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122 · Oct 2021
Juxtaposed: Thoughts of you
Kenji King Oct 2021
I have yet so much to be accountable for.
Paradoxes and juxtaposition's that hold me in consequences of my own.
Battles that I face within my own disregard.
Doubts, fears, consuming me. Changes that I want but changes that leave me in anticipation.
Impatience, stagnation, not know how to go foward.
It's you that I want, you the only person I have on my mind.
Obsessively not being able to detach myself from your energy.
Obsessive thoughts...
Dreams that leave me in agony.
Is it you that I am supposed to be with?
Or am I insane?
Corrupted by my own mental analyzations.
Thinking about every scenario like a lost cause.
I don't want you on my mind and I forcefully try to get rid of you.
But juxtaposed, maybe I secretly love fantasizing about you.
It brings me a sense of peace...
But creates more agony that I cannot escape from.
Like my legs are glued to the ground and I am waiting in deadly anticipation for nothing.
Even though waiting is not what I wanted to do in the first place.
Trying to move on from the thought of you, but the thoughts of you are so passionate and brings me a sinful joy only I can imagine.
Delusional, It is YOU that I want, only YOU.
But is it you that I am actually supposed to be with?
Contradicted by own addictions.
Addicted to contradictions.
Paradoxid thoughts, ups and downs that I myself cannot seem to fight down a tunnel of a rollercoaster loop.
Over-analyze and fantasize, stop my mind.

It drives me insane
#love #sin #dreams #fantasy #over #thinking
121 · Oct 2022
Lonely money
Kenji King Oct 2022
It's coming up again, I don't want it to though.
Deep feelings arise as you hit my thoughts.
I have everything I could ever want in life, but you.
And the riches I get won't count, the wealth, the security, the status, the power.
I want all of that, with you.
In hopes of getting that true love that I have been waiting what feels like a lifetime for.
I want this partnership.
I feel the rush, the spark hits, the ball drops.
Energetically heavy.
I show optimism and positivity everyday.
I have it all, but a part of me has nothing.
I feel sad when I'm alone.
Everything from deep within comes to the surface like raw emotions trembling to start.
It all means nothing.
I'm lonely, and misunderstood by everyone around me.
They only see what I show, not what is inside.
I am begging to Start over and receive this love I deserve. ❤️
I don't want to die here, not now, not when I have just begun.
The fame, the status, what will it ever matter when I am this lonely.
Detached from all life and people around me.
It bleeds to think about.
I am here, but maybe I shouldn't be
120 · Nov 2022
LONELY BITTERNESS
Kenji King Nov 2022
I have reached the end.
My skin ripped off, my nerves ready to be eaten, my guts being burned.
I feel empty motionless pain recurring.
Intensely overwhelmed, formidable fatigue, exhaustion, constant hollowness lurking around my soul.
EMPTY.
ALONE.
MISERY HAS TAKEN ME TO DARKER DEPTHS THAT I HAVE NEVER LURKED.
Suicidal again.
Nihilism has not even seen my darkest day.
Fake happiness.
Deception to cover up the sacred scars ridden within.
I am horrified.
Reaped of deadly hallows, nothing but sadness, constant pain.
Tears of blood soak my pillow every night 🌙

Waking up with a fake smile so I never frown.
Exploding in volatile anger and screaming until my lungs pop open.
My emotions are raw, open and ready to be at war.
I am not weak, but I am not happy.
I am guarded, protecting myself at all deadly costs.
Anxious, in panic.
In the lair, in my prison.
Locking myself away.
The devils demons living around me.
HATE.
THATS ALL I FEEL.
ENERGY IS DRAINED.

I ****** HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
Cut me with my sharpened knife.
Deeply scarred, damaged 💔

I just don't care anymore.
I want it all to end.
Why be forced to live in this prison?
This earth, living as a human.
I hate humans.
I hate having to escape every ****** ****** day just to prevent myself from thinking what I actually feel because its so ****** true and real.

I'm trapped on this earth and I can't get out.
How did Amy winehouse **** herself?
How did they all do it?
I've tried, many times, yet too scared to feel the pain before death.
I want to die.
My lives have been lived.
I have seen enough.
I want out.
Stop torturing me!!!!!!!
Conversations from others that I hear constantly.
They always talking about me.
I don't want to hear it.
I want to be left alone.
I don't like the people here.
I feel ****** alone and empty.
COMPULSIVE CLEANING AND WORKING TO ESCAPE THE REALITY.
THIS IS MY REALITY, THIS IS MY LIFE.

For my time has ended, my death is overdue
120 · Jan 2022
Waterless stream
Kenji King Jan 2022
The stream pours, the water molds.
The thoughts unfold, mind state hits the lowest peak.
Who is in control?
Is it me or is it the person you think you see?
Is what you see real, or are you staring at own reflection.
Mutable contingencies.
Deformities and formulations of lost ones who try to speak.
Cut out, who are we meant to be in a world that lost its own stakes.
I see it gather like a river, forming its own strategies.
Conclusions, grasping at my twitching nerves that ache with curious desire that forbid me to my own disclosure.
Begging you, can we close what was not meant to be informed?

Just stop, stop holding me.
Let me go.
Selfish, secretive and hollow as a cold lurking shell.
Do you see what you are?
Or are you merely projecting your inner reflections onto my chaotic imagination.
Look ...
Within yourself you are ****** cracked mirror with a ripple of a murky stream of water that pollutes the ground you walk on.
Look ...
Just stare, and let the water stream.
120 · Aug 2022
Rapture
Kenji King Aug 2022
I want to feel, the rapture, the tear, the motion ripped apart and split into two.
I want to feel the divulgence of my thoughts, fears, emotions, and hidden agendas cascaded into yours.
The coming together of two, where sin begins and shadows dare not lurk into the love, the eroticism created.
A master, a Genius, a creator.
Where you and I will write our stories for many to see, before and beyond mankind.
Unveil my thoughts and open my desires.
Dark red blood wine, dripping down my lips as I write.
Lips as succulent as Thorned roses.
One bite, you might just fall, but dare not to sink deeper because of the hidden treasures that lurk beneath.
Like a tornado, a rush of the wind and the strike of a breeze.
But as still as the mountains we climb.
Honey, I'm on fire and I'm waiting for you to burn in my dungeon, alive, and eternal.
My legs quake, quiver, I drip of sensual wetness.
My dreams of only holding you close and wanting more
Intoxicating, I am drenched.
Open the treasure, and take what you deserve, if it's me that you worked and earned for.
Kiss me, daddy, I want to feel my heart explode.
Where my mind asks for more.
120 · Dec 2021
Heart of a Martyr
Kenji King Dec 2021
Can I get a love so pure it synthesizes my whole being.
Untouched, unacquainted, real, syncopated.
Loneliness quivers, shaking with a merciless misery.
Alone in my secrecy.
Dare not come near me.
Love, seems anguished by my own monumental desires.
To feel something so pure….
It is rare.
I want it with him.
To whom I want to spend my whole life with.
Deep rooted passions imploding in tears.
Ridding myself, hiding in my fears.
My insides are painfully restricted, my eyes are tired.
My heart has melted.
I am broken.
117 · Jan 2023
NOT WORTH THE PAIN
Kenji King Jan 2023
I miss what I used to have.
One can say, I'm not satisfied.
I gained success and I guess I never had that before.
But the other needs are missing.
Ever since I moved to this city, everything changed.
I lost my social life, I haven't been able to make friends here.
I've been lonely.
I've been gaining wealth and financial freedom, but what's it all worth.
I feel like I have nothing, and my guts are draining from my lymphatic system.
I was struggling for 5 years before I made it to this point, at my old city.
The hustle and the bustle never stopped  and I wasn't getting anywhere.
This new city brought me opportunities I never had.
But the people never phased me.
I have no one here.
It's way too slow for me.
I need it fast.
I AM BORED.
CONSTANTLY, WHICH IS LEADING TO NERVE ACHING TENSE DEPRESSION THAT CONSUMES MY SOUL AND LEAVES IT TO RUST.
I'm excited for future , my career is going to take off and I'm going to live the life I want.
But I don't want to be alone.
Aching in misery.
Where is my person?
What is this punishment?
I feel tormented.
Ravished by my own thinking.
To the pits of hell and back.
Where I've died and become reborn, over and over.
Like a scorpion in its cave.
I have it all but its worth nothing.
And I don't want to die here in loneliness just thinking about my last days.
117 · Apr 2022
The beautiful mind
Kenji King Apr 2022
Trapped in my mind, lost in confusion, conflicted by chaos, denoted by the mental crisis.
I stand in fear, but not willing to be taken down.
I express the most, and keep the rest hidden, locked away.
I know what I know, the knowledge is my strength and my weakness.
Testing my own abilities on a blank page where thoughts manifest and co-create.
I am not you, neither I am really me.
I am not wise, merely experienced and thirsty to know more.

I am defeated by desire.
The desire to love.
I am high strung and nervous in the rummaging crowds of senseless energies draining my sense of being.
Informative, yet discreet.
Do I need not say more?
Speak but don't talk.
Then what is point of verbal expression if they constantly silent you.
For I only know what my mind absorbs.
Curiosity and quick intellect.
Not an academic, don't need to be.
My mind is my weapon, my greatest strength.
For it only requires knowledge.

They say, I have a beautiful mind.
I say, I explain the information I find.
Excrete and discrete.
The mental messenger of a deranged intellect and a spiritual soul.
Do I need not to say more.

Express yourself, it is the only way.
The unstable mind is the one that knows the most, and the least, all at the same time.
How can you be willing if you cannot live in open-minded intelligence.
My mind is my gift.
I love it, but sometimes I hate it.
It creates what people call interesting and smart.
It creates my life, and performing art.
I live in despair, learning to control and tame, the monkey brain.
116 · Jan 2022
My Love
Kenji King Jan 2022
I want to go, escape, fall, bind, jump, and leap.
I want to fall viciously in love, so much so that nobody can take me out of it.
Run through the forest, into my dreams.
Escape this world, and let myself fall to the ground.
I want to feel you, feel it.
I want flowers, and drugs too, designer perfumes, fine clothes and shoes.
I want your presence, your soul, your mind, your spirit.
I want this love ....
I want you
116 · Sep 2022
My isolation
Kenji King Sep 2022
My thoughts, are just thoughts.
Coming and going as they please.
Fragmented, I am broken down in tease.
Too scared to take the risk.
Not enough money to go out and see people.
Its expensive, just for company.
Locked in my palace of solace and despair.
I surrender to what I am hiding from the world.
Keeping all connections online.
Staying as isolated one can get.
Scared to take the risk.
Put myself out there.
Guarded.
116 · Dec 2022
The fire within
Kenji King Dec 2022
A light so bright, I burn at a height.
A fire raging inside with a passion to fight.
I feel the flames, ignite as I let myself be free, from this cage.
Untamed, unhinged, a warrior, the battle within.
Every scar, every stitch, every sting...
It tortured me, wounded me, yet I am still burning.
However, I feel the loneliness still.
I still wish I had someone, to love.
Intimacy I crave, deep emotion, a love so purely impure it could burn the shadows.

My passion and fire within, it needs someone to burn with.
Or am I to be alone?

A light so bright, I burn the shadows.
Yet, she's fighting alone.
Conquering alone.

Where is my love?
115 · May 2022
Unstable rollercoaster
Kenji King May 2022
Running thoughts rummaging in chaos.
High alert and low activation.
Instability and confusion in confliction.
I write with uneasiness.
Leave me alone, give me a break.
Let me be.
*******.
I've done enough.
I need a break.
Something to help me get away.
These toxic energies that surround me.
Draining to my every capability.
I need to get away.
I need a friend, someone who will be there.
Someone to get away with, run away from everything.
I've had enough.
Negative people and draining energies.
Get me out of this environment.
It's not good for me.
I need to get out of this chaos, to find peace, love.
Rummaging thoughts and conflicting chaos.
Help me escape this mess.
Toxic to my every being.
My nerves on high.
Panic attacks and anxiety every **** day.
I can't breathe anymore.
Unstable and flighty and constantly fighting with myself.
Up down up down my emotions are running.
On this rollercoaster, I don't feel at ease.
I am not balanced or grounded.
From one extreme to the other, I cannot find the middle.
Overthinking and over-analyzing until my brain explodes.
Black and white, where my complexities stay distracted and contradicted.
I can't sit down and breathe.
Too much going on, too much on my mind.
Set me free, I cannot take this lightly.
I am going off the train track.
Kenji King Nov 2021
Try to put me down
Try to tell me how to live my life
Tell me I cannot do it
Tell me all the things I cannot achieve
Tell me I am not worthy
Tell me I am easy

Watch me break, soar, fly, scream
Watch me dream, watch me chase, watch me rise

I'm a born fighter, a warrior, one thing I will never do is back down
Project all those insecurities onto me
Watch me project my confidence onto the world
Tougher than a lion, effortlessly
Prosperity at my feet, and it is MINE to keep

Listen up, don't let those who are limited by their own systems box you
Don't let those who don't feel worthy make you feel unworthy
Live your life like it was never a life to live
Make it happen and be the warrior you are
Fight for love, for justice, spread the truth, make others see what you see
Change your perspective and explore your mind
BE A CHAMPION
LIVE YOUR **** TRUTH!
AND LOOK GOOD WHILE DOING IT
113 · Nov 2021
Exhaust
Kenji King Nov 2021
On a low, strained out.
Stagnation is getting the best of me.
Trapped, lacking my freedom.
Stale, personal freedom, locked by my own chaotic fears.
My comfort zone, I want to get out.
But how?
Is the question mostly asked.
Like a snail, it starts overwhelming me.
Thoughts hit a high haze and I can’t seem get beyond it.
Low, lost, gone, bored, flat, drained, miserable.
Pessimistic, nihilistic, no motivation, no energy.
Drained
113 · Mar 2022
Sexual tensions
Kenji King Mar 2022
I want to feel, something.
I want that feeling, of passion electrocuting through my veins.
My body on fire, my heart exploding at the seductive touch.
I want to burn, to make you earn, my love.
I want my spine to be stroked, to sensual pleasures my baby ***** evokes.
You like the touch? The feel? The plead?
The torturous waiting.
I need to be loved, I want to love.
More than the physical, where the mind and soul is touched and breathed on.
My body is screaming out, my senses are calling.
Answer.

****** nerves entrancing you to my cold wavering heart beat.
Kiss me.
I need to feel, something.
It's been a while, ****** withdrawals.
Move it slow and push me against the wall.
Cracking my back, you touch my thigh and my thoughts pull you in.
I grab the back of your neck and lean in.
Fiery as my desires lurking beneath.
Tongue flipping and earth quaking.
Do I need to say more?
Shake me and make me , scream for more.
****** my desires and spank me as I beg for more.
I need it now, I want it in me.
**** me.
112 · Mar 2022
Mental dungeon
Kenji King Mar 2022
Concealed by disregard.
Informal obligations of stagnant occurrences.
Intelligence of no use, no form, no will to inform.
Disastrous conclusions, assumptions, judgements.
Sleeping and sleepless.
Longing for more.
Yet, the will has been killed.

Lying wide awake, questioning the defences I hold onto like a loose thread of potent forces.
Exacted to not be exact.
The mind is busy, the body is not.
The soul is in hibernation, the eyes flicker and flip like a thousand broken light bulbs.
I intend on not grabbing, not fighting, and not limiting.
Limitless in a world of limited.
How do I get out?
112 · Jan 2023
Mental illusions
Kenji King Jan 2023
I want to...
Stop thinking.
Switch my mind off.
My senseless thoughts, consumed by thoughts of him.
I don't know if we're good for each other...
I don't think I care.
I miss him, I want to see him again.
This connection, it's strange.
I have no concord on what to think about it.
But I can't stop thinking about him.
Thinking about all the red flags.
Thinking about what might happen.
Fears, worries, anxieties.
Bad memories from the past creeping in.
"What if he ends up doing those same things to me"
What if my past pops up in the form of him.
What if he hurts me.
I'm scared.
Should I ghost him and never talk to him again?
Complexities reaching higher levels.
My minds not at ease.
Stop, please.
111 · Jun 2022
Spineless Clones and Sheep
Kenji King Jun 2022
I'm screaming to get out.
Dying to be set free.
Stuck in a place where people are out to get me.
Stuck in a negative and toxic household.
Nowhere to run, my feet are itching but glued.
People surrounding me are not for me.
My people are out there, somewhere.
LOST, CONFUSED.
I just finished repeating highschool as an adult, but I am scared I did not pass.
I am waiting for results so I can finally get a job and gain stable financial independence.
I have been waiting for my breakthrough for years.
I am lost and alone, fighting for a cause only I seem to care about, going about on my YouTube channel.
People around me are shallow, ignorant, and hate my truth.
They are not my cup of tea.
I want my soul tribe, the people who understand me for me.
Being authentic and original is my second nature.
If they can't accept me for me, then why do they still obsess over, and admire me?

Copycats and fake narcissists can't break me, I have worked too hard and built up way too much strength to let anyone take that away.

Hate me?
Then stop trying to clone me.
110 · Mar 2022
Taurus ♉
Kenji King Mar 2022
Didn't they say, a love like that won't last.
Didn't I tell you, a love like that will break.
Didn't I give enough.
Maybe my devotion is too strong.
My love is too strong, deep, loyal, and bonded like a metal carving glued with a flaming gun.
Unbreakable, passion evoked but not worthy of anyone to have.
Wasteful and undeserving of such wander, intensity, mystery, intelligence.
Sensual honey dripping of red velvet cake.
Waiting to be eaten, pleasure is indulgence of the finest scents and taste.
Yet, I cry in my corner.
Too strong to have, too strong to hold.
Will they ever be enough.
A white silk curtain drapes like the red satin dress on my curvaceous body.
Waiting to be taken... Gently destroyed.
Like chocolate lava waiting to be dripped on your delicious skin.
I see you before you see me.
I stay grounded yet proactive in my pursuits.
I don't do anything...
I just work, listen to music, and write hopeless poetry on rants about my depression.
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain.
Are they good enough for me.
Or am I destined to only be with me.
Pure love, yet impure.
She's sweet, but will cut you like a razored knife...
Much like a Scorpio, you shouldn't **** with us.
Marry me, if only you are worth my privacy
109 · Nov 2021
Fantasies
Kenji King Nov 2021
I can't help but fantasize, daydream, lose myself in my imagination...
I love it but I hate it.
They only beckon to thoughts of you.
My feelings are everywhere.
I feel you vibrating through me.
My senses are on fire and thinking of you only makes them higher.
My soul, my energy, my mind...
It's all on you.
A distraction that I want, a distraction that I am immensely contradicted by.
My dreams are a whole other world that I escape myself into.
Down the rabbit hole I go, but I like it, and I won't deny it.
Hallucinating on these illusions that are my reality, only to awake to face these suffocating terrors called life.
With my feelings on fire, guess I'm a bad liar.
You're on my mind, and I'm trying not to think about you.
Baby, I miss you.
108 · Feb 2022
Save me
Kenji King Feb 2022
They want to take me away, stop them.
SAVE ME.
Take me away from here, don't let me be trapped by the monstrous screams and the cruel energies, these dark demons in the disguise of humans...
I'm scared, they all know me, my power, my potential.
They out to get me, take it away from me.
I need to stay hidden in my web, I cannot let them get me.
Take me away from here, they watching me...
Every step I take, an inch away, eyes like a prowl of evil tears wanting what I have within me.
SAVE ME.
I hate this cage...
They won't leave me alone.
I feel alone, so trapped and lost in the darkness that foresees to my aching soul.
The misery, it's unescapable, no one to bleed on, but me.
I feel it consume my entire being.
A being of lost hope, nothing to attain but a spiral of washed away rotten skulls and souls yearning for something they do not have.
LOVE.
Stop staring, stop lurking, stop talking.
Faceless facades all around me whispering echoes that trail through the windy atmosphere.
I am not safe.
I sleep with eyes wide open.
Armored with protection.
The people here, they are bad.
Lingering around waiting like lost causes to see my next move.
I need to get out.
TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE.
SAVE ME
107 · Jan 2022
Potential
Kenji King Jan 2022
Swallow away, lose myself in all that I am portraying.
Resurfacing, coming out the other side.
Remembering all that I am, all that I lost, all that was built, the potential that has no name.
Standing in the crowd, talents that can bring wonders to the world, a brain of Einstein and a body of a dancer.
A painters tongue, I am wasting all that I am born for.
Obstacles defeating my purpose.
My passions have me mentally in a constant war.
I am wasting myself.
Without my passions, I am nothing, a lonely soul with nothing, not even people can fill the misery.
Authentically multitalented.
How do I make it happen?
106 · Nov 2021
Melancholic
Kenji King Nov 2021
I don’t know what to write.
To feel. To see. To know.
Blanked out.
Is melancholy the word?
Discontent, needing to detach.
Detach me, let me go.
I hold no part of anything, to anything.
I am not a part of the chaos, I am disconnected from it all.
I live in my own chaos, my madness, my love.
Low on energy, nothing that excites my peculiar mind.
Dissatisfied, bored.
Out of my mind.
Craving privacy…
Solitude, space.
What cost does sacrificing your own freedom come to?
103 · Mar 2022
The Goddess of Death
Kenji King Mar 2022
My soul is trapped.
My ghost is lurking, floating like a lost cause.
A curse only I know, a curse that destroys every minute of my waking life.
I have yet nothing more to do, to become, to complete.
I am cold, shattered glass withered into the dark abyss where the lonely serpent sleeps.
Eternity has no name for the darkest of times I recall as to what I have lived.
Living an immortal life, I want to be gone.
I want nothing in a human form.
The night sky energizes me.
I gaze upon and dance crudely.
The airy breeze in the dark wind.
Like the spirits wavering around floating with me.
I see nothing but the darkness it all brings.
As black as night, as black as death.
She works in the shadows, haunts you as you do her.
Sees you and watches you.
If you onto her, she's way onto you.
Her presence of hopeless sad cries.
A lonely star, of death and cold air
A black heart, wild and can't be tamed.
She's screams, in silence.
Nightmares lurking beneath.
You see me, but I don't see me.
I don't know me.
An energy of dark forces, working with the ones who bring agony to life.
Frozen inside, without a trace, without a fortude of light.
I have become my worst nightmare.
The goddess of death.
Paint it black, as black as the night, as black as death.
103 · Feb 2022
Lights: My twin
Kenji King Feb 2022
I don't want to feel it anymore.
I don't want to have it anymore.
I don't want to party anymore.
What happens after the party?
They disappear.
You never see them again.
Use them for a good time, then cut your ties.
The life of the party, drowning in depression.
Some ***** and dance to take the pain away.
Breathing heavy, waiting for the next sip.
The next adventure; Cut
Then I do it all over again.
A routine that I am too used to.
Living for the night time.
The lights, the camera, the action, the vibe.
Enticing to my every being, my enchantress moving like a snake, when the beat hits tempo... I can't stop.
Strikes like a lightning bolt, like a shock through the system.
I become a different person altogether, It's perpetual, formidable, distractingly destructive.
Conceptual and disruptive.
She is me and I am her.
My version of me when I stare into the mirror.
My only best friend, and worst enemy.
When I am her, nothing can stop me.
Push it, sometimes the mirror cracks, but she always comes back.
As long as it's perpetual perspective and paradox keeps haunting, nothing else matters.
99 · Jul 2022
Vivid encounters
Kenji King Jul 2022
Maybe...
It was something I have waited for, for years, maybe even lifetimes.
Contemplating.
I have unwavering thoughts.
Reaching a state of consciousness, higher than before.
Trying to grasp hold, to take it into my hands.
Cannot seem to get it, yet.
I am not surprised, nor astonished.
I am not wildly inspired either.
The information, the clarity, the vision.
I need the facts.
Something needs to be shown to me regarding my family, even though my intuition already knows it.

Push and pull, the romantic union.
It's already here.
But it hasn't knocked on my door, as yet.
I can feel it.
I can sense it.
It's waiting for me to take the leap.
99 · Dec 2021
Hopeless: HELP
Kenji King Dec 2021
This is the end.
I lost it with her.
I hate her with all my exploding guts and being near her or in her life is not an option.
I don’t have a job, I’ve been looking everywhere, yet, nothing.
I am living like a homeless person in the back garden, doors locked, even our dog is shut out.
Im bathing using a tap, and starving with my last bit of money I have left.
No one to help, family can’t do anything, no friends around, nowhere to go and nowhere to stay.
Im stuck here.
**** my mom.
I’ve had enough of her.
I want nothing to do with her.
Barely surviving, pushing myself everyday.
When will my break come?
When will it be my time?
When can I be free?
98 · Mar 2022
The Haunting
Kenji King Mar 2022
You got a fire inside, but your hearts so cold.
I tried to wash you away, but you just won't leave.
I know you're gonna keep on haunting...
Until I leave, until you can't have me.
Until I become spineless, and immoral, like you.
Maybe I subconsciously called upon you.
Maybe my desperate cries for help brought upon you.
Something I can't seem to let go of.
What is my emptiness without you.
What am I without you?
What am I ever to become!!!??
****** eating in the rummaging chaos of this reckless mind.
Do not come near...
Or maybe I do...
But my darkness, my loneliness, it called you.
I do not know what you are, and how you are helping me in any way.
But I feel you, and feel your presence.
Your dark truth eating away at my lies.
No one else can hear me, everyone else fears me.
Maybe I am possessed by you.
Maybe I am nothing without your deadly being.
Maybe I am you, and you are me.
You followed me for a reason.
I begging you, to keep haunting.
They cried out, "please stop, you're scaring me''
I can't help this toxic energy.
**** right, you should be scared...
Who is in control?
98 · Nov 2021
Love is not sensible
Kenji King Nov 2021
What does love mean?
What can love be?
What can love seem?
What can love do?
To be so inlove with love itself.
A hopeless romantic hiding in a shell.
Running vividly, it’s hell.
These random men that I have been dreaming of.
All taking me.
However, I only want one, the deja vu of it all seems impossible.
But my heart is only set on you.
It wants what it wants.
When I am alone, it comforts me to fantasize.
Fantasize thoughts and situations where you are in.
It makes me feel alive, happy, home.
I crave love so badly, but I will not settle just to get it.
I only want you.
To love and to be loved.
My sensualities running free.
Love is not a sensible subject, and neither are you.
95 · Feb 2022
Lonely
Kenji King Feb 2022
I am lonely.
Nobody but me.
My music, books, and youtube videos.
That's all I have.
Nobody to see, they all have plans.
They do not respond to my messages, they do not check up on me like I do with them.
I take it as a sign, I back off, and block them out of my life.
Delete, and cut.
What is the point of having "friends" when you're still left alone each and every day questioning why your existence is even still worth it.
I would be nothing, do nothing, see nothing; Without music.
That's all I have.
This daunting presence of sickening thoughts.
I don't have money....
Nothing.
What can you do in this world if you don't have money.
The only way to see your friends is by having money.
If not, no one is around.
No one will make time for you.
No one will try to come and see you.
No one, but my empty miserable soul.
94 · Mar 2022
Intrinsic worth
Kenji King Mar 2022
Tell me, if I were to die today, slowly...
What would you do?
If I told you of the constant pain and loneliness I feel inside everyday, quivering in emptiness...
What would you do?

Intrinsic worth; the curse of my hardened shadow.
I am sick, a chronic illness that can't seem to be cured.
Tired, in pain.
I can't move my body, my mind of distorted abyss.
My visions are blank.
Ask what I really want in this cold world...
Someone to love.
Someone to hold.
Someone who understands.
Someone who's told; told a million stories of how they once shattered, and came to life.
Someone to bring me to life.

Intricately designed for me and only me.
A soul and a mind of those dared to explore, only to be pushed down and frightened.
Intrinsic worth, move slow.
Stop me when I am low.
Death is around my corner.
I can't seem to have anything more.
Tears rolling , a deep black ocean of a ghostly void.
Echoes down the narrow walls...
Hopeless screams...
Detachment is all too real.

Save me.
Show me how deep love can be.
Take me there
94 · Dec 2021
Open the eye
Kenji King Dec 2021
Can I see
Can it be seen
Can I be shown
Can it be grown

Seems so, but not.
Helpless in the midst of the evening.
Disconnection from what it is not necessary.
It is what it is

Stop chasing, it’s in front of you
look

Time is only a metaphor, but what is figurative, stands alone.
Let it be
Only you can see.

*Just look
93 · Mar 2022
My Toxic Passions
Kenji King Mar 2022
Your tears, they speak of a million.
Your words, they leave me curious.
Your mind, of such miraculous intellect, I dare to question.

I love your skin and the way you speak.
I love the way your lips move.
The love that is lost, is in you.
I love your voice, releasing my emotions.
I love the thoughts I have of you.
Endlessly fantasizing, where trying to brush it off leaves me dissatisfied and bored.
I love you, near and far.

A twin flame love
We have yet again to meet.
But, the thoughts get toxic, overwhelming and draining.
I want you.
But it's killing me.
Get me out, take me away!
Stop!
It hurts when I blink.
A million lights blow out and all I see is black, all I hear is silence.
Tunnel vision is blurry.
But my thoughts still go back.
To you.
Still as the earth.
The end has come.
A new beginning awaits upon my arrival.
A vast new opening of wishes I waited for my entire life.
I deserve this.
I waited forever, I worked too hard to let it slip away.
I want you now and I want you forever.

My passions and dreams are yet to be explored.
I see myself dancing.
That's all I want to do.
I see myself doing it for the rest of my life.
I feel dead, empty, cold, sad, depressed, and desperate.
Why can't I just be a dancer?
Why can't I just be a performer?
What's stopping me?
That's all I want.
When I dream, I see it.
Stage lights up and all eyes on me.
Expressing everything through my body.
Feelings overwhelming me.
Something is blocking me.
No fancy dance school, just pure talent.
If I can't dance, nothing else in this world ****** matters.
I'd rather die before my time.
**** me now, and let me die.
Or give me the chance to live my dying wish.
Let me dance, let me perform.

And let me love you, in a million different ways.
My hearts desires calling out.
There's only two things that exist in it.
Only two things I want in this hated world.
81 · Dec 2024
The Spiritual Awakening
Kenji King Dec 2024
I've shifted, I'm teleporting
I'm going through a massive spiritual Awakening, my 40millionth one of this lifetime

Purging, releasing, healing trauma wounds
Depression needing to be felt in order for it to be delt with and healed
Feeling emotions and pain
Shape shifting and shedding
Peeling skin again, transformation and rebirth
Reborn into a wild *****
My new skin will be naked and stronger than before.

It's something I need to undergo for my next level.
It's tough, my body is dealing with immense pain and burnout

Soul ascension...
Shifting my 12D self into this reality

I am exhausted, and so burnt out...

But it needs to be done
Sleep, just sleep...

Connect and feel like light codes transcend you ✨️
81 · Mar 2022
Pride
Kenji King Mar 2022
I am covered, hidden and locked away.
Exposed but not exposed.
Secretive, but open and saying too much.
Alone, misery seems to love my company.
Projecting hatred on those I stay distant from.
Not trusting, not needing to, because the motives and character screams louder than the physical disposition of who they seem to display.
I see the cracks beneath, yet, I have no remorse.
I have become so angry and miserable, that those I hate beckon to cause destructive anxiety when I hear them speak because they all seem to talk about me, and only me.
Like I am the main topic of the town.
These jealous petty cowards, soulless peasants, are nothing to me.
Yet their voices, their presence, angers the pits of my hell.
I am a dark presence, unknown.
A mysterious force, an energy I cannot recall.
She takes over me.
She now has full control.
The girl I once hated in the mirror, is now me.
She is my own reflection of darkness.
Lost and lonely...
My own reign of the throne I harness
76 · Mar 2022
I wish...
Kenji King Mar 2022
I wish I had someone.
I wish I had you.
I wish I had love.
I wish I had someone who embraced and understood my darkness.
I wish I had someone who saw through it.
I wish I had someone who really cared.
I wish I had someone who wanted to be there.
I wish I had a soul who connects with me spiritually and wants me for more than what I seem.
I wish I had fire in the wind.
I wish I had a voice to speak to.
I wish I had a face that guided me.
I wish I had that person that uplifted me.
I wish I was happy.
I wish I was not alone.
I wish I had my partner in crime.
I wish I had my ride, and my die.
I wish I had you.
This is way over due.
72 · Mar 2022
The Warrior
Kenji King Mar 2022
Senses filling up inside of me.
Sensations of bruised mortality.
Jittery explosions.
***** thoughts eating at my brain.
Do I say what is not to be explained.
A shadow overcast, I dare not to speak.
As I see your eyes, your stare, stalking me.
Watching my every motive.
My mind is dared not to be reached.
Darkness, and light, endowered as I reach beyond what I think I could explore, but cannot.
Can I be touched and felt, heard.
For once.
This brick wall, made of stainless steel and cold iron...
But a bleeding heart ripped apart perceiving a dark shadow of a lonely part.
A part of the within, the sorrow.
As she cries, whimpers, drowning in deprecation.
Wounded, still standing with cracks and scars.
Covered in red, of strength and courage.
Awaiting another day in her battlefield of conviction, disruption, and voiceless whispers.
Touch my thighs, lurk within.
Conflicted emotions and wars fighting to begin.
Where is the end?
Where is the peace?
Where is the silk curtain of velour chairs and a room of candle lights and dim...
Where is the light?
I have seen to be astounded.
Pounding every ****** day in the doors in my unrested mind.
The warrior, I lose, then I win.
Yet, I am not to be seen.
Hated for all that I am.
Not to expose what I am fighting for.
My secrets; dark, deadly, and too terrifying to even ****** swim.
Yet, they know me, or they think they do.
They know of what I am showing, not of why I am dying.
Bleeding nostrils, the clocks strikes it's time.
May I only cry to myself.
Not be seen.
Starving, she's unhinged.
Kenji King Nov 2024
**** this city, I wanted to come here, and i really like it here

But the hot dry air

The fatigueness and drainage from the heat
The dry air and damage to the lungs

No energy
The heat is damaging

I would like to go back to my other city, but I also don't want to at this time.
I came here for a reason and I want to continue on with that reason, but the air is so bad that you have to no choice but to sleep all day everyday

Don't get me started on its inhabitants. Corporate, the people like to control others.
It's completely rigid and inflexible

It's home, I grew up here, but why does it have to be like this?

Not bliss, I miss the optimism and hope
66 · Oct 2024
My dreams
Kenji King Oct 2024
I wanna live in a isolated place and write poetry and paint and eat

That's all, forever

That's all I want

They ask what I dream of when I already have it all

Privacy, isolation and space
Living in a beach house
That's all
65 · Oct 2024
No Privacy
Kenji King Oct 2024
I want my old self back

Where is she?
I feel like I've metamorphed to a cyber super god

Trapped in this human body
I miss my space and privacy

I want it back

I want to write poetry again and just live a normal life away from this world

The pressure, the intensity and the stress

NO BREAKS

NOTHING LEFT
64 · Nov 2024
Release: The soft drug
Kenji King Nov 2024
Depression hit me again
Feelings and depth has been risen and evoked

I haven't been depressed or felt it this bad in years

It'***** like a storm
Healing trauma and letting go of what doesn't serve me and cutting bad people and energy out

I've been hiding and keeping a lot inside of me
Working tiressly and staying positive

The darkness and exhausted hit me like a train
My eyes can't stop watering
I feel 😪
Pressure is high
Tryna keep stable but my inability and insatiability is thought consuming

I masturbated 20 times, I'm wet and ripped, I need it in me.
I'm high, I'm eating **** edibles to cope with the pain and anxiety.

My *** drive is its highest, constantly ***** but needing to keep self control.
What will happen if I let go?
If I feel what I lost?
I want to be loved, touched and held, and cared for.

I want passion and cuddles and everything 😩

But life is unpredictable
KENJI KING AND ALISHA ARE IN CONSTANT CONFLICT
Kenji King Nov 2024
Don't become a performing artist if you can't handle the rumors and hate that comes with it

Don't say you want to be famous and you end up doing the arts only to get famous, then you see what the reality of it actually is

Remember, the way other people see and talk about celebrities will the same way people are gonna gang up, stalk and talk about you.

Do the arts for the passion, fame is actually destructive and toxic as ****

I wanted to **** myself many times because of it.

I do this **** for the passion, I've always been a performer, it's in my DNA.

I love dramatic arts and theory on Othello and many historical figures that brought film and poetry to life

This is my love

Poetry , music , art , painting

I will retire and paint for the rest of my life to music
58 · Nov 2024
Fame: The dark side
Kenji King Nov 2024
A confession based on my experience as a new artist in the industry

1. Neighbours are always completely obsessed with me to a point that it actually destroys their own life. Their own misery puts them in ****. I was accused by one of the jealous neighbors that I am a lookalike of "Kenji King". Kenji King whom is my stage name. She was so obsessed and tried everything to prove that I am not Kenji King, just an impersonater and identity thief. To the point that she actually got charged for false accusations and ended up getting arrested. Her father whom went to prison with her had a heart attack and died.

2. Another neighbour, heard that I quit my career in the industry. Her husband was a creepy stalker who couldn't get my name out of his mouth. They had a fight over me cuz he was stalking me and she was upset that "he made me quit my career". She kicked him out.

3. Other people are stalking and talking about how im "gone off the rails"

Remember, everything is a projection, stay happy 😊

Hahaha, yeah **** this is my life
51 · Dec 2024
Suffocated
Kenji King Dec 2024
I've lost myself

It's been a while, but I really lost myself
I hate this **** city, but I had to come back here for a reason

I miss my friends, and I'm missing out on really good work opportunities 😪

I'm also missing out on my year end function.
But life really ****** me up to the point I don't even  have a place to stay in the other city.
ALONG WITH THE STALKERS THAT IM RUNNING AWAY FROM

60 BREAKDOWNS LATER...

I almost broke my hand from such a massive anxiety and asthma attack

This air is suffocating
I feel constantly lethargic and fatigue
I feel like I lost my liveliness

I've sunk down in severe depression

Thus city is haunting
I've never felt this unhappy in years

I need a place to stay...
I'm a dying corpse here
I'm hanging onto nothing, just pain
22 · 2d
Desperate hope
Another daydream, just another nightmare
I shrug it off, sometimes it bites
Just maybe, I shall take my flights...

Someday soon, I will leave as I've been pleading in rage and anger.

Flip the page, this is not a cage

A lesson, I have a place to stay, Cosmetics, clothes, luxuries, a shower, eternal food.

But an uncle that hates me

I wish My freedom and Independence
I wish for My financial success
I wish to teleport to the people that love me

I wish to be what I was not looking
Burying myself in my lost tears, hopeless screams and cries for Help.

But nothing.
My thoughts have hit a huge jump
I am not waiting, I am being.

What can I do when I chose this family on earth?

I have to go back home
How?
Shall I ever be bestowed upon a life that taught me to grow....
In isolation, I froze
20 · 2d
Cracked eyes
The girl I once knew, she wasn't there anymore.
I've lost myself in my pain, desperate inner pleadings.
Wanting help, but only getting help from the wrong people.
People who are, not good for my energy, me.

I see my twin infront of me, Alisha... Where are you?

Gone. I long for Independence, financial freedom. My eyes empty and dry.

I lost myself, in my desperation. My face cracked.
Save me
16 · 2d
HELP !!!
I WANT HELP FROM THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND ME

I AM ACCEPTED IN ANOTHER WORLD 🌎

I AM LOVED AND SUPPORTED...

HOWEVER , I FEEL LIKE I AM LIVING A NIGHTMARE IN THIS "REALITY" AWAY FROM MY WORLD AND PEOPLE.

HELP HELP HELP

PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE

I NEED TO GO BACK TO MY WORLD

— The End —