Everything I have seen, touched, felt, faced, beckoned to know, and lived...
Is nothing.
The meaningless stance in the fact that my life has no meaning based on constant mental boredom stands as real as the fact that my body exists here as a biological structure.
I see nothing, I feel nothing.
I see pointless obscurities.
I no longer have the need, the want, the desire.
If everything I know is not known...
What can my love be?
I am nothing to this empty distraction called life.
Merely a walking paradox of delusional contradictions.
I stand as alone as my thoughts project.
I feel nothing but music.
THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME ALIVE.
The only thing that gives me feeling.
The only thing that makes me feel.
Intertwined into a lost trap.
I am stuck in this web.
My thoughts, my mind, that nobody can satisfy.
I am empty, numb, isolated.
Drifting off in knowledge only I understand.
All these people are boring.
The sites I see are boring.
The world, the sky.
Nothing excites me.
Once upon a time, I used to be on fire.
Yet, the flame turned to ash and there is nobody, not even me, to bring the spark back.
Dead, lifeless.
Everything around me dies.
I am nothing to this shallow world.
I am not them, neither they are me.
I am just an energy with an increasing amount of questions and knowledge, and nothing to get more from.
I am lost, as my thoughts, they have beckoned me.
I know not less...
Isolated and distant as can be.
Detached and hopeless in this dark cave.
Trapped in my flexed web of chaotic thoughts.

The pain lingers, the heart throbs.
The boredom strikes chaos, like a pulsating sob.
I cannot seem to escape it, to make it better.
Its haunting presence makes for sleepless dreams.
Some nightmares, some screams.
Have to stay fully protected.
Eyes on high alert, I cannot seem to withdraw.
Trapped in hopeless projections.
Which am I going to display.
Useless, emotional, discontent.
Not knowing the way out.
Trapped in my mind of contradicted addictions and hidden counteractions of emotionless emotions.
Leave, stay away.
Nobody should ever be trusted.
Eyes on alert.
Intuitions at its highest.
I feel you before you feel you.
I see your motives before you can even do them.
Why even try?
*******.
Spineless cowards.
Keep your shallowness to yourself.
Don't project your narrow minded boxed perspectives onto me.
Silent bitter words.
Saying too much, to saying nothing at all.
Keeping thoughts to myself.
Fear me.
Keep your distance.

I don't want to feel it anymore.
I don't want to have it anymore.
I don't want to party anymore.
What happens after the party?
They disappear.
You never see them again.
Use them for a good time, then cut your ties.
The life of the party, drowning in depression.
Some ***** and dance to take the pain away.
Breathing heavy, waiting for the next sip.
The next adventure; Cut
Then I do it all over again.
A routine that I am too used to.
Living for the night time.
The lights, the camera, the action, the vibe.
Enticing to my every being, my enchantress moving like a snake, when the beat hits tempo... I can't stop.
Strikes like a lightning bolt, like a shock through the system.
I become a different person altogether, It's perpetual, formidable, distractingly destructive.
Conceptual and disruptive.
She is me and I am her.
My version of me when I stare into the mirror.
My only best friend, and worst enemy.
When I am her, nothing can stop me.
Push it, sometimes the mirror cracks, but she always comes back.
As long as it's perpetual perspective and paradox keeps haunting, nothing else matters.

I am lonely.
Nobody but me.
My music, books, and youtube videos.
That's all I have.
Nobody to see, they all have plans.
They do not respond to my messages, they do not check up on me like I do with them.
I take it as a sign, I back off, and block them out of my life.
Delete, and cut.
What is the point of having "friends" when you're still left alone each and every day questioning why your existence is even still worth it.
I would be nothing, do nothing, see nothing; Without music.
That's all I have.
This daunting presence of sickening thoughts.
I don't have money....
Nothing.
What can you do in this world if you don't have money.
The only way to see your friends is by having money.
If not, no one is around.
No one will make time for you.
No one will try to come and see you.
No one, but my empty miserable soul.

They want to take me away, stop them.
SAVE ME.
Take me away from here, don't let me be trapped by the monstrous screams and the cruel energies, these dark demons in the disguise of humans...
I'm scared, they all know me, my power, my potential.
They out to get me, take it away from me.
I need to stay hidden in my web, I cannot let them get me.
Take me away from here, they watching me...
Every step I take, an inch away, eyes like a prowl of evil tears wanting what I have within me.
SAVE ME.
I hate this cage...
They won't leave me alone.
I feel alone, so trapped and lost in the darkness that foresees to my aching soul.
The misery, it's unescapable, no one to bleed on, but me.
I feel it consume my entire being.
A being of lost hope, nothing to attain but a spiral of washed away rotten skulls and souls yearning for something they do not have.
LOVE.
Stop staring, stop lurking, stop talking.
Faceless facades all around me whispering echoes that trail through the windy atmosphere.
I am not safe.
I sleep with eyes wide open.
Armored with protection.
The people here, they are bad.
Lingering around waiting like lost causes to see my next move.
I need to get out.
TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE.
SAVE ME

Dread, boredom, hate, pain.
No needles, no fixing.
Nothing to bend the pain, nothing to distract.
Swivelled in chaos.
music to distract me from it all.
Nowhere to go, nowhere to run.
Videos that only take me to escapism, but nothing more.
Confusion, the boredom consumes my entire being, there is no cure.
Dissatisfied profusely, my form to mental destruction.
Where is the light?
What do I do?

I want to go, escape, fall, bind, jump, and leap.
I want to fall viciously in love, so much so that nobody can take me out of it.
Run through the forest, into my dreams.
Escape this world, and let myself fall to the ground.
I want to feel you, feel it.
I want flowers, and drugs too, designer perfumes, fine clothes and shoes.
I want your presence, your soul, your mind, your spirit.
I want this love ....
I want you