My life is a spiral of debt and despair
The pressure upon me is too much to bear
So I sit in my bedsit surrounded by bills
In one hand a bottle, the other, some pills
And I think to myself, has it really come to "this"?

I cant live with the shame of the things that occured
It was not meant to happen, I give you my word
Now I stand on the cliff and look down at the sea
And it feels like the only way out for me
And I think to myself, how did it ever come to "this"?

I once had a job and life was so sweet
Then it all went wrong and now I live on the street
I've fallen so far that I beg with a cup
My life is worth nothing, nothing to give up
And I think to myself, how can I carry on like "this"?

Think not of the why or the hows or the pain
There are people to help you start over again
There are friends out there that you've yet to meet
Who's purpose in life to give you new feet
To stand on your own and start over again
just so that you know "this" is not how it ends

Scared to smile around you so I stumble.
Tumbling and fumbling and shaking
Under your spell. I've been
Mistreated and defeated I'm a
Brambling idiot. I'm afraid of
Loving and living and leaving.
Eternity is such a long time to go without love.

We could not run, we could not hide
We could not leave the great divide
We could not see to scream, to speak
We could not hear to cry, to weep
We were not here, we were not there
We were not us, we were the air
We flowed with life, we flowed and flowed
Like great dwarfs bright, we were so cold
Amidst the likeness that we showed
We found ourselves unfree and old.

constant daydreams of ravishments are torturing my hopes and wishes
hunger and need growing to all consuming heights
lush pain spreading through my body through my veins
farther along with every heartbeat
i want to feel you all over me
take over me until there is nothing left of myself
completely,
utterly,
purely,
lost in the heat and fire of entwining bodies
my *** obsessed poetry is nothing compared to the reality beyond my fingertips
passion obsession is driving me through pains both icy hot
like bursts of winter wind
to the extremes of my daydreams and nightdreams
livid with flesh burning heat and desires til i'm suffering
total suffocation from your passion inhalation
craving for little deaths to take me by storm

i threw the carcass of your caring
     solemnly down the cellar staircase,
            locked the door & clogged its airways

& cautioned the corpse of the consequences
of burning bridges & building fences
before i slit its lips to ribbons

& dared it to mumble love again
ohh so the feeling bubbled up did it??
no wait here comes hate in its midst
one more final, lifeless twitch
before i collapse your cranium's measurements

Orange peel Thursdays and the Velcro shoes
Of children hordes
Who spider up Alice on toadstools in Central Park
Dusted psilocybin shoots my eyes through
With the clarity of ice and sliced mushroom
Steeping in stomach acid before finding blood
The kids are tripping like madmen or halloween candy
Like its time to release and give up to the nonsense
And let your young self congeal to a saccharine sludge

I don’t stroll in the park to keep my mind sharp
I’m here because it’s a riot
My head can throb to the jittery birds
And the blasts of carsong
It’s the right kind of rhythm to walk to

* *

Ketamine days and the lolling slums
To make sure the insane stay insane
And the hobos are washed with spit from the clouds
And the subway exhaust always hangs in our hair
And the old Coney Island burns again and twice more

We don’t pretend to understand what we see
In subway grates thirty feet wide
Like the earth punching out of work for a bit
Opening to you her *** belly
So you can check out the strips of metal inside
Before she slurps you down and with an esophageal squeeze
Shoots you through the turnstiles

The train squeals and grinds down our eyes
With thoughts as slow as ketamine
Makes room for schizophrenia in a conversation
We’re listening to ‘til sundown

* *

Years full of Brooklyn and the assorted pills
Makes offal fit for punks in name brand shoes
Squared off with police in the park
Being beaten for the fun of being beaten
Peacoat locals pass the days in supermarkets
And you grow up to the loony mumble
Of the woman who knows the boat
Moored at the end of the street
Mansion of the stray cat colony
You help her with her daily chore to feed them
Tabbies popping the pills of the homeless
And puking in tandem all over their house
Living off generous dying folk