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Sara Oct 2019
I am continuously getting overwhelmed.

If I stop and look, break down to myself the key factors of my life right now I calm down after a sometimes uncomfortable, emotional ******.
What is this?

Is it double faced as a good progressive thing that if I otherwise ignored would simmer beneath the surface and come out in explosions
Sara Aug 2019
I’m useless, when I have no feelings of romantic attraction I’m safe and my best self.
But once my heart feels a beat, I’m a loser to myself and I lose my charm
The charm which compels me to be free

I don’t like me, so why should they?
I project the exact opposite of what I know is good, in order to perhaps cast away.
Do I not want myself to be happy?
Is that too much of an emotion to behold?

I try relax and connect with myself again but it’s this effort of trying that initiates the polar opposite

I’m sexually aroused by people who mistreat me -or in further actuality- who I make uncomfortable, self conscious and ultimately- encourage hate.
I need to feel hatred to arouse my love

People who are good, and good with my good, who allow themselves to be transfixed and emotionally, loosely captivated, maybe terrify me.
I freak, I freak out but in a different way that doesn’t make me act on my ****** senses  
Instead I turn to self-depreciation
Sorry for being bleak, I have to get this out my head
Sara Jul 2019
When you kissed me, I lied.

I let you kiss me because I wanted someone to love me.  
I was selfish, I wanted to soothe my craving for attention, soft and kind love.

It’s because you’re warm and safe, I still do get the urge to trust you with love.
In fact you’re handsome while so insecure.

But I shouldn’t have kissed you, because I knew I didn’t want you but your aroma.
I chewed it and played with it to spare your feelings and to ebb my shame

but believe me, I’m happy to have made your acquaintance on that awful day that appeared on paper as perfect.
On the day when the last one I loved, introduced me to you
My poems have started taking sound of a prose?, not sure where it came from
Sara Dec 2018
I lose myself sometimes
I can go with being functional and free
My tongue un looping looped words and thoughts
Slowly
Softly

Then out of the blue blue blue I get a feeling of distress
I’m detached and disgraced
Ashamed of everything I’ve told
I shouldn’t have been so liberal
I shouldn’t have been so keen
To speak my mind and share my love
To anyone that came to me

I love and I lose
I fall into debris and crumble to the force of one’s hand

But on my good day
Oh my love on my good day I will love you
I will poise strong, your brace and keep you standing

But those days aren’t forever
And I wither
But wait with me and I will show you the meaning
Of passion itself derived from my entire self
Love will wait
Love is for us all
Sara Sep 2018
Mac Miller died yesterday
That’s the third artist to die under the age of 27 in the last 12 months.
What good is learning the ways of the world if you’re going to die at any minute?

Each artist had a way about them.
They all spoke something of intellectual awareness.
It worries me that these people who reached a level of artistic and human understanding,
Destinations that I aspire to reach,
**** themselves by indulgence of drugs.

Why do we still indulge in drugs when we’ve reached a point regarded as a peak?
Sara May 2018
I hate myself
I ******* hate myself
I’m grotesque, unlovable
A plunging centre with a broken frame

I have edges made of ice,
That are sharp to a lovers eye,
I’m touchable and untrue

But little do they know from first glance,
Eyeing my deadly ice brinks,
That an embrace of their ample warmth,
A hug of their soul,
Alas my sharpness can shrink.

Left is a pool of water bracing to be boiled,
Awaiting to be frozen again,
I find myself weakening to be loved, I announce,
Thou whom melt my blades here claim;
Enthroned!
Take comfort in my land of voluptuous edges,
The kindness and beauty within me spreads,
over their body with my trusting tongue.

But all it takes is a gust of cold wind,
A breath of cruel words,
A shrug, of unawares.

I hate myself I do,
As I freeze up sharp icicles anew
Sara Mar 2018
I wonder if he knows I love him
If he feels the dance exploding in my soul
If he can see it through my facade
Claiming he's all wrong
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