No one will ever know the mass of this dark hole
How much it's grown
How hungry it's  stomach growls
To feed off my regrets

No one will ever feel
The sorrows that cradle me
When I'm alone
When I have no one to talk to

She will never know
How heavy this large stone is
The one I carry despite all my apologies

He will never know
How much I really loved him
Despite how much he hurt me

And all this silenced pain I swallowed without a sound

They will never know
All I've ever known is how to do things the 'wrong way' and no one ever said "NO"  to me.. enough for me to stop

She will never know
That as I was raising her with love
I was still a child trying to learn
To give her the love I never knew

He will never know
How fiercely I defended him
How I was blamed for his death
And how the survivor's guilt of not being there has eaten me away

They will never know the hole that's deep within me
The one I filled with angst, violence and self destruction

No one will ever know the void that is now me
The hole that I so easily fill with smiles that tricks you into thinking that I'm fine

Hey..
If your reading this know that you were chosen,
You were chosen to find this,
To find me,
If your reading this know that you are because I am no longer here,
I am now but a particle in the air,
I'm cut off like the human hair,
I am now blue like the sea,
I was hurt....
But you never see.... Until it was too late,
And my pain consumed me that I began to hate,
To hate every breathing waking day,
Stuck in a vessel where my soul now fades,
And the rising sun stings like sharpened blades,
If your reading this..
I'm sorry..
Sorry I couldn't be stronger,
Sorry I couldn't take it much longer,
If your reading this know you were 1 of the few people that touched my heart,
Maybe one of the people that broke it apart,
If your reading this....
Maybe you were my disappointment,
Maybe.. you drove me to finally disown MYSELF,
If your reading this... I onced Loved YOU- GOODBYE

I get it
You don't want to speak to me no more
I get it I'm not cool to you at all
I get it
A prettier girl caught your eye
I get it
She's wine while I am rye

I get it
I look soft but I'm abrasive
I get it
She's soft the way she looks
I get it
You were hoping you could mold me
I get it
You loved my body but not my actual soul

I get it
You don't have to hide from me anymore
I get it
I'll leave without counting all the sores
I get it
You thought my sweet face was my core
I get it
You didn't think I really was *******

I get it
This is a one sided conversation
I get it
You only talk while you can get it
I get it
I'm too smart for you to stay in tune
I get it
I won't bother with you anymore

I miss you.....
with a passion,
With a fire that has no extinguishing,
I miss you like a baby misses her blanket,
And the moon misses the eclipse of the sun.
I miss you.
Like a child misses her daddy,
And the ocean misses the tides,
I miss you.
Like night misses day and day misses night.
I need you like a diabetic needs insulin,
And the crazed need their meds.
I'm hungry....
For the warmth of your body, and the sweetness of your caress.
I'm craving.....
Like a dopefien in fasting and the vein to the needle.
But I.....
I miss you.
Like a soldier missing an arm and a leg

We’re women.
Men have it easy....
Home is not the house you stand upon nor is it the land it’s sitting on,
It’s WOMEN,
We are the neck in which ever direction I turn, turns your head,
This house is a house of paper cards,
It crumbles in a fire,
It rots in water,
It’s WOMEN,
The backbone, the care & the shelter you call HOME,
Without ME...
you are just a man standing, children crying, lost and pouting,
I am a WOMAN,
Bringer of life,
Maker of Home & Love,
I am NEVER allowed to be seen crying,
To show emotion or have feelings,
We are “meant to look pretty” smile with grace thru the grit of my teeth,
I must remain a WOMAN.
Taker of all that’s impossible,
Splitting myself into so many others to...
Warm up your HOME, soften your heart when it’s too cold and rigid,
I am a WOMAN,
Always expected to be strong,
Full proof SMILE thru the ache and weakness,
So your house is not your HOME.
It is I WOMAN birthing of life,maker of husbands and home,
It is I WOMAN that rules the earth that makes your happy place
HOME.

"IN A WEEK"
By: Let et ScaR

YEA, THEY LEFT ME
LEFT ME HERE.
THEY LEFT ME,
SOMEWHERE IN THE DRIED UP GRASS….

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
LEFT ME HERE.
HIGH & DRY BUT IT WONT LAST….
THEY'LL FIND ME DRIED IN THE SANDS OF TIME....

YEA,  THEY LEFT ME.
FORGOTTEN ALL I'VE DONE.
BUT THEY WONT SEE MY FRUITFUL WAYS,
UNTIL I'M LONG DEAD & GONE...

YEA, THEY FOUND ME.
SOMEWHERE IN AN EMPTY FIELD,
INCASED IN A FROZEN PARALLEL OF TIME.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY ......
& MY TEAR DUCTS WERE TO DRY TO MUSTER A CRY.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
THEY LEFT ME HERE TO DIE.
WHEN THEY'VE TAKEN ALL I'VE HAD,
TO TURN THEIR BACKS WHEN I CAME BACK HUNGRY FOR AN ACT OF KINDNESS.

BUT NOW THEY'LL SEE.....
IN A ABOUT A WEEK.
WHEN THEY FIND ME...
& THE INSECTS HAVE ALREADY FED ON ME.

YA.....
THEY'LL SEE.  WHEN THEIR FRUITS AREN'T SWEET.
WHY THEY DON'T ENJOY....
CAUSE THEY ALL FED ON ME.
AND I ABSORBED ALL THEIR BITTERNESS, IN RETURN FOR FRUITFUL SEEDS.

BUT NOW THEY TOO....
WILL DECAY LIKE ME.
BECAUSE THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO SWALLOW THEIR PAIN.

AND THEY'LL REMEMBER....
THE DAY THEY WALKED AWAY...
AND LEFT ME HERE.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY, TO DIE ALONE & RETURN ONCE MORE....
INTO THE GROUND
INTO THE DIRT THAT I ONCE CAME FROM
ONCE UPON A TIME.

Sometimes I miss the DARKNESS..
It's where I always feel safe,
Where shadows never follow... Because they are created by LIGHT,
I've NEVER been a child of God,
I frolick in the night,
Sometimes I even miss the PAIN,
It makes me feel ALIVE,
They say "Come to the Light"
But that's too close to DYING, like flirting with suicide,
Sometimes I miss the darkness...
It's cool, crisp kiss upon thy cheek,
Right here I can cry FREELY,
And no one See's a tear,
I'm married to the darkness,
His cold- hearted bride frozen in Suspended time,
Because everybody knows if you follow the light...
YOU ARE SOON TO DIE,
And no one escapes the REAPER... for you cannot DIE TWICE.

I kissed the sun,
I raised the dead,
I took another shot to the head,
he asked me "baby you need another one? You good?"
And I said "I'm ok",
I took that shot of matchstick ******, leaned back on momma's bed,
turned blue I flatlined then,
I kissed the sun,
I joined the dead,
The baby's screaming like an alarm clock and she crawls to me,
Im drenched,
I wake,
He says "sorry baby your face is gonna hurt tomorrow"
He says "you stopped breathing and you were blue we threw you in the tub there's no response",
"We slapped the **** out of you" ,
I licked the sun,
Flirted with death,
I tasted for once all the damage I had done,
Momma came home she never knew just hours ago her baby laid dead in her bed,
This was the 3rd time that I blotted out the sun,
And it's the last time I'll take my soul back

Kitty cat wants to come out and play
Kitty cat is stuck in a cage
Kitty cat scared of the rain
But Kitty cat hasn't been pet all day
Kitty cat picky as ****
She don't really like anyone
Kitty cat likes milk on her lips
But Kitty cat gets dry kibbles and bits
Kitty cat needs a new owner
Her last one is dead and gone
Kitty cat needs someone to love
She likes to chase for the fun
Kitty just chases her tail
*** every player always gets scared and bails

I wanna wrap my arm around yours,
I wanna lean my head on your shoulder,
I wanna blow smoke to the sky
I want you to see the stars in my eyes,
Glossy, glossy, feel so high,
Glassy, Glassy, feels so nice,
I wanna feel special like I know I'm not,
I wanna fall in love with the lie of my life,
I wanna feel like that time I almost died,
I wanna feel your heart beat in mine,
I wanna lay with you like I always craved for,
I wanna walk away like I never knew ya,
I wanna fall in love with the lie,
I wanna kiss you under the stars,
I wanna swallow the smoke you blow in my eyes,
I wanna feel, touch, kiss, ****, sleep under a blanket of stars,
I wanna feel high, be alive just this ONE time

I thought you were my life line,
But nah, you were my flat line,
The day that I was born you took my breath away,
And not in a good way,
I left myself and any good left in me that day...
The day you decided this should end,
I thought you were a direct line,
To my life ***,
But you were just a straight shot,
To a flat line,
My demise,
I thought you threw me a line,
To help me up,
Instead you were a death trap,
Painted in beautiful colors

I'm one of a kind,
Nobody's girl,
Highly addictive,
Short in supply,
Some try to claim me,
Some try to see me,
But I'm like a shooting star that flies by once in lifetime,
I'm easy to love,
But hard to swallow,
Boys try to catch me but I'm like catching lighting in a bottle,
I runaway from love at full throttle,
Drown my sorrows at the end of a bottle,
I'm like a butterfly that can't fly when it loses powder in its wings,
I won't land on your flowers and get caught in a dead end dream,
Silly boy's  pollen is just poison to me,
You can catch me like a firefly if   I can keep your love by my bedside in my battered heart shaped box

Yo soy la hija querida,
La hija perdida,
La hija mayor,
Valiente como un soldado,

Mama es la manzana de donde yo cae,
Mama es la piedra pesada que no pude tirar,

Yo soy la hija amada
La hija malvada,
La hija que tira puños sin una espada,

Lo que madre no sabe es todo mi ardiente me lo quede a mi misma,
Para no darle el sabor de todo mi dolor,

Yo soy la hija chiquita,
La desapareceda,
Yo soy la hija que nunca llora enfrente de otros,
Que se va sin dejar huellas,

Lo que madre no sabe es que en mi orgullo quede tan herida,

Yo soy la hija salvaje,
La antisocial que se siente atrapada entre las paderes,

Lo que madre no sabe es que tenia vergueñza porque me converti en algo que hoy detesto,

Pero yo soy la hija calliente en la calléjera,
La hija al pendiente,
La hija que nunca falta ni tira falsos

-WHAT MOTHER DOESN'T KNOW -
I am the loved daughter,
The lost daughter,
The eldest daughter,
Brave as a soldier,

Mom is the apple from which I fell from,
Mom is the heavy stone that I couldn't throw,

I am the beloved daughter,
The evil daughter,
The daughter who throws fists without a sword,

What mother doesn't know is that all my ardor I kept to myself,
So as not to give her a taste of all my pain,

I am the tiny daughter,
The missing one,
I am the daughter who never cries in front of others,
Who leaves without a trace,

What mother doesn't know is that my pride was hurt and I was left deeply wounded,

I am the savage daughter,
The antisocial one who feels trapped between walls,


What mother doesn't know is that I was ashamed because I became something that I despise today,

But I am the hot-headed daughter roaming the streets,
The attentive daughter,
The daughter who never misses or throws a false claim

-PrimaJean
(English translation version)

I wish you looked at me like you did before..
With love in your eyes and fire in your heart,
I wish I looked at you like I did before..

Before we met,
No expression,

Just another face in the crowd,

I wish I never found love with you,
So that I may never feel hurt,
or ache or taste the stinging kiss of how you betray,

I wish I never traded my trust,
For your lust,
My unrelenting love for yours that was nothing but a pain

The fire has long expired,
This one sided love got me bored and n tired,
You said you never saw me like that,
Like I was never to be loved,
Like I was never your girl and that's fine,
I get better with the time,
I'm that girl that ages like fine wine,
You're a grape that rotted off my vine,
Every word out of your mouth nothing but lies,
But now another one caught my eye,
And unlike you I know how to say goodbye,
And now I know you'll love me when I'm gone,
Love me when I'm DONE,
Miss me when you no longer can pick up that line,
Thought you can keep me in the back burner,
But honey I'm the burn and hurt you when I take my heart back,
And you can diss me when I laugh,
Miss me when you cry,
I always knew I'd leave a mark,
Leave a scar,
Leave your ***** bagged up in the back of my car,
And it will never matter what you do,
I will never come back to you,
And you can love me when I'm gone,
Miss me when I'm done,
But there is nothing you can have that I will ever, ever want

I was skipping on that fine line of life and death,
I was running through the trenches and drug habits,

Not for a second did I fear it,
In fact, I loved every moment of it,
The fast life gave me a taste for the hell I've made,

I made my bed,
Now I gotta lay in it,
It's about time I got up and set it a flame,
I'm here to stay,
No overdosing today,

But I'm living in the margins with no one to blame,

Yea, I told him:
"You either bring it to me or I'll go find it"
Like danger was the only thing that I craved,

And I normalized the needle to vain,
The monkey on my back grew into an ape,
And I couldn't get enough so I ate and ate,
Til my stomach was sick and my life's a mess,

Hey, this wasn't the future I saw for myself,
And now I'm sitting on the sidelines of could-have-beens,

I could've been smart,
Could've been great,
I could've stayed in school and built my mansion on bricks,

Instead I deviated the plan and it was plagued,
I was blinded by puppy love and the money I made,

It's safe to say pretty soon I needed a place to stay,
Because the home that I built was never a safe place,

It's taken me 9yrs to repair the damage I made,
And I'm still on the margins of my duality where there is no escape

They say I have a mom Complex,
This can either be good or bad I guess,
They say I take care of everyone,
But I don't give 2 flying ***** about myself,
They say I've been stuck in survival mode too long....
That I don't know how to react to normal human interaction,
But I became such a recluse that this became the usual reaction,
And yes I have a tendency of covering everyone's ***** because I'm loyal and soon enough my loyalty will also be my downfall.

You run thru my forests,
Set fires thru my grassy
Dry hair,
I warm your homes with firewood,
And feed your hunger with wildlife for it is in my nature,
You drink from my rivers,
I quench your thirst with my bodies of water,
You poison my oceans with the waste of your spills,
The curves of my body provide lands in which you foolishly ****, with your littering and machines you created,
I give you air to breathe so you may exist within my being,
My clouds cry acidic rain in despair of the abuse you may bring,
My lands & oceans make a blueprint that is my body...
I make life your very existstance,
But you've damaged my O-Zone layer,
Giving no care like a player,
Polluted my air with your venomous clouds,
And depleting my oxygen with every tree you've cut down,
You gamble in my deserts,
Sin in my cities, claim foreign lands,
But I can be alpha &/or Omega.. the beginning or the end of life,
I sing you faint lullaby's you can hear in the atmosphere,
You can feel the curves of my body in my forests, mountains, lakes and sea's,
You can ******* sorrow with every icy raindrop,
You can rejoice in the scent of the damp earth on a rainy day, the sweetness of a rose in a garden, or the bliss of a pine in a forest,
I am home to all that bleeds,
Mother to all that breathes,
I am the foundation of life,
I am mother to all... I am Mother Nature.

"MUST BE NICE"
It must be nice
To catch a break
It must be nice
To walk unscathed
It must be nice to sleep at night
Believe you've done everything right
It must be nice
To have no fault
No fault you claim your own
It must be nice
To leave debris
For everyone else to clean
It must be nice
To string up hearts
And cut the ties you captured with lies
It must be nice to think your perfect...
It must be so ******* nice
To be YOU

They say there's no place like home,
Tis True,

There is no way to describe what the displacement of Homelessness has done to me,
To my husband, to my kid,

It has taken his life,
One drink at a time,
It has stripped our daughter of security,
And has eaten away at my confidence,

The anguish is dense,
Between packing & couch hopping,
I've realized I own NOTHING.

EVERYTHING is DISPOSABLE,
I'm posable,
At the mercy of hands that feed,

Do you KNOW the toll it takes from me?

To go from being independent, proud of all I've worked so hard to own,
To hiding hunger pains so she can eat,
Never sleep, watch my surroundings incase we gotta up and leave,

From having a place of my own,
To call home....
To bird baths in gas stations, and sleeping in the cool air under the stars,

The buzz of traffic and drug addicts all of a SUDDEN become a lullaby,
Your home is kosher,
But out here it's a warzone filled with gangs and crooks,

You think you know the dark AND lived hard,
But can you keep a Stone face when your children question Why are we going thru this?

People pass by,
Glare with their eyes,
Make superficial judgements,
But I was once a nurse and legal aid a stable staple in society,

You turn your nose up, talk **** and snicker,
But let me ask you who's the bigger winner?
It's ME.
*** what you lack in conscienceness I make up with a heart that don't stop,

Its cracked and bloated,
It's bled and skipped beats,
But it's STILL worth more than the bucks you proudly came  with,

My hardships and trials built this great Wall of iron,
I'll burn like wildfire if you ever think that you can hold my head down,

But there's nothing like home,
I'm BROKE it don't show,
And no one will ever know,
Don't judge a book by its cover,
Read the last page and think you know the struggle,

Take a step back view the entire picture,
Crack the spine and begin to read thru,
What you don't know it way surprise you,
You were going thru cubic zirconia's,
**** you might find a DIAMOND.

I Press the cigarette against my skin until it bubbles and it pops,
Like water does when you over boil it,
I pick the scab until it bleeds
In the same way you left me,
I hurt myself to rid the pain,
But I don’t feel a thing,
I blur the lines between the versions of myself,
You call the monster within me,
because the girl is nowhere to be seen,
I drown my sorrows by the sea,
I let you in,
but you never saw me,
Then yet again...
I don’t know the reflection that stands before me,
I hoped with time the wound would heal,
but that was just a myth,
I split myself into pieces so small you can’t ever collect,
They say I’ll go to heaven,
if only I repent,
But it’s too late.. I’ve become the serpent you regret,
I’ll wrap myself around you til your dying breath,
I’ll take you down below the ground to hell and you will never tell,
Scream and cry all that you want,
but no one will hear you now,
You thought that I was through with you,
Like you were through with me,
And all that I can really say is:
“Oh well!"
With a side glance and a crooked smile.

I don't want that fake kinda love
Love you only under the sheets
love you only in the dark

I want that real kinda love
Old fashioned like a sundae with a cherry on top
Love you in the daylight
Fix it when it breaks apart

I don't want that cyber kinda love
Artificially generated
Love you only in private
Don't even know you in public

I don't want that fake kinda love
I want the real love
The kind that makes you wanna show off

I don't want this Gen Z kinda funk
Act like you want me
then act like a punk

I want that real kinda love
Old fashioned ******* the rocks

I don't want this hide how you
feel because you trying to be hard
I want that classic vintage
Coca-Cola with ******* type of love

I am not rich,
Nor am I special,
I am not privelaged,
Or walk on rose petals,

I walk the Rocky pavement barefoot and injured,
I am a starving artist,
**** money just want to get this message through:

That I am what I am,
a victim of circumstances & things out of my control,
but I owned them survived them but who will ever know?

And even if I'm hardened by all of these stains,
My heart is still true,
And I still stand by it.

I didn't have parents to tell me they loved me,
They divorced when I was just 5yrs. Old,
My mother dated so many unfit men we where constantly running,
My dad looks down upon me because I'm EVERYTHING he despises,
I'm tattoeed, have piercings, I married a convict, I've been a drug addict, and I'm very outspoken,

The first to graduate high school and college,
I moved out at 18 made my own way confident I got this,
At 20 I had my daughter & married,
I planned it,
Her space in this world was already reserved no doubting,

By the age of 27 I was widowed and homeless,
I sold my food stamps to pay my husband's cremation expenses,
I hustled in the legal field for minorities,
Non profit,
To give voice to the people misfortuned like I am,

I never sold drugs or my body to get by,
I've PANHANDLED recycled cans to make it through my harsh days,

So **** your opinions on what you think is proper,
Or who deserves what,
***** you couldn't even stand at my alter!

*** most of you people have no skills,
You sacrifice self worth for a DOLLAR!

I got the call from a dear dear friend,
He got the call from his daughter Jessi,
He said "I think they found him you gotta come down to 14th st"
"He has no ID come identify him"

I had already been searching for him for about a week,
Missing persons with no name to him,
I dropped off the baby at school and took myself to 14th Street,

Cold blue sheet covering him,
They wouldn't allow anyone near his body,
Two dogs I've never seen there before guarded his remains,

The coroner stops me before I got too close,
I said: "I'm his wife, I got the call"
They showed me pictures of his post mortem,
Bruised like an apple tattoos disappear into the blue,

I took a look at three and said "Yea, that's my husband"
Everyone calls him Irish but his name was Craig Allen Whisler a tattoo artist from Toledo, Ohio

Poetry flows thru my pen,
Like blood flows thru my veins,
If I try to just write a piece it fails because it wasn't naturally,
I jot down my best pieces when in a rage or melancholia,
I see words as pictures in my brain,
Playing movie rheels inside my head,
Words of sorrow flow thru my pen like a ship sailing across the deep blue sea,
No one really knows my sorrows,
I'm good at hiding what you cannot SEE.

I loved every inch of you,
Even if you didn't love YOURSELF,
Every scar, mark, mole, birthmark, and even every stretch mark, you were PERFECT.

I wouldn't change it for anything in the world,
I used to think your PERFECT,
But the ugliest thing in you is what no one else can see,
I really thought we were on the same page,
But we're chapters away,
I didn't really mind I loved you ANYWAY,

I loved everything about you..
The way you talked, the way your hair curled into perfect spirals after showers,
Your low key smiles, and your semi creepy stares,
I thought you were PERFECT,
But wait, there is a defect,

Like broken bones within the body,
Broken yet unseen,
Silent rejections,
Half truths and white lie deceptions,
That triggered insecurity & paranoia,

How you made me feel INVISIBLE,
Rejected & alone,
How you claimed you loved me but I always got 2nd place,
Those pieces of you invisible to the eye,
Caused further damage to a disturbed mind,

But I loved every bit about you,
Even if you did not,
And you were always perfect just the way you are,

But now,
I see all your different shades of grey,
Their poison in my life left their ugly stain,
No I don't think your PERFECT.
Not today, not anymore,
Just a beautiful hollow,
Vague, HEARTLESS, person who just uses you like a toy,
I'm stuck between love and hate..
Its burning in me EVERYDAY,
I split into different jaded versions of myself,
I'm starting to ******* hate you,
You ******* ***** couldn't even be a MAN,
But once I thought you were PERFECT...... A perfect *******

Hold me
I'm trying to keep my pieces in
Hold me
I'm tired of not fitting in
Hold me
I'm tired of exploding
Hold me
I'm sick of being in the cold
Hold me
I'm not as hard as I may look
Hold me
I promise you that I am warm
Hold me
I'm longing to be human again
Hold me
Before the sudden change of temperature forces me to break like glass

Push the plunger,
Pull the thread,
Stars in my eyes,
I can be anything when I am HiiGH,
Kiss me sweetly,
Blood on my lips,
Licked that poison off the top of a needle,
Push the plunger,
Stars in my eyes,
I only love you when I’m high,
After the train has left the station…
***** dont touch me!!
It stings like broken glass,
Left these track marks all on my arms,
Push the plunger,
Pull the thread,
I am nothing when I am DEAD

I tried the best I could,
But you never would,
Take a helping hand,
Instead you picked up a bottle and you fled,

Locked, lost inside your mind,
Schizophrenia you couldn't hide,
It got worse and worse with each swig you swallowed,

I tried to be your backbone,
I twisted myself so far backwards that my spine had snapped too,

I tried to hold your hand,
All the way onto dry land,
Instead you pulled me under,
And then I too drowned in this water,

It's hard to comprehend, empathize, understand,
How hard it is to balance on the razors edge,

It's hard to watch somebody you love wither away,
I tried for the longest to preserve you ,
But in the process I too disintegrated  into nothingness,

Still I tried to hold onto that memory of the person I fell in love with, Hoping that you'd come back someday,
Instead your mind was altered,
And it became to falter,
The schizophrenia of yours left me no choice but to abandon,
Both home and this marriage,

Although I didn't want to,
But you became dangerous,
Threaten to take my child and tell her that you had to **** me,

And now it's life or death,
It's you or me,
And only ONE can be left standing,

So I made my decision,
I had to walk away,
Before I too lost my sanity.

But I tried so hard to be the glue,
To preserve both me and you our daughter too,
But I'm only human,
I'm not invincible,

But your lack of trying and this constant fighting,
It left me tattered & broken,
And it just left me feeling like I am the walking DEAD.

I don't know who else to talk to...
I see a shrink but I can't even spill,
I got so many things to say but when it comes down to it the words and thoughts don't escape my lips,
The heaviness of the load is hard to carry,
The only time I can release is in the dark under the moonlight,
I walk outside, stare at the sky have lonely conversations with myself,
I feel so lost,
I have no will to even try to get myself out,
I look at myself now and I don't know who I am...
I don't like what I see,
I don't even recognize the reflection the stares upon me,
I can't even see the me before all of this,
I've gone so far that I can't even reach the old me,
The infinity of the nothingness I feel is quickly devouring me,
I contemplated suicide almost everyday,
The only reason that I stay is because I'm not that selfish,
I wanna die, I want to so bad but now I'm bound and I cannot go thru with it,
I cannot leave my baby with the emptiness Her father left me with after his death,
I grit my teeth and bare the weight,
My bones are slowly crushing,
But I can't leave my baby girl with the pain and hopelessness my passing will implant within

You were never Superman,
You didn't save the day,
Just flashed by like a great parade,
And when the big show's done, you up and left.

You were never prince charming,
Chivalry is DEAD,
Just like a spoiled boy wearing a crown,
But never looks ahead,

You were never the antidote,
More like cyanide a poison to my veins,

And you were never gonna bring me back to life....
You can't bring back what's ALREADY DEAD.

"Quick Fix"
I didn't want you to Fix me...
I wanted you to love me,
Want me,
Feed my soul so I can finally BREATH,
Because everyday I hold my breath suffocating on a far-fetched dream...

That someone will miss me someday,
See me for who I am,
Not what I have been or where I've been,

I didn't want a quick fix..
I wanted the real thing,
I wanted someone to kiss my scars,
Break these bars,
That hold me prisoner in my on mind,

I wanted to be just for you,
And you for me,
I didn't want this hit & miss,
Or temporary bliss,

I just wanted you to love me.
Love me with my flaws,
Love me with the passion I loved YOU with.

I keep it RAW like a unchoreographed Brawl,
I reach masses while MF fall on they *****,
And don't you get me started on editors trying to sugarcoat my ****,
You can take your sweet *** to the donut shop with your cut ****,

I dump my all,
My soul,
I pour overflow with real events!
Because people don't connect to that fake ****,

There was no shortcuts or passes in the trials of my life,
So why the **** should I censor the poetry of my strife?

See I don't understand how we in 2018....
And yet STILL no one feels like they can truly be FREE,
I like it RAW hard facts like national geographic!
Teach em ALL the ropes and lines of what life really is,
*** everyone seems to see the world thru ROSE-COLORED glasses,
Walking blind to daily events,
And no one seems to ever vent,
Because it is "TABOO"

WELL ***** YOU!
Gimme a glass of rawness ANY DAY!!

I have come across many broken souls,
Angel's that fell from heaven and landed in blood,
We are the degenerate generation,
Victims of environment and circumstance,
Those who had no guidance stood no chance,
Some were thrown to snake pit and didn't last,
Some of us brushed off the dust and just danced,
Unscathed like water couldn't touch a flame,
Looked the devil in the face told him I was game,
I'm no lame and I'll step over all his flames,
Everyday I come across another story that reigned in blood and glory,
Gives enough of a spark to ignite a fire in me,
Everytime I feel weak I remember all the faces, and the stories every angel bathed in blood had told me,
Never lie down,  prove them all wrong and conquer thee,
Then only then will your soul truly be FREE.

Roses are RED,
Bruises stay BLUE,
Sugar is sweet,
But so were YOU,
Nothing was TRUE,
I came UNGLUED,
Your promise was EMPTY,
My rage is so DEADLY,
You wanted to Marry & have a FAMILY??
I hope to God you shoot BLANKS and your gun is now EMPTY!

I looked past the reflection...
The one that sees me real,
I push past the rejection,
In your mind I've disappeared,
Every now and then I reappear,
Like the ghost of Xmas past materialize... Solidify my existence,
As much as you may want me gone,
I stay an unrelenting wave that crashes hard against your walls,
See I won't let you forget me,
Forget the hurt bestowed upon me,
I look past the foggy reflection...
Of who I used to be before,
Before love, before hate, before YOU & ME,
Before we became a "thing"
another flash from the past that should have stayed right where it was... left,
BEHIND.

How many times will you let him minimize your worth?

How many times will you let him hold you down in a chokehold?
How many times will you accept his Pretty Lies as the truth?
How many times will you let him turn love into purples and Blues?

She says to me:
"It's all for love"
She says to me: it's all for love,
I say to her...
It's ALL FOR NONE!

Why don't you just go....
Why don't you just ******* run?
Never look back,
Never come back,
When will you say enough is enough and make it your own way,
Depend on NO ONE!

He said he was suffocating under the thumb of her love,
But HE called her a breath of fresh air,
He said he felt trapped by the life they had built,
But HE called all her boobie traps home,
He said he was blinded by puppy love,
But HE called her blinding love light,
He said the fire was dying there's nothing left inside,
But HE saw a smoldering flame that just needed the oxygen to live,
He said he felt imprisoned by her unwavering love...
But the other man called her his SANCTUARY.

"SANITY OF THE INSANE"
By: Let et ScaR

The dark spots on the floor are moving closer to me,
I don't know if its real, or if its dream.

The faint sounds that are afar seem up close, but no one hears their static noise but me....
I then start to question my own sanity,
And fail to recall, insanity is just a pattern.

We all wake to do the same mundane thing everyday,
Insanity is just doin the same thing over and over again.
Am I the only one to see these things?
And through a side glance I see shadows running free.
But when I turn to look they dissipate,
Should I question Insanity???

A broken woman holds many secrets,
Like an ocean with many unknown creatures lying deep in the darkest depths of the sea,
She holds herself like a glowing stallion,
Tall and proud,
Yet she is fragile like a wilting flower,
Despite headaches & heartbreak,
She still musters an undeniable unrelenting love,
Many awe in her glow,
Yet many throw away all that she gives,
She rises day to day chip on her shoulder,
Stitch on her heart,
But still produces enough love to raise children,
Be kind to those who are homeless,
And even those who are undeserving,
An injured woman is a vault of many secrets, worries and sleepless nights,
She's beautiful in all her colors,
Just like a bird with broken wings,
A butterfly without dust to her wings,
INCAPABLE to fly,
Yet she can STILL live & survive,
Although she can never take flight.

One day you will love me...
Really, really want me,
That day will be cloudy...
Dark and lonely,
It'll be faulty just like you,
One day you will see me...
But it won't be me you see,
Just a lively fading memory not at all the girl I used to be,
One day you will love me,
Want to hold me,
It's too bad for it will be too late,
And you will cry a river knowing..
That she loves someone else,
Someone better,
Someone sweet,
Someone that isn't YOU.

She's like Hypnotic Poison,
A bittersweet juicy fruit,
But fallen far from the rotten tree,
Her kiss like belladonna,
The beautiful flower also known as Deadly nightshade,
It all depends on how you approach her,
A sour patch kid,
she can be sweet but then she's sour,
She throws hands like an older brother,
But she can be loving like a mother,
Her love is like a gamble,
It all depends on the deck you handle,
To those fortunate enough to know her...  She's a bubbly comforting ray of sunshine on the gloomiest of days,
Although she's stained with pain,
It's beautiful to see,
It makes you feel like your not stained by life and misery,
Sometimes you'll miss her sorrow,
It lets you know SHES REAL,
She wears the stain of life so well,
As if parading the latest trend,
She makes a mockery of all her pain,
like she never felt the sting of it,
He says she smells like a smoke machine,
I guess the compliment is fitting,
She clouds the mind then dissapates,
As easily as she came,
She's open yet her walls are high,
Puts the wall of china to shame,
She only brings her walls down,
If you stop trying to climb them,
She's sickly sweet like ******,
Addicting, she feels good but you know you can't control her,
She swallows your soul whole,
she draws out your darkest secrets,
Romanticizing all of it,
She smells like a Halloween smoke machine,
Smoke and mirrors,
A tantalizing scene,
She drinks like she's about to swallow an entire ocean,
Inhales cigarettes and *** like it gives her air to breath,
She covers up the smell of disdain,
But she's still a smoke machine,
And everyone calls her Savage but her name is PRIMA JEAN

You said you're really good in bed,
And I might have to put you to the test,
You said you made love like a God,
But I gave you a taste and lemme tell you it wasn't ****,
All I did was lay there like the dead,

1,2,3 pumps you were all fluff just like a loaf of bread,
You couldn't tickle me if the joke was funny,

I got up and I left that bedroom running,
You were such a hack in bed!
You were such a lousy **** Wish I was dead,

Maybe your shy,
Maybe your not,
Maybe I make men nervous, And your talk looks more like Child's Play,

I'll give you one more chance to change my mind,
I'll give you one more chance to make it up to me,
You know me now,
So you can stop being shy,

Oh no, oh God it was terrible AGAIN!
1 pump..
1 1/2...
A minute man,
I guess I won't be seeing you again,

Your bed game ***** and your attitude stinks more than my regret,
I changed my mind,
I rather go blind,
I rather ******* than to let you make it "up" or down to me again.

I bought nirvana in a tiny red balloon
I tasted euphoria at the tip of a needle
I saw my dreams burn at the bottom of a silver spoon
I threw the cotton in to absorb all my demons

I drew blood for the first time at the age of 18
I mixed innocence with the devil that day
He took me by the hand and said:
"Let's go for a ride"

10yrs later my soul had died
It's been 20yrs now since I had my first taste
And today I can say I've split even

Another 10yrs I've spent redeeming myself
For the decade I pawned to the devil and now I can buy my soul back

I need some deep stimulation
I need some real conversation
Sick of these one sided responses
I'm bored with your lack of acknowledgement

I'm tired of bland personalities
I like seasoning in my chicken
I feel like I'm talking to myself
When I'm talking to you..
I think...
Am I?
Hellooo?!?!?

I need some real stimulation
Talking to boys today feels like a simulation

Nothing feels real
Nothing feels here
Everything seems so foreign
So distant
So ******* platonic

Isn't it something ironic
You front like your so iconic
But baby I'm out of this world
You step in my pan
Baby I'm hot
you'll get cooked

I need some real stimulation
I need to feel like your present
I need to feel like your REAL

If you can't keep up
then honey I'm DONE
I'm ready to start with castration

All these vague admirations
Got me in a tangled frustration
I need a real connection
I'm sick of this simulation

If you can't deliver that talk
Then ***** please step off and take your *** to the back of the line where you ******* belong

SINGLE
I will remain a lone wolf my entire life,
No one can ever love me with the same love I give them,
No one can see me like I see them,
Without judgement,
Dismiss what you see flawed,
I count every flaw as a gift,
But you count my every flaw as an inconvenience,
I am an inconvenience,
A thorn in your spine,
A book never finished,
Just skimmed thru to the end,
And this is why no one can see ME,
Understand ME,
Know ME,
I WILL STAY SINGLE,
I've prepared for that,
I've made my bed to silently lie in,
To die in like cats do alone and in hiding,
To be found only when the decay of my body fills the air with my bitterness,
And that's fine,
I'm fine with never having my hopes and heart broken again,
But for now til I take that last breath I'll remain lonely....
A dimming shadow in the candlelight of your vague love