I wrote a story of something in my mind
It grew rather long and felt like pulling a thorn from my side
I know not from where it came or why it calls me home
But I gave it life and claim it mine
All the loves and losses
And the characters who live and die
It's a beautiful and frightening thing
To see a world and a people exist in your mind.

Small enough
Gentle love
Rescued from the dust
Finding warmth in my thoughts
Little life
Burning strong
Connecting me with what I lost
Snuffed out so quick
Six inches deep
My love won't die at any cost
Ashes in the breeze
Named for birth and release
Ashes bringing home to me
In a mouse so small.

I lost myself along the way
In the mirror a stranger stares at me
But everyone still calls me by name
I sit in reality's shade
Pondering the day
It's time I leave this place
To where I don't know
But it's too strange here
The sounds and colors aren't the same
I think today I'll make my escape

Floors worn and smooth
Uniforms of blue
A place of memories
Of old and new

Ticking clocks and flicking lights
Warm blankets and chips of ice
Nurses around and doctors too
Here to heal and speak of news

I don't hate this place
I know the lights and scents
The sights don't frighten me
Perhaps they should, I've seen death in such a place

I sit and wait
Knowing you'll wake
Listening to the click
The easy, steady beat

Waiting till we leave this place.

Send me on my way wishing well
I don't ask for true love
Though it's nice to be held at night,
Or a million pieces of silver
I'd have to pay it all to Ceasar,
I don't ask for vengeance
Even if some wrongs have never been set right,
I don't ask for the gift of prophecy
My dreams are enough already,

I ask,
My throat be quenched on a hot day,
A fire warm my face in bitter cold,
Laughter never far from my lips,
Not a care when a wrong is better off than I,
A sunrise that makes me happy to be alive,
Empty eyes so I never forget why I tossed this coin
To be free of all I cannot say.

I write tonight.
Nothing great or in pretty lines,
Just a little pain of mine.
Of loss and heaviness.
Some days I can forget
But in wee hours I drop the lies and gaze at the little things.
Love lost, people gone, desires unmet, and the madness of the mundane.

It opens questions so I write.
Often it's to a friend, my never reader
But when it's right I write for someone to see
Perhaps for me and partly for others
For those that need
A reminder that even alone it's never completely so.
I write of a little pain,
With this in mind:
Pain is a drug that runs in my soul and maybe that is why I never let it go.

It came as a dream,
A nightshade
Whistling hauntingly,
Oh you came for me.
Of men and monsters
There is no reprieve,
A night of anxiety
It’s clear to see,
The hunting,
Stalking.
Cold breath,
Warming me,
Nightmare of love and deceit,
Embraced by demons,
We’re smoking away eternity.
How do you read
Inky streaks,
Screaming on a white page.
Oh you’ve come for me,
Mistress of color and ecstasy,
Like a drug you abuse
Before granting sweet release.

Deep and endless
Echoing out its haunting call
Beckoning all who roam
Promising silence of the demons
And anything plaguing your soul
It has many names
Each a shadow of its true self
Filled with daisy fields
And lazy skies drifting by
Dreams and hopes answered
Or crushed so you can die
Whatever your wish,
Whatever your desire
It can be found here.
We all see it
Some stop and gaze into it,
Some jump right in,
Others pretend it isn't there
The abyss calling our names.

Muck and stench,
This war's hell bent
On taking our lives away.
This is a soldier's game,
One never meant for men
Even in the darkest day
Hell has no hold on us
The devil has already had his way.
Kneel down and pray,
The sun kisses your face,
And your brother lies awake.
Eyes wide open
Take me away.

I lay my body down
I've got no further to go
I'll hear the call come round
Until then I'll lie here and listen
Hung my heart so I could hear it play
It was a symphony
So achingly bittersweet
Each beat seeking majesty
Percussion of obsession
Strings stirring the currents longing
Woodwinds calling dreams
Brassy passions
The argot of my friends in arms
Battling my mind for possession
Each beat a harmony and a tragedy
My symphony
Always in my mind
Granting pain and peace

When the years have passed
After they have torn me apart
When I look down
And see my bloodied feet
I'll sit down and sleep
My wandering days no more
Or so I hope
Home is waiting
And I've been longing
For a place to rest my weary soul.

Shouts of a rigid mind
Clawing and screaming all the way down
Welcomed to the place of no bounds
Feeling too empty and full inside?
You're not alone
Sit on down
I hear things haven't gone your way in a while
A vicious cycle you say
I know the route
Tell me how it came about,
An old pain stuck around
Kept itching and burning
Festering until you rubbed it raw
The pain made you think
Question some of your preconceived cogitations
Deep down you knew what you had to do to learn this time around
A little stubborn you complain
Aren't we all I say
Tiredness skulking in the corners
I've done many rounds
That's why I smile and listen
It warms my ancient self
Makes the loneliness a little less
Something to be proud about
So please sit on down
Tell me about the joys and woes your journey has taken you to
I'll say little
If you ask I'll tell a story or two
You may have come screaming down
If you allow, I'll show you why this fall was the best thing to happen to you.

Dark and damp
A cube, five by five
Squirreled away from the light of day
Locked away
For protection
For who I cannot say
A child or a monster
Probably both
Pandora why did you shut the box?
Left in my care
Only one remains
Locked in each of us,
For another day
Hope wasn't let out to play
She stays inside the little box
Prisoner to us
I wonder if she despises us
For keeping her contained
I would release her
But this box of mine doesn't know how
So I'm opening the door
Letting child and monster see inside
The horrors and wonders hope provides

Standing on the broken cliffs
Watching the tide retreat
It carries my heart
Every beat,
I wait for it to come in once again.
I'm always here
In stalwart verse
Providing words of certainty,
Lionness of the pride,
Reliable everytime,
Soldier marching in stride
Are you frightened by the quiet blaze in my eyes?
I know it's a little intense sometimes
I'll close them for you tonight.
I keep myself on a leash
Knowing when the day comes I am released
I'll admit it was a lie
While I stood on the cliffs
Waiting like a guardian of ancient times,
I wanted to be free
Join my heart in the sky and seas
Longing for the moon and stars
Bringing in high tide
So I may feel one more time.

Joints of black holes
A massive frame held together by gravity
Fabric of everything
Woven destiny
Beyond complete
I watch the swirling stars
Spinning galaxies
In the tide of being
Finding more is expected of me
Legs pulled taut by majesty
A drop of universe to breathe
Wonderous and terrifying
Which do I choose to see?
Both make demands of me
Black holes gaze down,
At me on bended knee
Asking if I'll let myself free.

Let me go
Where my skin touches ground
It's peeled off and falling now
I'm left with muscle and bone
Each taking penance as they bend down
I've dropped to my knees
Anger burns my eyes
Something left
From these burning wounds
The bones are collapsing
The cage will open soon
The beast growls
A reckoning is in it's snarl
I should fear it's primal call
But it beckons me
From bended knees and broken bow
I feel it's cold in my veins
Calling to me
One step closer now
The caged beast will make me complete
As I cast off this mortal shroud
Dancing wolves will answer me
Blackness of the void call to me
I hear your distant shout
Murmuring as I kneel upon the ground
I answer your call
Because it is the last sound
I have nothing more to give
No further to go
Skin has fallen and bones have cracked
I've burned the last of me
My offering is complete
Consume me
We'll be complete
The darkness is what we'll be
A monstrosity to all these light beings
A beauty to all who can see
I call to thee
Open the cage and set you free
**** the road to hell for all it seems
I've found eternity

Tonight is a night of hallow
One we cannot share
In light or dark
It's a night beyond compare
Of wonders and horrors
Blatant to disregard my care,
Of what I speak
A wile of mine
That wanders my sacred places
Of grey and white
And where the caged beat roars,
Upon the midnight stars
Roam the horses
Of winds and dreams
Running fast
Upon cosmic sleet
The void of all who seek
An endless well
Reflecting each question back on thee,
Tonight is a night of hallow
The trees have said to me,
Follow the roots
Twisted and gnarled as they may be
White and black
For every scar and age
Ash upon your feet
Not to return from this night
A night of hallow
A lonely journey of the soul
That must be complete.

It came about in the strangest way.
My heart sitting on the divide
Wondering why.
The fault was never in the stars
Ceasar is not better than me.
It was written this way
Three fates cutting strings.
Arts and wars
Walking through doors.
Death's wife sleeping in the night
It was written all before.

I rarely write for others to see,
The extent of the darkness in me
How do I convey a monstrosity?

Dreams plague me
Most I could never repeat
Though they wake me from sleep.
I've seen the world burn a thousand times, it's brighter than any day
I've seen hate and men with twisted smiles on their face,
I've felt the spray of blood on my face and breathed the odd metallic taste
Dreams from which I cannot wake
A broken videogame I'm set to play.

I've been promised terrible things
Under the guise of truth hope was crushed in disgrace
My youth wasn't long to stay.
I write not in self pity or complaint
It has made me stronger than I thought I could be and made me who I am today
My words aren't always pretty to say.

Lovers and friends will come and go,
If they're true perhaps they'll stay.
The difficulty of today will pass,
Try not to wear its stains.
In the dark I've seen the other side,
Know when I say it'll be alright,
I've gone to hell and back to make that claim.

The days pass away,
Always in a whisper or a shout.
People hum to their own drums,
Never seeming to look up.

There is far too much,
Hustle bustle,
City life.
Cobblestone roads and skyscrapers,
Yesterday and tomorrow mingling,
Like time ceased to be.

I saw Merlin in the subway.
As the stations roared by,
His coat fell like a cloak,
Ruffled by a neatly trimmed beard.

An umbrella steadied his hand,
He fingered the hilt as if it were an old friend.
His eyes twinkled though his face was creased.
He talked to the angel across the way.

The ease in which they sat,
As if the stations never came
And their stop was a question of the past.

I saw Merlin in the subway,
He glanced my way,
And smiled as if I’d seen the light of day.

Winter's tears,
Shed like the dying day
Until the moon rises
And the wolf calls home.
A child dreams,
Walking in certainty of all that never is.

The voices of a plague
Arguing every which way
They never cease except to agree on better pay
Until the Emperor stands
Quieting any in his way
The prisoners will be hanged
And the people are needing grain
Enough of petty and greedy mistakes
If the Senate is content to do nothing but harangue
Then the Emperor will rise from the grave
And squash democracy for tyranny
For the people's sake
So they can eat and live in peace
And that will be a bitter day
But Ceasar may already be on his way.

A wound not always seen
Or thought of seriously
Multitudes of colors for a clot
Red at the first pain,
Blue for the fresh,
And violet when it stains,
Green when it begins to die,
And yellow as it fades

Mine has started to ache
The blow was harsh
But the tears have passed away
I wish it were bruise
That I could ice and care for gently
But the pain runs deep
Not in the body but in my spirit
It took a beating the other day
It's been weary anyway

An assortment of colors I'll be
A box of crayons for anyone who looks deep
Perhaps instead of the ache,
I'll draw and paint
Make use of my colors
And find a blank page.

I saw life and death,
Life in this here afterspell
For all its horror and beauty
It was an aftersight,
While death wore weary eyes
Begging for one more sleepless night

From all the fires of dying eyes
To the fields of pure sight
I saw myself wander from dusk to morning light
My memorial engraved in stone
My life with no dates to divine
How I came or left undefined
Time a mere observer of my soul's journey of the night

Leaves of amber and red
Yet remains of smoky skies
A dying year preparing for winter's cold embrace
Linear shadows facing away
While mine bends the light
A serene grieving time
Grieving is rejoicing another's life

I float in this empty ocean staring up at the night sky.
Hearing the whispers of my mind. Knowing I’m not home for every star is foreign in this life.

I watch the moon travel by.
It speaks of tales and woes it’s seen in every bright night.
I ask why it travels this lonely path.
It does not answer but keeps watch of me as it passes by.

This dark sky.
With little pins of light.
Circles over.
Ever night.

I float in this quiet ocean.
Rocked by gentle waves.
Watching the sky.
Searching for some distant light.
Because it's always night.

Hearing the whispers of my mind as the sky drifts by.
“How do you cry?” one asks and it clouds the sky.
Blocking the stars and leaving me to float in this dark night.
Sometimes the waters roughen, and I clench my eyes.
Remembering the stars of a different sky.

Here I lie.
Gazing up with each eye.
Every care drifting below the currents of this place I reside.
Pondering the silence as I wander by. Knowing somewhere the dark sky knows my kind.
And waits for when I no longer deny that this sky is not mine.

The creek babbles just outside
Aspen leaves blow gently in the moonlight
Mice scurry for the snacks they think we've left behind
Despite the chill I'm warm tonight
You lay beside,
Breathing softly, asleep
It is the last night
Your arms wrap me tight
It's been a long time
But my empty feel persists
Knowing my thoughts betray what's inside,
Once again our ships are passing in the night
My thoughts scream
It wasn't meant to be
I ignore them for a taste of life
Just tonight
I know I'm free
A blend of pain and peace
Will it always be?
Let me sleep
Falling with nothing but the creek and trees
I hope they catch me before the scream is released.

The stools are hard
And the counter soft with treated wood
Metal trashcans turned over for tables
An unfinished game of checkers in the corner
Faint scent of burning frankincense
A group stands around outside
There is a bonfire tonight
They laugh and joke
Forgetting life for a little while
With a pint in hand and smiles grand
While you and I sit inside
Tasting a new ale that's come around
Watching the clouds come in
You complaining over the match
An old game but somehow your city lost
I nurse a bitter ale though it's quite nice
Enjoying the voices of this small town
We toast like they do in your home
Nazdarovya!
To our health

While falling down this dark hole
I stopped screaming and began to wonder
As dreams and memories became the same,
As voices soothed me from far away
Asking if I was really awake,
Was this pit reality?

A woman's voice so comforting,
Like cool ocean breeze providing certainty,
Washing over me in the dark
Is this memory?
Kindness drifting like fall leaves,
Gentle rains soaking parched feet,
Giving relief where I didn't know I need.

Falling erases memories
It scrubs clean the warmth
Leaving cracks that bleed
I've gone so far the ether speaks to me
Bringing me a cool sip of relief
Wet my aching throat
So my voice doesn't join the myriads of misery

The Ancients knew,
Tartarus was at our feet
The rivers of mortal life passing by without ease
Our shadows pulling another way
Bent on knees before the stars,
Asking for reprieve.

Hell isn't fire and brimstone
It's life unbelieved.

My lover of the stars
My giver of refreshing light
My singer of the afterlife
I want you tonight
Caressing me with midnight breeze
And bittersweet symphonies
Reminding me what I cast,
Of the life I've lived,
All the times I did
And never been.
The illusion of life came to me
I was only five
It whispered to me
Told me the way
And to never forget its face.
Now I take my place
My wanderings took me away
I understand what I was told long ago
And why I see the world this way.
I've entertained the scholar and the soldier
I've tasted poverty and grace
I've wept and smiled on many days,
Now I look in your eyes
I shrink under their might
And I'm raised beyond any height
I see galaxies and eternity in your sights.
Be with me tonight,
Master of my dreams
Healer of screams
Come with me
All of my being
Let us breathe
Show me a taste of freedom
A feeling of complete
My inner being

Have you heard the call home?
Do your dreams speak of the untold?
Does your inner world breathe life all of its own?

A bird of lofty heights soars
Its call a beautiful longing
Claiming the skies home

Pain written in lyric lines
Of caged rage
And nooses of rough twine

Snowy nights
Followed by sunny days
Whittling sticks of time

How's it all relate?
Freedom is a dangerous game
It flies in the face of proclaimed right

The heart betrays they say
The mysteries await
Enter Fate

I once saw a swarm of flies
It was night
I was a child, a passenger with belt tight
No moon illuminated the sky
A lonely road with no one in sight
Only headlights
Lighting up the two laned road
South was reservation land
Filled with old mystery
And legends I grew hearing at night
North was a secret place
Government land, a base
Where some see lights or so they say
A lonely road bordered by these
With nothing but moths and flies
The night sky bright with stars
A streaking milky way
Our two lights making way in the night
A vortex of bugs numbing my eyes
An eerie feeling to be alone at night
Not a soul in sight
Even the stars watch with distant light
On a lonely road
The unknown on the left
Legend on the right
The road a fine line
My childish eyes seeing more than two lights
I see fireflies.

Once I wrote
It was free
And I drowned
In what I thought and what I feel
I found no limit to myself
And on this journey
I discovered
It started where I ended
With some words I wrote
On a paper hidden
In a place I had forgotten

I've been alone even in company
Maybe it will always be so
My heartbeat echoes beyond me
Yet it beats alone
Unanswered
Alone I ache
Desperate to share the load
But I do not wish my burden on another
A sacrificial soldier,
Is what my heart makes of me.
How can it weep asking for relief?
When it cannot see it's making a martyr of me

I tied my laces tight
Bloused my pants and secured my vest
Canteens sloshing stale water
With a ninety pound ruck on my back
My buddy jokes I weigh just as much
A pen, knife, sunflower seeds and 550 cord
Kevlar helmet strapped to my chin
A sure weight slung on my shoulder
Its cool embrace always in my hands.

****** heels inside my boots
Exhaustion makes this dirt feel great
Embracing my rifle like a lover at night
I don't care I'm atop rocks and brush
I'd sleep on the firing line or in a ditch if it meant some shut-eye.

The air rocks with blasting sounds
Waking me from sleep
My exhausted mind hearing cries and shouts
I grip my rifle tight and silence myself
Hearing footsteps crack the ground
I should be scared I know
But all I feel is anger over my lost sleep
Fear slipped away the moment I laced my boots.

Ambushed on a lonely dusty road
My heart did not skip a beat
In the mud and pain life became a game
Grit my teeth and walk again
Laughing when insanity hits
Sleeping on shells
Rolling my eyes as the guys play a game of 'worse smell'
In it all I saw myself
It was too easy,
This road to hell
And I feared a soldier shared my cell.

I hear you calling my name
Looking back from some other time
I put the phone down and I'm not opening the door
I'm not answering anymore

You think you're a wolf
Stalking the prey
Let me show you something real today
When I release the lioness from her cage

I see them coming across the plains
Dressed in white
Pretending they are messengers of the divine
They are coming for me
Little do they know
I'm not clothed in sin or dressed in white

Hate never stood at the door
But justice came by and spoke to me
Claimed she saw me on the front page
Of a book long escaped
Since she's companioned with me
And now she's asking your name

I hear you calling my name
Looking back from some other time
I put the phone down and I'm not opening the door
I'm not answering anymore

Because if I do you'll be at death's door.

A whirlwind that demands attention
Overwhelming all in its path
A gentle breeze is swept away
To a tornado of fierce solipsism.

Living a life overrun by storms
Emotions of a dangerous form
Never finding shelter
Always torn from the healthy norm.

Can't you see what you've done to me?
Grown but still bracing myself
From winds I can't outrun
I can't yield to them anymore.

These feelings are yours
I don't give a **** anymore
I've knelt too long to your storm
I love you still but this raging sea does not command me like the child before.