It has been 5 long months,
since the night that almost ruined me.
For 5 months,
I kept secret what he had done,
but you have been there for me.
My rock,
My stability,
My protector.
Only recently did I report his actions
and the detectives say
that nothing might happen.
But I am on the road to recovery.
If I were alone on this journey,
I would’ve passed long ago,
but my savior has been there for me,
lighting my path home.
I won’t call myself a victim
because I will not let him affect me.
I will call myself a survivor
when I can forgive myself
for what he did to me.

Five months ago,
my life was almost destroyed.
The things he did to me broke me.
I tried to ignore what happened.
I tried to cope with it alone.
But five months ago,
I was sexually assaulted
and only now,
am I doing what I should’ve done then.
The law may not be able to stop him,
but my family and friends will protect me.
I wasn’t able to stop him from hurting me,
but I will do everything in my power
to keep him from doing any more.

I don’t want to call myself a victim,
even though what you did destroyed me, made me question life,
question myself.
I’m still surviving,
still working towards meeting myself.
Not the person I was before any of this,
but the person I will be after I’ve healed.
I am not a victim
because I do not feel like one.
I am not yet a survivor
because I am not yet over it.
I am still not myself
because you still haunt my life.
Right now,
I am just a person.
One who has been dragged to hell
and is just starting to crawl their way back.
You tried to end my story,
but you were just one bad chapter.
I am the one controlling my actions
and I will not be destroyed by yours.

I once had a step-brother.
Everyone knew he was bad.
But when I revealed what he did that night,
everyone was stunned.
He tore my life into pieces,
shattered my mind and soul.
He almost stole my dignity.
He almost took it all.
That night, he did more than hurt me.
He made it impossible to live.
But then I started fighting.
And i can’t forgive.
He broke something inside of me.
He almost drove me to **** myself.
He almost killed me himself.
So now, I’m an only child.
With him left fighting the law.
Because if you try to hurt me,
I will fight with tooth and claw.

The pain I feel is much too great.
It’s a giant beast
inside my brain.
The ice I give calms it down.
But the high it feels is so short lived.
As soon as it wakes,
I’m in pain once more.
Mental shockwaves destroying my core.
The drugs numb the pain inside.
They help me want to live at night.

Let’s get high together.
Spend the rest of our lives together.
Just for one night
Be my now or never.
Life’s too short to be alone forever.
These drugs are too strong to live whenever.
Let’s overdose and take tonight together.

I started the drugs as a way to feel okay.
I didn’t go all in
I just took a few pills.
Now I lay awake at night regretting
what i’ve smoked,
what i’ve snorted,
what i’ve done.
I can’t escape my addictions.
I can only escape this body of mine.