Today I'm 62
I'm cleaning house
because there's not
much else to do.
I come across a
rusted tin
pristine within
this old 8mm film.
It snaps and crackles
as it plays
reminding me
of other days.
This was me
different name,
different face,
running all around
the place.
I was the "In jun",
he was the "Cowboy",
that old 6 shooter
was his favorite toy.
It's hard to believe
that was ever me.
Where did I get
all that energy?

My anxious attachment
is a carnivorous beast
with sharp biting mind talk
eater of my relationships
it makes it's feast

I try to self sooth
to self regulate
But I can't get past
my doubts, inner monologues
and constant debates.

She says she loves me
And to trust her
I doubt every word she speaks
The status of our relationship
is beginning to look bleak

No matter how hard I try
I remain insecure
I can't stop self sabotaging
I create my own reality
Because I create my own causality

She said she's becoming overwhelmed
But I don't know what to do
To stop this mental *****
All the things I put her through

I don't know how to help myself
I need to end this strife
this constant need for dopamine
Is ruining my life

one step at a time
right, left, right
ignore the mind talk
keep moving forward
right, left, right
feel the pain
but don't
run back for more
right, left, right
your heart is breaking
she left it torn
no looking back
right, left, right
your tears may flow
you'll want her back
but remember her words
and how they hurt you
right, left, right
days will pass
yet time marches slowly
why does she call me?
don't call her!
right, left, right
doesn't she even miss me?
I missed her so much!
things might get better
with one more try
right, left, right
where am I?
you've moved on
forward movement
right, left, right

The Moon lights the path in the sand where
you walked. Water fills those footprints like
sand filled cups. I could drink from those sole
shaped sandy prints knowing you once stood and
created those indents.

I watch the waves dance against your legs
as your smile stretches as wide is the beach
I try to pull you to me like a life raft
But your beauty is too out of reach.

The water is crisp and cool to touch
As it caresses every grain of sand
You skirt swirls as you dance among the waves
it's clear that it's you the land craves.

You are the story I should write.
I've got pages and pages built up
inside.

I'd start Of course with "Once Upon a
time" I had a girl so very fine, who
I was proud to be able to call mine.

Of course there'd be a chapter with
multiple quips of how great it felt
to kiss your lips.  

I'd illustrate it with an atmosphere
of how it felt to hold you near,
or place my hand upon your thigh,
such a thrill one cannot hide.

With a plot that twisted and turned
the readers would see how my love was
soon spurned.

I'd end with how you said that you
loved me but you lied. Mention all the
times you made me feel so bad I wanted
to die.

On second thought, maybe the story is way
too trite so I'll just put down my pen and
call it a night.

She's so **** blunt
You could smoke her truth
she makes me long
For my unapologetic youth

Back in the days

before what I said
mattered so much
when I didn't care
if I said I love you
too much

Before I cared
what people thought
When my opinions
were my own
and couldn't be bought

Before I started slowing
down around each corner
When I was still a rebel
and not a joiner

Before I started giving
multiple *****
I relied solely
on my instinct and luck

Now I sit back
and watch her bravado
lighting her way
as she reminds me
of someone I knew
yesterday