Glad that Fall is finally here. Not because of the pumpkin spice specials, nor the chilly weather.. Not that I enjoyed the summer heat anyway.
But what makes Fall important to me, is the beauty of realization. The eye opener of change. The hot weather becomes cooler, the leaves begin to change colors, the leaves start to fall.
Amazed by all of this, yet not seeing the true picture. If the weather, leaf colorcolors, & trees start to change, to show beauty, & rebirth. Why can't we?

Everything seems so right, so beautifully perfect
Like all of the damage done was definitely worth it
Never wanting this to end, but these unwanted thoughts roam through my head
As if it'll be like the last time
Although this seems different, I am afraid that it might repeat once again
These walls of mine are finally breaking down
& as they fall, I do too
Yet I still wonder whether you'd catch me or let me hit the ground
I'm really hoping you stick around because you're the best thing I've found

You were the reason I loved the sun
& now the reason why it hurts my skin
It reminds me of all of the mornings we would kiss
Those feelings left, along with you
A snake in my grass, just never heard you hiss
I am now in love with the moon
Something more beautiful than noon

We are as the Ying Yang. There is the good in us, & also the bad.
For example, when saying "I cannot live with MYSELF"
You are as two.
I is who You are, & Myself is your conscience.
"I have more power over myself, in which I can control. Because without me(I), myself would not be."

Feeling a bit low
& honestly, don't have my poetic flow
At this point, I just want to be alone
& that is all I will let be known

As I lay on my death bed
I over hear them say
"There's not much time left"
Those words repeat in my head
like echoes, while I beg for thread
Yet, all I can think about
is laying my head on your chest
a soothing heart beat
that doesn't sound like death
Since mine is close to it
I won't let it rest
until my last breath to say
you have been my strength

My heart is a flame, & fire is dangerous. Please do not play with it. You have been warned. Proceed at your own risk. What will it be? Sparks or Explosions? Chose wisely.

The world may not revolve around you, but everything in my world, reminds me of you

Anything green brings a mental image of you, not because it is your favorite color, which has been mine as well, since the day I've met you, & had the pleasure to find who lied within your uniquely green eyes
I could ramble on about the shades of greens your eyes are similar to, but nothing would ever compare

I still enjoy nature walks, & going on adventures, although it was always better to do so with you
I no longer look at the trees, nor sky the same
Because even the wind whispers your name
The moon no longer shines as bright, nor do the stars flicker
So dim, so still, the sky does not dance anymore, like the universe knows I lost the sparkle I once had

Nothing at all will ever be the same, because this mental image I have of you I can easily paint, & put on a frame

I see you in everything that I see
Smell you in everything that has aroma
Taste you in everything that taste
& feel you in everything that I touch

My mind no longer wants to want you, but my heart says I must
I guess this is why they call it a crush

As I let reality sink in & begin to think
removing him will erase the situation I am in
I do not bother to show these emotions I have for him
in which I bottle up, & hide within
Because my feelings are the reason for this mess I am in
Yet, he disappeares into the distance
letting me finally accept our destiny
Then comes around unexpectedly
tearing me into pieces once again
Leaving me with thoughts of what ifs
which honestly, only make me sick
I am tired of having to deal with this
& when he begins to ask himself
"Why does she seem so emotionless"
He will have to analyze his actions, & words
& respond "I have caused this."

Grandma, I wish I could send this to you in heaven.
I know we've never met, since you became an angel too soon.
I'd like to tell you how greatful I am, for giving birth to an amazing daughter, my mother.
Without you, there'd be no her, & without her there'd be no us(My brother, & I).

If you only knew how much pain my mother holds, trying to hide away her tears, when she speaks of you.
Only then, would you have regretted your mistakes, & changed, not only for her, but your son(my uncle) too.

I am well aware that life is not easy.
We easily give up, & give into temptation.
Not knowing that this day could be our last.
Trust me grandma, I've been there.
I've been at my lowest, feelings hopeless, yet emotionless.
& honestly, I can't, nor won't blame you.

Yet you left so soon.
My mother was yet a teen, with my brother in the whomb.
You don't know what I'd do, what any of us would do.. Just to see your face.

When the time comes, & my life is finally done.
While waiting before the gates, I will ask about you.
I will not stop searching, until I've finally found you.

I have so many hugs to give you, so many stories to tell, including the great things about yourself, that you might've not known.

We miss you dearly, our guardian angel. We'll see each other soon.

When I love, I love hard.. Till the moon, & the stars.. & all that we are. Whether you're close or far, or galaxies apart, you'll remain in my heart.. Let the millions of years start.

A bite of the forbidden fruit
has poisoned this berries youth
**** snake in the grass
did not speak with truth
Should have never trusted in you

Speaking in rhyme, isn't a crime.
So don't give me them eyes, because I just might
utilize these rhymes.
Not to criticize, but to make you realize
That this mind of mine, is more than yours, & your friends combined.
Call me Dr.Sues, if you chose.
When I let my rhymes loose, everyone is a amused.
Yet you speak "normally", & everyone is confused.

It was almost Fall when we met. Around the time the hot days turned into warm evenings and cool afternoons. Before we knew it, the leaves began to change color and fall off of the trees. That's how it all started. I didn't realize the beauty that laid in front of me. The same way people don't realize the beauty of changing leaves.
As the leaves changed, so did I. My heart, my soul, my emotions; I soon began to melt into a cup of pumpkin spice. Oh, how I wish it was everything nice. I was afraid; I fell so slowly yet, unexpectedly. That fear drove us away because I realized it just a little bit too late. At that time, Winter came. I get depressed around that time anyway. So, it didn't bother me that we decided to walk away. We both needed the space.
Along came Spring. I thought about you but, my pride stood in the way; I wouldn't say a thing. Who can see you crying when you're dancing in the rain? You've always said something similar to that.. we've grown so close that now we say things that remind us of each other.
Oh, why, hello there summer. The sun came out to greet me and so did you. That's when you said you realized our love was like no other; that it is true. And as soon as we noticed we had fallen; welcoming the Fall once again. Meeting you on my favorite season is now the best thing about it all.

A reminder of how I fell for you during the Fall.

If you only knew how much my soul feels for you
How much these emotions tear my mind apart without an explanation
The energy
The electricity
The chills
The vibes
The waves
You're so powerful..

Reminiscing about when those feelings were real
the way you'd make me feel
& giving me strength of steel
how I'd play with your beard
& you'd whisper in my ear
all them beautiful things I wish I'd still hear
from the day you've disappeared
I've been stuck on this hamster wheel
going no where, but here
trying to run away from these fears
with out you to whipe my tears
so I drown in the thoughts that although I felt you close, you were no where near

I find it interesting
that others dream of us
Yet, I do not dream of you anymore
You are not reality, & no longer a dream
You are imaginary, a fantasy in which I can not see.

My instincts are always right.
& what we have here, isn't.
Well aware that it's nothing more,
nor nothing less.
All of this, is just a big
Mess-Understanding.

You are like the breath taking ocean view, the soothing tropical breeze, & the desired aroma of paradise. Not fully aware of the foreign, yet a mind full of memories in which I do not recall. The feeling of finally being home, in a place I do not even know.

Hercules
Listen please
Don't walk away
I'm on my knees
Yelling for you
Please listen to me
My heart is weak
I can barely sleep
The thoughts of thee
are haunting me
I hardly speak
when you're with me
I'm begging please
Please do not leave
My knees go weak
I can hardly breath
Only because
I think of us, as a we
Please believe in me
& you will see
That I can make you as happy
as you'll ever be
Please trust in me
& we'll be free
for eternity

Your soul is like a melody my heart knows by memory

The rhythm of its song flows through my body so gently, yet heavily

My heart reaches out to you to listen a little closer, to feel the vibrations of the beat

It's electric, so powerful

A feeling of nostalgia in which I surrender to

Letting myself drift away through the sound  of the waves

I have trusted the waters

Now I am floating to where I belong

I've seen it in my dreams
& when seen in reality
I did not realize what attracted me
Paid no mind
Yet, knew it had to be mine
Finally in my hands
I began to dajavu
My soul yelling at me
"this is a part of you"
Who knew?

Let's make love under the night sky, Until the stars fall all over us like glitter. With the moon as our witness

These thoughts of you roam my mind wildly at night.
Pacing left, & right, left, & right.
Not aware whether my heart or my mind are deceiving me.
Is this right? Is it wrong?
A constant thought, & mental debate.
My feelings are true, but are they to you?
Or is this a simple game you play?
& my body, feelings, heart, mind, & soul are the game pieces.
You come, & go as you please.
Making me believe, then leave me alone to think.
Is this just a fling, or the real thing?
Please speak up, I do not have much time.
You've been ripping my heart out of my chest, piece, by piece.
Without thinking that I need this last piece left, to live.

What good is a throne to me
If my King does not come home
I've been left all alone
It is clear, he does not love me
Refers to me as his Queen
Only when he's in need
Yet, comes & goes as he pleases
& leaves me on my knees
With my heart in broken pieces

Midnight thinking.
Late night dreaming.

Watching the night sky.
Enjoying the the darkness,
Make the moon, & the stars look bright.
Something like day light,
& sunny skies.
But not quite.

The whistling, fresh breeze.
Laying here under the trees.
The damp grass feels soothing.

The silence.. It's beautiful.
Only to hear the gental snores of earth.

I whisper closely..
"I am a part of you,
& without you I'd be nothing.
Sleep soundly mother..
For you are my nature.

A hurting heart
with a broken smile
Only when no one is home

Warm hearted
& none stop smiling
When I am no longer alone

Putting up a show
Iin which how/whom I wish
to be & feel

Yet behind the curtains
you will not recognize me

This is who I am
& how I feel

Lost, & hopeless
If you will.

Reflecting on old habits
Once was blind from all tablets
Wrapped inside the devils blanket
His worshipping, is what I practice
Oh how I wished I hadn't
Having his way with me on my darkest days
& taking control over me on my pitch black nights
Now to think, there's many other ways I could've handled it
Realizing I could've made a few turns, & stops
Yet, already thinking about hitting the high way
Numb to the feeling of the wind blowing through my hair, the warmth of the sun beaming down on my face,
deaf to the sounds of nature that surrounded me
So blind, so cold, so dry..

Narcotics are chaotic
if you let the chaos come over you
Mountain high
not visualizing with the naked eye
that the view isn't as clear,
Not clear enough to see your soul falling into its hands
to finally have you as a whole
yet, devour you as one
He will demand, & demand,
you'll obey his commands
Unless you're strong enough to brake free from the chains,
all with bare hands

If only you knew
how much I think of you
Old conversations in my head
Yes, I reminisce
Like the mental image
of when we first kissed
If only you knew
I pray for you
I pray to see if this is true
I know you're scared
& I will not lie
I am too
Yet, it takes two
to conquer fears
I am willing to
Are you?
If only you knew
I'd face it all
just to be with you

The sweetest love you make to me, nothing else could compare
to your beautiful hair, green eyes, & aroma of paradise.
You are my life..

An open mind, & a heart that unwinds,
like a movie film.
Unrolling, & revealing my love life.
20 years of age, & no longer looking forward,
towards a next page.
Lost hope in finding love, at a young age.
As I write the scenes,
in which will be seen on screen.
I am filled with rage, & disbelief.
I have given my all to past lovers,
& was given nothing in return,
but heartache, & pain.
I've always known my worth,
& knew, that is not what I deserve.
Realized when it was wrong,
when actors did not belong.
Had to move on, erase the scene,
start over, rewrite, change the scenery,
& continue my story.
Alone, living life, reconnecting with myself.
Until one day, he arrived.
Someone different in appearance, & intelligence.
Shared the same personality, thoughts, sense of humor.
We were each others comfort zone,
talked to one another about anything, & everything.
Perfect in my eyes, if you asked me.
At least, that's what I thought.
Until I was reliving the same old chapters,
once again.
They say,
"Even nothing is something",
or "Better to have loved, & lost, than to have never loved at all".
In deed, I agree.
Yet, if your heart is no longer beating,
in hopes of one day finding "the one",
& finally feeling love.
Do these sayings still apply, or even matter?
Yet, the movie continues, as my life shall go on,
with, or without someone by side.
Maybe, alone, lost, with no love to share, nor feel.
Yet, living.
But maybe one day,
when my hair turns gray,
I am no longer afraid,
& my soul is slowly slipping away.
Love will find its way,
& it'll be too late.
Because when I finally feel again,
I will not have the strength to stay,
to hopefully hear them sincerely say..
"I Love You", & finally feel the truth.
To hear, & see it from you..

Six months sober, half the year without my lungs filled with smoke.
Honestly, I'd just like to roll that green, in natures leaves.
Sit beneath the trees, as I feel the stress leave.
Reminisce on memories, fill my thoughts with conclusions of worldly things, & have the wise words flow through my ears, captured by my mind, released from my mouth, & penned on paper.
This is not the me, in which I remember.
Greeting kisses from the sun.
"I know you missed me. It's been a long run"
Reality has begun, & I can no longer over come..
Because without you, I am stuck with this nicotine rush.

I have not been visible to the eyes
of those, in which, I wish knew I am still alive.
Unseen like the pain I have within this skin I am in.
Unheard of, like the beat of my heart.
Lost in a black void, yet I cannot tell it apart
from reality, & fantasy
My precense is no more.
I have walked through the unknown door,
now I'm at the point of no return.
I might have found home, in this lonely place, with no scenery.
No feelings, sounds, nor emotions to worry me.
I've come to lose my memory, to love, to see, to hear, to feel, to taste, & to hope.
It was the world in which I've been chosen to be a prisoner in, that did not want me to live,
& finally cut the rope,
not knowing that death,
will make me live again.

"It was Strange" is what I could possibly say, at the least that is..
Seeing you once again, locking eyes, yet turning our heads, only to feel each others stares..
hearing the echos as we speak, while we do not dare to take a peak..
I will not tell a lie, & say I did not feel what was once there..
Your smile made me remember, that although we fell so hard, there had to be a high from where we have fallen.. & there was.
A memory of positivity, from something that has done so much damage, yet I can truly say I have overcame.. To deeply find out within myself, & can proudly say "I have changed".. I cannot say the same for you Sir, for you are the same.. There has been no change.
Not speaking to seem better than you, but better than who I was.. & I will not look down upon you because change is something you must want.
I simply look back at who you were, & you were never this troubled.. You've changed into something you, yourself even fear of, & that is what pushed me away.. Yet there you are, still the same, with no change made.
I always seen something better, & brighter in you than which you choose to show.. But you never really understood the universe, which there is inside of you..
You were always afraid of the light.. Walking around with shades on.
Yet continuously wondering, & asking "What am I doing wrong?"..
If you would have just listened.. I've been telling you all along.
I'm glad you're finally realizing.. You say to me "A little too late", yet I respond "Better late, than never".
I just hope one day you'll make things right.. Not for us.
Because what was, no longer is.. But for you, your well being, & your soul.
Do not let it stay cold.. Turn it into gold.

Pitch black nights
& glimmering star lights
Awake until sunrise
Beautiful bright skies
A reflection seen your eyes
in which was foreign to mine
To only realize, the one in the mirror, was I
Yet not myself..
How do I handle this all so well?
Those words I will never tell..