i cant begin to express the thoughts that dwindle though my brain each day
they are too complex for the any human to digest
honestly, even i can't digest them.

the sun sets around 6:45pm here
we get a few extra minutes of sunlight from living on the coast
the west coast
best coast

best

coast

i
don't
know

im confused and torn
ripped to shreds
by my own frustration
by my own confusion
by disappointments over and over

trying to live my life without expectations is a complete and utter lie

i have to learn how to live

before i decide to die

i tried to write about it,
i thought it would help.
but i found myself
four lines
and
two
stanzas
in -

and I was already shaking

the world is feeling a lot today -
you can feel it in the pavement
you can see it in the sky
      in the clouds
      in the sprinkling rain

I am feeling a lot today -
its been lingering
that feeling
that feeling that doesn't have a name

overwhelming...
confusing...
unnerving...

allowing yourself to f e e l
is something that doesn't happen often, at least for me

digesting...
breathing...

understanding these emotions
that I've always locked in a box -
I've pretended to feel them before...

but, for the first time in my life
I am feeling
uncomfortable

and it's the first time I've ever actually felt...
c o m f o r t a b l e

cold winters are warming
they wake you up to reality
of fighting the demons,
chasing the tides,
counting your wishes,
and being alive.

each year I break,
in two, in three,
in four.

drowning and wondering
about so much more.

cold winters are waking me up
like someone sitting on my chest
it's too warm and crimson

im not ready yet.

A fragile bottle is held by the ocean’s arms
It holds a scribble

I feel so empty sometimes but I stay silent because I know people wish for a life like mine

A man once committed suicide by jumping off a bridge
He left a note saying
"I'm going to walk the bridge and if someone smiles at me I won't jump"

Sometimes a simple smile can save lives