I sit down to write quite a lot
My mother knows this and seems to take it with some pride
I'm glad she doesn't see the sickness it hides
Every so often she'll ask what I write
I'll sift through loose pages and half written thoughts
The story is too long, I mutter to myself
So I pull out the pieces of poetry
Scribbles really
Something that came to me in the night
A random piece of thoughts growing from thorns in my side
My mind a splintered and layered place
Hints of the darkness dwelling underneath the layer of light
Strings of my inner life
Wrapped in lines.
I hesitantly let her read
Some she smiles and says, that was nice
Others she reads and the smile slips from her face
She nods and says, that's my girl, a writer.
The sound of pride mixed with sadness in her eyes
She doesn't understand but she nods all the same
Proud of what I'm not sure
A hint of the darkness that swells in me is what she sees
And I know the pain it creates
My mother is proud of me even when it breaks her heart to see the sadness in me
And that is something I can't always bear to see.

Burnt orange
Pastel of pink
Intermingled with purple hue
Breathy haze
Of mountain cool
Aspen and pine reaching high
Meadows of deer grazing in dusk's light
A peaceful fading sight
Full moon rising
Broached by tips of trees
Beautifully rising night
Burnt orange
Of smoky skies
Mountains rising above the hazy light
Breathe this burning sky
One last time.

Drinking this earthy swill
Wearing shoes too small
Told a career would make me grow
Make sense of this all
Work hard and it'll all settle into place
Took a few years to see the lie
It's all shoes that are too small
College paying with paper straws
I'm too young for the looks I give
I'm too old to be singing this song
Let's go
Pretend we all know how the records spinning
Sipping cheap *****
Talking about the way the world's burning down
We're not living the way our grandparents did
Lost the house and kids along the way
We'll get there eventually
Or so we say
Was the job part of the game?
I forgot the password to play
Let me check my cat's middle name
Swipe my ID
For some digital pay
Slipping on my ill-fitting shoes
Remembering when it didn't feel this way
But the clocks struck 00
And now decade 20
The world's in a craze
But hey let's go
We're barely old enough to know any other way.

I am lazy when I write about you
It's not my favourite pastime
It's been some time, the scar mends
It's not so tender,
It can handle a confirmation or two
So the fact you did worse than I knew
Itches the scar but nothing more
I write to make sure the pain is released before it makes me its home again
They say it is better to loved and lost than never loved at all
I do not disagree
Despite this little white scar of mine
My only addition of wisdom,
It's a shame we can love one who doesn't deserve our pain
For me that was you
And now I forever bid you adieu

Someone once called me demure,
I didn't know the word
I looked it up that night
It stuck with me ever since
I'm quiet, I know
But the beast growls low inside
Begging for release
It distracts me sometimes
I don't hear what you said or I nod solemnly
To hide my inner longing to be free
I'll keep my face in the light
And I'll growl at night