I wish I would've realized sooner.
Because I could've avoid the situation.
I didn't go with my gut, when I know I should've.

Heaven or Hell?
Only time will tell.

I do not like day light.
This soul of mine comes alive at midnight.

The sunlight hurts my eyes, which makes me blind.
Yet, the moonlight opens my mind, to realize..

I am a bright spirit, with a dark living.

Well, who am I?

Someone once told me,
when you truly love someone,
you'll fall in love with their eyes.
Why? You may ask.
It is because, eyes never lie.
They will not age.
They will not change..
even if their feelings fade,
their eyes will remain the same.
It is like looking into a kaleidoscope.
A collage of dreams, memories,
& the universe within their soul.
When they begin to get old,
& their hearts turn cold,
their eyes..
Their eyes will forever stay gold.

The essence of your fragrance
I will forever imbrace it
Inhale it in my soul once more
Memories of clothes stripping to the floor
The way you'd make my toes curl
Always had me moaning for more
Your light face
Green eyes
Will forever be ingraved in my mind
You always had the best of me
Not just physically, but mentally
You were like my therapy
Through fantasy, & reality..

I'm two days late. It's passed thanksgiving. But why give thanks for all of the things life has given-- on one specific day. In that day we should be reminded that there's always something to give thanks for. Not just on that day but, every day. Yeah, things may shake you and others may break you. But life throws blessings at you even one's in disguise. You know, those kind where you think you won't make it out alive? A lesson. Each event, each word, each emotion is a destined experience in our journey. It is our response, our reaction, our faith, our strength that determines the outcome. Do not dwell, do not live in fear or regret because everything happens as it should and for a valid reason; whether we may or may not understand the meanings-- whether it feels like it tears you apart and you may never recover from those feelings. But our battles and struggles are what makes us grow stronger, better, wiser and much more. Be thankful for those obstacles you've overcame because you were stronger than them to continue even through all of the pain. The past is in the past and it no longer lives here; don't be ashamed because there's so much you have gained.

Bit more than I could chew.
Losing myself, while thinking of you.
Left the gates open to my heart, & you went through.
You snatched it from its stand, & threw..
Threw my heart in the great deep blue.
Never to be found, & now the ocean view,
reminds me of you, & the feelings that weren't true.
I assumed I could trust you, but all that we went through,
just made an *** of me & you.
The wind blew, & took away the pain made by two.
Till this day, I never thought you would've done the things you do.
But the sun will come back around, & I will find something new.

The horrifying feeling of being rejected
Not simply rejected, since we once were
But being used as a tool of ****** pleasure
Yet, not quite a pleasure of love
Had this spiritual connection, as if it wasn't the first time we've met
The pleasantly beautiful sense of calmness, just laying there on the bed
The laughs, looks, & smiles we shared during deeply personal conversations
How you'd hold me tight through the night, simply staring into each others eyes, it always felt so right
The best part of my day would always be spending the night with you, gazing at the moon, & sharing energy within the two
Felt as if you were the one
The one others might say is a soulmate, a twin flame
But you did not see the same
Although I was the only one who you'd talk to, about everything that would trouble you
Aware of the feelings I've had, I was always strong enough to wish you best in what you thought you needed to have
Absolutely heart broken in imagining you in someone else's hands, but giving you advice because all I wanted was to see your soul dance
Now I sit here silently, wishing you'd come back
Staring at these pictures, when things didn't seem so bad
Breaking down quietly, no one can see I'm sad
I finally get the courage to say how much I really miss you
Yet, as soon as I start typing I feel like I can't see you
It's hard to face the truth sometimes
But I never gotten closure
I hope for the day, we break down this walls, & become a little closer
Haven't spoken for months now, yet you still roam my mind
Wishing for the day, the you will once again be mine
But for now I play this mind games
Hoping in answers to find

Trapped in the back seat of the car, while my conscience drives wildly through dark roads. Not being able to say a word, because it has control over me. "If I die, you're coming with me" hearing these words frightened me..

I let my soul fall too deep into insanity, & lost myself on the way down. I constantly look in the mirror in hopes of being able to find who I once was. & when I feel like I finally see my reflection, I try to reach it. It desived me, & vanished.

Time is nothing, but trouble to man.
We wait, & wait, yet people show up late, or things remain the same.
We rush, & rush to finish what we started, yet nothing gets done, because the clock has won.
The overwhelming thought to see the numbers on our phones or watches, rapidly changing before our eyes.
Yet, if there was no time, we'd be alright to do the things we please, without thinking "Oh, my. Look at the time".
No need to leave a pleasant place, & rush to another place, that you may or may not want to be.
No need to impatiently wait, gazing at the time, because there will be none.
We can guide ourselves, by day light, & night skies.
We need to enjoy every moment without a schedule, & with no worries.
Every second in life matters, & we won't cherish it with time distracting our minds.
Stay timeless, by timing less.

Last night, I experienced my soul leave my body.
Drifting away from me into a world only I knew, although I haven't been there before.
Soaring through the clouds, the moon, & the stars are my witness.. I was given wings.
& although I was flying, I was really falling.
Falling in ocean deep emotions in the sky(my mind).

Everyone seems to say the same
It'll be okay, It will get better, Don't give up, I'm here for you
Yet, I am not okay nor will I be, it will not get better because it never has, I have given up & I will no longer keep trying, & when I'm broken down into millions of pieces no one is ever there to pick me up from the ground, no one is there to whipe my tears, no one is there to hear my fears
Everyone says things to comfort you, instead of comforting you
Everyone listens, yet no one understands
No one ever cares until its too late for anything to be done
Everyone waits until that day in which everything is gone

Can you hear my soul scream for help in the depth of silence?
Can you see the tears holding back, when you look into my eyes?
Can you feel the pain within my soul, when you touch my skin?
Have you ever noticed how hurt I truly am, behind this fake smile I show?
Not at all.. Unless I tell you so.

You are as bright as the sun, & as the sun sets, you too should get some rest. The vibrant rays may go away for the day, & all of those feelings you have may get in the way. Yet, as the sun sleeps, the moon awakens. A slightly dimmer light comes from the night skies, yet it is still shinning down through the darkest hours. Let the sky lights guide you, the moon, sun, & stars will heal you.

As some may say, "There will always be light at the end of the tunnel".

Restless nights, with wreckless dreams.
Please exit my mind, & let me sleep.

& as I silently watch my heart fall into the pits of hell
Burning, burning into ashes
Something I have felt, & seen many times before
Ironically, I could always see the beauty that lies ahead
A new beginning, a new piece of mind that will come to light
As the phoenix, I will rise above the flames
Soar through the sky, like a shooting star
I know I will, I always have
I will spread my wings, with this brand new fiery soul
I was given another chance, to live, & to learn
& I will do just that
I will rise up to the heavens
I will shout my name, & I will shine bright as the sun on a hot summer day
Because today is the day, I have come to life again

I have come to think that I will never receive as much love as I give.
I have come to believe that relationships just aren't for me.
But I have come to know in my heart, that I am here to love each soul & spirit, although I might never be loved back in any type of way..

You never really experience the love you have for someone, until the heart break.

If the misery you're feeling is a mystery to you, it is the thoughts you chose to hold in your mind.. Captured, chained, & caged, like the viseous animal it is.. Only because you have not set it free. The guilt of locking your fears, pain, tears, Is what consumes you.. Then you become the beast you , yourself, put behind bars.

I believe, if we all opened up just a little bit, we'll find understanding, & that we are not alone in the world. We do not speak about things, & they begin to hold us hostage in our own minds. We isolate ourselves from others because we assume no one will understand. But if we would just open up a little bit, spoke our minds, poured our hearts out to another soul, we will find, that there are more like us. Someone who can relate or at least understand our experiences. Truth is, we are not alone, but we find ourselves alone by holding back what we see, feel, & think. We are too afraid to open up, to open up just a little bit, & lose out on a mutual soul healing.

I've been consumed by all of this negative poison
Wearing all black, it is what my soul has turned in
Left alone in a box, with all of these emotions
Glitter, Sparkle, Shine has gone with the ocean
In need of a friend, or maybe a potion
I drown in these tears, along with my fears
Yet walk around with a smile, so no one will notice
My mind has been lost, I can barely focus
Body so cold, my heart has been frozen
If I hit rock bottom, being broken, won't be the problem

The feeling of your hands corresing my body, the taste of your lips when we kiss, the way we stare into one anothers eyes, the chills that run through my body when you hold me tight, & how we make love till midnight..

Lost in thoughts
No creativity
Trapped in a box
Sealed with ice
It's so cold
Can't seem to open my eyes

Mind constantly running
Can't seem to catch up
Blank stares
Images of white pages
Goodness gracious
These depressing phases

Once a brightly colored
coloring book
Now a black, & white
news paper
With slowly vanishing words
& images..

I am truly mind blown
by how this life we live goes
The most beautiful people
with big hearts, & golden souls
are always the ones that seem to go
Leaving an imprint in our lives
Opening our eyes
to realize, that the good ones go
& we are left alone
with the rest
Questioning, whether we are one of the best..

Memory lanes
We run through our brains
Might have caused pain
Yet, so much we've gained
Life is a game
It's all about how you play
We pick, & choose our ways
Like passing through a maze
What we do, & say
Determines the prices we'll pay
Along the way
Through our veins
That are Memory lane

I've seen it in my dreams
& when seen in reality
I did not realize what attracted me
Paid no mind
Yet, knew it had to be mine
Finally in my hands
I began to dajavu
My soul yelling at me
"this is a part of you"
Who knew?

Adderall, & alcohol
Up all night, & morning long
No reply
What is wrong?
Too caught up
with roaming thoughts?..

A mind built of armor
& a soul made of gold
A heart wrapped in thorns
in which you cannot take a hold
This body is so cold
Lay me in hot water
& I'll shall explode
A glimmering mist
in the most beautiful way, I'll go..
I Am Gold.

Rain is falling
Lightning is striking

Stars are shooting across the sky
as the clouds fly right by

The moon is no where to be seen tonight

In my mind
this heart of mine
has become a dying light

The pain in my heart, they'll never know. While I hold back the tears, a fake smile I'll show.

As the seasons changed
so did we
Was wishing for a "You, & Me"
Now we're losing chemistry

The leaves have transformed
into their fall season form
Falling fall leaves
are the feelings I had for thee

Your words drown me. In my mind they are lies, yet my heart believes it's life. Has this moment finally come, & I'm just too blind to see? Or am I just too afraid to feel? I know you were. Because were once one, & although it wasn't for long, You became something special. Yet you said "right person, wrong time". Time has passed by, & we still kept in contact. We constantly look for comfort within each other, & when you come around I feel like the world stops, & it's just us. You take me to an unforgettable place, in which I feel safe. I'm not sure if you feel the same. But what I am sure of is that every time I look at you, I see love in your eyes. & I keep my feelings a side most of the time because my love is patient. & I will be willing to wait to hug, laugh, smile, & kiss you, each & every day.

As I lay on your chest, I can hear your heart beat loudly, as if, it were trying to speak to me. I look up to you & smile, as you look down at me, & do the same in return. I can see the love in your eyes, & feel it within my soul as you play with my hair, & touch my body so gently. But this is not love.. Or at least we try not to admit it. We're just two identical, hurting souls, lost in a world of misunderstandings, seeking comfort within one another. But what we can not deny is, that we do care for each other deeply, we just have titanium walls, & a pride, that is difficult to set aside. But the truth.. The truth is seen in both, your, & my eyes.. Let's stop the lies.

Millions of people in this world, & I still feel alone. No one to hold, nor a place to call my own. I do not belong here, that my soul knows. I want to run far away, in hopes to find home..

Appearance does not matter, the beauty inside the body does. We are only souls, in temporary bodies, & the reflection in the mirror is not who we are. The way we act, see, speak, think.. That's what makes us, us.

Haven't shared lately
Thoughts are hazy
Body's feeling lazy
Honestly think
I might be going crazy..

Winter season
Cold, dry breezes
In this white Winterland
my heart tends to freeze
Death like trees
bring sadness to me
Feeling so weak
with shivering knees
Shouting for Spring time
to please rescue me

I met you at an awful time
Yet you made things feel so right
Although months have passed us by
I cannot seem to get you off of my mind
Till this day, you seem to catch my eye
& when I try to speak to you, I tend to feel butterflies
Yet when I receive you replies
I begin to think those feelings have went bye-bye
I need you to open up to me, like I've  done with you.. Before I spread these wings of mine

Who knows, who knows?
If the truth will unfold.
Will I have you to forever hold?
Or will you be gone, when the wind blows?
Who knows, who knows?
These thoughts have me mind blown.
Leaving me with deep feelings inside my soul.
To only realize, I am still alone.
Who knows, who knows?
Where our lives will go.
This mixed signals river flows.
Dragged by the current, I've gone too low.
Who knows, who knows?
Only God knows..

Seasonal depression is in session
I'm losing grip of my reflection
through these winter storms
& no true connection
Spring, Summer, Fall
I need it all
Concentration, & meditation
Spiritual healing in Nature
is what I am truly in need of

If I was given a chance to go back in time, I'd choose to be happy with you. I have let you slip away. & all I do now, is reminisce on how constant, & Sincere I'd smile. The way I'd laugh, & feel, a way I never felt.. Only around you. & that is what scared me, the feeling of falling in love, & being too good to be true. & now, it is too late. Yet, there's nothing I can do, but think about how things could've, should've, & would've been.

Free falling through clouds, lost sight on what is around.
No parachute in hand, yet no worries of the outcome.
I will, once I land.
Not quite yet.. Crying.
Unaware if they're tears of joy or tears of sadness.
What I am doing is complete madness.
Or could it be the pressure, & force of the wind?
My tears are now falling with me.
They are the salt water that made the ocean beneath me.
I fanilly crash, so deep into the cold sea.
The oceans temperature has taken over me.
No movement, no heart beat, no longer holding my breath.
No sound heard from me, because I have already drowned, before touching "ground".

Spiritually lifted, with dreams that are vivid.
She is my mistress, paying a visit when in stress.
Greeted with delight, always on my darkest nights.
Consuming her, while she consumes me.
I feel her on my chest..
The way it should be.