I’m useless, when I have no feelings of romantic attraction I’m safe and my best self. But once my heart feels a beat, I’m a loser to myself and I lose my charm The charm which compels me to be free
I don’t like me, so why should they? I project the exact opposite of what I know is good, in order to perhaps cast away. Do I not want myself to be happy? Is that too much of an emotion to behold?
I try relax and connect with myself again but it’s this effort of trying that initiates the polar opposite
I’m sexually aroused by people who mistreat me -or in further actuality- who I make uncomfortable, self conscious and ultimately- encourage hate. I need to feel hatred to arouse my love
People who are good, and good with my good, who allow themselves to be transfixed and emotionally, loosely captivated, maybe terrify me. I freak, I freak out but in a different way that doesn’t make me act on my ****** senses Instead I turn to self-depreciation
Sorry for being bleak, I have to get this out my head