Rebecca Adricula

Rebecca Adricula Oct 2019

To the stars, a wish I make,
A sweet and hoped not bitter lie.
Aloud to no one else I take,
Aloud alone by night I cry.
Forevers strong unrelinquished love -
As sweet as a sleeping rose,
With all the care of a gentle dove,
My heart to you I must empose,
To lie with you is now a dream but sweet,
Just so far as a cold mountain peak.
My mind and heart intensely beat,
Alas the thought of you I seek.
Along fair love, I dream of you soon,
After the death of the unrelenting moon.

Random Shakespearean sonnet - when you get bored I guess... written a long time ago.

#love #myheart

Rebecca Adricula Oct 2019

To Love Again?

Passion, now smoldering again once ashen.
So much longing with the biggest fear of falling.
Frightful of burning desire ending in a smoldering fire.
For you to be mine,
And mine alone is all I want.
To have, to hold, to trust,
But to try again we must adjust.
Find interest in me, speak with your heart, need me and love me yet again.
Don't keep me as your tragedienne.
I will love with all my heart,
I just don't want this to fall apart.
To be honest, loyal, and longing still
To be loved and wanted - my only will.
I've missed you my dear,
Please do forgive my fear.
Let's not build a fling,
Help me build a relationship;
This time, let's not fall -
Rather, walk together.
To love and to want,
Hopefully now and forever.

Show me you love me, prove it. Want me please. Please don't hurt me again. Just once - need me as much as I want you.

Rebecca Adricula Apr 2019

Cold Flame

When you first came, we built a fire.
You told me we could both stay warm.
Stirring it with compassion, curiosity, and pure desire,
taking turns to add more logs and fan the flames became the new norm.
We would talk and learn for hours and hours,
laughing so hard as to even block out the storm.

We were warm and the fire burned bright.
But slowly, the longer we spent together, the shorter the night.
I continued with the work,
I'd find the fuel and fan the flames.
Soon, you'd stop talking, caring, trying.
I felt shut out and confused as ever, but stayed awake for nights on end so you could stay warm whenever.

I began to get tired, looking for you I slowly crept.
I called, you didn't answer, but still I stopped and slept.
The fire went from a brilliant blaze to glowing smolder,
quickly, the room got colder.
I began to freeze.
The dark began to creep in and I was afraid.
Afraid of the dark,
and of the cold,
and of anything that could be.
I reached for you and you weren't there.
I looked all around for you, but you could be anywhere.
And of all the things that could ever be,
the places I looked, was only writing. "Trust me."

I trusted you to help me fan the flames.
I trusted you to help me find logs.
I trusted you to help me keep out the cold.
I trusted you to calm me down during a storm.
I trusted you to keep me warm.
But then you stopped.
The room got cold.
And now the fire won't burn.

I trusted you, and you left me cold and in the dark. Please don't try to bring the fire back.

Rebecca Adricula Feb 2019

Soothing Red

I miss making art.
Once, it was soothing.
I had a special tool - metallic to most,
I was able to color in red.
So many beautiful pictures.
The slight sting.
Dripped from my wrist - traveling to my thigh.
A masterpiece never to be seen by the world.
Frazzled nerves would soften and relax.
Pounding heartbeat slowed to a steady beat.
Screaming thoughts fell silent.
The sight of the deep red on the top of soft skin was mesmerizing.
The pain it caused compared nothing to the beauty of the feeling granted.
Yes, I miss making art, paintings drying since the last spring.
The yearn to create something beautiful.
A short time ago, I made use of my sweet tool.
The sting.
The drip.
The red.
All were seen and felt yet again.
Maybe for the last time.

Well, maybe one more time.

Rebecca Adricula Jan 2019

That Old Sea

I was scared and hurt on the day I left the sea,
that long, cold trip had left quite the impression on me.
Long ago, I left the sea wet and trembling.
I had the hopes to remember not the toll it took on me.
Yet, I am not a cowardice and the call was far too strong.
I went to the sea and had to remember the pain that was holding on.
The day I went under was the day I thought I was free,
but to my surprise it was not the end but a whole new sight to see.
Contrary to previous thoughts, I was strong and brave and carefree.
Even though the thought to swim was as scary as could be,
days still come where I can bring myself to float and swim,
right along in my old sea.

Coming back from pain that drove you to attempt suicide isn't easy, but the strength that you can gain from what once was is incredible. (A part two to "My Grieving Sea")

Rebecca Adricula Jan 2019

My Grieving Sea

I was battered and broken,
falling into the sea of the long gone.
Even though I told them I could swim, I got tired.
Every part of me hurt intensely,
I didn't think I could carry on.
So many people told me I could swim when I only thought I'd drown.
No land was in sight,
but for the sake of others,
I forced myself to harsh breaths and staggered strokes.
I swam long and far,
barely surviving off of what others needed of me.
Until I found the edge of the sea.
I couldn't believe that I had actually made it,
I found that I survived.
It was small to say that I hadn't drowned,
but it was after that, I thrived.

#survivor

Rebecca Adricula Jan 2019

Courage

Everyone is special, and everybody is unique.
Individuality truly makes the world go 'round.
However, it takes courage to show it.
As the years go by,
more and more people conform to society.
People are stripped of their unique styles and ideas,
the world is becoming bland.
Too many people are trying to impress strangers on the internet.
Supermodels and celebrities "set trends"
that so many people get hurt by while trying to imitate.
Little kids are being taught that being someone else is better than being themselves.
Teens and young adults are no longer themselves, but a mere mock of pop icons.
Photoshop makes people into who they're not, but who they wish to be.
Friends are friends with who they think they know, but no one really knows each other anymore.
People that were once known to you are now strangers.
It takes courage to show yours true colors around all the people that hide themselves behind broken masks and crooked curtains.
Me?
I was that way for a long while, always trying to be better than 'just me',
trying to fit in with the crowd.
I was blinded and broken by people who thought they were all that.
Being just like everyone else was a dream that I hoped to accomplish.
At one point, individuality was a thing of the past.
However, I've come to realize that being yourself isn't all that bad.
I have decided that showing courage is a necessity in life.
I was taught to be my own person,
to go against the grain of commerciality,
to live my life no matter who thought of me to be strange or different,
I think I will stick with it.
Have courage.