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Rutuja Nahar Dec 2018
Every time I see a cute couple pass by,
I try to remember how it felt when I was the apple of your eye.
The time it was as perfect as a fairy tale,
The time I was sure my love would never fail.

I try to recall the first time you held my hand,
That moment when you carved our names on the sand.
How the way you looked at me gave me butterflies,
How you promised me all the happiness under the twinkling skies.
deep down I run, those memories I try to hijack,
But it's all empty in there , it’s all black.

Had a thirty feet high and a two feet thick wall,
You scaled it in a blink, and made me fall.
I loved you with my soul, with every beat of my heart,
I couldn't even stand the thought of us being apart.
I loved you the way Rose loved Jack,
But look at the irony your love turned out to be black.

The day I invited you over, cooked your favourite pie,
You stabbed me right in my heart, and let it bleed dry.
I was always brave, still wanted to live, move on,
But you played with me, treated me like a worthless pawn.
It's been a while now, so I try to overlook that crack,
But I still don't remember how love felt like, it's still all black.


I don't feel anything now, cause, what happened was tragic,
But don't they say that love is magic?

I’m over it now, those memories don't make me weak,
Just sometimes a little drop of tear rolls down my cheek.
Cause now I no more know for what’s real and what's a mask,
I just want to feel love again,
wonder if that's a lot to ask?


True – even broken crayons work, but it’s not my life that I want to colour,
I want to selflessly complete someone, i want to make him fuller.

I want to stick tight to someone, and hug him for hours,
Sing him stupid romantic songs on dates, which we'll plan under the stars.
I want someone as crazy as I am, want a partner in crime,
Someone who can make me a good drink, with a tinge of ginger and lime.
I want something to click, every time our eyes meet,
Every time I see him, I wanna skip a heartbeat.
When I see a falling star, I wanna wish for his heart a little more,
I want love, love that most don't believe in, anymore.

Then it doesn't matter if I don't remember my first kiss, date or that blue ring,
I just want to be someone’s last everything.

Love is all I want, and now that it is crystal clear,
Why do I drift away whenever it tries to come near?

What scares me now are not the heights,
But the feeling that I'll have no one to cuddle with on movie nights.
When I'll take my last breath, cold in a grave I'll lie,
Will there be somebody who will atleast kiss me goodbye?
That single thought shatters all those lovely dreams,
My heart just stops and loudly it screams,
Wonders, what if over my casket there'll be no one who'll mourn?
What if I die the way I have lived? What if I die all alone?
What if my destiny never plans a ‘always and forever’ track?
What if it’s always raven? What if it’s always black?
Rutuja Nahar Sep 2018
"I can't do it", said Tinkerbell when she met me in a dream.
"Why not", "I yelled, I'll get you 100 quarts of cream."
"Cause she's still putting up, I see her soul still has a gleam."
I flared up as Bell smiled, and disappeared in the greenish moonbeam.


Tossing and turning very single night,
Even Austen or Moonlight Sontana won't help me sleep.
My sunken eyes would stoically await the daylight,
Wishing on the morning star to caste away that black sheep.


I called upon a crossroads demon, begged for a fresh start, a clean slate.
Real kicker came when he refused to trade her, even for a key to frekin' Hell's gate.

Booked a session and asked my therapist to once and for all erase all her memories.
"Even hypnotherapy won't help", she said, "you seem to be looking for all the wrong remedies."


Neither does the Doc, nor does the demon, star or Bell,
Fathom what I'm going through is not a rough patch, but shady dark black Hell.


I've see the monster hiding behind that mask, I've seen the real her.
I know all the things she's pulled off, she's a ball of thorns camouflaged in pink fur.


Sanity hit her hard, now she's drowning in sadness and self guilt.
She broke down into a thousand pieces, now there's nothing left for her to build.


Her weight pulls me down daily, so exhausted! I wanna die.
But there are people I need to look after, promises I need to stand by.
It's down to her or me now, either one of us lives hereby,
The other one, for the greater good has to bid this world a bitter goodbye.


"I'll go" she volunteered "as I'm the one who went dark."
"Good luck for all the future journeys that you will alone embark."


I pulled out a silver knife and stabbed her right in her heart.
A tear rolled down our eyes, it was the pain of being apart.
"As I fade away she said, you'll get what you deserve your so called 'fresh start'



I'll sleep calmly I thought, dream about the northern light.
I found myself lonely and scared, curled up in my blanket at midnight.


She is gone. I killed her. Despite,
Something felt grave wrong, something wasn't right.
Every thing was bland and colorless, nothing seemed to excite
my stupid heart, who had perceived that it had put up the wrong fight.
It then struck him, the coin always has two sides the black, and the white.


I killed a girl who was lost,
But never estimated what it would cost?
I killed a girl who did wrong,
But didn't realise that her soul still had a song.
I killed a girl who wanted to whine,
But forgot that her kindness had brought many hearts sunshine.
I killed a girl who's heart had turned all stiff and stark,
But forgot that her deep brown eyes still had that fiery spark.
I killed a girl who, form all relationships just wanted to elope,
But forgot to question myself, -was that her only hope?
I killed a girl who's soul had a scar,
But forgot how perfect we all actually are!


Now all aghast when I sit and ponder,
I comprehend what I did was a very big blunder.
I judged a girl, categorised her as an outcast,
Why? Only cause she had a scary past?

Heartbroken in greif and regret when I look into the mirror,
My eyes fill up and body shivers in terror.

Cause the person I see, is no longer me,
And my heart cries out loud, in agony,
Cause I carved out and killed a piece of my own Soul,
Now, I'll never ever be the same, I'll never be whole.

Next thought that pops into my brain, is to fix this and summon the elves,
But I forgot that magic only works when one believes in oneself.

— The End —