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SamanthaX Mar 2020
10.

I’ve been awake for so long
now I’ve begun dreaming
And I’ve been to the end where the dreams lay in secret
It’s 8 am and I’m no longer sleeping

I’ve buried a few bones in my years
And the end of today is near
As the apocalypse kissed my lips
Hearts start to skip
Monsters and hero’s
Lipstick on mirrors
My vision grows clearer
Now I’m seeing
the casual miracles

As I break free
55 petals fell onto me
Red roses
Red roses
I’ve met the immortals
Its the race to become God
And I almost had lost it
SamanthaX Mar 2020
Maybe I’ll never write again
My words will turn to ash
in my mouth
Ink will bleed
Rust and blood
This vintage pen will break

Is this all that I am
Rhythm and syllables
Confined by definition
Complying and lying
And hesitate questions

I got no use for a name anyways
And I’m always over complicating
the simplest of things

The moon is smiling
between telephone wires
Venus is crying
So I sleep alone
And over Gods eyes
I close the blinds

Now time begins to move
right through me
I’m trying to delegate time
But it’s catching up to me

The sun is rising
To empty street views
The Sirens are singing
Their calling for you

So lay your sins down
to rot in summer backyards
where the children go and play
Let them pick them up
Let them learn a few things
SamanthaX Jan 2020
Like a flower
                      I bloom
                                    then I die

Tears drop at midnight
I live til the end of days
The stars watched amazed
Blood on my hands
Dirt on my face

I have seen heavens
barricades
In cheap love and
gunshots
Chain smoking expensive
cigarettes
Let me call you black magic
And only to thy Lord
I’ll admit
Maybe sometimes
I am the bad guy

Leave the ordinary behind
Leave the sterile good byes
That lay in my eyes
My eyes my eyes
That flutter shut
Lost in the big sky
Fulfillment of logistics
Made you a false witness
Sick with the fear
New perceptions
of reality
When I look in
a mirror
SamanthaX Feb 2020
~ Time pasted like the breath of one
sky into the next
For everyday in every hour we had lived our death
Now I see time is a dream
And all the things you said keep running in my head ~

There is a story inside of me
It sings in a velvet rich voice that is heard across the eleven skies
Of order and chaos and how Death had made its home inside of me
It screamed and it begged to be liberated
But I tamed that wild beast
And now I no longer fear death
It is my guest
It is my friend

And I wish my words could deliver you from fear
And I wish my words could deliver you to paradise
And I wish I could describe just how simple this paradox is or was or never really was
And if you could only understand the sacrifice I had made to be able to enter this metaphysical place with such grace

And lately it seems in silent nights when I cannot sleep in the mirror I look at myself and ask the same question
Over and over
Do you see what I see?
Do you?
And I know you do because just like you
I see everything too
But can you feel everything?
Or hear everything like I do?
If you could would you shatter like I did?
Your broken pieces cutting broken pieces of me
A million shards stealing my reflection upon reflection

Who have I become now?
Have I become infinite?
Have I become algorithmic?
Or am I still just another statistic?
And how long will it take for me to catch myself?

Will I wander forever in search
Lost in this fast paced abyss
Am I a sleeping princess
waiting for a charmed kiss
A kiss on the lips
that will bleed your name
Screaming in vain
in the glittering ghettos
that delivered social pain

My memories of you were written in
the hands of Heaven
I recorded the stories you told to the last syllable in time
And that was the last time I did ever hear from you
Hidden in the eloquent smoke and shadows
At the edge of the world where the barricades of Heaven fell
And only in the darkness
is the truth found
SamanthaX Mar 2020
The Red Moon waits above
The Dead City lights
The Director of Elements
Queen of the Sky
The 4 Sacred Winds
were given new life
Listen to the breath
of howling Death
As a New Sun rises
coming up in the West

Chronicle catastrophes
Confrontation of concrete cities
Calling for the confessions of cruel
communities
A cunning currency became the ruler
Civilians were converted to complying consumers
Condemning the cultures causing them to crumble

Creating social confusion
Convincing the masses
That the Kingdom of Heaven
belonged to the high ranking classes
Compassion cries in its coffin
Credit cards turned graves
Raising the rates as corpses decay
But Death was always free
Never required a fee
So let it be written on the graves

“From debt to death prices were paid”
SamanthaX Jun 2019
1.20.

I wrote my
own artist
agreement
Blending the
four primal
colours of war

I’m rewriting
the treaties
Remixes of
aphrodisiacs
My remedies
for life keep
giving me
success

Call me Aphrodite chain smoking
cigarettes
The Lone Orchid of frost bitten
sunsets

I’m the only
one in
one of
a kind
A one hit
wonder that
echos forever
with time

Mesmerizing
Gods and
consolations
I am the
Divine
inspiration

This weak
ecosystem has
made me
vicious again
I wanna see
people get
a bit more
independent

Remove their
denial
See the truth
in the ways
of survival

This is next
level chest
and I’m always
six steps
ahead
When I’m behind
that’s when I
attack at
my best

My bullet proof
**** rate
I’ll take you
out by the neck

Call me up
Say what?

I’ll always be
that crazy
****
saying whatever
it is I want

Ring.Ring.
My telephone
never stops
And I’m never
picking it up
Later I might
hit you
back up

Right now
I’m busy
getting
unplugged
SamanthaX Jun 2019
1.22.

Statistics of
statistics
The precise
revision of
demographics
non-existent

The strange
fabrication of
how polluted
and
misconstrued
thoughts

Is a simple
resolution
to every souls
confusion

Can you count
every written
faith?
Books on who's
opinion?
Individually written
by hands influence
by their brand
named wallets

The waste in produce
in mass production
Selling us ideas of
self-destruction
Spending  less
on life lessons
Not saving up
for
self-reflections

Who's dime
pays for time?
Is it time
deciding time?
Or do dimes define
the meaning of time?
Who's time has it become?
What is time?
Time is? Time was?
Time never really
was ours

Watch the kids play
king of high risk
Compete to
defeat in the
depths of debt

Our inherited regrets
forget to check
on emotional scores
you can't get
a credit for
Give praise to high
interest rates
instead of banking
on your faith
Safely you deposit
selfish values
That lock you in
lucrative hate

Bankrup these
divided ideas
Start to believe
in the people
Let’s invest in
each other
again

Who's next in line?
Last in the back?
Who's at the till?
How do you pay
your grocery
bill?
Do you stress?
Depressed?
Do you pay for change?
Presidents and
Prime ministers
face paper electives
bills that select
how countries develop

Look for the Queen
working in virtual
streets
Trying to be a girl
seen in a magazine
Selling the tales
of fictional fascism
Stacked on the
ranks of fast
fashion

Blessed be
the ******
with their new 
Micheal Kors
Losing themselves
in concrete stores
Designers that dictates
your direction
Consuming ourselves
we go off to
slaughter
Is there a refund
in the
death of a daughter?

Who lies?
Who plots?
Who puts capitol
value on gifts
from God?
SamanthaX Jun 2019
1.23.

I wish you
could see how
beautiful
I didn’t even
try to look
on the day
of your
funeral

In the snow
Under the lap post
With you my ghost
Barefoot in my
heartbreak
With fallen
snowflakes
I dance alone
with my mistakes

With them I
melt away
Me and my
snowflakes
Without you we
dissipate

It’s you
It’s always been
you
From the moment
I met you
Was the moment
I became alive
First time I
got high
Now I’m committing
homicide
trying to remember
that look in your eyes

Since the beginning
of time
Guess you lost the
memories of when
God created
you and I
That forest gone
grey when I thought
I lost you

God was in
a jealous rage
when I chose you
He only made me
so you wouldn’t be
so lonely too
He never knew
I would refuse
to live without you

The world saw
first anger
when he saw how
I made love to you

So put all the
blame on me
The wrath of
God
made me so
frisky
Blame all the
lost and pain
on me
Nothing gets off
like a sinner
like me
SamanthaX Jun 2019
1.24.

I letter to
my Mother

I think
I might
make it this
time around

I’ll be a
big star
I’ll get my
big break
Made it to
Hollywood
Sorry for
stealing
your old mans
car

I'll be living
in allies that
hide between
Northern boulevards
and old forgotten
concrete dreams

Lavender and
caviar
Cologne and
cigars
Taboo and
mischief
Using cheap
lipstick
Rewriting the
hit lists

I'll become that
last world
wonder
that echos
forever
pushing rhythmic
sounds
beyond safe
limits

This is risky
business
Practicing my
divine
debut lines
Telling the
story of a
girl
blessed with
bad habits
God given
talents
looks that
seduced
and words
that produced
death sentences
that tempted
the Devils final
trill

So good bye
fair well
For now
Mother dear

This time
I’m taking my
place
accepting my
fate
In my bare
feet
I’m taking center
stage
For my grand
finale
as a silver-screen
Queen
SamanthaX Jun 2019
1.25.

Stella Ella
That girl is
super Bella
Ella Stella
Your getting
old
That girl is
gonna grow up
to be a
super nova

Ella Ella ola
My girl you
gotta try
You gotta
get sober
Your so Bella
My girl
you better learn
You gotta
do what I
tell ya

Bella Bella Stella
That girl is so
dangerous
Mi Bella Ella
Now that girl
is worried
She told me
Jesus won’t save us

Oh mi Bella Ella
Now my babies gone
She’s hiding behind
those three
mischievous stars

Mi oh my Bella Ella
So fine so stellar
I tried to help her
However this time
my baby your too
far gone
SamanthaX Jun 2019
1.26.

I sit by my bedroom window
Smoking
Waiting
Praying the Rosary  

Counting how long
it takes to inhale
different brands
of cigarettes

For 144 days
I have waited for you

Tracking every minute
Time
Tick
Ticking
away
is what I have left  

I don’t write these
sad poems because
you broke my heart
No
I write them because
you made me whole again

I remember telling Jesus
as he was about to
lay down his cross

“ you chose this
  this does not have
  to be your fate”

But he had made
his decision long ago

He never said
the words in my presence
But I know he died to save me

The only reason
a hero
is victorious
is because
they choose
to loose
everything

As I continue to look out
my bedroom widow
Remembering a day
I felt more free
Now
even the sun remains cold

That’s all there
really was
of me
That’s all that’s
really left
of me
A faded memory
of a passing moment
when nothing really mattered
Locked away in my bedroom
when everything seemed possible
in a impossible moment

If I could have it my way
the world wouldn’t
be much better
of a place anyways

I tried so hard
to save everyone’s
grace
but I struggle
daily trying to
save my own

And now
I don’t even have
Jesus around
to save me
anymore

So I am leaving
the graveyard
where I love to linger

Top of my class
On the honour roll
I graduated
I received my
Masters

This is my last life
With my death
I’m going to
cause natural
disasters
SamanthaX Oct 2019
2.13.

I’m walking through a
Masterpiece
This lonely dirt road
Reminding me of
a old familiar place
In a time
before time
became a
long time ago

Where your
white bones
were carved
to become my own

In the stories of
past and present
constellations

Of how we all fall down
The Values of
the Dead Wildflowers
All fall down

Hush now
Listen to the
sound
Of petals decay
Let them fall down
Rotting away

Cold fingers lifting
away lullaby lingerie
Corporate corpses
refilling graves
Hush now
As you fall down

Singing
Ringing
Around

Again with the
death threat lies
Give me a breath
of life when I die
So I can break
free
So I can fall
down
Hush now
Gun to my head
Hush now
Don’t make a sound

Breaking free
I found your
broken body
I know you
I see you keep your
Demons close

I do too

The tale of stars
and their
troubled hearts
trailblazing down
together in
tangled sheets

In the arms
of God
falling asleep
SamanthaX Nov 2019
2.14.

Cut me open
just to watch me bleed
Legends can be told
by the scars on my body
When hero’s
become human
From their glory they fall
With a world so corrupt
Comfort can be
found in the tales
of monsters and men
They hid under
your bed
stay hidden
in your head

Do you want to see
what I see?

I whispered in your ear
in the dead of the night
Rough hands
running up
running  down  
Wanting between
my thighs

I can see the lust
written in blood
Grey skies
Old graves
It’s a cold autumn day
Ballet of fallen leafs
In my bare feet
It’s my favourite playground
a cemetery of dead dreams
I collected over the
***** consumer
centuries

I’m comfortable when
the walls come
crumbling down
Finding serenity in misery
At least something
understands me
In times of tragedy
I’m always at peace

Perhaps that’s why
I’m excited to die
I tell the black crows
In circles they fly
I want them to
take me away
see every dark
and twisted place

Through the eyes of a bird  
I will travel this world
SamanthaX Nov 2019
2.15.

Punk rock violence
is the sound of
silence
Amen to bleeding
lips that ask
for forgiveness
Tried to say a
prayer
but your voice is
filled with
dirt and gravel

Who am I?
Who are you?
Doesn’t really
matter

And I never really
cared if
Heaven were
to rain down
or if
Hell were to
freeze

As long as I got
my plastic Jesus
hanging from the
dashboard of my
car

I got a Saviour
to save me
from myself

Driving away
on half truths
highways
playing a
90’s mixtape
of
Amazing Grace
remakes

Sunset success
lays ahead
But I can’t look
back
in the mirror
there is a crack

On the streets
tempo beats
Replaying
sweet sounds

It was God’s
rhythmic melodies
and
Holy harmonies
that saved a
***** like
myself
SamanthaX Nov 2019
2.16.

In one eye
I see God
In the other is
the Devil

Feathers fell
from a hidden
heaven

You are a cold
stencil
in my bedroom
Dancing fingertips
on my canvas hips
My flower petal
skin
that sandpaper
hands
strip away
A living work of
Art
You wanted on
your wall
of fame

To afraid to
understand
So you painted
a fake
SamanthaX Nov 2019
2.17.

I have not been listening
To anything
Ignoring the truths
I did hear
I could not accept
the reality I saw
So I fabricated one
like a child
Listening is Art
Being comfortable
in silence is discipline
I need to be still
I need to be water
Flowing with a force
that will mould
my true nature
SamanthaX Nov 2019
2.18.

Heal
Heal the parts of you
you were destined
too heal
The parts God carefully
carved into your
being
The flesh and bone
that made you raw
That bled your soul
That destroyed you
That moulded you
into a warrior

That will bless you
with the eyes of
Heaven
And tears of angels
will rain down like
holy water
Cleaning your spirit
Giving back the
innocences of freedom
that know no boundaries
of love

Heal
And you will be found

— The End —