Hi, it’s me.
The person you forgot.
I’m still here.
I still exist.
I may not be as important anymore.
But I’m still here.
You may have a new life.
I’m still here.
I may have never been that important to you.
But I’m still here.
Why have you chosen to forget me?
I’m still here.
Why don’t you love me anymore?
I’m still here.
Have you ever loved me?
I’m still here.
I HAVE ALWAYS EXISTED.
And I’m still here.
Even if you don’t want me to be.

I tell people that if my dad could go back and take back ever having me with my mom, he would.
Because it’s true.
I was the child no one wanted to have.
I was the child no one wanted to keep.
I talked  about how when I was battling my demons, and faced suicidal thoughts—
how, instead of being there for me, my parents cast me aside like the plague.
What’s worse is when I speak about the hurt I felt back then— I still have to fight back the tears.
The pain from those days still rip through like a fresh wound.
My old demons still exist.

All my life I’ve been told I’m nothing but a disappointment.
A failure.
A waste of human creation.
“You’re useless,” they’d tell me.
“You’re a nobody.”
For the longest time, I believed them.
After awhile their voices became my own voice.
The voice inside my head.
Those voices have started to drown.
I’m grown up now.
I’ve realized my victories outweigh my failures.
Even though I’m still battling it, I’ve “won” against depression.
I was ***** & abused.
But I’m stronger.
I’ve came face to face to a dog that tried mauling me to death.
I survived.
I was unmarried and pregnant.
I was a single mom.
I lost my mom to cancer.
All battles and life events I should have failed at.
I’M STILL ALIVE

Family is more than just blood, you say?
Funny that you don’t live by your own words
You call our son your grandson when you are just the woman grandpa married
You say my husband is family to you
But you shame yours for ever wanting to help his son
That’s right
Your husband isn’t able to ever help out any of his kids but the moment your kids need help?
You don’t bat your eyes
You’re a hypocrite
Family is more than blood, you say?
Then why is it that when your racist nephew racially profiled me, your step son’s wife
You just sat back and laughed
Don’t lie and say family is more than blood for you
When you don’t take up for anyone but your own

You said you loved me
The scars on my skin say otherwise
You said I was your everything
The hole in my heart proves you wrong
Here I am, almost 10 years later thinking about the torture you put me through
Love has never been easy for me
Trust is almost impossible
I see the worst in my husband
You’ve ruined me
Why couldn’t you have just left me alone?
Why did you keep running back trying to convince me you were good for me?
Why was I so stupid to keep believing you?
It only took you 5 years to break me from my core
I’m not even sure I’m doing this marriage thing the right way
Because I’m so **** wrapped up in the pain that was inflicted on me those many years ago
You abused me
You ***** me
You humiliated me
YOU BROKE ME