Hey..
If your reading this know that you were chosen,
You were chosen to find this,
To find me,
If your reading this know that you are because I am no longer here,
I am now but a particle in the air,
I'm cut off like the human hair,
I am now blue like the sea,
I was hurt....
But you never see.... Until it was too late,
And my pain consumed me that I began to hate,
To hate every breathing waking day,
Stuck in a vessel where my soul now fades,
And the rising sun stings like sharpened blades,
If your reading this..
I'm sorry..
Sorry I couldn't be stronger,
Sorry I couldn't take it much longer,
If your reading this know you were 1 of the few people that touched my heart,
Maybe one of the people that broke it apart,
If your reading this....
Maybe you were my disappointment,
Maybe.. you drove me to finally disown MYSELF,
If your reading this... I onced Loved YOU- GOODBYE

I watch em frolick in the sun,
Reminiscing of a time...
A time when I was happy in the sun,
Now I stand here in the shade,
Cursing summer that I now hate,
I watch em holding hands,
Tied together with rubber bands,
They lean into each other share a kiss,
Something that I truly miss,
Was hoping love would last FOREVER....
But all I was a summer dump

I have pounded walls til I have BLED..
If you were here you'd be nearly DEAD,
Your selfish actions you'll REGRET,
*** I'm coming to collect the DEBT!

You thought you could finally rest,
*****-*** ***** this was all a test!

I have come to collect the REST,
Of that ******* you call a heart I so detest!

Lil cowardess *****,
You just a puppet on my string,
I'm about to make your head ring,
Aftershocks still lingering,

******* I was always REAL,
Ride or die and all you do is LIE,
This love that I had for you...
It has now decayed just like you!

I am not rich,
Nor am I special,
I am not privelaged,
Or walk on rose petals,

I walk the Rocky pavement barefoot and injured,
I am a starving artist,
**** money just want to get this message through:

That I am what I am,
a victim of circumstances & things out of my control,
but I owned them survived them but who will ever know?

And even if I'm hardened by all of these stains,
My heart is still true,
And I still stand by it.

I didn't have parents to tell me they loved me,
They divorced when I was just 5yrs. Old,
My mother dated so many unfit men we where constantly running,
My dad looks down upon me because I'm EVERYTHING he despises,
I'm tattoeed, have piercings, I married a convict, I've been a drug addict, and I'm very outspoken,

The first to graduate high school and college,
I moved out at 18 made my own way confident I got this,
At 20 I had my daughter & married,
I planned it,
Her space in this world was already reserved no doubting,

By the age of 27 I was widowed and homeless,
I sold my food stamps to pay my husband's cremation expenses,
I hustled in the legal field for minorities,
Non profit,
To give voice to the people misfortuned like I am,

I never sold drugs or my body to get by,
I've PANHANDLED recycled cans to make it through my harsh days,

So **** your opinions on what you think is proper,
Or who deserves what,
***** you couldn't even stand at my alter!

*** most of you people have no skills,
You sacrifice self worth for a DOLLAR!

I try to contain it....
In a sealed box in the attic of my dark mind,
I try to push through my depression,
But this anger has become an obsession,

They say:
"Be cool, be the better person"
Well I'm sorry to disappoint I just DONT wanna be that!
I've been that, I still I get scorched while deceitful liars are well off,

Im bout squash that,
I'm done waiting that ***** karma be taking her sweet- *** time while I'm steady decaying,
Waiting for my piece of the cake,
So I'll speed up this process,
**** I'll bake the whole cake,
Keep your slice,
It's time for them to pay the price,

I've been waiting,
Anticipating for the day I finally let loose this demon I've been controlling,
She's now famished,
And ****** thirsty,
She's that other me that gives no *****,

**** your two-sense it is useless,
I have lost reason,
And all I see is RED,
Painted concrete with your **** brains,
Your ****** up ways have had a viceral effect to the point I'm almost puking,

Just the thought of you right now,
Makes me ravenous & I fantasize about taking that long lovely hair,
Tieying a 13 knot noose to hang you from it,

Twist your bowels,
Snap your spine,
Hear them go SNAP CRACKLE & POP like a bowl of rice crispies,
Squeeze the air right out of your lungs...
Gimme four minutes to **** the oxygen to your brain and YOU'RE DONE!

Better yet here is a gun,
You basically shot yourself in the foot when you ****** UP!
But if you'd like I can always sever a main artery and give you 14 mins til you bleed out,

You have turned me into this ruthless savage....
There's no turning back,
I was already in the brink of Darkness,
But when you turned your back on me again I was DONE!
Done with you and humanities *******

What's left of a 6 ft man?
Of 185 lbs pounds.....

From alpha male to ash and dust,
And now the wind I have to trust..

To guide me to that place above that
everyone speaks of,

What's left of a sturdy man?
A pile of bones ash- dust,
Stuffed inside a cardboard box,

The man I used to hold and love...
Delivered to me in a 1 ft. Box.

I'll keep him near,
right by my side,
Until I too return to dust.

There once was a broken half princess,
That needed a well matching half,
She one day pulled out her heart,
Then kept it safe in a jar,
It floated in her tears for months and months,
A year or 2 later shook that old jar,
And saw it has been long enough,
With fear in her mind and hope in her heart,
She finally opened that jar,
Along came a prince in her sight,
she thought was worthy enough,
So she trusted him with her broken heart,
He held it until it was warm,
Then heard it beat like a drum,
She said "FINALLY, put it back in its place",
The charming prince completed her broken half,
Months later she started to rot,
With the stench of deceit and a wandering eye,
She thought she was more than enough.... For him to crown her #1,
Sometime later he decided she wasn't enough,
Now Dethroned to take second place,
When she asked why he lied in her face,
With his guitar played her a melody of decay,
Quickly draining her of a beautiful soul,
Her body riddled with pain,
As his body was stained with someone else's skin,
Like it was some kinda of twisted parade,
The broken princess said "I've had enough!",
So she pulled out her bleeding heart and tore it in half,
Saddened with his selfishness,
She locked herself up in that tower again,
This prince kissed her cheek that poisoned her skin,
Then she said: "sorry I wasn't enough...."  And never dared to love again
       -Dedicated to: Hector G.

It was filled with your pictures...
your memory,
a book filled with Kodak moments of both you and me,
but you cut its lifespan short,
empty prophecies of true love,
tell me...
have you ever spoken truth that wasn't covered with lies?
small white lies became the large elephant in the room,
I put together this new album...
what I thought would be filled with vivid new memories,
make this year my own,
meticulously time landed photographs,
capturing smiles warmth and laughter,
it was filled with your memory...
every county Fair wristband, movie stub, Thanksgiving wishbones,
yes, you were that important,
too bad that I wasn't the same,
thought this year would be my year.... thought it would be the album of the year

All you have is my silence,
Because you've heard me vent and talk all day,
And now I'm in your absence And i don't know what to say,
Now that I come home to nothing it's starting to feel like my gilded cage,
And now i ain't got nothing but the four walls and the static noise inside my head,
There's a million things I wish I could have done better,
But all in all I'm thankful for those days you stuck with me thru stormy weather,
And losing you means so much more than anyone could ever know,
Our silent bond was strong like carbide it radiated in volumes,
And now the silence seems so loud I have so many feelings that words can't muster...
But you will ALWAYS have ALL MY LOVE in this static silence and a special place within my cardboard heart

You were so concerned wether I believed you changed or not,
And when you asked me..
Back then I said "Yes" & trusted your crooked *** anyway,
I guess I wanted so bad to believe that you were actually legit and just for me,

But **** I fell for the *****- trap yet again,
How the f**k after I all that I've been thru believe in love again?
I guess I really wanted to believe that lie again,
Nice to that hope of a Disney fairytail end,

But you were my first,
And you'll be my very LAST mistake I'll EVER make!
*** honestly I can't take the tugs and cuts to my heartstrings again,
How many more times must I piece together uneven pieces of my broken self?
How many more times will I rebuild myself again?

With every break, and bend and stretch of myself more pieces seem to miss,
Pretty soon no glue or stitch will be able to put me back together again,

If you asked me today if I believe you really changed,
My answer would be NO., you just became slicker with your shady ways & that's it,
I once told you were the only person that has treated me decently,
Right now I'll take that back I'm sorry you ARE my biggest regret,

Your the camel the broke the camel's back,
The best **** liar your whole get-down is a hack,

So asked me again What I think of you now,
Well lemme see your a pathological LIAR that spews beautifully crafted lies,
It seems you eat deceit for breakfast I guess you are what you eat,
Like **** your so good at lieying I wonder how you even sleep at night,

Your so blind to your **** ups that even YOU believe your own **** lies!
I guess whatever it takes to catch your Zzzz's at night,
*** you got me so worked up I just wanna put em up and Fight,

You tried to push it all on me,
The usual move every pathological LIAR pulls,

But I've known you for way too long,
And I deligently watch every move, hear every word, see every gesture and store it in the back up storage of my mind,
So your futile games don't play with me,
*** I'm like a predator hiding watching in the brush just waiting silently to pounce at the perfect time so I can take you OUT,

Ask me again what I think of you NOW.

I lost everything.

I lost everything when I lost myself.
Myself worth, my self Pride, myself preservation.

I lost everything when I lost you...
My future dreams, a good night's sleep, a good night kiss.

I lost everythig when I lost control
Of my emotions, of WHO I love and let love me.

I lost everything.

I lost my home, my car, my job...
And all the dreams I had when I was a just a girl...
To be someone.
Someone I like, someone im not... To be me and not my mom or a hopeless loveless one...

I lost it all.

When I fell in love with you.
And forgot myself,
What I was worth, what I wanted... When I met you.

I lost it all.

I lost my mind, sank in a pool of tar that swiftly swam into my arm...
Into a sea of no feelings and no emotion or humanity...

I lost EVERYTHING.

When I forgot what dreams I had, that I can love someone other than you...

I lost it ALL.

Somewhere in time when I gave up... On me.
When you gave up on me too..
I lost my heart. My mind. My sanity.

And I became this girl of stone unfeeling to the world.
solely to armor myself from the mental abuse people like you have put me through...

The dodging eyes, the small white lies... The elephant in the room.
Was YOU and all your lies.

That you denied and tried to cultivate your alibi... And blame me for your short comings....

For YOUR lack of empathy and courage to take lead.
For YOUR lack of belief in me, in you IN US.
For YOUR insecurity and pride.

Well where did that get you now??? Did you find all you wanted that you couldn't find in me???

*** I lost EVERYTHING to raise YOU up....
And you tossed me like  piece of trash.

I lost it ALL..

Believing in a pipe dream. A fairytale a fantasy.

I lost it all..
When I lost sight of that little girl that had endless

One day you'll know..
How much I loved you,
How much I meant everything I ever said,
But by then it'll be too late,
And I won't be here,
*** I'll be DEAD.
I'm almost there and yes I know it,
In time you will too,
When the Earth loses all color,
And her voice echoes in your dreams,
When you try to seek for that same fire in everyone but me,
And you realize what you just did,
When kisses become bitter and bitter with every set of lips,
And on that day you'll know,
How much she really adored you,
But you devalued all her efforts despite her damaged heart... She STILL mustered all her broken will to shower you with love,
All the love that eventually broke her,
All the love she never got,
But by then it'll be too late,
You've made the same mistake AGAIN,
Only this time you'll truly regret it,
And you can blame yourself for her demise this time,
When you hold another lover and her embraces are shallow and cold,
When you take her out to places we went to,
You'll see her shadow dancing in the background like a vivid memory,
When you lay with her in bed wondering why you feel like your so dead,
And she can't even hold a candle to half the things that she did,
Remember how much she loved you,
When you left her here for Dead.
And your poor attempt to replace her  will devour everything in your wake.

You haven't seen me smile..
For a long, long time now,
I bet you thought the light's out,
I bet you thought nobody's home,
Well, I haven't been around much...
But I guarantee you I was still here,
I was watching from a distance,
What you do in shadows thinking I'm not there,
You haven't seen her smile in a while,
I bet you thought you cut her lights out,
Your like a Double sided 2-faced coin,
Thought you could handle two guns and a fire,
You got your finger in the trigger...
But your trigger finger's MINE,
Shot yourself in one foot,
And tripped over the other,
I bet you saw her cry alot,
I bet you told your friends,
We haven't smiled for a while ...
But we'll see who's laughing at the END.

Something had to fill in....
The void that I have deep within,
So I've replaced the spot you slept in,
With a bottle of ***, Brandy or whiskey,
Because nights are cold and lonely,
And your not here to warm me,
So for now I've replaced the warmth of you,
With golden brown liquor,
1 Pint @ a time,
To mask all that I hide,
This sinking depression eating me inside,
I run on alcohol and chasers,
A substitute for love and a pseudo sense of happiness,
If only for a moment,
I can hold it...
Hold it just a bit longer,
Before my sanity faulters,
Something had to fill in,
The hole that's deep inside,
And maybe I hope in time...
I can pick myself up
ONE MORE TIME.

I'm torn between love and hate,
You are now my biggest regret,
Try as I may but I can never forget,
How you dangled me by a thread,
Say "Happy Birthday" than left me for DEAD,
But this time im your biggest threat,
And I won't stop til it's off with your head.
*** you ****** up in the biggest way,
Oh well, Your loss,
Cause you know I'm boss,
Ride or die,
Never lie,
But ok whatever with that,
Good luck finding another girl that can cook, work, drink, fix a car,
This time silly boy you won't have me to call when your in distress,
*** your the cause of my stress,
And I'll stay in your mind like a parasite,
Eating you up from the inside out,
Consuming your brain & weakening your game,
*** ***** I can assure you won't find another me,
You can kiss 20k lips but none will hold a candle to me,
****, won't even be able to come close in comparison,
And with every new hand you hold,
Every I love you told,
In the back of your mind,
In the deepest of your crippled heart,
You'll be wishing replacing my face with HERS.

"Quick Fix"
I didn't want you to Fix me...
I wanted you to love me,
Want me,
Feed my soul so I can finally BREATH,
Because everyday I hold my breath suffocating on a far-fetched dream...

That someone will miss me someday,
See me for who I am,
Not what I have been or where I've been,

I didn't want a quick fix..
I wanted the real thing,
I wanted someone to kiss my scars,
Break these bars,
That hold me prisoner in my on mind,

I wanted to be just for you,
And you for me,
I didn't want this hit & miss,
Or temporary bliss,

I just wanted you to love me.
Love me with my flaws,
Love me with the passion I loved YOU with.

I miss you.....
with a passion,
With a fire that has no extinguishing,
I miss you like a baby misses her blanket,
And the moon misses the eclipse of the sun.
I miss you.
Like a child misses her daddy,
And the ocean misses the tides,
I miss you.
Like night misses day and day misses night.
I need you like a diabetic needs insulin,
And the crazed need their meds.
I'm hungry....
For the warmth of your body, and the sweetness of your caress.
I'm craving.....
Like a dopefien in fasting and the vein to the needle.
But I.....
I miss you.
Like a soldier missing an arm and a leg

SINGLE
I will remain a lone wolf my entire life,
No one can ever love me with the same love I give them,
No one can see me like I see them,
Without judgement,
Dismiss what you see flawed,
I count every flaw as a gift,
But you count my every flaw as an inconvenience,
I am an inconvenience,
A thorn in your spine,
A book never finished,
Just skimmed thru to the end,
And this is why no one can see ME,
Understand ME,
Know ME,
I WILL STAY SINGLE,
I've prepared for that,
I've made my bed to silently lie in,
To die in like cats do alone and in hiding,
To be found only when the decay of my body fills the air with my bitterness,
And that's fine,
I'm fine with never having my hopes and heart broken again,
But for now til I take that last breath I'll remain lonely....
A dimming shadow in the candlelight of your vague love

An uncontrollable rush,
I try to hold back,
But I can't so I just hide it with shades,

When I sit alone in silence,
I cry
When I'm speeding like a demon on a highway,
I cry
When I listen to touching lyrics that Pierce right thru my heart,
I cry
And when my daughter asks me if I'm alright I put a straight face, but inside...
I cry
When I think back to yester-last year when you used to make me laugh,
I cry
And when I sleep at night the coolness of the night holds me,
I cry
When I see all your reminders I curse you,
and I cry
When I see photos of you my soul burns,
And I cry
Thinking of all the time invested and all the feelings you played with,
I cry
And everyday passes me by but I just die inside.

The day I gave you life,
Heard your first gasp was the scariest day of my life,
It was wholesome, it was AWESOME,
It was THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE,
The day you took your first steps you bumped your head and didn't even make a sound,
I swooped you up, carried you in my arms & off to the Doctor we went,
But everything was ok,
The day you were ***** trained, you picked up so fast,
And by surprise learned something we have never taught you,
The day your father died,
YOU'RE ALL I HAD & a piece of me also died with dad,
And you were such a big girl... You watched me slowly decay in bed,
I never cried, but I died for days on END,

You told me:
"Mommy, everything is going to be ok, I love you.. YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY EVER"

And those were the best words I ever heard in my existence,
It's always been just you and me, and now the distance it's killing me again,
But I know I'm working on myself today,
It aches in my soul EVERYDAY...
But babygirl... it's ALL FOR YOU,
And we will be together again someday.

He loves me...
I can tell by the way he smiles at me,
He loves me...
I can tell by the way he looks at me,
He scars me...
With a single word he shoots me down,
He drowns me,
With words of sweet nothingness .
But I know.
Yes I know... He'll never leave,
*** I know he loves to torture me the most,
He Loves me...
I can tell by the way my face has swelled,
But he loves me.
I can tell by the shades of purples and green,
He calls me....
Only to soothe his own shame & guilt.
And drowns me...
In a sea of liquor so he can have his way with me.
But I.....
I stay.
*** I know nothing more....
Than this life of misuse and abuse.
But he loves me!
I can tell by his apologies,
But he loves me....
I can tell by the dozen roses he sent to me.
Oh he chokes me.....
With the same hands that once comfort me,
And he burns me,
Faster than a house on fire.
But he loves me.......
He can be violent, harsh, and sweet,
And I spend my days walking on a wire,
But he loves ME!!
I can tell by the way he says: "IM SORRY."

"BORDERLINE"

You said "I love you"...
"But if you don't see someone this ain't gonna work out"
"I love you so much it hurts inside"
Well geez THANKS!
Maybe the one I need to talk to is YOU!
And not some stranger in a padded room,
You told me "I think you have Borderline personality disorder..."
I laughed, so hard I almost wanted to crack your head in half,
Yeah I might be a little crazy, maybe,
But you can't seem to open your mouth without a lie escaping your lips!!
Yet I'm the ****** chick because I'm illing,
And I'm almost the realist,
I don't gotta lie to kick it!
I'm crazy but nobody can say I'm FAKE, VAGUE or call me a LIAR!
Your so deep in your stank
Pathological LIAR,
I can't stand the way you tried to shift blame,  
Just because your incapable to listen,
See you triggered some evil **** in me!
Demons and their minions I had locked away along with my rage,
But fuckit,
Your balancing on the borderline of my aggression,
And it's causing a huge depression,
And you are the center of my attention,
I told you before from the get- go,
**** me over be ready to catch fire before let go!

It's sad.
People think I'm doing better,
But I've only gotten better at masking the pain,
And I wish that it would all wash away with the rain...
But it's California,
It never rains,
So I carry this ache like the heavy weight,
Of a dead man,
Disguising my brokenness with a smile,
Try to hold it just a little while,
Long enough to run to the bathroom,
Run the shower,
So I can finally release the distress of holding it all in,
All my glued together pieces of my broken soul,
And I sit in here let the hot water scorch my crooked spine,
As I sit here and cry,
On the bathtub floor and the bathroom floor,
As I nod my head and beat my brain and subtly let out muffled screams,
It's sad,
It stings and Burns and hurts,
I rather be tortured and bruised,
Then I compose myself,
Cover up the decay,
And take a deep breath,
Prepare myself and step back out like I didn't just break down,
But no one knows about it.

As I step out into the darkness seemingly alone,
There's a bright ray of light that eclipses the dark,
And it don't matter where I walk, or where I wander,
This light always finds me in my darkest hour,
As I look up into the sky, the stars form a staircase,
Leading me to its mystical leader,
That outshines the streetlights, and even the stars.
I've already seen the dark side of the moon,
But, it also whispers to me "Don't fear the dark",
As it covers me in a blanket of stars all shinning with the light of the moon,
"Well hello my friend, my love, don't fret",
"If ever shall you be afraid call out to me",
"And I will walk you home when you need",
"Pave the sidewalks with the light of my aura"
"And smile upon you as you skip home in my glow",
"You can always speak to me whenever your low",
"*** I'm a good listener, when no one will hear you",
So, I gaze into the sky every night as I walk home.
I don't ever fear the dark anymore,
And I call out to him just for companionship,
It doesn't take long before his light shines upon me,
Always ready to walk me home.
Where ever I may wander or roam. LIGHT IN THE SKY"

                R.I.P.
      IRISH WHISLER
(7/16/1971- 7/7/2015)

Your like a fake diamond ring,
Pretty to look at but can only make me smile for a week,
Before the vagueness of it's molecule turns your finger green,
Ya, I'm saying you are fake as ****,
You and your buddy are just sitting ducks,
*** I don't give a **** about a soul now,
I was on my way to turn into solid gold but how?
Now that you reminded me exactly why I only trust myself and **** everybody else!
I'm on a mission to destroy you,
Ya, you came in really strong shinning like a golden dollar,
But now with time you've lost all your luster,
It's too bad,
So sad,
You can never treat a woman right,
Now tell me who's the lonely one now?
Tell me what you really got?
Show me what I haven't got?
Tell this bitter melon again that her anger will keep her lonely until her dying day,
Who the hell is gonna keep you company?
No one!
*** no one likes a narcissistic liar,
No one trust a flaunter,
All the evidence of your destruction is making you sink faster!
I told you!
**** with me,
I'll ******* twice,
I will destroy your entire life,
Everything you held so dear that you cherish will be mine,
I will strip you like a freshly waxed floor of your ego, your ***** appointments coming to a sudden halt, that job that makes you all that money imma take that too,
You made a grave mistake in thinking that I was too weak to get away,
My pain isn't a weakness it's my energy,
I'm small but blow up in your hand like a hand grande ,
I locked my sights onto you I'm coming in silent like a ******,
Shoot to ****,
Trust me I got an Ill will,
Your fake as ****,
Could only make me smile for about a week,
then after that you turn the soul to green,
but not me!
I don't even have a soul to sell,
I pawned that **** so long ago,
I am something that you won't forget until your dead,
Run that sorry line by me again,
Prove to me your a "Real Man",
I'll pull your sheets as your on your knees kissing my hands,
I can assure you I am something you will definitely regret!

If I wish upon a star will my dreams ever come true?
If I hold the moon in my hands will I absorb it's light?
And if I do will it be bright enough for you to see me?
In the dark?
If I cover myself with the milky Way will it feel just like your embrace?
Or will I only be a miniscule speck in the mass of all its majesty?
Will I ever be the Apple of your eye?
And the fire in your *****?
Will my love burn hotter than the scorching sun or will you let it turn to ashes?
Will a kiss on the lips and a touch of your soul make you believe...
I am worthy enough to be placed on the highest pedal stool in the kingdom of your torn up heart?
Can two broken people put all their broken pieces together and mend the damage of lover's past.
or are we just too broken a void in the sky.
-Scar Savage

"IN A WEEK"
By: Let et ScaR

YEA, THEY LEFT ME
LEFT ME HERE.
THEY LEFT ME,
SOMEWHERE IN THE DRIED UP GRASS….

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
LEFT ME HERE.
HIGH & DRY BUT IT WONT LAST….
THEY'LL FIND ME DRIED IN THE SANDS OF TIME....

YEA,  THEY LEFT ME.
FORGOTTEN ALL I'VE DONE.
BUT THEY WONT SEE MY FRUITFUL WAYS,
UNTIL I'M LONG DEAD & GONE...

YEA, THEY FOUND ME.
SOMEWHERE IN AN EMPTY FIELD,
INCASED IN A FROZEN PARALLEL OF TIME.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY ......
& MY TEAR DUCTS WERE TO DRY TO MUSTER A CRY.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
THEY LEFT ME HERE TO DIE.
WHEN THEY'VE TAKEN ALL I'VE HAD,
TO TURN THEIR BACKS WHEN I CAME BACK HUNGRY FOR AN ACT OF KINDNESS.

BUT NOW THEY'LL SEE.....
IN A ABOUT A WEEK.
WHEN THEY FIND ME...
& THE INSECTS HAVE ALREADY FED ON ME.

YA.....
THEY'LL SEE.  WHEN THEIR FRUITS AREN'T SWEET.
WHY THEY DON'T ENJOY....
CAUSE THEY ALL FED ON ME.
AND I ABSORBED ALL THEIR BITTERNESS, IN RETURN FOR FRUITFUL SEEDS.

BUT NOW THEY TOO....
WILL DECAY LIKE ME.
BECAUSE THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO SWALLOW THEIR PAIN.

AND THEY'LL REMEMBER....
THE DAY THEY WALKED AWAY...
AND LEFT ME HERE.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY, TO DIE ALONE & RETURN ONCE MORE....
INTO THE GROUND
INTO THE DIRT THAT I ONCE CAME FROM
ONCE UPON A TIME.

Today I had a really exciting day,
I couldn't wait to send you a txt but ..... Wait..
I forget, that was yesterday..
And today's another day I'm alone AGAIN,
But I couldn't wait to vent,
And I couldn't wait to laugh, I completely forgot that you aren't there & this is our last good bye,
And I have no one else to pass the time,
Dry my own tears every night,
Like it's just a piece of pie,
And I can't tell you how many times I wanna die,
But I keep it all inside,
*** I'm not yours,
And you were never mine,
I hold myself at night to keep all my pieces in place inside,
So I don't lose my whole self this time,
And I picked up the phone to tell you what's on my mind,
But we ain't cool like that,
You ****** up my whole mind,
Im screaming deep inside and no one pays me any mind,
I smiled when I saw your name pop up,
I wanted to make you laugh,
Picked up the phone then I  remembered... We are done,
And we don't talk like that anymore.

Roses are RED,
Bruises stay BLUE,
Sugar is sweet,
But so were YOU,
Nothing was TRUE,
I came UNGLUED,
Your promise was EMPTY,
My rage is so DEADLY,
You wanted to Marry & have a FAMILY??
I hope to God you shoot BLANKS and your gun is now EMPTY!

"MUST BE NICE"
It must be nice
To catch a break
It must be nice
To walk unscathed
It must be nice to sleep at night
Believe you've done everything right
It must be nice
To have no fault
No fault you claim your own
It must be nice
To leave debris
For everyone else to clean
It must be nice
To string up hearts
And cut the ties you captured with lies
It must be nice to think your perfect...
It must be so ******* nice
To be YOU

They say I have a mom Complex,
This can either be good or bad I guess,
They say I take care of everyone,
But I don't give 2 flying ***** about myself,
They say I've been stuck in survival mode too long....
That I don't know how to react to normal human interaction,
But I became such a recluse that this became the usual reaction,
And yes I have a tendency of covering everyone's ***** because I'm loyal and soon enough my loyalty will also be my downfall.

I have come across many broken souls,
Angel's that fell from heaven and landed in blood,
We are the degenerate generation,
Victims of environment and circumstance,
Those who had no guidance stood no chance,
Some were thrown to snake pit and didn't last,
Some of us brushed off the dust and just danced,
Unscathed like water couldn't touch a flame,
Looked the devil in the face told him I was game,
I'm no lame and I'll step over all his flames,
Everyday I come across another story that reigned in blood and glory,
Gives enough of a spark to ignite a fire in me,
Everytime I feel weak I remember all the faces, and the stories every angel bathed in blood had told me,
Never lie down,  prove them all wrong and conquer thee,
Then only then will your soul truly be FREE.

I am judged by my skin ONLY,
Frowned upon on by my skin,
Minimized by my skin.

Opportunity and second chances are never given,
I'm taken for granted,
Treated like a dummy,
BY MY SKIN,

Not by race, sexuality, social status or my gender,
But by the way I chose to express myself,
By the way I turned my body into art,
A road map of collaborated stories,
Permanently imbedded in my skin,

I face prejudice and disapproving scrunched up glances on a DAILY,
As if I'm a walking sin,
Not because I'm black, white, red or yellow.... But because of the Ink tattooed upon my skin,

Because I chose to match the outside with what's on the inside,
Because I'm not ashamed to display who I really am,
I don't live by the approval of others,
I balance on the razors edge on a DAILY,

I cut my chances to come up by half,
When I chose to mark my skin,
Because being tattooed, a walking work of art, a circus sideshow freak show,
Is just like being black,

I'M JUDGED BY MY APPEARANCE ALONE,
In the ignorant public eyes I'm just an uneducated high school dropout, gangbanger, criminal or addict,
Even though IM NONE OF THOSE THINGS,
Never given the chance to know me,
Just dismiss me *** they think they KNOW ME,

People lock their doors when I walk by,
Hide their children, wallets, and belongings,
Despite my education, my experience and lengthy diverse resumes,
They won't hire me because they judge me BY MY SKIN.

Hey I know that you're all grown up, your not a little girl anymore & don't need me for shelter,

But I know that you hurt,
And deep within there's still a little girl coveting inside,
The armor that now is YOU as a woman,

And I just wanna reach out to her,
Show you that you are still HER,
That little girl that onced dreamed of things bigger than she,

I know you feel hopeless,
Life's disappointments left you loveless,
But I know your not completely hollow,
Because you have a little girl now,
And you had to harvest love to have her,

I'm just here to remind you,
That you onced laughed & you smiled,
And your glow could light up a darkened road for miles and miles,

I hope your listening,
Even if tears roll & glisten,
Because someone needs to remind you,
That you're not cold or made of Iron.

Your just a little lost in the current,
And you need someone to guide you,
But first and foremost I'd like to apologize to you,
For not becoming what you always dreamed of being,
When you were a little girl so excited to be part of this world,

So here goes:
This is a letter to my younger self,
The little girl that wanted to grow up so bad,
But it happened way too fast,

I know everything has seemed like a war and a struggle,
And I'm sorry I've let you down,
See I was so in a hurry to grow up and be free to be me.

That I didn't think things thoroughly,
And now the younger me is suffering,
The part of me that still dreams,
Believes in love solid as gold,
This little girl she was bold,
Despite a broken home and divorce,
She STILL dreamed BIG,
Big about ME.

But I let you down in my own greed,
Too in a hurry to flee,
From home so I could experience being a teen,
Because your childhood was stolen,
And you just wanted to be normal like everyone you knew,

I'm sorry that back then I didn't give much of a ****,
To keep my head on straight,
And secure the life that you are owed,

I'm sorry I was so in a rush to experience life,
Because as you already know it,
I never got to be a care-free child,
I'm sorry you always felt alienated & broken,

And all the hands that had touched you,
Warped in your young mind what the idea of love is,
I'm sorry I poisoned your body,
Trying to **** the pain you have felt your whole life,

I know deep inside you're STILL in there.....
Still trying to believe..
That somehow you can still be happy,
And in time maybe trust AGAIN,

I know you're all grown up now,
And you are a force to reckon with,
I know you may not need my Comfort or embrace,

All I know is that you are lost,
Deep inside My head,
Because all of life's circumstances rendered you to give in,

But even as a little girl you were tougher than nails,
And the strength in your mind is bigger than your own body,
So keep pushing and pulling til the dam breaks and your floods consume all those who hate.

I'm so sorry I didn't work harder to be the person that you thought you'd grow up to be,
But I'm you from the future telling myself from childhood....

Hey you can't give up,
You still have more miles,
And two eyes that look up at you to admire.

I swear I know you feel me...
Even in my silence,
Your 6th Sense picks up on my electromagnetic waves of ache and woe,
But how?
I haven't uttered a word,
But I guess you can read into all that I hoard,
The buildup of all my tragedies,
The boiling point of my frustrations,
When I claw through life and STILL I'm behind,
And the water rises cutting off my air supply,
I'm suffocating but neither drinks or drugs can suffice,
Mask the failures of all I sacrifice,
But I know you know,
Because everytime I'm down and I feel alone inside,
You stare at me for a long time,
And lay right by my side,
Just before I'm about to cry,
You and your furry friend come by,
Lay on my bed as if to tell me:

Your not alone, so just hang your head your not Dead yet.

I hurt myself on the outside ,
To **** the thing on the inside,

Hoping some day this dagger plunges deep enough to ***** me out,

See baby I'm suicidal.
I play with fire,
Flirt with death,
I decorate my deathbed,

Destroy me on the outside,
To distract from what eats at me on the inside,

Everyday 100 scenarios play like movie reels inside my head,
Jump in front of a train,
Hang myself from the beam above my head,
Til my employer finds me blue and dead,
Drink another bottle of ***,
Jump in my car, get out and DRIVE,
Head-on collision all while I'm toasted and High,

And this is the story of my life,
*** baby I'm suicidal,
And when you left I came unglued

How many times will you let him minimize your worth?

How many times will you let him hold you down in a chokehold?
How many times will you accept his Pretty Lies as the truth?
How many times will you let him turn love into purples and Blues?

She says to me:
"It's all for love"
She says to me: it's all for love,
I say to her...
It's ALL FOR NONE!

Why don't you just go....
Why don't you just ******* run?
Never look back,
Never come back,
When will you say enough is enough and make it your own way,
Depend on NO ONE!

He said he was suffocating under the thumb of her love,
But HE called her a breath of fresh air,
He said he felt trapped by the life they had built,
But HE called all her boobie traps home,
He said he was blinded by puppy love,
But HE called her blinding love light,
He said the fire was dying there's nothing left inside,
But HE saw a smoldering flame that just needed the oxygen to live,
He said he felt imprisoned by her unwavering love...
But the other man called her his SANCTUARY.

"THE INVISIBLE KILLER"
By: Scar Savage

DEPRESSION.
Is the invisible killer,
The unseen disease that people just brush off and say:
"It's all in your head"
But... That's just it.
It IS IN MY HEAD.
And that's EXACTLY why I can NEVER seem to run from it..
Although I don't SEE it, it ALWAYS seeks me,
And when I tell somebody they just tell me I'll be ok, and it'll pass,

Well it's been 30 years ***** when is THAT suppose to happen??!
People think it's not real because they don't SEE.
But, you don't SEE THE WIND...
BUT YOU STILL FEEL IT!!
And I feel this EVERY ******* DAY!
And it's killing me, it's eating at my soul til I decay!

But that's ok. *** your ok right?
It's all in my head and you feel none of it,
Oh and BTW I "choose" to be this way,
Tell Me, WHO THE **** CHOOSES TO FEEL LIKE **** Everyday!!!

It's as involuntary as blinking and breathing!!
But it don't exist *** it don't show up on a blood test or upon my skin,
Until the day I actually turn Grey from death,
Because I got tired of "choosing" to BE THIS WAY!!

HELLO MY NAME IS DEPRESSION.
YOUR GOING TO DIE THIS WAY!

I was in a rush,
Rush that pushed too far,
Weekend warrior converted to a carrier for the monkey on her back,
She can handle the monkey on her back...
******* it's a gorilla now,
Holds her tightly in a chokehold,
Dispersing inner demons, rage and a pseudo sense of happiness,
Years now passed living thru her hollow shell,
She don't feel.. not anymore,
Not since she jumped back on that black horse,
It was time to retire this tired horse,
And her broken soul as well,
Too many years she saw her soul mixed in a silver spoon and needle,
She learned to tame an unrelenting horse,
For years with no triggers at all,
Then suddenly the silent killer crossed her path again....
Beckoned her BACK,
It's so alluring... Her mystery,
But it's just a trap,
And here I find myself again riding the black horse on an aluminum foil road,
Watching life disappear... as she's lost up in smoke.

You we're only in love with me for what you could turn me into,
but you never loved me for me.

you loved me as far as you can mold me,
you loved me as much as you can stand me,

You were only in love with the version of me that you thought you could change,
Into the version of your perfect self you wanted me to be,

You were only infatuated with the idea of me,
you were only in love with my body but never for me,

But you failed to compromise and you minimised,
Failed to comprehend that when you say I Love You that it means you love that person as a WHOLE.

That love should be infinite without limitations.

I loved every inch of you,
Even if you didn't love YOURSELF,
Every scar, mark, mole, birthmark, and even every stretch mark, you were PERFECT.

I wouldn't change it for anything in the world,
I used to think your PERFECT,
But the ugliest thing in you is what no one else can see,
I really thought we were on the same page,
But we're chapters away,
I didn't really mind I loved you ANYWAY,

I loved everything about you..
The way you talked, the way your hair curled into perfect spirals after showers,
Your low key smiles, and your semi creepy stares,
I thought you were PERFECT,
But wait, there is a defect,

Like broken bones within the body,
Broken yet unseen,
Silent rejections,
Half truths and white lie deceptions,
That triggered insecurity & paranoia,

How you made me feel INVISIBLE,
Rejected & alone,
How you claimed you loved me but I always got 2nd place,
Those pieces of you invisible to the eye,
Caused further damage to a disturbed mind,

But I loved every bit about you,
Even if you did not,
And you were always perfect just the way you are,

But now,
I see all your different shades of grey,
Their poison in my life left their ugly stain,
No I don't think your PERFECT.
Not today, not anymore,
Just a beautiful hollow,
Vague, HEARTLESS, person who just uses you like a toy,
I'm stuck between love and hate..
Its burning in me EVERYDAY,
I split into different jaded versions of myself,
I'm starting to ******* hate you,
You ******* ***** couldn't even be a MAN,
But once I thought you were PERFECT...... A perfect *******

I keep it RAW like a unchoreographed Brawl,
I reach masses while MF fall on they *****,
And don't you get me started on editors trying to sugarcoat my ****,
You can take your sweet *** to the donut shop with your cut ****,

I dump my all,
My soul,
I pour overflow with real events!
Because people don't connect to that fake ****,

There was no shortcuts or passes in the trials of my life,
So why the **** should I censor the poetry of my strife?

See I don't understand how we in 2018....
And yet STILL no one feels like they can truly be FREE,
I like it RAW hard facts like national geographic!
Teach em ALL the ropes and lines of what life really is,
*** everyone seems to see the world thru ROSE-COLORED glasses,
Walking blind to daily events,
And no one seems to ever vent,
Because it is "TABOO"

WELL ***** YOU!
Gimme a glass of rawness ANY DAY!!

I wear my heart upon my sleeve,
For all of you to see,
It's apparent most of you twist my arm behind my back,
*** you think I have no heart,

Well guess what?
In fact I DO,
I just guard mine like a sacred tomb,
These harsh conditions and selfish lovers,
Left me no choice but to put it to a cold slumber,
In a deep hibernation,
Maybe for now,
Maybe FOREVER,

So for now I wear this patch,
Of a heart upon my sleeve,
A reminder that I FEEL,
& that I have FEELINGS TOO!

I knew this day was coming..
WE knew it all along,
We didn't know when or where,
Dreaded that fateful call,
It was a sunny summer July day,
A day that soon turned grey,
On the 7th day of the 7th month your body would start decay,
It's a day I'll NEVER forget,
I day I'll never miss,
But it's not that day that hurt me the most.... It was the day BEFORE,
In the parking lot at Jon's liquor store,
When out her mouth came out these words:
"DADDY, I LOVE YOU, I want things to go back the way they used to be... It hurts me to see you out here this way"

At 6 yrs old her last parting words, they stung to me the most,
A week before they both were born,
I took the biggest pill I ever swallowed,
Soon that sunny summer day faded into grey,
I didn't cry, I didn't scream,
I went silent and NUMB for about a week,
That day I heard my soul shatter like glass,
He took a piece of me with him..
But it was her last parting words that BROKE my heart that day.

Her soul was a soul on fire
A burning campsite of desire
Her mind was a rubics cube of sorrows never told
The anchor that she carries will never really unfold
Because her soul was on fire,
Burned everyone who came too close
Her heart is wrapped in iron to protect her fractured ego
The sutures all broke off and the Evil just seeped through
Everyone likes to put in their two-sense
But their nuisance is ******* too

I love your insecurities,
The things you see,that I don't see,
I examine you like a specimen, a wonder, like a new invention,
You'll never catch me staring,
But I'll tell you that I do,
I may not use words to express all that I harbor....
But, I use the language of my body and the curves of my spine,
Quench your thirst with my lips,
Press the mass of you against my borders,
I'll use all the things I Despise about myself, like I see no fault in them,
I'll kiss every scar on your body and caress everything you hate about yourself,
I'll change the bad taste on your tongue with a kiss sweet as cherry wine,
And although I throw blows like the arms of a brother,
I am tender with the love of a mother,
And I don't fear to see what your afraid to reveal,
I crave to taste all of you...
the good, the bad, the ugly. ALL THE THINGS YOU HATE YOURSELF.
-Scar Savage

God is in the government,
For how long will you blindly follow
Rich men in office out to swallow,
All our riches and possessions,
All our prides and explore our indiscretions?

God is in the government,
A made up religion just to be able to control masses of people,

They use their power as a form of abuse,
To mentally *******,
Steal and rob you of hardset morals & dignity just to make a quick buck of you,

God is the Government,
A big fat LIE wrapped up real nice,
With the promise of heaven for all your sacrifice,

But I refuse to swallow the big pharmaceutical pill their body of government feeds us all to keep us tamed and brainless,

Religion is used as their secret weapon of destruction,
Make our differences from nation to nation the pseudo reason why we're always fighting wars with someone else,

God is the government,
They steal our futures by enlisting all your children to be soldiers,
Pack em up and ship them off to distant lands to die in war,

Your faith was built off a bribe,
Man maid lie manufactured by those who want to be keep control,
Knowing that with fear they can bend, **** and break you to KEEP us all BLIND and under control,

But God IS the Government,
They used our hunger for something better than what we're living,
As a false hope that if we do what were told we'll be rewarded in a heavenly world.