I lose myself sometimes
I can go with being functional and free
My tongue un looping looped words and thoughts
Slowly
Softly

Then out of the blue blue blue I get a feeling of distress
I’m detached and disgraced
Ashamed of everything I’ve told
I shouldn’t have been so liberal
I shouldn’t have been so keen
To speak my mind and share my love
To anyone that came to me

I love and I lose
I fall into debris and crumble to the force of one’s hand

But on my good day
Oh my love on my good day I will love you
I will poise strong, your brace and keep you standing

But those days aren’t forever
And I wither
But wait with me and I will show you the meaning
Of passion itself derived from my entire self
Love will wait
Love is for us all

Hugged warm I can feel your fingers
I know you are there
I walk, accompanied
Your warm rocks,
Holding me down while my hair floats

Unraveled
I’m at peace
At one with you
My creator, the universe
I choose love, not hate
Courage over fear
Real skin real bones
I’m here

Mac Miller died yesterday
That’s the third artist to die under the age of 27 in the last 12 months.
What good is learning the ways of the world if you’re going to die at any minute?

Each artist had a way about them.
They all spoke something of intellectual awareness.
It worries me that these people who reached a level of artistic and human understanding,
Destinations that I aspire to reach,
**** themselves by indulgence of drugs.

Why do we still indulge in drugs when we’ve reached a point regarded as a peak?

I hate myself
I ******* hate myself
I’m grotesque, unlovable
A plunging centre with a broken frame

I have edges made of ice,
That are sharp to a lovers eye,
I’m touchable and untrue

But little do they know from first glance,
Eyeing my deadly ice brinks,
That an embrace of their ample warmth,
A hug of their soul,
Alas my sharpness can shrink.

Left is a pool of water bracing to be boiled,
Awaiting to be frozen again,
I find myself weakening to be loved, I announce,
Thou whom melt my blades here claim;
Enthroned!
Take comfort in my land of voluptuous edges,
The kindness and beauty within me spreads,
over their body with my trusting tongue.

But all it takes is a gust of cold wind,
A breath of cruel words,
A shrug, of unawares.

I hate myself I do,
As I freeze up sharp icicles anew

I don't know how I feel
My stomach nervous screams
I'm calm

My thoughts and feelings feel so far away
Out of reach
I try grab them summon them back
But my clawing fluster encourages blindness to grow

How do I feel
You've locked me away from my emotions
We can't see
Only you
Do this to them

Are they so awful they refuse reach ?
Or so sweet, another form
Of my bruised thighs, colliding head
Will I unlock my happiness
With this understanding
And so
It need be a challenge

Happy or sad
When you reach me
you wake me to both
Neither
Maybe I am in denial
I don't want to hate you
but I know I do
Desire's triumph and so
Prevention of realisation is
Numbing

FEEL FEEL ME FEEL SOMETHING
PLEASE

I know you'd grab me but
I don't know how I would respond
It's what I want not need
Or what I need not want
Which are you ?

W
  A
     I
       T  
         ing
Always waiting for your hands
To reach your tongue

So shine to me,
From your vibrant pulse of stars

And in the morning
Swallow me whole in your
Night sky eyes
And let them guide
Me home

I want to tell you about the time I jumped.
The time I became my biggest fear
And conquered.
I want to tell you of the white curtains that tried to sweep over my eyes, and
How I summoned that aguish

I want you to know
It wasn't made right straight away
Blood, screams, tears whirled first
In my face on my body,
A weight of dread coming from her mouth
Holding my arms down.

But then still.

A peace took residence in the air, creating an earthly dull hum
A constant murmur, hypnotising
The knots out of our backs
The beast in my stomach,
to surrender

I want to tell you
I felt safe,
But then I would not be credible to you
And my words could be dismissed.

Now, the truth spilled
Her tongue no longer licks my legs, purple
Nor do I  wake with my knuckles numb
I take what I have coming, happy and sad

Both, the vibrant beat
To my weaping heart

Her words caress my body
Unwanted and unwelcome I'm naked in a field of eyes
Her lips spread poison, slowly
dissolving my insides
And her tongue, licking my legs purple
I wake with my knuckles numb