I try to contain it....
In a sealed box in the attic of my dark mind,
I try to push through my depression,
But this anger has become an obsession,

They say:
"Be cool, be the better person"
Well I'm sorry to disappoint I just DONT wanna be that!
I've been that, I still I get scorched while deceitful liars are well off,

Im bout squash that,
I'm done waiting that ***** karma be taking her sweet- *** time while I'm steady decaying,
Waiting for my piece of the cake,
So I'll speed up this process,
**** I'll bake the whole cake,
Keep your slice,
It's time for them to pay the price,

I've been waiting,
Anticipating for the day I finally let loose this demon I've been controlling,
She's now famished,
And ****** thirsty,
She's that other me that gives no *****,

**** your two-sense it is useless,
I have lost reason,
And all I see is RED,
Painted concrete with your **** brains,
Your ****** up ways have had a viceral effect to the point I'm almost puking,

Just the thought of you right now,
Makes me ravenous & I fantasize about taking that long lovely hair,
Tieying a 13 knot noose to hang you from it,

Twist your bowels,
Snap your spine,
Hear them go SNAP CRACKLE & POP like a bowl of rice crispies,
Squeeze the air right out of your lungs...
Gimme four minutes to **** the oxygen to your brain and YOU'RE DONE!

Better yet here is a gun,
You basically shot yourself in the foot when you ****** UP!
But if you'd like I can always sever a main artery and give you 14 mins til you bleed out,

You have turned me into this ruthless savage....
There's no turning back,
I was already in the brink of Darkness,
But when you turned your back on me again I was DONE!
Done with you and humanities *******

How many times will you let him minimize your worth?

How many times will you let him hold you down in a chokehold?
How many times will you accept his Pretty Lies as the truth?
How many times will you let him turn love into purples and Blues?

She says to me:
"It's all for love"
She says to me: it's all for love,
I say to her...
It's ALL FOR NONE!

Why don't you just go....
Why don't you just ******* run?
Never look back,
Never come back,
When will you say enough is enough and make it your own way,
Depend on NO ONE!

I swear I know you feel me...
Even in my silence,
Your 6th Sense picks up on my electromagnetic waves of ache and woe,
But how?
I haven't uttered a word,
But I guess you can read into all that I hoard,
The buildup of all my tragedies,
The boiling point of my frustrations,
When I claw through life and STILL I'm behind,
And the water rises cutting off my air supply,
I'm suffocating but neither drinks or drugs can suffice,
Mask the failures of all I sacrifice,
But I know you know,
Because everytime I'm down and I feel alone inside,
You stare at me for a long time,
And lay right by my side,
Just before I'm about to cry,
You and your furry friend come by,
Lay on my bed as if to tell me:

Your not alone, so just hang your head your not Dead yet.

I lost everything.

I lost everything when I lost myself.
Myself worth, my self Pride, myself preservation.

I lost everything when I lost you...
My future dreams, a good night's sleep, a good night kiss.

I lost everythig when I lost control
Of my emotions, of WHO I love and let love me.

I lost everything.

I lost my home, my car, my job...
And all the dreams I had when I was a just a girl...
To be someone.
Someone I like, someone im not... To be me and not my mom or a hopeless loveless one...

I lost it all.

When I fell in love with you.
And forgot myself,
What I was worth, what I wanted... When I met you.

I lost it all.

I lost my mind, sank in a pool of tar that swiftly swam into my arm...
Into a sea of no feelings and no emotion or humanity...

I lost EVERYTHING.

When I forgot what dreams I had, that I can love someone other than you...

I lost it ALL.

Somewhere in time when I gave up... On me.
When you gave up on me too..
I lost my heart. My mind. My sanity.

And I became this girl of stone unfeeling to the world.
solely to armor myself from the mental abuse people like you have put me through...

The dodging eyes, the small white lies... The elephant in the room.
Was YOU and all your lies.

That you denied and tried to cultivate your alibi... And blame me for your short comings....

For YOUR lack of empathy and courage to take lead.
For YOUR lack of belief in me, in you IN US.
For YOUR insecurity and pride.

Well where did that get you now??? Did you find all you wanted that you couldn't find in me???

*** I lost EVERYTHING to raise YOU up....
And you tossed me like  piece of trash.

I lost it ALL..

Believing in a pipe dream. A fairytale a fantasy.

I lost it all..
When I lost sight of that little girl that had endless

You were never Superman,
You didn't save the day,
Just flashed by like a great parade,
And when the big show's done, you up and left.

You were never prince charming,
Chivalry is DEAD,
Just like a spoiled boy wearing a crown,
But never looks ahead,

You were never the antidote,
More like cyanide a poison to my veins,

And you were never gonna bring me back to life....
You can't bring back what's ALREADY DEAD.

I am not rich,
Nor am I special,
I am not privelaged,
Or walk on rose petals,

I walk the Rocky pavement barefoot and injured,
I am a starving artist,
**** money just want to get this message through:

That I am what I am,
a victim of circumstances & things out of my control,
but I owned them survived them but who will ever know?

And even if I'm hardened by all of these stains,
My heart is still true,
And I still stand by it.

I didn't have parents to tell me they loved me,
They divorced when I was just 5yrs. Old,
My mother dated so many unfit men we where constantly running,
My dad looks down upon me because I'm EVERYTHING he despises,
I'm tattoeed, have piercings, I married a convict, I've been a drug addict, and I'm very outspoken,

The first to graduate high school and college,
I moved out at 18 made my own way confident I got this,
At 20 I had my daughter & married,
I planned it,
Her space in this world was already reserved no doubting,

By the age of 27 I was widowed and homeless,
I sold my food stamps to pay my husband's cremation expenses,
I hustled in the legal field for minorities,
Non profit,
To give voice to the people misfortuned like I am,

I never sold drugs or my body to get by,
I've PANHANDLED recycled cans to make it through my harsh days,

So **** your opinions on what you think is proper,
Or who deserves what,
***** you couldn't even stand at my alter!

*** most of you people have no skills,
You sacrifice self worth for a DOLLAR!

Imma be popping these pills til I disappear,
Popping these pills til my mind is clear,
Walking down the street grin from ear to ear,
I worry about no one because I don't have any fear,
I can be the nicest person or your biggest regret,
But if you true and stick to your word than you have nothing to fret,
And I can bet just about anything even in my sedative state,
That I'm cool and step up to the plate,
My love is a wildfire that clears the most dense of forests,
My rage is weapon that cuts a person out as quickly as you cut a bad habit,
Which version of me you meet that's up to you to decide,
And if your true to form than you have nothing to hide,
But I keep it real,
Wether these wounds stay open or heal....
But I'll be popping these pills til the day that I die,
Because if I don't I split all my sides,
And that's when the darkness that hides takes its opportunity to come out and play in the dark,
Where the shadows dance and the moonlight makes musick with it's light