Concealed by disregard.
Informal obligations of stagnant occurrences.
Intelligence of no use, no form, no will to inform.
Disastrous conclusions, assumptions, judgements.
Sleeping and sleepless.
Longing for more.
Yet, the will has been killed.

Lying wide awake, questioning the defences I hold onto like a loose thread of potent forces.
Exacted to not be exact.
The mind is busy, the body is not.
The soul is in hibernation, the eyes flicker and flip like a thousand broken light bulbs.
I intend on not grabbing, not fighting, and not limiting.
Limitless in a world of limited.
How do I get out?

I don’t know what to write.
To feel. To see. To know.
Blanked out.
Is melancholy the word?
Discontent, needing to detach.
Detach me, let me go.
I hold no part of anything, to anything.
I am not a part of the chaos, I am disconnected from it all.
I live in my own chaos, my madness, my love.
Low on energy, nothing that excites my peculiar mind.
Dissatisfied, bored.
Out of my mind.
Craving privacy…
Solitude, space.
What cost does sacrificing your own freedom come to?

The minds gateway to experience life and the unknown.
Without thought, we are dared not to explore what our minds create.
We invest our time in knowledge and mind expansion.
Yet, we know nothing, or wish we knew more.
I wish to write in more clear accuracy, but to think is to explore.
What are we speaking or writing if we haven't experienced what we are teaching.
The less I know, the more I absorb.
A mental sponge, excreting information like I breathe.
It's a bliss but a curse all at once.
The mental dungeon ties me in my own ropes, the addiction is all habitual and in my mind.
What are we without it?
Who are we if our thoughts don't create our physical and our perceptions.
Our thoughts, our soul, our words, we speak millions, yet, we don't know enough.
Curiosity freed the cat, or we wish it did.

Didn't they say, a love like that won't last.
Didn't I tell you, a love like that will break.
Didn't I give enough.
Maybe my devotion is too strong.
My love is too strong, deep, loyal, and bonded like a metal carving glued with a flaming gun.
Unbreakable, passion evoked but not worthy of anyone to have.
Wasteful and undeserving of such wander, intensity, mystery, intelligence.
Sensual honey dripping of red velvet cake.
Waiting to be eaten, pleasure is indulgence of the finest scents and taste.
Yet, I cry in my corner.
Too strong to have, too strong to hold.
Will they ever be enough.
A white silk curtain drapes like the red satin dress on my curvaceous body.
Waiting to be taken... Gently destroyed.
Like chocolate lava waiting to be dripped on your delicious skin.
I see you before you see me.
I stay grounded yet proactive in my pursuits.
I don't do anything...
I just work, listen to music, and write hopeless poetry on rants about my depression.
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain.
Are they good enough for me.
Or am I destined to only be with me.
Pure love, yet impure.
She's sweet, but will cut you like a razored knife...
Much like a Scorpio, you shouldn't **** with us.
Marry me, if only you are worth my privacy

I hate my life.
My life has no meaning without you.
I don't want to do anything.
I don't want to meet anyone.
I don't want to go out.
I ****** Hate everything.
I wish I had you back.

Hermiting.

Stuck in my shell.
I miss you

It all reminds me, the **** that I've been through, the **** that I've seen. The people I have dealt with, and the memories that are daunting upon me.

Was it really all worth the pain?

To live in a world that is so fake, to be surrounded by insecure clones all trying to be each other. It's petty and so below me.

I prefer to alienate from it all. I prefer to be so detached from the external that is doesn't even bother me.

I grow resentful, a disturbing anger and hatred.
Bitter, grotesque, obsolescence is no more.

Don't let them see
Don't let them know
Don't let them talk
Don't let them in

Be quiet, don't make a sound.
Let them suffer, so you don't.
Torture, let them utter painfully in their own sins.

Just live, it is not yours, it is theirs.
Their pain, their doing.
Be happy
Don't whisper a word.
Whispering of suffering and whimpering of defeat
You are not alone, nor will you ever be.
Work on yourself, focus on your shadow.
Whisper nothing...
Shake them up, like spiders do.
Stay private, and don't let them see.

Captivating, alluring...
Despondent.
Focus, priorities first.
YOU FIRST

Authenticity at its finest.
Worry about yourself.
BE YOU

Dark whispers of people, speaking on my presence; as if I don't experience pain and suffering.
I prefer to be real, show authenticity regardless.

On screen and off

I hate attention, I was never one for people...
Still not.
I HATE PEOPLE
I HATE HUMANS

I hate the fame
I never wanted that attention

Now I have to worry about my publicity and media like a 24/7 job
WHO CARES WHAT THEY SEE, OR WHAT THEY DON'T SEE

I never cared, never will
I just want to live my passion and enjoy myself whilst doing it

Swallow away, lose myself in all that I am portraying.
Resurfacing, coming out the other side.
Remembering all that I am, all that I lost, all that was built, the potential that has no name.
Standing in the crowd, talents that can bring wonders to the world, a brain of Einstein and a body of a dancer.
A painters tongue, I am wasting all that I am born for.
Obstacles defeating my purpose.
My passions have me mentally in a constant war.
I am wasting myself.
Without my passions, I am nothing, a lonely soul with nothing, not even people can fill the misery.
Authentically multitalented.
How do I make it happen?

The odds are against me.
I have lost.
Depression and in anguished pain that I cannot even get myself out of.
Obsessively fixated on you.
My mind is chaos.
I have a headache from all the thinking.
On my phone all day.
No will, motivation or strive to do anything.
Exhausted, fatigue.
Blown out.
Sick of the crying.
The crying makes my head sore.
I can't seem to escape the misery.
No one to talk to.
No one to tell how I feel.
I feel alone.
Driven by pain.
Can't get my thoughts away from you.
I miss you.
I hate the fact that I had to ghost you, kinda cut you off.
I want you, I love you, I need you, I crave you, I wish I could have you.
I have hit the rock bottom way down.
I hate my life.
I hate you.
I am angry, completely ******* at you.
Yet, I miss you.
Why did you do this!!?????

Why????!!!!

I miss you.
I wish I had you.
I hate this distance between us.

I'm screaming to get out.
Dying to be set free.
Stuck in a place where people are out to get me.
Stuck in a negative and toxic household.
Nowhere to run, my feet are itching but glued.
People surrounding me are not for me.
My people are out there, somewhere.
LOST, CONFUSED.
I just finished repeating highschool as an adult, but I am scared I did not pass.
I am waiting for results so I can finally get a job and gain stable financial independence.
I have been waiting for my breakthrough for years.
I am lost and alone, fighting for a cause only I seem to care about, going about on my YouTube channel.
People around me are shallow, ignorant, and hate my truth.
They are not my cup of tea.
I want my soul tribe, the people who understand me for me.
Being authentic and original is my second nature.
If they can't accept me for me, then why do they still obsess over, and admire me?

Copycats and fake narcissists can't break me, I have worked too hard and built up way too much strength to let anyone take that away.

Hate me?
Then stop trying to clone me.

Deeply ridden, ached by the tension.
As the wind blows so elegantly, shifting in dimensional proximity, I feel the yearnings and pull of what is lost and what it is I need.
Fantasizing until my imagination is knotted in the loophole.
I hit a gentle fall, a wave of melancholic nostalgia.
My words have slowly puzzled itself.
I cannot seem to express what is really ******* inside.
My depth is no longer to be heard or seen.
The bright light hits my eyes, burning at the glare.
I write in senseless disposition.
Trying to reposition.
Sexually repressed.
Wanting the intimacy and craving *** like my nerves have exploded.
But my heart, it stops me.
My mind, it controls me.
My yearning of what I truly want Disciplines my desires.
Contradictions at stake.
My earth is about to quake.

In a state of nerve aching despair.
My surrounding has me paranoid 24/7
THEY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.
THEY WON'T SHUT OUT.
THEY WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT ME, GOSSIPING, AND PRYING INTO MY LIFE AND PRIVACY.
THEY TOOK MY PRIVACY AWAY.
THEY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.
I try so hard everyday to block it out, and stop them.
I try so hard to detach my energy, keep my distance from these narcissists.
Insecure ******' enemies watching my every move.
I can't just live, I can't just exist, I can't get any peace.

I want to sleep forever, so I never hear it.
I want to move out!!
I HATE THIS ENVIRONMENT
They won't leave me alone.

There is nowhere to go.
Stuck in frozen anguish, no help, no way out.
Depressed, angry, bitter.
On this motionless turmoil of pain and suffering.
I feel projected on.
They bring out my worst.
I constantly need to protect myself.
These demons, these scoundrel's.

Drained and drowned out.
I have become nothing.

They want to take me away, stop them.
SAVE ME.
Take me away from here, don't let me be trapped by the monstrous screams and the cruel energies, these dark demons in the disguise of humans...
I'm scared, they all know me, my power, my potential.
They out to get me, take it away from me.
I need to stay hidden in my web, I cannot let them get me.
Take me away from here, they watching me...
Every step I take, an inch away, eyes like a prowl of evil tears wanting what I have within me.
SAVE ME.
I hate this cage...
They won't leave me alone.
I feel alone, so trapped and lost in the darkness that foresees to my aching soul.
The misery, it's unescapable, no one to bleed on, but me.
I feel it consume my entire being.
A being of lost hope, nothing to attain but a spiral of washed away rotten skulls and souls yearning for something they do not have.
LOVE.
Stop staring, stop lurking, stop talking.
Faceless facades all around me whispering echoes that trail through the windy atmosphere.
I am not safe.
I sleep with eyes wide open.
Armored with protection.
The people here, they are bad.
Lingering around waiting like lost causes to see my next move.
I need to get out.
TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE.
SAVE ME

My soul is trapped.
My ghost is lurking, floating like a lost cause.
A curse only I know, a curse that destroys every minute of my waking life.
I have yet nothing more to do, to become, to complete.
I am cold, shattered glass withered into the dark abyss where the lonely serpent sleeps.
Eternity has no name for the darkest of times I recall as to what I have lived.
Living an immortal life, I want to be gone.
I want nothing in a human form.
The night sky energizes me.
I gaze upon and dance crudely.
The airy breeze in the dark wind.
Like the spirits wavering around floating with me.
I see nothing but the darkness it all brings.
As black as night, as black as death.
She works in the shadows, haunts you as you do her.
Sees you and watches you.
If you onto her, she's way onto you.
Her presence of hopeless sad cries.
A lonely star, of death and cold air
A black heart, wild and can't be tamed.
She's screams, in silence.
Nightmares lurking beneath.
You see me, but I don't see me.
I don't know me.
An energy of dark forces, working with the ones who bring agony to life.
Frozen inside, without a trace, without a fortude of light.
I have become my worst nightmare.
The goddess of death.
Paint it black, as black as the night, as black as death.

I want to...
Stop thinking.
Switch my mind off.
My senseless thoughts, consumed by thoughts of him.
I don't know if we're good for each other...
I don't think I care.
I miss him, I want to see him again.
This connection, it's strange.
I have no concord on what to think about it.
But I can't stop thinking about him.
Thinking about all the red flags.
Thinking about what might happen.
Fears, worries, anxieties.
Bad memories from the past creeping in.
"What if he ends up doing those same things to me"
What if my past pops up in the form of him.
What if he hurts me.
I'm scared.
Should I ghost him and never talk to him again?
Complexities reaching higher levels.
My minds not at ease.
Stop, please.

I want to feel, the rapture, the tear, the motion ripped apart and split into two.
I want to feel the divulgence of my thoughts, fears, emotions, and hidden agendas cascaded into yours.
The coming together of two, where sin begins and shadows dare not lurk into the love, the eroticism created.
A master, a Genius, a creator.
Where you and I will write our stories for many to see, before and beyond mankind.
Unveil my thoughts and open my desires.
Dark red blood wine, dripping down my lips as I write.
Lips as succulent as Thorned roses.
One bite, you might just fall, but dare not to sink deeper because of the hidden treasures that lurk beneath.
Like a tornado, a rush of the wind and the strike of a breeze.
But as still as the mountains we climb.
Honey, I'm on fire and I'm waiting for you to burn in my dungeon, alive, and eternal.
My legs quake, quiver, I drip of sensual wetness.
My dreams of only holding you close and wanting more
Intoxicating, I am drenched.
Open the treasure, and take what you deserve, if it's me that you worked and earned for.
Kiss me, daddy, I want to feel my heart explode.
Where my mind asks for more.

What does love mean?
What can love be?
What can love seem?
What can love do?
To be so inlove with love itself.
A hopeless romantic hiding in a shell.
Running vividly, it’s hell.
These random men that I have been dreaming of.
All taking me.
However, I only want one, the deja vu of it all seems impossible.
But my heart is only set on you.
It wants what it wants.
When I am alone, it comforts me to fantasize.
Fantasize thoughts and situations where you are in.
It makes me feel alive, happy, home.
I crave love so badly, but I will not settle just to get it.
I only want you.
To love and to be loved.
My sensualities running free.
Love is not a sensible subject, and neither are you.

I have reached the end.
My skin ripped off, my nerves ready to be eaten, my guts being burned.
I feel empty motionless pain recurring.
Intensely overwhelmed, formidable fatigue, exhaustion, constant hollowness lurking around my soul.
EMPTY.
ALONE.
MISERY HAS TAKEN ME TO DARKER DEPTHS THAT I HAVE NEVER LURKED.
Suicidal again.
Nihilism has not even seen my darkest day.
Fake happiness.
Deception to cover up the sacred scars ridden within.
I am horrified.
Reaped of deadly hallows, nothing but sadness, constant pain.
Tears of blood soak my pillow every night 🌙

Waking up with a fake smile so I never frown.
Exploding in volatile anger and screaming until my lungs pop open.
My emotions are raw, open and ready to be at war.
I am not weak, but I am not happy.
I am guarded, protecting myself at all deadly costs.
Anxious, in panic.
In the lair, in my prison.
Locking myself away.
The devils demons living around me.
HATE.
THATS ALL I FEEL.
ENERGY IS DRAINED.

I ****** HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
Cut me with my sharpened knife.
Deeply scarred, damaged 💔

I just don't care anymore.
I want it all to end.
Why be forced to live in this prison?
This earth, living as a human.
I hate humans.
I hate having to escape every ****** ****** day just to prevent myself from thinking what I actually feel because its so ****** true and real.

I'm trapped on this earth and I can't get out.
How did Amy winehouse **** herself?
How did they all do it?
I've tried, many times, yet too scared to feel the pain before death.
I want to die.
My lives have been lived.
I have seen enough.
I want out.
Stop torturing me!!!!!!!
Conversations from others that I hear constantly.
They always talking about me.
I don't want to hear it.
I want to be left alone.
I don't like the people here.
I feel ****** alone and empty.
COMPULSIVE CLEANING AND WORKING TO ESCAPE THE REALITY.
THIS IS MY REALITY, THIS IS MY LIFE.

For my time has ended, my death is overdue

This is the end.
I lost it with her.
I hate her with all my exploding guts and being near her or in her life is not an option.
I don’t have a job, I’ve been looking everywhere, yet, nothing.
I am living like a homeless person in the back garden, doors locked, even our dog is shut out.
Im bathing using a tap, and starving with my last bit of money I have left.
No one to help, family can’t do anything, no friends around, nowhere to go and nowhere to stay.
Im stuck here.
**** my mom.
I’ve had enough of her.
I want nothing to do with her.
Barely surviving, pushing myself everyday.
When will my break come?
When will it be my time?
When can I be free?

Tell me, if I were to die today, slowly...
What would you do?
If I told you of the constant pain and loneliness I feel inside everyday, quivering in emptiness...
What would you do?

Intrinsic worth; the curse of my hardened shadow.
I am sick, a chronic illness that can't seem to be cured.
Tired, in pain.
I can't move my body, my mind of distorted abyss.
My visions are blank.
Ask what I really want in this cold world...
Someone to love.
Someone to hold.
Someone who understands.
Someone who's told; told a million stories of how they once shattered, and came to life.
Someone to bring me to life.

Intricately designed for me and only me.
A soul and a mind of those dared to explore, only to be pushed down and frightened.
Intrinsic worth, move slow.
Stop me when I am low.
Death is around my corner.
I can't seem to have anything more.
Tears rolling , a deep black ocean of a ghostly void.
Echoes down the narrow walls...
Hopeless screams...
Detachment is all too real.

Save me.
Show me how deep love can be.
Take me there

I don't want to feel it anymore.
I don't want to have it anymore.
I don't want to party anymore.
What happens after the party?
They disappear.
You never see them again.
Use them for a good time, then cut your ties.
The life of the party, drowning in depression.
Some ***** and dance to take the pain away.
Breathing heavy, waiting for the next sip.
The next adventure; Cut
Then I do it all over again.
A routine that I am too used to.
Living for the night time.
The lights, the camera, the action, the vibe.
Enticing to my every being, my enchantress moving like a snake, when the beat hits tempo... I can't stop.
Strikes like a lightning bolt, like a shock through the system.
I become a different person altogether, It's perpetual, formidable, distractingly destructive.
Conceptual and disruptive.
She is me and I am her.
My version of me when I stare into the mirror.
My only best friend, and worst enemy.
When I am her, nothing can stop me.
Push it, sometimes the mirror cracks, but she always comes back.
As long as it's perpetual perspective and paradox keeps haunting, nothing else matters.

Can I see
Can it be seen
Can I be shown
Can it be grown

Seems so, but not.
Helpless in the midst of the evening.
Disconnection from what it is not necessary.
It is what it is

Stop chasing, it’s in front of you
look

Time is only a metaphor, but what is figurative, stands alone.
Let it be
Only you can see.

*Just look

Maybe...
It was something I have waited for, for years, maybe even lifetimes.
Contemplating.
I have unwavering thoughts.
Reaching a state of consciousness, higher than before.
Trying to grasp hold, to take it into my hands.
Cannot seem to get it, yet.
I am not surprised, nor astonished.
I am not wildly inspired either.
The information, the clarity, the vision.
I need the facts.
Something needs to be shown to me regarding my family, even though my intuition already knows it.

Push and pull, the romantic union.
It's already here.
But it hasn't knocked on my door, as yet.
I can feel it.
I can sense it.
It's waiting for me to take the leap.

I miss what I used to have.
One can say, I'm not satisfied.
I gained success and I guess I never had that before.
But the other needs are missing.
Ever since I moved to this city, everything changed.
I lost my social life, I haven't been able to make friends here.
I've been lonely.
I've been gaining wealth and financial freedom, but what's it all worth.
I feel like I have nothing, and my guts are draining from my lymphatic system.
I was struggling for 5 years before I made it to this point, at my old city.
The hustle and the bustle never stopped  and I wasn't getting anywhere.
This new city brought me opportunities I never had.
But the people never phased me.
I have no one here.
It's way too slow for me.
I need it fast.
I AM BORED.
CONSTANTLY, WHICH IS LEADING TO NERVE ACHING TENSE DEPRESSION THAT CONSUMES MY SOUL AND LEAVES IT TO RUST.
I'm excited for future , my career is going to take off and I'm going to live the life I want.
But I don't want to be alone.
Aching in misery.
Where is my person?
What is this punishment?
I feel tormented.
Ravished by my own thinking.
To the pits of hell and back.
Where I've died and become reborn, over and over.
Like a scorpion in its cave.
I have it all but its worth nothing.
And I don't want to die here in loneliness just thinking about my last days.

You got a fire inside, but your hearts so cold.
I tried to wash you away, but you just won't leave.
I know you're gonna keep on haunting...
Until I leave, until you can't have me.
Until I become spineless, and immoral, like you.
Maybe I subconsciously called upon you.
Maybe my desperate cries for help brought upon you.
Something I can't seem to let go of.
What is my emptiness without you.
What am I without you?
What am I ever to become!!!??
****** eating in the rummaging chaos of this reckless mind.
Do not come near...
Or maybe I do...
But my darkness, my loneliness, it called you.
I do not know what you are, and how you are helping me in any way.
But I feel you, and feel your presence.
Your dark truth eating away at my lies.
No one else can hear me, everyone else fears me.
Maybe I am possessed by you.
Maybe I am nothing without your deadly being.
Maybe I am you, and you are me.
You followed me for a reason.
I begging you, to keep haunting.
They cried out, "please stop, you're scaring me''
I can't help this toxic energy.
**** right, you should be scared...
Who is in control?

My thoughts, are just thoughts.
Coming and going as they please.
Fragmented, I am broken down in tease.
Too scared to take the risk.
Not enough money to go out and see people.
Its expensive, just for company.
Locked in my palace of solace and despair.
I surrender to what I am hiding from the world.
Keeping all connections online.
Staying as isolated one can get.
Scared to take the risk.
Put myself out there.
Guarded.

A light so bright, I burn at a height.
A fire raging inside with a passion to fight.
I feel the flames, ignite as I let myself be free, from this cage.
Untamed, unhinged, a warrior, the battle within.
Every scar, every stitch, every sting...
It tortured me, wounded me, yet I am still burning.
However, I feel the loneliness still.
I still wish I had someone, to love.
Intimacy I crave, deep emotion, a love so purely impure it could burn the shadows.

My passion and fire within, it needs someone to burn with.
Or am I to be alone?

A light so bright, I burn the shadows.
Yet, she's fighting alone.
Conquering alone.

Where is my love?

Your tears, they speak of a million.
Your words, they leave me curious.
Your mind, of such miraculous intellect, I dare to question.

I love your skin and the way you speak.
I love the way your lips move.
The love that is lost, is in you.
I love your voice, releasing my emotions.
I love the thoughts I have of you.
Endlessly fantasizing, where trying to brush it off leaves me dissatisfied and bored.
I love you, near and far.

A twin flame love
We have yet again to meet.
But, the thoughts get toxic, overwhelming and draining.
I want you.
But it's killing me.
Get me out, take me away!
Stop!
It hurts when I blink.
A million lights blow out and all I see is black, all I hear is silence.
Tunnel vision is blurry.
But my thoughts still go back.
To you.
Still as the earth.
The end has come.
A new beginning awaits upon my arrival.
A vast new opening of wishes I waited for my entire life.
I deserve this.
I waited forever, I worked too hard to let it slip away.
I want you now and I want you forever.

My passions and dreams are yet to be explored.
I see myself dancing.
That's all I want to do.
I see myself doing it for the rest of my life.
I feel dead, empty, cold, sad, depressed, and desperate.
Why can't I just be a dancer?
Why can't I just be a performer?
What's stopping me?
That's all I want.
When I dream, I see it.
Stage lights up and all eyes on me.
Expressing everything through my body.
Feelings overwhelming me.
Something is blocking me.
No fancy dance school, just pure talent.
If I can't dance, nothing else in this world ****** matters.
I'd rather die before my time.
**** me now, and let me die.
Or give me the chance to live my dying wish.
Let me dance, let me perform.

And let me love you, in a million different ways.
My hearts desires calling out.
There's only two things that exist in it.
Only two things I want in this hated world.

I am lonely.
Nobody but me.
My music, books, and youtube videos.
That's all I have.
Nobody to see, they all have plans.
They do not respond to my messages, they do not check up on me like I do with them.
I take it as a sign, I back off, and block them out of my life.
Delete, and cut.
What is the point of having "friends" when you're still left alone each and every day questioning why your existence is even still worth it.
I would be nothing, do nothing, see nothing; Without music.
That's all I have.
This daunting presence of sickening thoughts.
I don't have money....
Nothing.
What can you do in this world if you don't have money.
The only way to see your friends is by having money.
If not, no one is around.
No one will make time for you.
No one will try to come and see you.
No one, but my empty miserable soul.

It's coming up again, I don't want it to though.
Deep feelings arise as you hit my thoughts.
I have everything I could ever want in life, but you.
And the riches I get won't count, the wealth, the security, the status, the power.
I want all of that, with you.
In hopes of getting that true love that I have been waiting what feels like a lifetime for.
I want this partnership.
I feel the rush, the spark hits, the ball drops.
Energetically heavy.
I show optimism and positivity everyday.
I have it all, but a part of me has nothing.
I feel sad when I'm alone.
Everything from deep within comes to the surface like raw emotions trembling to start.
It all means nothing.
I'm lonely, and misunderstood by everyone around me.
They only see what I show, not what is inside.
I am begging to Start over and receive this love I deserve. ❤️
I don't want to die here, not now, not when I have just begun.
The fame, the status, what will it ever matter when I am this lonely.
Detached from all life and people around me.
It bleeds to think about.
I am here, but maybe I shouldn't be

I am covered, hidden and locked away.
Exposed but not exposed.
Secretive, but open and saying too much.
Alone, misery seems to love my company.
Projecting hatred on those I stay distant from.
Not trusting, not needing to, because the motives and character screams louder than the physical disposition of who they seem to display.
I see the cracks beneath, yet, I have no remorse.
I have become so angry and miserable, that those I hate beckon to cause destructive anxiety when I hear them speak because they all seem to talk about me, and only me.
Like I am the main topic of the town.
These jealous petty cowards, soulless peasants, are nothing to me.
Yet their voices, their presence, angers the pits of my hell.
I am a dark presence, unknown.
A mysterious force, an energy I cannot recall.
She takes over me.
She now has full control.
The girl I once hated in the mirror, is now me.
She is my own reflection of darkness.
Lost and lonely...
My own reign of the throne I harness

I wish I had someone.
I wish I had you.
I wish I had love.
I wish I had someone who embraced and understood my darkness.
I wish I had someone who saw through it.
I wish I had someone who really cared.
I wish I had someone who wanted to be there.
I wish I had a soul who connects with me spiritually and wants me for more than what I seem.
I wish I had fire in the wind.
I wish I had a voice to speak to.
I wish I had a face that guided me.
I wish I had that person that uplifted me.
I wish I was happy.
I wish I was not alone.
I wish I had my partner in crime.
I wish I had my ride, and my die.
I wish I had you.
This is way over due.

Senses filling up inside of me.
Sensations of bruised mortality.
Jittery explosions.
***** thoughts eating at my brain.
Do I say what is not to be explained.
A shadow overcast, I dare not to speak.
As I see your eyes, your stare, stalking me.
Watching my every motive.
My mind is dared not to be reached.
Darkness, and light, endowered as I reach beyond what I think I could explore, but cannot.
Can I be touched and felt, heard.
For once.
This brick wall, made of stainless steel and cold iron...
But a bleeding heart ripped apart perceiving a dark shadow of a lonely part.
A part of the within, the sorrow.
As she cries, whimpers, drowning in deprecation.
Wounded, still standing with cracks and scars.
Covered in red, of strength and courage.
Awaiting another day in her battlefield of conviction, disruption, and voiceless whispers.
Touch my thighs, lurk within.
Conflicted emotions and wars fighting to begin.
Where is the end?
Where is the peace?
Where is the silk curtain of velour chairs and a room of candle lights and dim...
Where is the light?
I have seen to be astounded.
Pounding every ****** day in the doors in my unrested mind.
The warrior, I lose, then I win.
Yet, I am not to be seen.
Hated for all that I am.
Not to expose what I am fighting for.
My secrets; dark, deadly, and too terrifying to even ****** swim.
Yet, they know me, or they think they do.
They know of what I am showing, not of why I am dying.
Bleeding nostrils, the clocks strikes it's time.
May I only cry to myself.
Not be seen.
Starving, she's unhinged.