all their broken pieces together and mend the damage of lover's past.
or are we just too broken a void in the sky.
-Scar Savage

He loves me...
I can tell by the way he smiles at me,
He loves me...
I can tell by the way he looks at me,
He scars me...
With a single word he shoots me down,
He drowns me,
With words of sweet nothingness .
But I know.
Yes I know... He'll never leave,
*** I know he loves to torture me the most,
He Loves me...
I can tell by the way my face has swelled,
But he loves me.
I can tell by the shades of purples and green,
He calls me....
Only to soothe his own shame & guilt.
And drowns me...
In a sea of liquor so he can have his way with me.
But I.....
I stay.
*** I know nothing more....
Than this life of misuse and abuse.
But he loves me!
I can tell by his apologies,
But he loves me....
I can tell by the dozen roses he sent to me.
Oh he chokes me.....
With the same hands that once comfort me,
And he burns me,
Faster than a house on fire.
But he loves me.......
He can be violent, harsh, and sweet,
And I spend my days walking on a wire,
But he loves ME!!
I can tell by the way he says: "IM SORRY."

I love your insecurities,
The things you see,that I don't see,
I examine you like a specimen, a wonder, like a new invention,
You'll never catch me staring,
But I'll tell you that I do,
I may not use words to express all that I harbor....
But, I use the language of my body and the curves of my spine,
Quench your thirst with my lips,
Press the mass of you against my borders,
I'll use all the things I Despise about myself, like I see no fault in them,
I'll kiss every scar on your body and caress everything you hate about yourself,
I'll change the bad taste on your tongue with a kiss sweet as cherry wine,
And although I throw blows like the arms of a brother,
I am tender with the love of a mother,
And I don't fear to see what your afraid to reveal,
I crave to taste all of you...
the good, the bad, the ugly. ALL THE THINGS YOU HATE YOURSELF.
-Scar Savage

Your just like toilet paper...
See thru like a colorform,
Your just like toilet paper...
Use once and then destroy,
Your just like toilet paper...
Weak-willed tears up when in rain,
Your just like toilet paper...
Drop you in a porcelain thrown just rid of you like a bad habit,
Your just like Toilet Paper...
Wipe my *** with your face when I'm done giving a ****,
Your just like toilet paper...
You are only a DISPOSABLE poor excuse of a human being!

One day you'll know..
How much I loved you,
How much I meant everything I ever said,
But by then it'll be too late,
And I won't be here,
*** I'll be DEAD.
I'm almost there and yes I know it,
In time you will too,
When the Earth loses all color,
And her voice echoes in your dreams,
When you try to seek for that same fire in everyone but me,
And you realize what you just did,
When kisses become bitter and bitter with every set of lips,
And on that day you'll know,
How much she really adored you,
But you devalued all her efforts despite her damaged heart... She STILL mustered all her broken will to shower you with love,
All the love that eventually broke her,
All the love she never got,
But by then it'll be too late,
You've made the same mistake AGAIN,
Only this time you'll truly regret it,
And you can blame yourself for her demise this time,
When you hold another lover and her embraces are shallow and cold,
When you take her out to places we went to,
You'll see her shadow dancing in the background like a vivid memory,
When you lay with her in bed wondering why you feel like your so dead,
And she can't even hold a candle to half the things that she did,
Remember how much she loved you,
When you left her here for Dead.
And your poor attempt to replace her  will devour everything in your wake.