I have reached the end.
My skin ripped off, my nerves ready to be eaten, my guts being burned.
I feel empty motionless pain recurring.
Intensely overwhelmed, formidable fatigue, exhaustion, constant hollowness lurking around my soul.
EMPTY.
ALONE.
MISERY HAS TAKEN ME TO DARKER DEPTHS THAT I HAVE NEVER LURKED.
Suicidal again.
Nihilism has not even seen my darkest day.
Fake happiness.
Deception to cover up the sacred scars ridden within.
I am horrified.
Reaped of deadly hallows, nothing but sadness, constant pain.
Tears of blood soak my pillow every night 🌙

Waking up with a fake smile so I never frown.
Exploding in volatile anger and screaming until my lungs pop open.
My emotions are raw, open and ready to be at war.
I am not weak, but I am not happy.
I am guarded, protecting myself at all deadly costs.
Anxious, in panic.
In the lair, in my prison.
Locking myself away.
The devils demons living around me.
HATE.
THATS ALL I FEEL.
ENERGY IS DRAINED.

I ****** HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
Cut me with my sharpened knife.
Deeply scarred, damaged 💔

I just don't care anymore.
I want it all to end.
Why be forced to live in this prison?
This earth, living as a human.
I hate humans.
I hate having to escape every ****** ****** day just to prevent myself from thinking what I actually feel because its so ****** true and real.

I'm trapped on this earth and I can't get out.
How did Amy winehouse **** herself?
How did they all do it?
I've tried, many times, yet too scared to feel the pain before death.
I want to die.
My lives have been lived.
I have seen enough.
I want out.
Stop torturing me!!!!!!!
Conversations from others that I hear constantly.
They always talking about me.
I don't want to hear it.
I want to be left alone.
I don't like the people here.
I feel ****** alone and empty.
COMPULSIVE CLEANING AND WORKING TO ESCAPE THE REALITY.
THIS IS MY REALITY, THIS IS MY LIFE.

For my time has ended, my death is overdue

Staying up, thinking about it.
The last time our eyes met, our skin touched, our demons lurked, in a bath of wet sins.
The love that was made, forbidden, hard, and faintest to the touch.
The force was so strong, I think the fire couldn't even handle it.
What I would do to see you again, talk to you.
Just to hear that you felt it too.
I can't explain it.
But it was something I've never felt before.
The nightmares seems as distant as before.
I lay awake, not knowing my next quake.
Like the storm already ravished every part of me leaving me to burn alone.
I see the cracks in the shade, hiding, not knowing.
Knowing when I will see you again.
It was unforgettable.
So extreme, to the point that seeing other people is completely pointless.
I've given up even trying.
Until our lips touch, our eyes meet.
To get this closure I so desperately need.

It's coming up again, I don't want it to though.
Deep feelings arise as you hit my thoughts.
I have everything I could ever want in life, but you.
And the riches I get won't count, the wealth, the security, the status, the power.
I want all of that, with you.
In hopes of getting that true love that I have been waiting what feels like a lifetime for.
I want this partnership.
I feel the rush, the spark hits, the ball drops.
Energetically heavy.
I show optimism and positivity everyday.
I have it all, but a part of me has nothing.
I feel sad when I'm alone.
Everything from deep within comes to the surface like raw emotions trembling to start.
It all means nothing.
I'm lonely, and misunderstood by everyone around me.
They only see what I show, not what is inside.
I am begging to Start over and receive this love I deserve. ❤️
I don't want to die here, not now, not when I have just begun.
The fame, the status, what will it ever matter when I am this lonely.
Detached from all life and people around me.
It bleeds to think about.
I am here, but maybe I shouldn't be

The deep ocean beyond her words when she speaks.
A soft voice with a loud rampage that comes unexpectedly.
The water that's her blood.
The fire that's her lungs.
The earth that's her heart.
The air that's her soul.
Moving swiftly, with a rugged elegance that cannot be pinned down.
She rages like a volcanic eruption where all her pain then pours out of her where humans fear.
Dare not to go near her.
An angel, a goddess, with a devils glare.
Her eyes on high alert like a raven that's hunting its prey.
Showing a false side of who she is, to the world, to protect what is dear to her.
Cannot seem to let go, yet, she tries.
Darkness in her name, but a light so pure it's destined to burn the shadows.
The evil that lurks, she dances in it, but takes the flame and burns it away.

This person is me, lost and in pain, but nevertheless fighting to see what love can bring.
Love is stronger that pride, may it overshadow what my pride has made me.
Turned me to stone, so cold, distrusting, scared.
Scared of what people will do to me.
Scared of what people will take from me, hurting me.
Yet my light is waiting to be shined, dimensional shifting.
I feel the hatred and negativity of other people projected onto me.
Constantly self protecting, I cannot find peace and be one with myself without someone gossiping or relentlessly talking about me.
I feel the worst form of energies being directed onto me.
Behind closed doors, where they are too scared to face their own fears.
I keep to myself, and find my self.
Where love outshines, and weakens the pride.
Love is stronger than pride, I hope I will find that true love I deserve, one day.
Love is stronger than pride, stronger than the ego of others.
My love is my darkness and light.
My love is my strength.
My love is true, worthy, and highly valuable.
My own love is stronger than pride.
My own loves defeats your ego, and overshadows your lies.

The disturbance, constant eyes and mouths chattering as I move, live, do, achieve, prosper and work.
What is it?
My energy? My drive? My determination? My  ambition?
Does my empowerment and goal driven personality threaten you?
Does my limitless knowledge and thrill to learn make you feel stupid?
Does my hot body and love for exercise make you feel ugly?
Does my enthusiasm to achieve and gain my dreams and goals scare you?

What is it? Because while I am out here working myself to the top, you wasting the last cent you have on your need to sustain.
Stagnency, inefficiency, and unproductivity is not in my name or my blood line.
My mother made it to the top, and I am a product of just that. We have the earth running in our veins, the fire burning in our souls, the water rummaging beneath where the ignorant are too afraid to lurk.

DOES MY POWER THREATEN YOUR LACK OF MOTIVATION AND LACK OF PASSION?

DO YOU LOVE/HATE ADMIRE ME BECAUSE YOU WISH YOU HAD THAT SAME CONFIDENCE?

It's all in me, best believe, God is a ****** woman, and the Devil is too.

Dismantled, distressed, distractions by thoughts.
When I am alone, the thoughts creep up.
Is it real? Or are they my feelings?
I want to bury myself, hide forever.
Hopeless, maybe I should walk on heated burning stones, to feel something.
Noises around me...
It's so quiet.
Back inside, my cocoon, it's safe.
No one can find me, hurt me.
Forced to interact with people, even when I don't want to.
I have to go to work, and talk to these lifeless sheep like they mean something, detached in my interactions.
LEFT ALONE.
I love it.
Stones on the floor, I stare deep into the ground, cover myself in mud, burn me alive.
I ingulf in the flames.
The final isolation.
Solitude is complete.
I want to be alone forever.
Dancing in despair that I seem to rid myself harder into like hitting myself into a wall.
I wish people did not exist.
I wish I was alone forever, really.
I am intertwined in my web, meticulously designed and intrigued into one.
I want to stay, hibernate forever in my coven.

No one around, no one in my business, no-one in my space.
I want alone.
Leave.
I DONT LIKE PEOPLE.
Being forced to go to work tomorrow is a drag.
End the nightmare, the bottomless choas and lonesome feelings I endour

Loneliness is intrusive.
I hate people.
But I need company.
I'm picky, selective.
I want to be alone.
I don't trust people.
Paranoid.
The worst comes to mind.
In bed.
Chained in my own contradictions.
Pessimism, no hope.
Quiet, withdrawn.
Stuck in my mind.
Escaping this toxic situation I'm in.
I feel blind, don't be kind.
The prison cell.
The illusion of chaos rummaging in distortion.
Don't look at me.
I feel pain, misery, Loneliness, misunderstood.
Hated for who I am.
Let me out